'Sir, i like a girl. I think i am in love with her. How to make her to love me?

Dear all....IMPORTANT FOR ALL SCHOOL AND COLLEGE STUDENTS (AND FOR INQUISITIVE PARENTS!!)....ha.haa.haa...one question, one answer....

Qn. Sir, i like a girl. I think i am in love with her. How to make her to love me?

Ans. Love means 'to care'. Anything other than this is not love. We can coin new words like 'Emotional Business' etc for all remaining behaviours or emotions.

Love comes naturally. It can not be forced. I.e Caring for a person comes naturally when we are really in love with that person. We don't have to think 'how to make her love me?'....or 'How to madakkufy that girl?'...'How to Linepottufy that girl?'....etc. If you are required to think in these lines then you are not loving that girl.

If 'caring' does not come naturally with that person then you are not in love with that person!!

Ask yourself the question 'what do i need from her?....'what are my expectations from her?'...'what i want from her?....If you have something to write as answer for these questions, then you are not in love with her!!...If your list is long then certainly you can not have even a good friendship with that person. It is damn sure that this relationship will not last long. Smaller the list, longer will be the friendship. If the list is zero, then this relationship will remain alive till death!!...If the list of both the people is zero then it is the perfect love , eternal love, divine love and ideal love!!....If the list of one is zero and the other is long, then the person with zero list will enjoy divine love and the person with long list will enjoy only 'pleasure' out of the lust and will get saturated one day and there will be no more pleasure. This person can never get happiness or feeling of love from that person.

Love blooms from within when your mind says 'I like this person for what he/she is!!...NOTHING more than this!!'...'I care for this person...i love this person...i don't need anything from this person...i only feel liking giving my love and affection, care etc for this person...i feel like giving everything of mine for this person...i don't expect anything from this person!' with this feeling you will get peace, happiness, a blessed feeling, cool, calm, divine feeling, whenever you think about this person...when ever you hear this person...when ever you read this person!!...you will never get angry with this person...you will never get upset...you will never get frustrated...You can never hate this person...you can never think about harming this person....you will always perceive only peace, happiness, contentment and a feeling of bliss!!

so...the crux is...

1. Love means caring.

2. Love comes naturally. Caring comes naturally, when you love a person from within in reality.

3. You need not force or compel or act yourself to love a person. If you are required to do all these then you are not in love. You are only in Lust or some 'emotional business'. This relationship will not last long. You can not get peace, happiness, good health and contentment in this relationship.

4. If you are natural, if you are a normal and good human being the way nature has created you, then...not just that one girl, not all girls and boys, all human beings will love you!...If you are this, then naturally you will arouse them!!

5. When you love a person, you can not un-love or harm that person. If you think of harming or able to un-love then you were not in love. It was only a lust.

all the best...

Peacefully yours....rams!!

'human' or 'religion'?

yes, when some one is obsessed with one of these religions, then they can't be human...but when some one is obsessed with 'human' then life is jingalalala...Following a religion is not a problem, but being religious is dangerous to self and humanity!!

what is personality?....lesson....1.....

Dear all...What is PERSONALITY?....Mostly misunderstood by us!!

Being good looking, attractive etc.?? A good personality is considered to be one who impresses other people and who
has the ability to get on well with others. Those who do not possess such ability are said to have relatively poor personality.

We generally go by the impression created by the person concerned. The ability to talk and interact with others pleasantly in addition to being good looking, would make others say that the person concerned has a good personality.

Persons who do not have good looks or not well dressed or do not interact adequately are considered to have poor personality!!

But scientifically this is not a true concept of personality.

Any attempt to define personality in terms of social attractiveness is inadequate because of two reasons...

1. First it limits the number and types of behaviour considered important and worthy for incorporation into the study of personality.

2. Second, such notion carries the absurd implication that some people who have unique abilities and temperament traits are devoid of having a personality.

more later.....rams!!

the best treatment for all issues in life with people!!

Dear all...there are many videos here which show that LOVE transforms a wild animal into a domestic animal which can again show only love to all the species!!...They forget their basic nature of finding their prey in the jungles and forests, chase them, kill and eat. Probably they can even get killed by another animal of lower species, because they don't know how to safeguard and save themselves...they can only love the threat-animal too!!...They will get scared of even the smallest species.

so...so....so....

1. Love is the best treatment that can turn anyone from wildness to lovely!!...There is no other treatment than this. But one needs to have patience...lots of patience...and should know how to show love naturally!!

2. Too much of love can make even the strongest person into a weakest person in front of life challenges and threats. This is what our mothers are doing in general.

3. A person born and groomed with only love and love can not hate and harm anyone. The individual can only show love and love and nothing but love. So, those who hate others suffer from starvation of love.

Peacefully yours....rams!!

We can make the elder siblings to PERCEIVE their brothers/sisters with correct relationship in their life through our grooming!!

yes, elder siblings who are groomed in a particular way treat their sisters/brothers as their own daughter/son...How they treat depends on the grooming by the parents...how they make the elder to 'perceive' the younger one...consciously or without any intentions...!!...Rams

Let us unlearn all the peace-killing, health-damaging, happiness-murdering, success-spoiling, life-poisoning things that we heave learnt so far...and stop learning such things from now-on!!

ha.haa.haaa...we will get real freedom from our own selves and others only when we come out of all these, or unlearn all these things which we learnt from our own people around!!...Rams!!

Never resist anything from Nature...Accept the destiny...Flow with it...Enjoy whatever happens...Be a good human being...It pays you!!

yes...accept people as they are and accept the destiny as it is...parents try to change the destiny of children...but Nature overtakes!!

IMPORTANT FOR ALL PARENTS AND CHILDREN...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND CHILDREN...All parents comment and shout at their children saying 'look at this creature!...No fears, no worries, no tension...about the exams, assignments, future etc!'...All wives also comment and shout at their husbands almost the same way...'oru kavalai irukkaa!!...Oru appaannu konjamaavathu poruppu irukkaa?...kavalai illaatha manushan!!...paiyan, ponnu padikkiraangalaa, avanga yenna panraanga...yethaachhum oru akkarai irukkaa!!' ('Hmmm...look at this man...he just comes, eats, sleeps and goes...not at all bothered about what the children are doing at home or school!!...I only have to take all the tensions!!')

Our culture defines RESPONSIBILITY as worrying about unknown future, remaining tensed, being anxiety struck always, forcing others to do those things which we think are right, second-by-second monitoring, comparing with others...

It also includes coming back home early from office, sitting with children, seeing their homework, making them to do, seeing what they have learnt at school, the remarks of the teachers, assuming that the child does not know anything and teaching every thing at home like a teacher, cover-to-cover of the book, going to bed late, getting up early, forcing the children also to get up early, again sitting with them till leaving office. If a husband does all these including leaving the children at tuitions, buying books, taking them to the right tuitions etc then he is branded as a responsible father!!

The result is they remain anxiety struck for about 20 years from the age of 5 of child to about 25!...They put everyone around in tension all the time...remain frustrated...keep shouting at all around...make their life miserable!!...Get diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, cardio vascular diseases, the wife and husband break-up on many strings of relationships in life between them!!

All of us have done this. This might lead to a good end product. But this may not lead to a PROCESS that is enjoyable for both the parents and children. So, therefore it is not a correct process.

In this case WE GO TO THE CHILDREN. They remain lame. We don't allow them to grow. We motivate. But it does not last long.
UNLESS THE CHILDREN THEMSELVES GET MOTIVATED AND INSPIRED FROM WITHIN!!...Instead of doing all the above IF WE START DOING THINGS WHICH INTEREST THE CHILDREN, MAKE THEM COME TOWARDS US, DO WHAT EVER WE DO, AND IF WE TEACH THEM WHAT IT IS, HOW TO DO ETC WITH INVOLVEMENT AND INTEREST, THEN THE CHILDREN GET INSPIRED FROM WITHIN AND THIS COOL FIRE, CONSTRUCTIVE FIRE, BURNS LIFE LONG AND HERE...

there is no anxiety...
there is no shouting...
there are no waking up calls and headaches...
no tension of giving bath, dressing up, getting the bag ready and throwing in the auto or cab
there is no tension of unknown future, exams, assignments, projects
there is no tension of which school/college, which course etc

everything happens slow, continuous, smooth, steady, in auto...

children get up first
they wake up the parents
they study on their own
they come to parents asking doubts, clarifications, guidance etc
parents only inspire by doing themselves what they expect their children to do...exercise, studies, performing art forms...this is what existed in traditional families...parents did...children also followed them. There was no forcing. The process was a fun, enjoyed by all.

It starts from the age of 2 yrs for children. WHATEVER WE DO, CHILDREN ALSO DO. While doing these we can teach Science, maths, history, geography, Nature, philosophy, spirituality, decision making skills in life situations, carving our own destiny etc as a fun...as a game......children will like this and feel 'MY PARENTS ARE THE ULTIMATE PEOPLE FOR ME ON EARTH WITH WHOM I CAN DISCUSS ANYTHING WITHOUT ANY INHIBITIONS. THEY WILL ALWAYS MAKE ME THINK AND TAKE MY OWN DECISIONS AND PAVE MY LIFE PATH!'...which is the correct social climate that we have to form at home. Then house becomes home. Home becomes heaven. Life becomes beautiful. Grooming becomes a fun!!

Haa..haa..haa...every one says i am a man without any worries. My wife also says 'He has no worries. He does not ask the children what they do. They study on their own!'.

But the truth is i have made them to study on their own.Created the right social climate as described above. Inspired them by doing things myself. Walks, runs, yoga, getting up early, studying about things which interest the children e.g about aircraft, space vehicles, universe, nature, science subjects, robotics, researching human behaviours...taking them to all places where these things are researched...preparing for exams and writing exams myself at this age...the result is, they study on their own...get up on their own...seek only suggestions and guidance where they are struck...

EVERY CHILD PICKS UP HIS OR HER ROLE MODEL (MODELLING BEHAVIOUR) DURING EARLY TEENS. This is visible when the paste posters of their role models on the walls. They talk about them all the time. They keep seeing, admiring them and do whatever their role models do. WHY NOT THE PARENTS BE THE ROLE MODELS...IF NOT COMPLETELY, AT LEAST IN THE CORE THINGS OF LIFE!!...AND INTRODUCE THE CHILDREN TO THE RIGHT ROLE MODELS IN LIFE WHO CAN INSPIRE THEM!!

It may not be possible for all the parents to all these...but can do at least those which can make them live healthy like getting up early, walking, exercising etc.

So, let us not force or compel or direct or rule!

Let us ONLY MOTIVATE, ENCOURAGE AND INSPIRE!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

a joke....

Dear all...a dinner table talk...

The guy next to me was talking a lot about the frustrations of life, marriage, home, family etc during dinner with his friend who was sitting on the opposite side. I was quietly listening to it....Finally he took a loooong breathe and said 'How every one correctly gets married to the wrong person sir?'...I broke my silence and said 'Because no one knows that the neighbour is the right person!'

Every one nicely laughed!!

rams

What will be the biggest challenge to the children of future??

Dear all...

We all come across MOTHERS' DAY....FATHERS' DAY....

Mother, father, brother, sister etc are relationships....not people!!...These are social statuses with associated roles and responsibilities. We all have a perception about these roles and responsibilities with the associated relationships. We all have some feelings, beliefs, opinions about these relationships, roles or responsibilities.

When we experience these from any person, then we associate that relationship to that person. It is not in that person. It is in our perception. We only perceive the relationship, roles and responsibilities with that person. That other person has very less role to play. We associate the relationship that we miss in our lives with that person.

Can a mother be replaced by a father?....Can a father be replaced by a mother?....Not completely.

Also when a person experiences love and affection from a man, can he or she relate it to a Motherly love?...Same way, when a person experiences love and affection from a girl, can he or she relate it to a father's love??....Hmmmm...probably NO!

Now that all the girls and boys are getting good education, have ambitions, passions etc, will get employed at different places all over the country and world. Then, is there any possibility of both living together during the life phase of the child when it requires the love and affection of both father and mother?

As single parent families are prominently visible in future, with mostly mother being that single parent, will most of the children of future miss fatherly love from the real biological father?...Will they search for fatherly love outside the family?...Will such children be COMPLETE in growth with respect to developmental tasks related to each stage of life?

Is it necessary that a child should get both fatherly and motherly love to grow correctly and properly?...Yes!!

So, it is clear that the children will have a challenge in their life and look for either fatherly love or motherly love or both outside the family!!

What will be the outcome of this in the structure or concept of family and relationships??

Let us wait and watch!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

who is a MOTHER?

Dear all...

Today is Mothers' Day...

And there has always been lots of posts related to mothers shared on facebook...'my mom is the best!' (comparative)....'Every one gets the best mom suited to that individual!'...'mothers love is the best love!'....the list is real long!!

Who is a Mother?...Does the word refer to the Individual?

If it refers to the individual then all mothers are the best, great human beings, noble...they should have groomed the best noble children...they should have created high morals at home percolating outside to the society, community, organisations, villages-towns-cities-countries....and therefore all homes, villages, towns, cities and countries must be peaceful, happy, healthy and contented with every human being tending to self-transcend....the earth should have become a heaven!!...Is it the case??...

If mother as an individual and human being is THE BEST HUMAN BEING ON EARTH then she should have been good mother-in-law too!!...Is there peace in any home?...Is there peace among close relatives??

Then how can we say all those good and great things about our mothers????

So, actually when we say MOTHER, we actually refer to the RELATIONSHIP between the two people...THE LADY and her CHILD.

We only refer to the PERSONALITY TRAITS of the individual exhibited when that person RELATES TO ANOTHER PERSON on earth.

So, it need not only refer to the person who has conceived the embryo, grown it inside her womb, delivered and groomed it to become an adult. This is one part which is certainly Godly, thankless and Nature has not given it to the other sex. We only have referred the word mother to GIRLS!!...But it can also refer to ANY PERSON WHO SHOWS THE CARING, SELF-LESS, SEXLESS, UNCONDITIONAL, GROOMING, LIBERATING BACK BONE OF LOVE AND AFFECTION to one or many people. We call it as MOTHERLY LOVE.

There are many men who grow and groom their children as Independent single parents. Of course, they have not conceived and delivered. But can we say all girls who JUST deliver a child and thereafter ABANDON THEM as MOTHERS???....who deliver but groom them as terrorists or robbers or smugglers or rapists as mother??....So, GROWING and GROOMING also play equal roles.

So...so...so...MOTHER is a ROLE, A CLUSTER OF PERSONALITY TRAITS, THE RELATIONSHIP AND RELATED ATTRIBUTES WE PERCEIVE, A FEELING, A SENSE OF SECURITY, LOVE AND AFFECTION....IT IS NOT A SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL...IT IS NOT ONLY A GIRL...

So, HAPPY MOTHERS' day to all those who show motherly love to their offspring, children of others and other fellow human beings!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

let us spread this virus to all!!

Dear all...
Every one wants peace...

every one wants good health...

every one wants love...

every one wants...happiness...

everyone wants success...

every one wants to be contented...

and all these are contagious...

so let us have these and spread these to allllllllllllllllllllllll!!

Mothers are the right people to spread this 'Happee-virus' to all on earth fast.............

so..so...so...spreadddddddddddd....

rams

if mothers are good and noble human beings to all, if they are happy, healthy, peaceful, contented and self-transcending then the entire earth will be a heaven!!

I wish all the Mothers on Earth first love them, take care of them, in all aspects, by eating in time, sleeping in time, doing their hygiene chores in time, being happy always, being healthy always, being peaceful always, being contented always and being in the path of self actualization and self-transcending....so that they give rise to a happy home, happy family, good children and good human beings on earth as good role models!...HAPPEEEEE MOTHERS' DAY!!......Rams!!

a simple thing in life....

Dear all...

In a world,
in a country,
in a city, 
in a home...
EVERY ONE IS DIFFERENT...
WE ARE DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS...
THE DEFINITION OF LIFE, LIVING AND BELIEF SYSTEMS of every one is DIFFERENT...
EVERY ONE'S LIFE AND DESTINY IS DIFFERENT...
IF WE ACCEPT THIS, UNDERSTAND THIS,
then we accept every one as they are and destiny as it is...
LIFE BECOMES BEAUTIFUL...
MIND BECOMES PEACEFUL, HAPPY, HEALTHY AND CONTENTED...
AND LIFE BECOMES SUCCESSFUL...

If we are NOTTTTTTTTTTTT then life and home become hell!!...Every one becomes the biggest pain!!...We lose peace, happiness, physical health, mental health, relationships, people and fail in life miserably in all dimensions, at all places, at all times!!

Peacefully yours...rams .....health psychologist!!

How to create the best, long lasting and right images about us in the minds of others...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN...every one is interested in creating an image about them in the mind of others...a good image...1. to attract the attention of others...to get their attention...to make others give them importance of attention, listening, importance etc...to make others accept them as their friends in social groups.....2. for a 'feeling of acceptance'!

Why?...because these are initial steps of socialisation!...Human beings being social animals can not live with out interacting with others for a healthy mind.

During adolescence it happens naturally through the aging process by Nature. They make hundreds and thousands of contacts, acquaintances, friendships etc. And it continues throughout life at all ages at home, in organisations, amidst friends, relatives and in other social set ups!!

So, every one tries to attract the attention, importance and listening of others towards him/her for a feeling of acceptance for good mental health and living.

Adolescents being powerless, without money, wealth, job, fame etc resort to possessing valuable and trendy or fashionable stuff like clothes, costly accessories on body, latest mobiles, good appearance etc (exercise, make-overs etc). While they talk they talk about the foreign countries they visited, adventures they have done etc to make their friends say 'Whavvvvvvv...what a lucky guy you are!' 'You are rich man!' 'your girl friend is soo beautiful!' etc.

This need continues throughout life...identities like best college, best course, best job, abroad trips, MNC, high salary etc during early 20s....Jobs that give power, fame, security (e.g IAS, MNC), owning palatial house, high end car, admitting children in costly and best schools during late 20s and thirties....becoming member of Lions club, Rotary club etc in Middle age and bearing a saint look etc in old age. The journey of 'impressing' 'image creation' for feeling of acceptance goes on!!

All the methods of creating an identity or image will not live for a long time. They are temporary and the image or feeling of acceptance we get are all temporary. Fake!!...The relationships and people we get in life through this also are temporary.

Image formation and feeling of acceptance we get using ......

1. knowledge, experience, wisdom, giving these both at free of cost (true service) to others without discrimination....

2. good, positive, cheerful, adorable, pleasing, calm, cool, noble personality traits attract others towards us for a permanent relationship...and such relationships will remain forever, make good, strong and life long relationships which will further strengthen your personality, relationships, fame, authority etc.

So, parents should stop gaining image, impressions, power, fame, feeling of acceptance etc through costly stuff, wealth, money, memberships etc and use the above two methods, so that children also will follow them and will not make hollow relationships, hollow peace, hollow happiness, hollow image, hollow mental and social health, hollow life and finally land up with Depression and start learning about life at the fag end of life!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Health Psychologist!!