How to know if we are in love with some one or not?

Hai all...specially the teen ages....How to know if we are in love or not?...Many mess up their lives without knowing this and come for counseling...

When you feel you have fallen in love with some one ask the question to yourself 'OK, what do you want from that person?'...if the immediate spontaneous answer that appears in the mind is physical intimacy and reproductive needs then you are not in love. You have just an animal instinct. It is better to leave that person.

But if the answer that appears is 'I want that person to be happy, healthy, peaceful, successful, enjoy freedom and feel liberated to skies and above, grow in all dimensions in life viz knowledge, skills, wisdom, wealth, fame, authority etc'...I want to contribute to that person in this endeavor throughout my life!' then you are in love with that person.

peacefully yours
rams

need for a course and training for adolescents on 'love' and 'relationships'

Hai all...

The adolescent age is in search for the mate without their knowledge as the body has matured. It is an age of adventure, forming new relationships and falling in love.

As the social networks have flourished on internet the opportunities for forming new relationships across the continents, cultures, religions and castes is easy.

The issue in front is neither the middle aged or old aged people of the past have undergone a proper course on 'love' and 'relationships'. They only have the experience which is a limited knowledge. They are able to only scare or control or threaten the adolescents which is not having the desired effect.

The adolescents feel freedom on net in forming relationships wildly and widely without knowing the consequences. They don't know the various stages or phases of love, relationship forming and the effects of these on mind, body, daily chores, work, the significant people etc.

It is like jumping inside a whirling lake without knowing the currents inside.

They feel that they are the masters in assessing and evaluating people without knowing the subconscious drives which make people behave in a particular way for satiation of the needs.

Human beings being social animals can not live in isolation. The love which involves physical relationships has been the biggest brain killer for people of all ages.

The adolescents freely share pics of their body and their body itself with the people in relationships and land up in obsession disorders, possessiveness, multiple sexual relationships etc and realize after a while that their brain has got damaged so badly that they need prolonged treatment and counseling.

Reproductive need is  a basic id need which is subconscious and makes a person to say anything and do anything to gratify the need without bothering about legal and social implications.

1. Has anyone got satisfied with one hug or one kiss or sex once with their mates?...yes, it is addictive.

2. Physical relationship brings in too much of attachment, possessiveness, feeling of love which collapses a person in case the relationship breaks for any reason.

3. People of distant places fall in love madly, unable to meet and keep crying as the gratification of the need is met.

So, 'love' and 'relationships' are though basic needs, but dangerous too if they do not work out well.

Knowing the dynamics, phases, effects of these will at least make us aware what is happening while falling in love or being in a relationship so that we can take precautions to avoid the damage to our brain, life, career, living and other significant relationships we have at home, relatives and society.

keep rocking

rams

Some questions to god about 'LOVE'?

Hai all...most of the problems that come to me for resolving are related to 'LOVE'...so here are some questions that came to my mind...QUESTIONS TO GOD...(laughs)...

Hey god...NATURE god...please think properly, if you have brain, and answer my questions below...
Love....why did you give this feeling to human beings?....

if you say you have given this for only procreation (i.e reproduction...so that life continues on earth) like you have given for other animals then human beings should experience only those types of loves which animals also experience (love between parents and children till the children become adults and independent and love feeling that brings sexual attraction between opposite sexes...these are the two types of loves animals experience for reproduction and grooming off springs)...why human beings experience more than these two types of loves?...(siblings, friends, relatives, love experiences beyond reproduction and grooming needs, love without expectations, love beyond death, loving all living and non living...woff, the list is endless!!!)
If your aim is only procreation then you should have only given the animal type of love feeling to human beings...i.e loving anyone and every one for procreation...why you did not give like that?...human beings are not able to love every one for procreation!!...many are able to experience this type of love with just only one person in life time, or only one person at a time, or may be just two and certainly not in an unlimited manner the way animals do (without any physical and mental health problems). They are not attracted to all people of opposite sex that way. It is not just the physical appearance or age...it depends on how they feel about the other person in their mind.

By giving the SIXTH SENSE you have created the 'SEX'TH SENSE too and made every one's life miserable!!

1. one person loves but the other person does not experience SAME TYPE of love and SAME EXTENT of love all the time in the life cycle of both concerned. Even if the love does not have the component of sex both suffer or one suffers.

2. one person loves but the other person does not love. Here one person suffers. Other person also might suffer if the love of other person affects this person.

3. human beings experience obsessive and addictive loves too.

Effectively, for a defined number of human beings on earth, there are 'n' number of loves!!!...this has messed up the lives of human beings!

Above all this you have given POSSESSIVENESS too which is contradictory to your aim of variance between two different human beings.

Tell me, why did you create all this messssss?

You could have created human beings also like animals. Why are you creating and killing them while being alive?

Tell me, how many more variations (problems) you are going to introduce in your 'evolution experiment' and screw up the lives of all of us here?

Enough is enough boss!!!...you only created all this mess and now, you only solve the problems too!
Now tell me how are you going to solve this problem??

how are you going to make one person to fall in love with another (only one) who also loves with same type and same extent for life long?

i think this will solve the problem to an extent!


But how are you going to do this????

(don't talk all the bulls to me saying 'how family will form, how societies will form, how cultures will form etc, OK!!!...solve this fundamental problem which is making every one 'mental' health patients here...after that let us go to the next level of families, societies, cultures etc!)

rams

What matters the most...'Mind of the lover girl' or 'the words of the lover boy'?

Hai all....What matters the most...'MIND of the lover girl'? or the 'WORDS of the lover boy'?

when two people love each other mostly the boy has all the words of praise for the girl...but does she respond positively for all his praises all the time? 

if we observe anything, it becomes Beautiful or Correct or Pleasant or Acceptable (BCPA) ONLY IF OUR MIND MATCHES WITH IT IN FEELINGS, MOODS, EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS  (FMET). So, mind is the first and foremost. If it is not in the matching FMET then the BCPA is not realised. Also the mind has to be Happy, Peaceful, Silent, at Rest and Vacant (HPSRV). Only then it can perceive BCPA.Otherwise not!!

Therefore, mind is the first and foremost and has to be happy, peaceful, silent, at rest and vacant with matching feelings, moods, emotions and thoughts. Only then the beauty or correctness or pleasantness or acceptability of a person or any thing can be perceived by the mind.

Therefore the realisation of beauty or correctness or acceptability of a person or a thing is not in that person or the thing...it is only in mind of the person observing it!!!

for e.g read these romantic phrases which are generally used by any one who is in love....and then read the analysis at the bottom...

'I love you daa!' 'I miss you a lot maa!' 'I miss your hugs and kisses'

'hmmm...i want to see you!'  'I feel like i want to hear your melodious sweet voice!'  'You are very beautiful!'  'You are a sweet personality!'  'A feeling of happiness and peace flows in me when i think about you!'  'You are the ultimate beauty for me!'  'You are the best gift of god to me!' 'I don't need any one or anything in my life other than you!' 'I like both your beauty and personality!' 'Your eyes are too beautiful and expressive!' 'You are the most charming beauty under the sky!' 'Your cheeks are like apples!' 'Your lips are too tasty like 'honey-oranges'!'  'you have a great figure!' 'The road sign boards like 'Dangerous Curves ahead, Go slow!' 'Don't speed up at curves!' etc make sense only when i am with you!' 'You have cute and beautiful hips!' 'You have beautiful butts!' 'Your voice is great!' 'Your dance performance is fabulous!' 'You have a great sense of humour!'''

of course one can go on typing endlessly like this because lovers have not left anything to describe their lovers...

now, all these beautiful phrases make a meaning, bring in happiness and smiles on the face of the girl and make her respond positively only if her mind is peaceful, happy, silent, at rest, empty and she is in matching good moods, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Otherwise all these words

1. have no meaning

2. will bring only anger and hate in the mind of the girl.

Therefore the words of the boy are not important and beautiful...it is the mind of the girl that matters to perceive the beauty of his words. feelings, emotions and thoughts!!!

Otherwise it is all waste!!!!!

so, take care in life!!

Keep rocking! 

rams

Is there any need to talk to your lover?

hai all...

when two people love each other in true sense without any need or expectations etc...i.e they love each other 'for what they are' and not 'what they can get from the other person'...then their minds are always connected in their thoughts and feelings...they don't have to talk or chat etc...one knows that the other person is always thinking about him/her in thoughts and feelings all the time wherever he or she is or what ever he or she is doing...they may not even know that they are connected, but people in love are connected always!...or the brain always allocates a separate sacred place and keeps processing the memories and thoughts about the other person...because we consciously make the brain to access and play the video of memories repeatedly...so,like google, it remembers what we like, what we frequently access, what we would like to think always and it keeps playing that in some corner of the brain....therefore, there is no need to send an interrupt signal to the other processor and check out if your lover is remembering you!

If you both love each other beyond needs, wants, expectations etc then you will ALWAYS love each other, you can not hate the other person ever and you will always process that person in feelings and thoughts irrespective of where you are, what you are doing and what ever may be your age or period of separation between both!!!

so, check out whom you keep thinking all the time without your knowledge...it means you love that person...hey..hey...it does not mean it is some love that leads to procreation behaviours...it only means you like that person a lot...it only means that the thought about that person is giving you happiness, peace, health, freedom, high self esteem etc. It only means you attach lots of value to that person in your life. It only means that you care about that person.It only means you can not think of your life without that person. The person could be of same sex or opposite sex.

keep rocking!!

rams

What is the problem here with people and their living?

Hai all...

when i observe the people here as to what all they do from morning to evening...i find that from rich to poor, from educated to uneducated, from people with power to people without power....all are running towards only money, wealth, cheating others, go to office to just be present or do the work that is given to them till the end of working hours, talk all crap about others, go to temples in anxiety with a big wish list to request gods to help them get all those, parents chasing the kids to study well so that their children are better than others and get more paid jobs, use the sixth sense only to cheat others and protect themselves from other cheaters around. They basically wake up, run for food, shelter, protect, reproduce, rear off springs, entertain and die. Animals also do exactly the same things.

Basically these human bodies live like animals. They don't live like human beings. So, no wonder they have all sorts of physical, mental and social health problems. An average indian starts feeling aged from forties and becomes a walking coffin or walking dead body after that.

Day to day living itself is such a BIG TASK here!...people are so worried about their basic day to day living like eating, coffee and what not...they don't raise above that...they are always in EXISTENTIAL PROBLEMS...but only when we raise above existential needs, we can blossom and expand....all they do is discuss about other people all the time or worry about existential problems!

mostly all of them only survive...some exist...very very few only live!!

if i apply the Maslow's here to 'groups of people' i think all the societies on an average are still at the first level only struggling for food, shelter and clothing. May be some minority societies have gone up to the security needs level. Therefore, no wonder they are still primitive which is well understood by the political and religious exploiters to loot.

I wish they grow to a level of using their sixth sense to think about everything under the sky, not blindly follow their so called leaders of all spheres like cattle, live like human beings, come out of superstitions and live a meaningful life!

keep rocking!

rams

Why our marriages do not survive IN THE REAL SENSE?

Hai all...

Though there are many families intact without divorces, are they really intact at the heart level without dependencies and fears?  A BIG NO!! Many ladies live in homes just for their kids, fears of social stigma etc and very rarely for the husband. They just carry out their DUTIES like a wood without emotions and are moving-coffins or alive-dead-bodies.

Why?????

because...in our marriages far too many factors are involved....

matching of religions, castes, sub castes, sects, language, region of living, cultural factors becomes the first filter...which filters the maximum prospective alliances...left are only a few.

Then comes the horrorscope matching....sorry....horoscope matching...this again removes the big chunk of girls/boys. Left overs are really a handful.

Then comes 'all the significant people' in the family has to agree...in big families there are many people who have to agree for the marriage...only then the next level of talks is progressed...

In this, every significant person of the family has his or her own agenda of gains or losses...so she or he agrees or disagrees depending on her share of financial or social or emotional or status gains.

If all agree, then comes the TALKS where 'business' deals are finalised (gold, silver, utensils, car, other house hold appliances, property, rituals, ceremonies, expenditures etc).

marriages are a 'convenient living transaction' for all those related to the boy and girl!!...we want to make sure everything else is more important than 'love' in our marriage system.

the biggest problem here is 'no one wants to have kids just because they want to have kids'  'for enjoying the pleasures of having and grooming a child and the emotional dynamics the kid brings in the family'. Here the funda'mental' reason for having a kid is 'for dependency', with expectations, selfish needs...an ulterior motive...all types of dependencies...financial, emotional, legal, social, physical, mental...therefore the kids are never free...they can never take their decisions on their own regarding anything in their life till the end of their lives!!...they are emotionally prisoned!!! 

Therefore, No one is bothered about the TWO people who are going to live together.
These 'cattle' are forced to select within the left overs available.
The girl or boy are told indirectly 'From tomorrow you will sleep with him or her and live with those people!!'.

It is presumed that 'love blooms out of sexual pleasure needs met'. Unfortunately the emotions which emanate out of nature driven feelings for procreation  and grooming of offsprings is perceived as love. This being a condition based i.e love exists if the needs are met, otherwise not, leads to a situation of 'emotional business' between the two. Here love behaviours are exhibited whenever one person wants physical touches or sex or whenever he or she perceives a threat to the 'emotional security'/possessiveness. Rarely this love that emanates out of sex evolves to liking a person for the overall personality traits and beyond.

Marriages are only a business where business is grown, wealth joins wealth, status joins status, friends join with friends, religion joins with religion, caste joins with caste, language joins with language!

The girl lives with and knows more about others than her husband. The boy and girl spend time for few minutes on bed or elsewhere performing their duties and responsibilities as 'husband' 'wife' 'father' 'mother' 'son' 'daughter' 'daughter-in-law' etc. The girl almost does not get and enjoy the togetherness, romance, love, sex, orgasm, friendship and soulmateship. Love being the fundamental one for good mental health and living which she does not get from husband and others, she starts giving to and taking it from children, animals around (dogs, cats, hens, cattle, birds etc ) and nature (like plants, trees, river, clouds, sun, moon, sky, stars etc). She lives in her fantasy world deriving pleasures in imagination.

Therefore, LOVE suffers between the two, deep somewhere, some time in life! They only become the bullocks pulling the family cart for children or family or society sake.There are walls between them. They are never real friends. Never  soul mates. They derive more happiness, pleasure and peace while being with their school or college friends. They would like to spend less time with their life mates. They don't have much to talk to their life mates.Others call it a successful family. They perceive them to be best couples with highest adaptability. They perceive them to be 'made-for-eachother' couple.

Our people or society calls them as SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES and SUCCESSFUL COUPLE.

From the above we know what is important and where the corrections need to be applied in our marriage system to make it really meaningful and get a feeling of a life lived  in true sense.

keep rocking!!

rams