💐💐“Sir, I am a first year
college girl. I want your help!!”
Dear all…one
question…one answer…
Qn. Sir, I am a fair
beautiful first year Engg college girl from one of the best colleges. I have
been having a problem since childhood but now I am unable to handle it. So, I
need help. Every boy from every corner wants to make relationship with me. I am
generally friendly. So, all girls want my time, emotions and energy. Till +2 i
did not have mobile and no social media. But now I have a mobile and so all my
time and energy goes in that. I am unable to find time for my own self, my
goals, my passions and my hobbies. I want to continue excelling in studies. I
want to go for intra and inter college, national and international adventure,
sports, camps, social service activities, cultural competitions and whatever
other curricular, co-curricular and extracurricular activities. I want to learn
so many things. I want to go around, travel, and experience so many things. I
am a learner and want to learn about so many things by academics and
experience. But I am not getting any time. I am frustrated sir. I am fed up and
depressed. Another problem is I get attracted and attached to people very fast.
I am too emotional (she is crying). When I hide, I get stressed and feel
guilty. I don’t know what to do sir. Please help me!!!
Ans: 1. Beauty comes
from character…i.e ‘what you do enduringly when others are not noticing you!’
(not what you think or speak or do for a short time with motives or when others
are watching you!) and Attractiveness comes from Appearance. I think you are
equally confused like others or accept what is shown in movies as beauty.
Anyway, leave it!...You have learnt now!
2. The solution for
your problem is simple. You need to be Assertive, that is all!!...Tell everyone
that only face to face communication with you in reality and keeping physical
distance. So, someone wants to talk to you, let that person come in front of
you. If someone calls, see if the subject of talk warrants for an unavoidable
call. If not, give a polite and stern warning to avoid calls and also tell you
will block that person permanently forever. Do it also!!...Tell everyone No
whatsapp msgs, forwards, facebook shares, sms, calls etc. You can have their
contact numbers so that you can contact them if required. Tell them you will
have only FRIENDSHIP and NOT RELATIONSHIP. Be friendly with all and equally
with everyone. Be a good friend and an Ideal Human Being. Follow OPEN policy.
Let everyone know whom all you have friendship. Tell everything, and all your
friendships to parents. Let them be confident on you. All that you described above
as your dreams are all perfect and you should pursue!!!...Just focus on all
that you said you want to do. You will have all 24 hours with you. Only those
boys and girls who are like you and with high tolerance and endurance will
remain with you. Remaining all weights will fall down. You will be totally
free.
When you follow the
above, following will happen…
1. All those with vested interest will not
make any approaches.
2. All those with wants, needs and
expectations will go away.
3. All those who want to knock down
emotionally and shackle you will go away.
4. You will be socially and emotionally
free. No guilt and no stress.
5. Only those who are genuinely interested
in your true friendship…who are good human beings….who are unconditional…who
are happy being a friend of yours…who respect feminity (and not females, the
way our movies and culture teach!!)….who have no needs, wants and expectations
from you…and who match with your thoughts and actions will remain with you over
a long time.
6. In this process you will find the person
who really LOVES you for what you are who you are and not how you look
like!...Appearance attracts people for pleasure and lusty reproductive needs.
Whereas what I described above makes people to remain for true friendship even
after the appearance fades off in few months or years!! In a relationship, only
relationship should matter and not the wants, needs and expectations. Love
after-all means ‘caring and supporting’!!...‘caring’ for the body, mind and
your relationships with others and ‘supporting’ your dreams, passions, hobbies,
beliefs, habits, routines and goals. When such people with same dreams,
passions and goals are with you, then you will also support them and love
becomes a two way process!!
7. Finally when you reach around 25+ years
of age, when you have stabilised in your studies and profession, you will find
YOUR MAN clearly visible who has endured all that you said above and did over
nearly a decade. So, it will be easy to find your life mate too.
8. Aim is not to have too many friendships
or relationships which are unable to
handle, diverting, distracting, stressing and pulling us down…making us
weak…!!...Aim is to have ONLY those few who match with our mission in life so
that they support us, we support them and the RELATIONSHIP blooms and remains
for life time!!...What is the point in having someone who is a pain and weight
in our journey?...After all no relationship which has only needs, wants and
expectations…i.e LUST…and which has all these fulfilled…remains spicy and
firing for a long time!!
9. We should be good
human beings. That is all. We need not please every one, it is impossible, it
is stressful, in this process we will lose ourselves, we will retain no one as
we can’t please every one, and we will reach no-where in our mission of life!!
Peacefully
yours…Rams…Psychologist!!💐💐
