Hai all...
Though there are many families intact without divorces, are they really intact at the heart level without dependencies and fears? A BIG NO!! Many ladies live in homes just for their kids, fears of social stigma etc and very rarely for the husband. They just carry out their DUTIES like a wood without emotions and are moving-coffins or alive-dead-bodies.
Why?????
because...in our marriages far too many factors are involved....
matching of religions, castes, sub castes, sects, language, region of living, cultural factors becomes the first filter...which filters the maximum prospective alliances...left are only a few.
Then comes the horrorscope matching....sorry....horoscope matching...this again removes the big chunk of girls/boys. Left overs are really a handful.
Then comes 'all the significant people' in the family has to agree...in big families there are many people who have to agree for the marriage...only then the next level of talks is progressed...
In this, every significant person of the family has his or her own agenda of gains or losses...so she or he agrees or disagrees depending on her share of financial or social or emotional or status gains.
If all agree, then comes the TALKS where 'business' deals are finalised (gold, silver, utensils, car, other house hold appliances, property, rituals, ceremonies, expenditures etc).
marriages are a 'convenient living transaction' for all those related to the boy and girl!!...we want to make sure everything else is more important than 'love' in our marriage system.
the biggest problem here is 'no one wants to have kids just because they want to have kids' 'for enjoying the pleasures of having and grooming a child and the emotional dynamics the kid brings in the family'. Here the funda'mental' reason for having a kid is 'for dependency', with expectations, selfish needs...an ulterior motive...all types of dependencies...financial, emotional, legal, social, physical, mental...therefore the kids are never free...they can never take their decisions on their own regarding anything in their life till the end of their lives!!...they are emotionally prisoned!!!
Therefore, No one is bothered about the TWO people who are going to live together.
These 'cattle' are forced to select within the left overs available.
The girl or boy are told indirectly 'From tomorrow you will sleep with him or her and live with those people!!'.
It is presumed that 'love blooms out of sexual pleasure needs met'. Unfortunately the emotions which emanate out of nature driven feelings for procreation and grooming of offsprings is perceived as love. This being a condition based i.e love exists if the needs are met, otherwise not, leads to a situation of 'emotional business' between the two. Here love behaviours are exhibited whenever one person wants physical touches or sex or whenever he or she perceives a threat to the 'emotional security'/possessiveness. Rarely this love that emanates out of sex evolves to liking a person for the overall personality traits and beyond.
Marriages are only a business where business is grown, wealth joins wealth, status joins status, friends join with friends, religion joins with religion, caste joins with caste, language joins with language!
The girl lives with and knows more about others than her husband. The boy and girl spend time for few minutes on bed or elsewhere performing their duties and responsibilities as 'husband' 'wife' 'father' 'mother' 'son' 'daughter' 'daughter-in-law' etc. The girl almost does not get and enjoy the togetherness, romance, love, sex, orgasm, friendship and soulmateship. Love being the fundamental one for good mental health and living which she does not get from husband and others, she starts giving to and taking it from children, animals around (dogs, cats, hens, cattle, birds etc ) and nature (like plants, trees, river, clouds, sun, moon, sky, stars etc). She lives in her fantasy world deriving pleasures in imagination.
Therefore, LOVE suffers between the two, deep somewhere, some time in life! They only become the bullocks pulling the family cart for children or family or society sake.There are walls between them. They are never real friends. Never soul mates. They derive more happiness, pleasure and peace while being with their school or college friends. They would like to spend less time with their life mates. They don't have much to talk to their life mates.Others call it a successful family. They perceive them to be best couples with highest adaptability. They perceive them to be 'made-for-eachother' couple.
Our people or society calls them as SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES and SUCCESSFUL COUPLE.
From the above we know what is important and where the corrections need to be applied in our marriage system to make it really meaningful and get a feeling of a life lived in true sense.
keep rocking!!
rams
Though there are many families intact without divorces, are they really intact at the heart level without dependencies and fears? A BIG NO!! Many ladies live in homes just for their kids, fears of social stigma etc and very rarely for the husband. They just carry out their DUTIES like a wood without emotions and are moving-coffins or alive-dead-bodies.
Why?????
because...in our marriages far too many factors are involved....
matching of religions, castes, sub castes, sects, language, region of living, cultural factors becomes the first filter...which filters the maximum prospective alliances...left are only a few.
Then comes the horrorscope matching....sorry....horoscope matching...this again removes the big chunk of girls/boys. Left overs are really a handful.
Then comes 'all the significant people' in the family has to agree...in big families there are many people who have to agree for the marriage...only then the next level of talks is progressed...
In this, every significant person of the family has his or her own agenda of gains or losses...so she or he agrees or disagrees depending on her share of financial or social or emotional or status gains.
If all agree, then comes the TALKS where 'business' deals are finalised (gold, silver, utensils, car, other house hold appliances, property, rituals, ceremonies, expenditures etc).
marriages are a 'convenient living transaction' for all those related to the boy and girl!!...we want to make sure everything else is more important than 'love' in our marriage system.
the biggest problem here is 'no one wants to have kids just because they want to have kids' 'for enjoying the pleasures of having and grooming a child and the emotional dynamics the kid brings in the family'. Here the funda'mental' reason for having a kid is 'for dependency', with expectations, selfish needs...an ulterior motive...all types of dependencies...financial, emotional, legal, social, physical, mental...therefore the kids are never free...they can never take their decisions on their own regarding anything in their life till the end of their lives!!...they are emotionally prisoned!!!
Therefore, No one is bothered about the TWO people who are going to live together.
These 'cattle' are forced to select within the left overs available.
The girl or boy are told indirectly 'From tomorrow you will sleep with him or her and live with those people!!'.
It is presumed that 'love blooms out of sexual pleasure needs met'. Unfortunately the emotions which emanate out of nature driven feelings for procreation and grooming of offsprings is perceived as love. This being a condition based i.e love exists if the needs are met, otherwise not, leads to a situation of 'emotional business' between the two. Here love behaviours are exhibited whenever one person wants physical touches or sex or whenever he or she perceives a threat to the 'emotional security'/possessiveness. Rarely this love that emanates out of sex evolves to liking a person for the overall personality traits and beyond.
Marriages are only a business where business is grown, wealth joins wealth, status joins status, friends join with friends, religion joins with religion, caste joins with caste, language joins with language!
The girl lives with and knows more about others than her husband. The boy and girl spend time for few minutes on bed or elsewhere performing their duties and responsibilities as 'husband' 'wife' 'father' 'mother' 'son' 'daughter' 'daughter-in-law' etc. The girl almost does not get and enjoy the togetherness, romance, love, sex, orgasm, friendship and soulmateship. Love being the fundamental one for good mental health and living which she does not get from husband and others, she starts giving to and taking it from children, animals around (dogs, cats, hens, cattle, birds etc ) and nature (like plants, trees, river, clouds, sun, moon, sky, stars etc). She lives in her fantasy world deriving pleasures in imagination.
Therefore, LOVE suffers between the two, deep somewhere, some time in life! They only become the bullocks pulling the family cart for children or family or society sake.There are walls between them. They are never real friends. Never soul mates. They derive more happiness, pleasure and peace while being with their school or college friends. They would like to spend less time with their life mates. They don't have much to talk to their life mates.Others call it a successful family. They perceive them to be best couples with highest adaptability. They perceive them to be 'made-for-eachother' couple.
Our people or society calls them as SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES and SUCCESSFUL COUPLE.
From the above we know what is important and where the corrections need to be applied in our marriage system to make it really meaningful and get a feeling of a life lived in true sense.
keep rocking!!
rams
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