Why multiple relationships?...what will happen to evolution?

hai friends...how are you?...

hope you are nicely laughing and enjoying the life!...the short life!...before you go to the furnace!!

about music...

so, at home there are people who like music...and who do not like...actually those who do not like are not actually disliking or hating music...it is just that they are not in a mood to listen to it and enjoy...no romantic moods...they get it only when on bed for just few seconds or two / three minutes and after that again get anxiety struck!...it is because our culture of always remaining in 'anxiety' (fear of unknown), 'stress', mentally preoccupied, responsibility struck etc...in our culture if we are singing and dancing we are marked as irresponsible...if we are serious, sad, restless, thinking, in a spin always, then we are marked as responsible, good husband, good boy etc!!!...is this correct?...what a bloody culture we have created!!!

i had an uncle...my father's sister's husband...he never liked music...he used to shout at me when i played any music...i used to think 'Bloody mad guy!'...does not know how to be happy and enjoy!...

do you like seeing sad faces?...No, is it not!!!...so, if we put up a sad face who would like to see us or be with us?...so, the best way to keep people with us is to put up a smiling face!...then you will become a honey comb and all bees (both male and female) will be lined up in front!...it is not the youthful skin or colour of the skin or good face that brings beauty but it is the smile that makes the face beautiful.

woffff...i have gone out of the topic...where i was???...oh! yes!...that mad uncle!...one day my father had borrowed an Akai two in one music system...the state of the art latest system (i am talking about 70-80s!!!). I was extremely happy and listening to the songs throughout the night. My bed was near a window. Other side of the window this mad uncle was sleeping. So, he could hear the music. He was not getting sleep and was shouting all the time. So, i kept the speaker cloooooose to my ears that i only can hear. He kept quiet. I was enjoying. Time passed. At about 4 am i can hear the sound of he getting up from his bed, opening the door and coming inside. I got scared and switched off. He quietly came and said 'Mani! just play the previous song!...keep the volume little high!...ok!'...he said this and went to his bed. Then what, i just played that song many times, as i also liked it very much. Here is that song...just check if you like it...if you don't like it then you are worst than that uncle!...or you are a true indian soaked in anxiety all the time...so, what are you?...mad mad person or true indian?...here is the link...http://youtu.be/35MsK32jRgw

if you like that song, then here is a bonus melody song from the same movie...

http://youtu.be/NLMI93Adt98

ok...enough of jing bang...let us move to the topic of the mail...

we have a north pole and south pole...a magnet has two opposing ends...we have people with just the opposite characteristics...but still there are forces of attraction connecting them to show that world is round!...to show that sparks can take place...to show that relationships can exist between them...

yesterday, i had said in my mail that multiple relationships are unavoidable in the years to come and we only have to look at how to look at it...or tackle it...the reason is here...

the world will be increasingly competitive as years go...due to less natural resources and more demand...so, to be successful and surviving organisations have to be CREATIVE...i.e different from others...in their products, services, processes, raw materials, technology used etc. To bring in creativity, the people have to be creative...if they are not they would be thrown out...in fact, only creative students will get jobs!

children are highly creative...nature has produced us with creativity...but our memory based education system kills this creativity...at the end of 16 years of education when we go for interview they want creativity!...what a bloody sad state of affairs!!...so, let us groom creativity at schools, colleges, if not, at least at homes!

we are not machines...to work without using our brains...in most of the jobs brain is required only during initial days of learning...after we learn and get experienced, our hands and legs can just do it without the need of brain...e.g bathing, shaving, cooking, cleaning etc. So, we get bored with jobs fast and our quality and productivity reduces.

that is why in Job Design, we try to bring in the CREATIVITY element, i.e thinking all the time on job and every time and every job differently...out of box...this is a real challenge for the job designers, as bringing in creativity in every job is exttttremely difficult...e.g typist's job!

and we want the job to be entertaining...so that we are able to be more productive in quality and quantity...free from feeling boredom...creativity itself reduces stress and refreshes...of course, dead lines will not work in creativity...the idea can come in just one minute and can even take hours...good environs are important...may be in natural setting...that is why when we get bored or stressed during job we can play golf and come back...golf ground is all green with grass and trees...when trees are there birds are there...natural sounds...silence...peace every where...and you are playing!!!...this is the reason golf grounds or billiards are there in software companies or modern companies...so, natural setting, stress free mind, cool thinking is required for us to be creative...

also when we are single and scratching the balls, we feel not that good...when we are a team, group where cohesiveness exists...feel friendly...no hierarchies...no distances...peer group...no competitive feeling...the feeling or aim is to win as a team, and not as individuals...fun...fun and fun...then creativity is at its peak...specially when we have handsome guys and good looking girls (of course, brainy too!!) in the team!!!

creativity unfolds in any art form...in painting...drawing...sculpturing...singing...playing an instrument...dancing...in fact, any thing that is done with creativity and body parts is an art!!!

any art eases the mind, makes us to feel like a feather...lighter...relaxes...a feeling of ecstasy...a feeling of out of the world...floating in space experience!!!

and now a days there is no discrimination between boys and girls in education and jobs...all are equals...so, equal or in fact more number of girls are in to organisations...in intellect demanding jobs...

so, if we look at the environment in organisations...creativity...working as a group...good natural environs...artistic form and feeling in work...more girls...group entertainment...group games...fun..fun...and fun...sparks can occur in the minds of the people...people tend to like others in the groups and teams...they might like spending more time in their jobs...as the whole environment is refreshing and soothing...full of happiness, happiness and only happiness!!!

Tell me who will hate this job or company or environment or PEOPLE???...so, we start liking and loving the job, company, environment and people!!!...so, likes can mature to become loves...or both can co-exist...here the like or love is not from the physical looks (even not so beautiful group members can also get attracted between each other) but from the radiating happiness from each member and the 'intellectual compatibility'...it might be from they might have lots of differences in their likes, dislikes and personality traits...but they unite in one particular aspect...being creative...being intellect...being happy loving...so, this is out of the ambit of 'physical attraction' and 'personality traits'...because members might have many traits not liked by the others...but the prominent trait of flexibility or compatibility of the need on job can make them get attracted towards each other...

Now, tell me, will this not lead to multiple relationships?...of course, most of the girls may be clear...might be able to clearly distinguish and mark the limits, borders and comfort zones...might clearly identify the type of relationship they have...but MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMen???? who generally can feel only one relationship with all girls, we know what it is!!!

in such an environment 'possessiveness' and 'expectations' can lead to disasters!

so, the positive mental state which some people have...remember that village girl?...in yesterday's mail...that is the type of mentality which can keep us positive...

anyway...it is a never ending debatable topic...

but we should remember one thing...culture is not defined by us...inside the home...it is dictated by environment outside...which is not in our hands...however much you restrict being inside the homes we have to come out...even small societies can not remain closed groups...even the big closed and heavily guarded soviet union broke out!!!...so, where are our homes, caste groups, societies etc!!!...nothing!!!

culture is not defined by human beings, it is the technology which always dictates the culture...our way of living...the way we perceive the life to be!..e.g mobile phones and internet have changed the culture upside down.

There is no point in discussing what is right and what is wrong!...we can do sweat 'f' all about it!!!

we have to only look at how to be happy, healthy and successful within the envelope!!!...or try to find an orderliness or system within disorderliness (may be perceived!)

any change will have a transient phase where the system goes unstable and depending upon the 'tow'...the time constant...the system settles faster or slower...so, in the society, organisations and homes too we will find all sorts of problems of divorce, break ups, tears, murders, chathak chathaks...dumeel dumeels...frustration...depression...suicides etc...but after many years it will settle down...

all differences, discriminations, rules and regulations have been created by us...nature has not created...so, in the evolution process we will reach where we started with!...making it a perfect circle!!!...the universal theory will hold good...nature always wins...and not the human beings!!!!

bye guys and gals...keep rocking...hope you enjoyed this mail...

bye

rams

What is love?...are we in love?...how to keep it going?

hai friends...how are you?

hope you enjoyed the previous mail...

yes...life is very very short on earth...before we realise that we have started enjoying the life we reach the end of it in no time...so it is not worth spending the life in negativities...negative thinking and negative behaviours...so, let us keep laughing, giggling and radiating happiness!

yesterday i was watching a tv serial in which the writer and director have put in so much of efforts to reach the extremes of negativities...think sooo much and work out strategies to make others' life miserable and screw up...and we watch it and enjoy along with small eats!...does revenge and related negative behaviours really give us soul filling happiness or aanandam?...in comparison with happiness out of positive behaviours??

human beings are adventure loving animals...doing adventures in negatives only brings unhappiness...it might seem to give happiness, till it boomerangs and destroys us!!...adventures in positives that give happiness are joy multipliers. So, shall we be adventurous?

as you know by now, that 'where ever i am, music has to be there!'...or 'where good music is there, i am there!'

whereas it is other way at home...if i play music there will be opposition from all...of course, except my father...as father is like son!

so, the result is whenever my mother is there, no playing of music. Tell me when a mother will not be at home...hmmm?

but one day a miracle happened!! I was listening to music during noon time...a tamil song...my mother was cooking in the kitchen...i was reading a book but can see the music system...my mother who was holding a utensil in hand, quietly came, looked at me if i am watching, confirmed i am not watching her, (she thought i am not watching!)...and increased the volume and went back without making any noise...!!!..of course, she liked that song very much. In fact all mothers will like it. Here is the link...if you like it then you are a mother. If you don't like it then you are not a mother!!!!!(????)...http://youtu.be/eyKKmps9Z9Y

among all the subjects on earth, psychology is the most important one...so it justifies my move from science to applied sciences to engineering to management to psychology...and of course, to robots - i.e behaviours of machines...intelligent machines!!!

why psychology?...because it is about 'behaviours of all living organisms'...from soul to spiritualism to beliefs in gods to ghosts to anything in heart or brain of all living organisms...

why 'human psychology'?...because from birth to death...cradle to grave...morning to evening...we keep interacting and having problems with human beings...at home...in the street...at office...at any place!!!...we don't have problems with non living things...and animals too, as we can easily handle them...but human beings, wofffff!...very 'difficult to handle' organisms!!!...and human beings are every where...like god being every where!

so, if we can manage his/her behaviours...the brain, from where behaviours originate, the place were the 'mind' rests...then we can rule the world...be happy, healthy and successful too!!!

behaviours with other human beings lead to relationships...most important being husband and wife...or we can call as lovers...the initial part is full of joy as 'adventures in happiness' masks all the negatives, short falls and once the adventure is over, negatives only get magnified and stand in front like monsters!!!...the individuals might not have changed, but our perceptions change!!!...so, how to keep the initial adventure going?...here is a fantastic and interesting talk about that...we have heard about intelligence, emotional intelligence etc...have you heard about 'erotic intelligence'?...here is something about 'erotic intelligence'...

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html

(i can see you showing 'chee...chee' face!...as we feel shy and think it is bad...bad...badddd!...but we agree that it has its role in long term emotional relationships in life. So, why not give it a try to listen to it!)

when we think about 'love' we have only a boy, girl (not even a man and a woman!!!) and sex appearing in our front!...we can not think about anything other than these three in 'love'. We call all others as only 'friendship'!...but there are many like Nate Berkus, a man, who is intensely in love with another man Fernando Bengoechea (gay relationship)...you can type their names in google and read how deeply they were in love...and he loses him in the 2004 tsunami at sri lanka...and feels so bad that he lost his love...he says he loves him for his personality traits...few striking ones...and not for his body!...world terms it as love!...we term it as wrong relationship...gay...but lots of researches have gone in this area and finally scientists say it is not a mental disorder and it is only a variation of human sexuality!!!

you say 'chee...chee' or what ever you feel like...what i wanted to bring to closer look is 'love' has a broader meaning...much beyond sex...it may be a minuscule part of it in a relationship...we only magnify it out of proportions and make it an issue...for us 'love' means 'sex'. We can not think about one without the other. sadddd!...does this mean if no sex then no love between couple???...if some one really loves a person, SEX MAY NOT MATTER AT ALLLLLL!...so, if it matters, then the two are not in real love!!!

they are only into a 'emotional business environment' of providing 'service in exchange of service' to each other!...why i wanted to bring in front is because 'our definition of love is wrong and we mess up our lives with this definition'...

in fact i only wonder at this relationship of husband and wife in which one dislikes or quarrels with the other if the sexual needs are not met...they may not accept, but given time in this situation, the love fades off and the relationship remains only as a 'society sake' or  'on paper' relationship!!!...'what sort of a love it is?...do they really love?...i.e a relationship in which 'sex' matters, is it really a relationship or love?

if a girl says 'my husband loves me a lot', just tell her not to meet his needs, let us see where is the love?...is it revolving around sex?...is it anchored there?

so, to actually know about anything...we need to list down the factors / variables concerned...factors affecting it...remove or apply the factors and see the effects...only then we will be able to define anything...

husbands kill wives...wives kill husbands...divorces...lover kills lover...emotional relationships break up...most of the unhappiness in relationships (any type) (marriage, lovers etc), crimes, rapes, child or female abuses...all are centered around sex...news papers are filled with these issues...most of the problems between a boy and a girl, a man and a women is this!!!...is it anyway related to love?...how can we hate or kill the person whom we love?...we love only for sex, is it?

there are people who say like this...

'i don't want to marry my lover (she also feels like that) as i can not hate her.I want to love her always. I just can not imagine quarreling with her. But we have lots of differences. They might get buried initially in our husband-wife relationship. But might surface later and can create problems in happiness and the relationship between us. I don't know why i love her. What has made me to love her. What trait or feature of her is attracting me. But i love her a lot!...we have decided to be good friends for ever!'

between these two, is marriage really required?...or should they marry some one else and mess up their lives?...

some are like above and decide to remain as only friends, not to live together, and not as husband and wife (i.e living together).

now look at the other cases...

'I know my husband loves another girl too. But it does not affect me. It makes me to love him more. I think i am not loving him enough. It is not important if he is loving girls other than me or not, but it is important for me if he loves me. He loves me a lot. That is enough for me!'

'I know he loves other girls. I also know that he does not love me. All these do not matter to me. What is important to me is whether i love him or not!...I love him. I love him a lot. I don't need his physical presence. I am able to love him which is enough for me!'

'I know he loves another girl. I also know that he does not love me anymore. All these do not matter to me. But i love him and love him a lot. This is enough for me. I don't need his physical presence. I am in love is more important to me!'

i know you will call these people as NUTTTTTTTTTTTTS!...but if you look at carefully, they are 'positive' people in my opinion, as they want to convert the situation into a positive one towards happiness, good health and to be successful. If every one thinks like this then world will be at peace. Families will not go into pieces. Loves will not break up. No heart will pain. No tears. No divorces. No murders. Word 'marital cheating' will be removed from the dictionary.

the biggest problem in the world is cheating...marital cheating...and cheating between lovers!

recently i read in a tamil mag...a village girl says 'I got married to a villager. For first six days he was aloof and when she asked he said 'i am in love with another girl. My parents forced me to get married to you as you are from the same caste!''...on hearing this the girl did not cry...she says she gave full freedom to him to be in the old relationship and gave him all her love. She realised that he is in love with this girl (wife) too. She says he looked after her sooo nicely. But his parents and brothers came to know that he is continuing with the old relationship and murdered that girl. After that this man has gone wonky. Though he still loves his wife he is totally destroyed to pieces that he is unable to show it. The girl cries saying 'I love my husband. He loves  me. I respect his old relationship. Some days he stays with her and does not come home. I don't have any ill feelings about it. How many relationships he has is no matter to me. What matters to me is that 'he loves me!'. That is it. Now i am also destroyed seeing him into pieces.' 

I think this village girl gives an answer for all multiple relationships. By this i am not saying multiple relationships is right or wrong. I am only amazed to see how this girl has converted a negative situation into a positive situation. It is all in the mind!...i am sure she will be able to make him fine with her positive approach and 'love' weapon!

why dumeel...dumeels...and chathak...chathaks?...because of our wrong understanding of love, possessiveness, tons and tons of expectations, not looking at issues empathetically...urges, not knowing how to regulate the urges etc. So, no wonder Sweden has started a university for this subject.

If you notice, two people as 'husband-wife' living together keep fighting always for silly things...note, husband-wife!!...whereas a husband-wife, not living together, due to job etc, fight less or love more...i.e can we say that they are living like friends...not living together!...so, which is good?...living away as friends or living together as husband and wife?...of course, ideal is living together as husband and wife while being good friends!!!...so, are you a good friend or spouse or lover?

there is a definition which says 'loving without reasons is called 'love' and all others are only 'like's'...so, how many of you want to click 'like's for this???

ok guys and gals...this is an endless subject...we will discuss another dimension of it later...you can also analyse it by doing an actual research...by manipulating the variables...i.e removing the variables or adding variables...do you want to take the risk?

keep rocking!...bye...

rams

WE...the inventors of all negativities in the world!!!

hai friends...how are you?

thank you to all those who visit the blog every day...there are many posts posted there...138 of them!!!...but each post contains almost 5 to 6 mail contents...so, we can say about 400+ ways of looking at life and living!

in case you find it useful and interesting you may pass it on to your friends, relatives, bosses, peers, subordinates etc so that they also get aligned with you in behaviours and the relationship becomes more and more strong, rewarding and heavenly!

the blog statistics shows that it is read more in USA and ALASKA()...surprisingly there is no Eskimo reading it!!!...only rarely it shows 'more read' in india. Does it mean that foreigners (indians) like reading it more...at about 11 in the night the statistics shows some figure and in the morning it shows a large read...this confirms that it is read more in USA....another funny thing is it shows about 400 reads...but not even one comment!!!!....funnyrams, it is really funny rams!

it does not show 'who' reads it...i am also not bothered as 'how many' is more important than 'who'!!!

to reach the blog...just type 'funnyrams' in google...and click the link 'funnyrams.blogspot.com'.

for a long time i have not typed anything on music and songs...here it is...

during my school days, whenever a visitor came home i used to feel happy because i will get the left overs of savories and the peel of the banana...(useless guys, don't leave the sweet). so whenever a visitor came, my mother sent me to get one sweet, little savories and one banana. I used to get a banana called as 'nadan', as this banana has thick skin and we can peel a part of edible part of it, which the visitor does not eat. So, after he or she leaves i can eat that.

one day, a visitor came. I was sent to get the eatables. I went in search of nadan, it was not a season, had to struggle to get, and so got delayed. Also i heard a beautiful song in that shop and got frozen. Mesmerized!!!...got locked up with that song!!!...I stood there and listened to that entire song and came back to find the visitor already gone!...my mom was like a red hot valcano!!!...Should i tell you that i got nicely beaten up by her??...but while getting beaten the sweet, banana and savories were smiling at me!...so, it did not pain me. Look at this!!...both of us got engrossed in the beating and eatables, that we forgot the song!!!

the youtube link of that song is attached here....http://youtu.be/GGekCjufNWY...

hope you also like it!!

if you don't like it, then it was a calm, drizzly after noon when i heard the song...with the song coming out of a good music system...and because of this probably i liked it!!...anyway, i like it!

enough of eatables, kicks, song...

now, coming to the issue of the day...

I agree that all of us are very pious. We do all that god tells us to do. We live as per the advice or the preaching of our guru. We are god fearing. We live as per the way told in our holy books. We know that god will punish us if we do wrong things. We know that we are good and should do only good things.

If this is true then which god or guru or holy book(s) has told us to smoke, booze, cheat, rape, torture children and women, treat people in-equally based on gender, caste, religion etc, feel greedy of everything (wealth) and everyone (people), feel jealousy, have urges for pleasure, kill other living organisms for pleasure and taste, use addictive chemicals, damage the environment, be a parasite on others eating their wealth, do robbery, tell lies (in occasions where it will not do any good), amass wealth doing all wrong things, do all frauds, abuse our body and mind, exploit others, do / think negative and wrong things, have destructive attitude and have negative perceptions, feelings and emotions (anger, frustration, fear, sad, depressive etc)…woff…the list goes on and on like this…how did we invent sooooo many negative behaviours yaar!!!!!...ammmmaaazing!...we are the inventors of all negativities in the world.

Can any one name any negativity that nature or other living or non living beings have created?...one?...at least one negativity?

if we list positive emotions / positivity and negative emotions / negativity, we will find negatives are more than the positives...i.e we know more negatives than positives...all these are read, experienced and felt by us. The time spent by us in negativities is much more than the positives.

which god or guru or holy book has taught all these?...which guru or god or holy book has told us to have all these and live with all these behaviours?

We fear god and guru thinking that they will punish us if we do any wrong...Will god not punish us for all these?

The famous tamil saint and poet Thiruvalluvar says saints or gurus or rishis do not have all the above…those who free themselves from all the above will reach saint hood…will become guru or god...it does not mean they cannot live a family life…all famous saints of the past have lived family life…it only means that you will live a happy, healthy, noble and successful life. You will be blessed by god. You will be radiating happiness and peace.

Does your guru possess all these?...is he free from all these behaviours?

Is politics free from all these negatives?...is your guru free from politics?

gurus are not created by god...they become gurus by virtue of their noble qualities...why not you be one?...one need not live in an ashram...he or she can even work in an IT company and lead such a life!!!

we have invented many negative behaviours and few positive behaviours. Nature has given us so many things in front of us to form positive behaviors...do we have time to observe and be with the nature to appreciate and form the positive behaviours? 

why should we come out of the negatives?...let us see...

take a paper...come on yaaarr...take a paper. Good!!..now write your age there. Have you written?..good!...now, you write how many years more you will live on this earth in your opinion. Don't hesitate baby. You know your state of health. Just write...ok...here it is...

if you think you will live for 60 more years, then you will live for only 21,900 days! After that you are no more here. You are sand!!...look at your body once...please...பாரேன்...எனக்காச்சும் ஒரு தடவை பாரேன்!...this body will vanish after that.

if it is 50 years then only 18,250 days!

if 40 years then only 14,600 days!

if 30 years then only 10,950 days!

if 20 years then only 7300 days!

if 10 years then only 3650 days!

if 5 years then only 1825 days!

it might appear to be a big number, but imagine, it appears it was yesterday we celebrated christmas and new year, but nearly 60 days have gone! it appears we joined the college yesterday and 1460 days (4 years) have gone!...it appears we were children yesterday but about 8000+ days have gone. So, time flies.

If our life is sooo short then what is the point in worrying or having all the negative behaviours listed above and screwing up our lives and happiness?...and messing up others' lives too!!!

all of us run behind wealth almost each and every second...tell me, all those who have got crores, hundreds and thosands of crores, do they enjoy all that money?...all the scandalous people, do they enjoy all that wealth?...think about the fear and bad name they have. How many respect a politician or a corrupt for his nobleness?...many respect only out of fear. Fear of nuisance value they have. Pleasant and tasty respect comes out of true love we have. Why to talk about others?

just think about the wealth you have. Do you enjoy all the wealth?...we have enough problems on the body that we are not able to enjoy. We use it only to show power, authority, get fame etc and make others fear or respect us for that. Tell me, who has the real respect and power?...a Zamindar or a village school headmaster?...noble living and the respect we get out of our personality traits and wisdom only will give the real respect and fame. When we die do we take all these wealth?...children will make their living the way you made your living. So, why to make them lazy with our wealth?...most of the children with lots of maternal or paternal wealth are only spoiled children!

the crux is we don't need so much of wealth and our life is very short. So, let us come out of these negatives (negative photos are black and white like ghosts!) and become positives...the colourful lively photos!!!...so that we are always smiling...radiating happiness...attractive...beautiful or handsome...and obviously become healthy and successful too!

hope you enjoyed this mail!!!

keep rocking guys and gals!...byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

rams