'Your needs from others is your weakness where others exploit you!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...ESPECIALLY FOR MARRIED AND LOVERS...most importantly for the ADOLESCENTS…

We often feel that we are cheated. We are taken granted for or used and thrown away by others. We feel that the other person has used all sweet words, fake love and used a honey-trap to make us fall and exploited our body and mind; Our wealth and money. We feel that our strong trust and faith has been totally shattered and disrespected. We feel the heavens falling. We feel devastated. We feel heart-broken. We feel as if we have lost everything and there is nothing more to lose in life. All these are very personal issues that people are unable to speak out to even the closest people and cry and die inside. This traumatic emotional experience seriously affects the mind, development, personality and various other dimensions of an individual, especially for adolescents and children.

It is sad to see that such an experience comes at an young age of teens these days and everyone experiences at least one emotional break-up, in reality or perceived, before finishing their teens.

Why it happens?...How to avoid?...How to handle?

WHEN WE HAVE ANY NEED FROM ANOTHER PERSON, THEN WE BECOME WEAK. THE VULNERABILITY DEPENDS UPON THE LEVEL OF THE NEED. WE ARE SURE TO EXPERIENCE DISAPPOINTMENTS, LOSS OF TRUST, BREACH OF FAITH, CHEATED, USED UP AND TAKEN FOR GRANTED!!

The need could be financial, social, emotional, physical, mental, security etc. Many say that they believed the other person so much and the other person said and did sooo many things and unbelievably that person ditched suddenly. It is often said that ‘men give love for body and women give body for love’. We have hoppers and cheaters in both sexes. Unconditional love comes easily to women, but not for men. There is no point in blaming others for our own approaches of our own needs.

OUR NEED IS OUR WEAKNESS WHICH IS EXPLOITED BY THOSE WHO LOOK FOR SUCH SOFT TARGETS. THE EXPLOITATION COULD BE TO ANY LEVEL.

So, in this uncertain world full of unknown people with beautiful, good-boy masks, sugar coated honey words and innocent faces it is very dangerous to believe any one for our life long or short term needs. There are many personality disorder people who do not know that they have an issue and trap innocent girls.

What is the way out?

1.    *    Parents should learn, know, follow, practice and teach importance of unconditional love to children. Boys and girls should socialise from very young age itself to understand masculinity and feminism better.

2.       Parents should learn, know, practice and teach importance of human beings in life, the value of life long relationships so that the children do not develop short term, need based relationships. They just do not value human beings for what they have and what they can give to them. Instead, they should value human beings for who they are and what they are and develop lifelong strong relationships beyond the need fulfillment.

3.       Vedic life, of good night sleep from 10 to 5, early morning cold water bath, yoga, meditation, healthy balanced food with less spices and oil is important to keep body and mind stable and calm without higher need states. Food plays an important role in our body needs. Most of the relationships by men are for body needs. Body needs have no shame and consciousness of status, age, etc and can make anyone the weakest and get trapped. Body needs rule the brain and mind.

4.       Parents should know that pampering is not parenting, but to make the children employable to make their own money and wealth and not depend upon the other personis what is right parenting. Financial independency is a must.

5.       The life style from childhood should be to improve the spiritual quotient and emotional quotient, especially to girls, that they are emotionally strong with strong spiritual quotient (ability to keep the mind stable, calm and cool under any stressful situation in life) so that they don’t approach men for their emotional needs. The beginning of their approach to men for emotional needs is the start of their destruction. The more a girl is emotionally weak, the weakest she becomes, the easy soft target for men she becomes, and she is sure to get used up in the present 'use and throw' fast life style where no one has time, energy and patience to do maintenance and repairs in relationships!...Sadly, girls fall easily for praises, comforting and caring words, compromises and sacrifices of few instances. Men have more endurance and resilience to wait for their prey. It is not only with human beings, but those who have observed the animal world keenly will know that it is the natural trait of all male living organisms. They do all gimmicks to attract the female organisms for their needs. The more needy, the weakest, becomes the first and easy prey. 

Sadly, the recent past culture of ‘dependency between a man and a women for each other’s needs make them to develop a good bonding, relationship and happy family…even if they fight, they will compromise and join together to get their needs fulfilled from the other person’ is wrong because…1. Basically no human being can be kept or made purposely weak for the sake of dependency and living with the anxiety and fear of non-fulfilment of needs and wants..…this is not a healthy condition of the mind. Fear and anxiety is not good for a healthy mind. This is not the correct development of any human bein This is only incomplete development of a human being. Vedhas never say ‘curtail the development of a person to be dependent on others for needs’…vedhas can never say keep a human being always deficient to look for meeting the deficiency from others. In the past women were kept uneducated and unemployable to keep them weak and dependent on men so that they will have no other way other than to exist or survive with the man who had all independency to do whatever he wanted to do, and it was said that ‘all men are like that and women have to adjust with them!’. All compromises and sacrifices were expected out of only women and they had no other way to adjust ,with social taboo on her neck and multilayer security around her always. Similarly, men were not taught cooking, housekeeping, etc so that he is dependent on a woman for his body needs and a clean house. In an eat, work, entertain, reproduce and sleep culture the needs and weaknesses of both women and men are obvious.

The correct philosophy is to allow a human being to develop completely to be independent in all aspects, understand and appreciate the human beings of opposite sex (feminity or masculinity), live with the other person giving and taking unconditional love, meaning ‘care for the body, mind, relationships and support for the development to full potential, to fulfil the dreams, passion, goals, etc unconditionally’. Between two people each one should feel for the other this way, ‘I just love this person for who he is and what he is. Not for what he can give to me. God cannot come and live with me. Instead, god has sent this person to me who is an ideal human being who lives and makes relationship with me beyond his needs and wants without any expectations for himself. He is an ideal husband and an ideal father!!’. The man also should feel the same with his woman. In this, one lives for the other beyond the needs and wants of the self, and one cannot cheat the other, there are no expectations and so no fights, there is a better understanding as they are fully and completely developed in all spheres of a human being and human life, as their love is beyond the typical need fulfillment based love and they keep their body and mind stable with correct ideal life style where the body needs are subtle and mind needs (sixth sense of inquisitiveness to know the nature and things in nature) rule the life, unlike in the present and the recent past life style where needs of the body (tasty food, pleasure liquids and gases, reproductive needs) rule the everyday living, life and relationships!!

Here two strong people live together and not two weak people who are dependent on each other with anxiety and stress if their needs will get fulfilled or not and showing up all false, acted and manipulated behaviours to attract the other person for satiation of needs and fighting and get frustrated if the other person is not able to fulfil the needs.

So, the crux is…

1.       Be independent and strong in all aspects of a human being and needs.

2.       Don’t depend upon others for your needs. It is your weakness and you are most likely to be cheated or you will perceive  a sense of used-up, ditched, heart broken, trust lost, unfaithful etc.

3.       Practice unconditional love and teach your lover and spouse also the same explaining the importance and usefulness of this kind of divine love for life long, peaceful, unique and unseen relationship, to be role models for the children to learn and make their future true and ideal human relationships.

The above may be an ideal thing, but knowing the correct thing, moving closer towards that should be the goal, rather than not knowing where to reach and how to go and living a messed up life and feeling ‘this is how it is and there is no other better way!’!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!