“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

💐💐“Sir, I am a first year college girl. I want your help!!”

Dear all…one question…one answer…

Qn. Sir, I am a fair beautiful first year Engg college girl from one of the best colleges. I have been having a problem since childhood but now I am unable to handle it. So, I need help. Every boy from every corner wants to make relationship with me. I am generally friendly. So, all girls want my time, emotions and energy. Till +2 i did not have mobile and no social media. But now I have a mobile and so all my time and energy goes in that. I am unable to find time for my own self, my goals, my passions and my hobbies. I want to continue excelling in studies. I want to go for intra and inter college, national and international adventure, sports, camps, social service activities, cultural competitions and whatever other curricular, co-curricular and extracurricular activities. I want to learn so many things. I want to go around, travel, and experience so many things. I am a learner and want to learn about so many things by academics and experience. But I am not getting any time. I am frustrated sir. I am fed up and depressed. Another problem is I get attracted and attached to people very fast. I am too emotional (she is crying). When I hide, I get stressed and feel guilty. I don’t know what to do sir. Please help me!!!

Ans: 1. Beauty comes from character…i.e ‘what you do enduringly when others are not noticing you!’ (not what you think or speak or do for a short time with motives or when others are watching you!) and Attractiveness comes from Appearance. I think you are equally confused like others or accept what is shown in movies as beauty. Anyway, leave it!...You have learnt now!

2. The solution for your problem is simple. You need to be Assertive, that is all!!...Tell everyone that only face to face communication with you in reality and keeping physical distance. So, someone wants to talk to you, let that person come in front of you. If someone calls, see if the subject of talk warrants for an unavoidable call. If not, give a polite and stern warning to avoid calls and also tell you will block that person permanently forever. Do it also!!...Tell everyone No whatsapp msgs, forwards, facebook shares, sms, calls etc. You can have their contact numbers so that you can contact them if required. Tell them you will have only FRIENDSHIP and NOT RELATIONSHIP. Be friendly with all and equally with everyone. Be a good friend and an Ideal Human Being. Follow OPEN policy. Let everyone know whom all you have friendship. Tell everything, and all your friendships to parents. Let them be confident on you. All that you described above as your dreams are all perfect and you should pursue!!!...Just focus on all that you said you want to do. You will have all 24 hours with you. Only those boys and girls who are like you and with high tolerance and endurance will remain with you. Remaining all weights will fall down. You will be totally free.

When you follow the above, following will happen…

1.      All those with vested interest will not make any approaches.

2.      All those with wants, needs and expectations will go away.

3.      All those who want to knock down emotionally and shackle you will go away.

4.      You will be socially and emotionally free. No guilt and no stress.

5.      Only those who are genuinely interested in your true friendship…who are good human beings….who are unconditional…who are happy being a friend of yours…who respect feminity (and not females, the way our movies and culture teach!!)….who have no needs, wants and expectations from you…and who match with your thoughts and actions will remain with you over a long time.

6.      In this process you will find the person who really LOVES you for what you are who you are and not how you look like!...Appearance attracts people for pleasure and lusty reproductive needs. Whereas what I described above makes people to remain for true friendship even after the appearance fades off in few months or years!! In a relationship, only relationship should matter and not the wants, needs and expectations. Love after-all means ‘caring and supporting’!!...‘caring’ for the body, mind and your relationships with others and ‘supporting’ your dreams, passions, hobbies, beliefs, habits, routines and goals. When such people with same dreams, passions and goals are with you, then you will also support them and love becomes a two way process!!

7.      Finally when you reach around 25+ years of age, when you have stabilised in your studies and profession, you will find YOUR MAN clearly visible who has endured all that you said above and did over nearly a decade. So, it will be easy to find your life mate too.

8.      Aim is not to have too many friendships or relationships which  are unable to handle, diverting, distracting, stressing and pulling us down…making us weak…!!...Aim is to have ONLY those few who match with our mission in life so that they support us, we support them and the RELATIONSHIP blooms and remains for life time!!...What is the point in having someone who is a pain and weight in our journey?...After all no relationship which has only needs, wants and expectations…i.e LUST…and which has all these fulfilled…remains spicy and firing for a long time!!

9. We should be good human beings. That is all. We need not please every one, it is impossible, it is stressful, in this process we will lose ourselves, we will retain no one as we can’t please every one, and we will reach no-where in our mission of life!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!💐💐