an interesting person and an interesting discussion!

Hai guys and gals…how are we?

 . 

On Saturday I had gone to meet a colleague and while taking some signatures from him I found an elderly person (had come there to give a guest lecture) sitting there looking at me and telling ‘Excuse me! You remind me of Mohan Das Karam Chand Gandhi!’. I said ‘thank you sir!..some of my MIT class mates also have said this. But I am not even 0.1 % of him, though I try to be like him following his principles!’. He added ‘If you hold a stick, wear dhoti and change the spectacles you will look like the Gandhi whom I met during the school days!’. He said he was given an award by Gandhi. When I asked him about his education he said he graduated in psychology (Oh God! what a surprise!!!!) from Presidency college, chennai and did his higher studies at Harvard University and continued to teach there and at MIT, USA. When I turned my subject of discussion to psychology he said ‘Leave it! Tell me how you resemble Gandhi!!!’ . I just gave a laugh and changed the topic again (did not tell him that I have to ask my mom!). When I told about this incident to my wife at home she asked me ‘where are those two girls who used to be with Gandhi!’…I just pressed the ‘Esc’ button!

Dr P V Veera raghavan sir, without your permission I have added you to my group of young boys(!) and girls who munch all subjects ranging from psychology, sociology to philosophy (of course, some engineering and management too!). Hope you forgive me for that!..Age profile of members is from 17 years to 68 years! Education profile is from graduates to doctorates (even from abroad) from all disciplines all over the world. I initiate mails on controversial issues on which others respond. Here we go sir…

Coming back to our discussion…psychology deals with individual behaviour and social psychology teaches us how to coexist with others in social systems like family, social groups, work organisations etc. Over a period of time the social systems have formulated many rules and regulations to suit to that particular time. But now many are not applicable, not possible to follow but many of us are sticking to that causing pain to us and others.

In many cases our perceptions are wrong and we blame others that they are wrong. One e.g we saw in last mail was ‘all swamijis are not the swamijis that we have perceived. They are normal human beings in different attire. There are very few real swamijis today and there are many who wear pant and shirt like us, living amidst us, but are real swamijis!’. So, we can not say that some one has cheated his followers. It is just that the perception of the followers is wrong.

On 31 Dec 11, during the evening party I met a guy (approx 55 years!). He introduced himself as an alumnus of an engg college where i have studied, doing a big textile spare parts business at coimbatore. After the mutual discussion on profession the talk turned to children. I asked him what his children are doing. He said he has twins, both boys, studying at the best engg college of coimbatore.

‘sir, that means both must have scored 200 out of 200 in PCM!..that is great!’

‘no!..no!...i got management seats!’ (looks like It is a status symbol today!)

‘How much you paid sir?’

’36 lakhs for two seats!’

My breath stopped!..so asked him ‘sir! Why did you pay so much? You could have gone through counselling!’

‘they were not getting admission at the best college. So, I decided to opt for management seat. Anyway, no worries, as I would get back the money later!’

I again got shocked and continued ‘When sir?’

‘At the time of their marriage!’ he smiled!...(he did not know that he has got a wrong guy infront of him!).

 He asked me about my daughter.

‘I admitted through counselling sir!’

‘Oh…that means you will pay the money later?’ he laughed!…I was not  surprised now and asked ‘what money and when?’

‘you will have to pay at the time of her marriage!’…I told to my self ‘dei rams! You got the prey for the day!..a primitive organism  who is back bone less!’.

 My way of counselling is by asking questions. So continued…

‘sir, if I had got the seat through management quota for my daughter then I need not pay the dowry. Is it?’

…he laughed…‘No. Still you have to pay! But may be less. It again depends upon the parents of the boy!’

‘Oh! I did not know all this sir! Anyway…all in the game sir…if I have to pay then I will pay…what about you sir?...did you take money at the time of your marriage?’

‘my parents took!’

‘why?

’

‘Because they spent for my studies!’

‘They spent for educating their son. Why should they take that money from others?’

‘because the girl’s side are getting an engineer from a reputed institution!’

‘so?’

‘they can boast about this and it adds to their status!’

‘you are right sir!...if you had a girl then would you have paid for her marriage!'

‘Of course!...no other way!’

‘sir, you tell me! I have given birth to a daughter, grown her up with lots of love, burnt my self to educate her teaching her day and night, ran from pillar to post to earn the money required for her education, she has got a job in a iconic IT firm, now she will get married and go to some body else’s house, for which again I have to spend several lakhs entire life time, she will earn salary every month and give it to their in laws…so, what is the gain for me sir?’

‘You got a well educated son in law with good job and your daughter is happy!’

‘Is it fair sir?’

‘what to do! That is how the society is!’

‘sir! In olden days the girl was not educated or working. So, to look after that girl for the life time they gave some money, property, wealth etc. But girls are now educated and earning good salaries. They can support their own selves and can look after others too in the home. So, is it fair to ask for money from the girl’s side?’

He smiled and said ‘what to do boss! That is how life is!’

‘ok sir! Do you think that the girls like this?’

‘they may not! But they know that they have to do this to get an educated and well employed boy!’

‘sir, what happens if the girl selects her own boy!’

‘it is the fate of the boy’s parents!’ he laughed!

‘what if your sons select their own girls and say balls to you!’…i asked with a cool face...his face shrunk a bit…

‘yes…risk is there! But they know that they got less marks and I have spent a hefty some to put them there. I only hope that they don’t ditch me!’

‘Don’t worry sir! They will not ditch you!’ …I could see his face shrinking further and asked him ‘sir, did your wife like when they paid the money to your parents?’

‘what to do boss!…she did not like that! But it is a custom in our caste! She does mention about this at times…but life is like that!’…he laughed!

‘does she love you?’

‘of course!’

‘how is your married life?’…he appeared to have got disturbed with this question, and of course with too many questions as if it was an interview!...i could see him getting restless and trying to change the topic or group!..i just told him…

 ‘sir, just go and ask her If you are in her mind when you are ‘with’ her!’

He left that place with distasteful face. I may be wrong in hurting his feelings. But it is certainly less compared to the life time hurt feelings of his wife and her parents!...if we live for society’s sake then the girls also will live with us for society’s sake only!...as 'jadam's!...or do something unexpected!

Many look at everything as business. They don’t know that only love can get everthing In life and not money!...With money they can buy a girl’s body, but not her love!

Even yesterday, in thenight party, one guy was mentioning that he is saving for his daughter’s marriage! He was refusing to understand and blaming it on the society and social customs!...

Has nature told us to give or take dowry for marriages?...though legaly not allowed it still seems to persist silently…due to those who give…

if there is a wrong social practice let us remain away from it and from such outcasted primitive non vertebrates who live a love less life inside heaps of wrong money and wealth!...

let us live a life full of love and affection, happiness, good health, real togetherness, achievements and more than all these…with pride!

Bye guys…see you!

Ravusu rams!