hai all...
it is an age old question which every one asks....other day i received this question...'why old men are attracted towards younger girls or women?'
the answer is...
nature has produced all living beings (why only human beings) for eating, reproduction, protecting against dangers...all basic instincts and behaviours are out of these...any behaviour emanating towards achieving these are 'natural behaviours' (not learnt behaviours)
also nature wants 1. no two living organisms to be the same (theory of variation - Charles Darwin) 2. healthy off springs.
Nature knows that only younger women / girls can produce healthy off springs...so, every one gets attracted to younger girls / women...whether boys or middle aged men or old men...unfortunately nature believes or created older men also capable of creating healthy off springs!
no one gets attracted towards old women for reproduction...or get infatuated with older women...
no movie heroine is a older women...all heroines are between 15 to 25 years of age...rarely into thirties, but looking young and youthful (so, all our movies are about infatuation and not about love the way they depict!).
so, older men also get attracted towards younger girls / women...
Is it right?
Nature has not produced anything as right or wrong...so, as per nature it is right.
But we have created social systems. Nature has not created these. Each and every social system has its rules and regulations. Roles and statuses for the members in the social system. So, the indian society does not accept it. At the same time indian girls from weaker economic sections get married to rich older men with the approval of society.
Why it does not accept it?...because the social system called family is created to support each other for life long. The old man will die soon and the girl will be left alone for life (not considering remarriages or divorces...looking at the issue straight!).
All social systems like marriage, family etc are accepted ones. Statuses like father, mother etc are accepted and well defined ones. But love, lovers, extramarital affairs, older men loving younger women or younger men loving older women are not defined in our social systems and therefore there are no roles and statuses defined. So, they are not accepted by the society openly.
Also every human being is attracted towards the other human being, irrespective of age, for their wants and needs. They always establish the 'missing relationships' and needs of their life. So, a girl can see a man as father, brother, friend, mentor, guide, adviser, guru, soul mate, lover and what not!...similarly the man also can look at the younger girl / women as sister, daughter, friend, lover, soul mate etc. Either of them can give physical relationship to the other just to retain the relationship or 'after all he / she wants it. Let him / her take. I don't mind. My needs are different!'...So, most of the time the girls miss their parents and establish a parental relationship with older men. Some of the older men too, who miss their daughters, establish such a relationship.
It is also true that the older men, as they are experienced on earth with respect to all sorts of relationships, matured in life events, adapted to their wife and children, are capable of understanding and adapting to younger women / girls easily...so, the girls see a good mentor / friend in him. Especially the girls of today having more of 'achievement motive' look for good guides, mentors, friends, soul mate than a lover in older men.
Also, if you have noticed between spouses, the adaptability is better during their early stages and younger ages of life. The reason is they don't want to lose the other person who is meeting their needs well (this takes place naturally and sub consciously). Nature ensures this for 1. reproduction to go on well 2. the off springs are groomed well with love and affection. The older they become, the lesser the adaptability (they fight, get frustrated with each other...many who have felt 'ultimate love or 'he is my ultimate lover!' feeling, have landed up in this situation, may be with in about 5 years of togetherness!!).
Also acceptability or right or wrong etc depends on the two people involved and th society. There are societies which accept or just don't care or mind such relationships.
There are many who also feel that 'how long we live together in relationship' does not matter...i.e the duration of the relationship... the valuable times spent together, success in life etc matter more...but certainly indian society is not meant for such relationships. So, may be they have to escape to some other part of the world to retain the relationships.
so, the crux is...
1. right or wrong depends on the two and society around them.
2. missing relationships in life are the ones that is felt between the two.
3. physical relationships are given 'just to retain' the relationship
4. relationships are established between two human beings for gratification of their needs and wants of body and mind, known or not known to them consciously or subconsciously
5. need of the body is basic for survival and the need can make the organism to adapt to any extent with the other person
6. girls who have not got good fathers land up with older men seeing their dream 'fathers' in them.
7. such relationships are nature driven, not learnt, not acceptable to the society and social systems
8. less adaptability between older spouses can make the other person to go for the missing relationship outside the marriage or family social system, which again is nature driven and not acceptable to the society here.
9. older men adapt better and yield more to retain the younger and youthful opposite sex.
10. the love depicted in indian movies are infatuation and not the love that can lead to life long relationships (provided the 'body' motivated relationship does not mature to 'behaviour' based relationship)
though i can keep typing on this issue, i think it is enough here. More later.
peacefully yours
rams-psychologist and sociologist
it is an age old question which every one asks....other day i received this question...'why old men are attracted towards younger girls or women?'
the answer is...
nature has produced all living beings (why only human beings) for eating, reproduction, protecting against dangers...all basic instincts and behaviours are out of these...any behaviour emanating towards achieving these are 'natural behaviours' (not learnt behaviours)
also nature wants 1. no two living organisms to be the same (theory of variation - Charles Darwin) 2. healthy off springs.
Nature knows that only younger women / girls can produce healthy off springs...so, every one gets attracted to younger girls / women...whether boys or middle aged men or old men...unfortunately nature believes or created older men also capable of creating healthy off springs!
no one gets attracted towards old women for reproduction...or get infatuated with older women...
no movie heroine is a older women...all heroines are between 15 to 25 years of age...rarely into thirties, but looking young and youthful (so, all our movies are about infatuation and not about love the way they depict!).
so, older men also get attracted towards younger girls / women...
Is it right?
Nature has not produced anything as right or wrong...so, as per nature it is right.
But we have created social systems. Nature has not created these. Each and every social system has its rules and regulations. Roles and statuses for the members in the social system. So, the indian society does not accept it. At the same time indian girls from weaker economic sections get married to rich older men with the approval of society.
Why it does not accept it?...because the social system called family is created to support each other for life long. The old man will die soon and the girl will be left alone for life (not considering remarriages or divorces...looking at the issue straight!).
All social systems like marriage, family etc are accepted ones. Statuses like father, mother etc are accepted and well defined ones. But love, lovers, extramarital affairs, older men loving younger women or younger men loving older women are not defined in our social systems and therefore there are no roles and statuses defined. So, they are not accepted by the society openly.
Also every human being is attracted towards the other human being, irrespective of age, for their wants and needs. They always establish the 'missing relationships' and needs of their life. So, a girl can see a man as father, brother, friend, mentor, guide, adviser, guru, soul mate, lover and what not!...similarly the man also can look at the younger girl / women as sister, daughter, friend, lover, soul mate etc. Either of them can give physical relationship to the other just to retain the relationship or 'after all he / she wants it. Let him / her take. I don't mind. My needs are different!'...So, most of the time the girls miss their parents and establish a parental relationship with older men. Some of the older men too, who miss their daughters, establish such a relationship.
It is also true that the older men, as they are experienced on earth with respect to all sorts of relationships, matured in life events, adapted to their wife and children, are capable of understanding and adapting to younger women / girls easily...so, the girls see a good mentor / friend in him. Especially the girls of today having more of 'achievement motive' look for good guides, mentors, friends, soul mate than a lover in older men.
Also, if you have noticed between spouses, the adaptability is better during their early stages and younger ages of life. The reason is they don't want to lose the other person who is meeting their needs well (this takes place naturally and sub consciously). Nature ensures this for 1. reproduction to go on well 2. the off springs are groomed well with love and affection. The older they become, the lesser the adaptability (they fight, get frustrated with each other...many who have felt 'ultimate love or 'he is my ultimate lover!' feeling, have landed up in this situation, may be with in about 5 years of togetherness!!).
Also acceptability or right or wrong etc depends on the two people involved and th society. There are societies which accept or just don't care or mind such relationships.
There are many who also feel that 'how long we live together in relationship' does not matter...i.e the duration of the relationship... the valuable times spent together, success in life etc matter more...but certainly indian society is not meant for such relationships. So, may be they have to escape to some other part of the world to retain the relationships.
so, the crux is...
1. right or wrong depends on the two and society around them.
2. missing relationships in life are the ones that is felt between the two.
3. physical relationships are given 'just to retain' the relationship
4. relationships are established between two human beings for gratification of their needs and wants of body and mind, known or not known to them consciously or subconsciously
5. need of the body is basic for survival and the need can make the organism to adapt to any extent with the other person
6. girls who have not got good fathers land up with older men seeing their dream 'fathers' in them.
7. such relationships are nature driven, not learnt, not acceptable to the society and social systems
8. less adaptability between older spouses can make the other person to go for the missing relationship outside the marriage or family social system, which again is nature driven and not acceptable to the society here.
9. older men adapt better and yield more to retain the younger and youthful opposite sex.
10. the love depicted in indian movies are infatuation and not the love that can lead to life long relationships (provided the 'body' motivated relationship does not mature to 'behaviour' based relationship)
though i can keep typing on this issue, i think it is enough here. More later.
peacefully yours
rams-psychologist and sociologist
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