'Sir, my lover cheated me and suddenly went out of the relationship, and married some one else!...I want him to die tragically!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Qn: 'Sir, my lover cheated me and suddenly went out of the relationship, and married someone else!...I want him to die tragically!...I want to do something to him!'

Ans: Cheating is only our perception. There is nothing known as cheating. Because

"EVERY ONE CREATES HIS OR HER OWN DESTINY"

Some say our destiny comes with us when we are born. It is already pre decided. Whatever our ancestors did will also have effect on our destiny. This may be right or wrong. It is debatable and no one either prove or disprove. But certainly this belief will put us lazy and not trying for best things in life.

But the above philosophy, "EVERY ONE CREATES HIS OR HER OWN DESTINY", helps us to be hardworking, to be good human beings, to be ethical, legal, to be focussed on doing good for self, others and the environment. In most cases it is seen becoming true also.

Doing any harm or negative or bad to the other person will only affect our future life, as either he or she will harm us back or we might end up in a crime and get punished legally. It is a waste of time and energy. Waste of a significant part of useful life time of this small life.

Instead, if we learn the lesson of life out of it and move ahead with something positive in life then we will improve, bring happiness and peace in our life.

The other person will be looked after by his/her own deeds. We will or will not come to know their suffering. We will not be able to quantify and identify their suffering that is relevant to the misdeed they did to us.

Life is a journey. We all move on in it. We keep meeting people. We come across many challenges in all forms. If we have good, positive, ethical and correct intentions behind every thought and action of ours, then we are creating what we deserve. We are creating our own destiny. We will get what we deserve to remain peaceful, happy and healthy (physically, mentally and socially). We may not get what we want.

So, don't try to punish your father, mother, sister, brother, friend, lover, husband or wife or anyone who has cheated you or you perceive a cheating by them. Revenge is a negative thought, emotion and action. It is not a positive one. If it gives a feeling of goodness, then it will be only temporary and can harm us later. Also, it is a negative-pleasure, which is not good for our mental well-being. Those who cheat are creating their own destiny by their deeds. Their suffering out of their misdeeds is theirs. Their body is theirs and the pain in that is theirs. Their mind belongs to them and the suffering inside is with them. They only have to face the pain, agony, wrath and sadness. You continue to be good with them and every one. If you find them to be harmful to you, then leave the relationship. Be independent and don't depend on anyone for anything.

So, the crux is....EVERYONE CREATES HIS OR HER OWN DESTINY. SO, THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS CHEATING. NO ONE CHEATS ANY ONE. EVERY ONE SUFFERS PAIN IN THEIR BODY OR MIND DUE TO THEIR OWN MISDEEDS. SO, WE NEED NOT PUNISH THEM AND LAND UP IN LEGAL ACTION AGAINST US OR END UP IN LOSS OF TIME, ENERGY, PEACE AND HEALTH. JUST BE POSITIVE AND MOVE AHEAD IN LIFE!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Your needs from others is your weakness where others exploit you!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY FOR MARRIED AND LOVERS...most importantly for the ADOLESCENTS…

We often feel that we are cheated. We are taken granted for or used and thrown away by others. We feel that the other person has used all sweet words, fake love and used a honey-trap to make us fall and exploited our body and mind; Our wealth and money. We feel that our strong trust and faith has been totally shattered and disrespected. We feel the heavens falling. We feel devastated. We feel heart-broken. We feel as if we have lost everything and there is nothing more to lose in life. All these are very personal issues that people are unable to speak out to even the closest people and cry and die inside. This traumatic emotional experience seriously affects the mind, development, personality and various other dimensions of an individual, especially for adolescents and children.

It is sad to see that such an experience comes at an young age of teens these days and everyone experiences at least one emotional break-up, in reality or perceived, before finishing their teens.

Why it happens?...How to avoid?...How to handle?

WHEN WE HAVE ANY NEED FROM ANOTHER PERSON, THEN WE BECOME WEAK. THE VULNERABILITY DEPENDS UPON THE LEVEL OF THE NEED. WE ARE SURE TO EXPERIENCE DISAPPOINTMENTS, LOSS OF TRUST, BREACH OF FAITH, CHEATED, USED UP AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED!!

The need could be financial, social, emotional, physical, mental, security etc. Many say that they believed the other person so much and the other person said and did sooo many things and unbelievably that person ditched suddenly. It is often said that ‘men give love for body and women give body for love’. We have hoppers and cheaters in both sexes. Unconditional love comes easily to women, but not for men. There is no point in blaming others for our own approaches of our own needs.

OUR NEED IS OUR WEAKNESS WHICH IS EXPLOITED BY THOSE WHO LOOK FOR SUCH SOFT TARGETS. THE EXPLOITATION COULD BE TO ANY LEVEL.

So, in this uncertain world full of unknown people with beautiful, good-boy masks, sugar coated honey words and innocent faces it is very dangerous to believe any one for our life long or short term needs. There are many personality disorder people who do not know that they have an issue and trap innocent girls.

What is the way out?

1.    *    Parents should learn, know, follow, practice and teach importance of unconditional love to children. Boys and girls should socialise from very young age itself to understand masculinity and feminism better.

2.       Parents should learn, know, practice and teach importance of human beings in life, the value of life long relationships so that the children do not develop short term, need based relationships. They just do not value human beings for what they have and what they can give to them. Instead, they should value human beings for who they are and what they are and develop lifelong strong relationships beyond the need fulfillment.

3.       Vedic life, of good night sleep from 10 to 5, early morning cold water bath, yoga, meditation, healthy balanced food with less spices and oil is important to keep body and mind stable and calm without higher need states. Food plays an important role in our body needs. Most of the relationships by men are for body needs. Body needs have no shame and consciousness of status, age, etc and can make anyone the weakest and get trapped. Body needs rule the brain and mind.

4.       Parents should know that pampering is not parenting, but to make the children employable to make their own money and wealth and not depend upon the other personis what is right parenting. Financial independency is a must.

5.       The life style from childhood should be to improve the spiritual quotient and emotional quotient, especially to girls, that they are emotionally strong with strong spiritual quotient (ability to keep the mind stable, calm and cool under any stressful situation in life) so that they don’t approach men for their emotional needs. The beginning of their approach to men for emotional needs is the start of their destruction. The more a girl is emotionally weak, the weakest she becomes, the easy soft target for men she becomes, and she is sure to get used up in the present 'use and throw' fast life style where no one has time, energy and patience to do maintenance and repairs in relationships!...Sadly, girls fall easily for praises, comforting and caring words, compromises and sacrifices of few instances. Men have more endurance and resilience to wait for their prey. It is not only with human beings, but those who have observed the animal world keenly will know that it is the natural trait of all male living organisms. They do all gimmicks to attract the female organisms for their needs. The more needy, the weakest, becomes the first and easy prey. 

Sadly, the recent past culture of ‘dependency between a man and a women for each other’s needs make them to develop a good bonding, relationship and happy family…even if they fight, they will compromise and join together to get their needs fulfilled from the other person’ is wrong because…1. Basically no human being can be kept or made purposely weak for the sake of dependency and living with the anxiety and fear of non-fulfilment of needs and wants..…this is not a healthy condition of the mind. Fear and anxiety is not good for a healthy mind. This is not the correct development of any human bein This is only incomplete development of a human being. Vedhas never say ‘curtail the development of a person to be dependent on others for needs’…vedhas can never say keep a human being always deficient to look for meeting the deficiency from others. In the past women were kept uneducated and unemployable to keep them weak and dependent on men so that they will have no other way other than to exist or survive with the man who had all independency to do whatever he wanted to do, and it was said that ‘all men are like that and women have to adjust with them!’. All compromises and sacrifices were expected out of only women and they had no other way to adjust ,with social taboo on her neck and multilayer security around her always. Similarly, men were not taught cooking, housekeeping, etc so that he is dependent on a woman for his body needs and a clean house. In an eat, work, entertain, reproduce and sleep culture the needs and weaknesses of both women and men are obvious.

The correct philosophy is to allow a human being to develop completely to be independent in all aspects, understand and appreciate the human beings of opposite sex (feminity or masculinity), live with the other person giving and taking unconditional love, meaning ‘care for the body, mind, relationships and support for the development to full potential, to fulfil the dreams, passion, goals, etc unconditionally’. Between two people each one should feel for the other this way, ‘I just love this person for who he is and what he is. Not for what he can give to me. God cannot come and live with me. Instead, god has sent this person to me who is an ideal human being who lives and makes relationship with me beyond his needs and wants without any expectations for himself. He is an ideal husband and an ideal father!!’. The man also should feel the same with his woman. In this, one lives for the other beyond the needs and wants of the self, and one cannot cheat the other, there are no expectations and so no fights, there is a better understanding as they are fully and completely developed in all spheres of a human being and human life, as their love is beyond the typical need fulfillment based love and they keep their body and mind stable with correct ideal life style where the body needs are subtle and mind needs (sixth sense of inquisitiveness to know the nature and things in nature) rule the life, unlike in the present and the recent past life style where needs of the body (tasty food, pleasure liquids and gases, reproductive needs) rule the everyday living, life and relationships!!

Here two strong people live together and not two weak people who are dependent on each other with anxiety and stress if their needs will get fulfilled or not and showing up all false, acted and manipulated behaviours to attract the other person for satiation of needs and fighting and get frustrated if the other person is not able to fulfil the needs.

So, the crux is…

1.       Be independent and strong in all aspects of a human being and needs.

2.       Don’t depend upon others for your needs. It is your weakness and you are most likely to be cheated or you will perceive  a sense of used-up, ditched, heart broken, trust lost, unfaithful etc.

3.       Practice unconditional love and teach your lover and spouse also the same explaining the importance and usefulness of this kind of divine love for life long, peaceful, unique and unseen relationship, to be role models for the children to learn and make their future true and ideal human relationships.

The above may be an ideal thing, but knowing the correct thing, moving closer towards that should be the goal, rather than not knowing where to reach and how to go and living a messed up life and feeling ‘this is how it is and there is no other better way!’!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

'sir, i am burnt out...i want retirement...i want to enjoy the life!!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

When we do something which we don't like and not interested, just for the sake of money, then it is called 'WORK'. This is stressful, can't perform the best, we will not get any rewards, promotion, we will sense a 'feeling of rejection', boredom, we will lose the job, depression etc. Then we look for RETIREMENT and spend rest of about 20 to 40 years of life at home criticising everyone, govt, society, world and everything.

When we do something which we like and are interested in doing it, but expecting RETURNS, then also it becomes stressful, 'feeling of rejection', frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment etc.

But when we do something which we like doing, we are interested, if demand for this will always be there or we can change our interests around this as demands change over the years, if it gives us livelihood, and we have kept all the processes to ensure that we get our due also, then THERE IS NO RETIREMENT...THERE IS NO BOREDOM...THERE IS NO STRESS...THERE ARE NO ANXIOUS MOMENTS...THERE ARE NO DAYS OF 'NO INCOME'...WE WILL ALWAYS BE CREATIVE...WE WILL GET 'FEELING OF ACCEPTANCE'...WE WILL GET APPRECIATION FOR OUR WORK...WE WILL BE

REWARDED ALWAYS...WE WILL GET PROMOTION AND ALL THAT WE DESERVE...ENTIRE LIFE WILL BE FILLED WITH FUN, PROSPERITY, JOY AND GOOD HEALTH.

So, let us follow this new style of living...not the traditional old stressful, disease and disorder giving style which our recent generation lived!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, i want the BEST WIFE in the world...how can i get her?'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL BOYS WHO WANT 'BEST WIFE'....

A 'Best Wife' wants the 'Best Husband' and 'Best Role Model Father'!!

Marriage, is a social status that has its social roles, duties, responsibilities, than the 'glam' you are thinking about or the needs you are looking at from the wife!! All these duties and responsibilities of the roles will take away your maximum time and energy. You will enjoy all these if you want all these in your life. You will be stressed to the max, if you don't want all these responsibilities and only looking for the pleasures in marriage only or family living too!!

So, BEST WIFE means you need to be RESPONSIBLE.

The first step in this is BEING EMPLOYABLE!!

There are more than several thousands of trillions of living organisms on this earth. All of them live independently after they become adult. None of them depend on their parents. Of course, the parent animals train their off-springs to find their food and protect themselves from the threats. They don't pamper their children. They don't use their children for their emotional needs. They don't depend upon their children for any support during old age. There are infinite number of plants and trees on earth. Not one plant is dependent upon it's parents. It finds it's drop of water, energy, makes it's own food from sunlight and makes it's life a History. No plant teaches the baby plant anything.

Of course, human life is not as simple as animal or plant life. That is why we get 20 long years to learn from the parents, society, schools and colleges to become EMPLOYABLE and INDEPENDENT. To become capable of creating our own family and life.

Your grandparents lived when everything was in abundance for the small population and in a country which had only towns. Your parents lived with everything FREE in a welfare oriented economy and government. You and your future generations are going to live in a densely populated world with scarce resources and in a capitalist economy where you have to pay a huge sum for everything, including air, water, food, energy, any land or air space and shelter.

Today, one needs at least 20,000/- per month to get the basic needs and live. A girl in life means another 10,000/- for the common expenditures. A baby means another 5000/-. Therefore, a single respectable living with pride after 20 years of age requires at least 20,000/- and making a family means 35,000/-.
Every knowledge and skill set becomes obsolete and you become NON-EMPLOYABLE over night. So, gone are the days when your father just obtained a bachelor degree, joined a govt job, just went to office from 9 to 5 to earn monthly salary to live his family life. This is not possible now and in future. Also, during olden days the parents just delivered kids, they grew up eating and playing, got married, did some job or lived on parental property or income and somehow finished their life. Child rearing is not simple to make them FUTURE-READY. So, one needs to be much more than the GOOD FATHER of yester-years.
So, the definition of HUSBAND, FATHER, FAMILY, CHILD REARING are all changed and have become much more tougher in a nuclear or single parent family, with requirement of more money, time, energy, dedication, focus and, attention. Otherwise, you will end up having life long pain in the form of children.

All those who fall in love during their teens and get married, before becoming employable are likely to suffer throughout their life!!

So, IF YOU WANT THE BEST WIFE then BE EMPLOYABLE FOR ENTIRE LIFE WITH POTENTIAL FOR LIFE LONG LEARNING, UPSKILLING AND RE-SKILLING, BE AN INDEPENDENT and A ROLE MODEL HUSBAND AND FATHER OF NEXT CENTURY!!...Use your 20 years effectively for this. Don't blame parents. You be responsible. All those who achieved in life are SELF RESPONSIBLE.

Parents want their son to find his job and live his life independently. Teachers want their students to be good human beings, come up in life so that they can feel proud of their students. All girls who want to make a family want a boy as i described earlier.

So, if you want to make your parents happy and make them feel proud of their son, if you want to make your teachers proud, if you want the best wife and live a happy, peaceful family life, there is no escape from being a person i described above.

So, PLAY, BUT DON'T BE PLAYFUL. Be RESPONSIBLE. Be EMPLOYABLE.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'Sir, I want to serve the Nation. Please tell me how to join the Armed forces?'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS (AND PARENTS-FOR INFO)....

Many students come to me saying 'Sir, I want to serve the Nation. Please tell me how to join the Armed forces?'

Truly speaking, every responsible citizen who looks after his own self by being employable, takes care of his own physical, mental and social well-being without banking on others, takes care of the default family and the family he has willingly created, takes care of his department and people in the organisation, takes care of his surroundings is doing a big service to the Nation!!

So, one need not join armed forces to serve for the Nation, and everyone who is responsible is the real patriot and serving the Nation in true sense!!

People in armed forces PROTECT THE NATION FROM THE ENEMY...If any responsible citizen is alert, he can see and find out many enemies within the country who work against the humanity and the nation, and by reporting to the authorities he or she can support the armed forces in protecting the country.

So, there are several, positive and responsible ways for every good and true citizen for serving, not only the Nation, but humanity also!!

Therefore, don't get disheartened if you are not able to join the armed forces!!

Peacefully yours....Rams!!

When there is no expectation of 'Feeling of Acceptance' then there is no scope for the 'Fear of Rejection'!!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Mostly, all of us, look for acceptance of ourselves by the others in the family, in whatsapp groups, amidst friends, in the class room etc...we are emotionally weak that we always want appreciation, words of encouragement, identity, image...our fear based culture also makes ourselves like this that we are emotionally weak...we want always to get noticed, appreciated, noted that we are different.....so we keep indulging in activities which are not natural...which are artificial...to impress others..it is stressful...mentally, physically and socially...

So, when we feel neglected, do not get the words of praise, then we don't get that feeling of acceptance...then we get a feeling of rejection...which makes us to get depressed, demotivated, dull, unhappy, sick etc.

If we are emotionally strong, if we can appreciate our work, our own-selves, if we keep ourselves confident, happy, if we are expanding every day, in a calculated and planned way, surpassing our own work every day...then we will not look for people to appreciate our work, our personality, our qualifications or our power or authority or fame etc...

so, if only we can over come that feeling of acceptance from every one around at every place, through our attachment to wisdom, nature, self analysis, self acceptance etc then we will never feel rejection from our loved ones....from our organisations...from our family members...from our whatsapp groups...etc etc...

then life becomes a celebration always....every moment...

we will not fight with anyone...

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist....

THIS IS FOR THOSE HIGH INTELLECT, HIGH CREATIVE, SOFTWARE ENGG STUDENTS...

Dear all...

Today the issue is people come into our lives and leave from our lives in no time...leaving a deep mark in our heart or mind or life...!!

Almost everyone dies and leaves from our lives permanently at some stage or the other!!

Let us create these people who vanished from our lives using virtual methods...Nothing is impossible and nothing is a limit when we have the power of Technology and Software in our hands!!

All the best...

Peacefully yours...Rams...Techno-Psychologist!!