Dear all...One question...One answer... FOR ALL THE TEENAGERS and THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS...
Qn. Sir, there is a boy with whom i am in a relationship. He shows lots of common interests and likes in which i have interest and likes. He takes care of me well. I think he is the right guy for me. But still i am confused and scared. Please tell me how to select a husband boy?
1. We need to see that he is responsible and has good human qualities, personality traits to understand feminity and is a capable HUSBAND and FATHER, because he has to perform the duties role responsibilities related to these two social statuses. He need not be a good LOVER but he has to be an excellent understanding, participative, unconditionally loving FRIEND and a COMPANION.
2. All male living organisms exhibit lots of mating skills consciously or sub-consciously. It is a natural process that once any organism attains age and ready for reproductive life and living, it is programmed subconsciously to search for the mate. Once it finds one, it does everything under the sky to attract the attention of the other organism of opposite sex and then to go near or bring it near to close proximity for mating.
3. In the case of human beings, the individual observes that person, automatically finds out the details about the person - place of living, habits, usual visiting places, daily routines, close friends, social sites of interest etc., tries to establish communication, finds out the likes and dislikes, sending birthday greetings and such other bla bla are usual routine things etc. Once the communication is established the individual tries to retain the communication by showing common interests, tries to serve the needs and wants of the other individual, makes the other individual happy, wins the trust and confidence, portrays as the best human being on the earth ever lived, once the other person is brought socially and mentally closer, then tries to bring the other person physically closer by showing interests of meetings, dating etc. Then at the right oppurtunity meets the physical needs and continues it till getting satisfied or variation needs start.
4. Some establish a committed social relationship through marriage. Some continue without any commitment. Some want 'relationship with mutual interests' without any marriage. Like this there are several variations. In most cases at least one gets affected.
5. No relationship with only physical needs continues for life time whether it is a committed relationship or not!!
6. Only that relationship which has the real unconditional friendship, companionship, 'the individual and the relationship matter to me beyond anything', 'i have no needs, wants or expectations from the other person, and just want to see the other person happy, healthy, peaceful, contented, fulfilled in life', 'i like being in the thoughts with the other person or like being in the thoughts of the other person', 'i can never get angry, or upset or frustrated with the other person', 'i get hurt deeply when the other person is not happy, not peacefuly or not healthy' continues for life time and becomes a divine or ideal or true relationship.
7. There are many people with high levels of endurance who exhibit best loving and caring friendship and companionship, show such common interests, help or support the other person even for about ten years, express their interests and wait for fulfillment of their interests of needs and wants, and leave the relationship slowly and steadily or even abruptly with reasons.
Having said all the above....check for the following....
1. If the other person has changed to impress you or was the same kind of person earlier also?
2. Whether that person is exhibiting all the overt and covert behaviours without any stress (if manipulated then the individual would experience stress)?
3. Whether that person has indicated any needs, wants or expectations for the self from you for many years...i.e whether that person is unconditional?
4. Whether the person is same kind of an enduring good human being with all, under all circumstances and over many years?
5. Has he or she made you stressful anytime in life?
6. Is he or she a person as explained in para 01 and 06 above for many years?
If the answers for the above questions is positive, then he or she is the right person to be the husband or wife or life mate or soul mate!!....All other relationships could be obsessions and will break once the obsession is over!!
Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!
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