I have not understood this psychology!!!

hai all!

how are we?

i am unable to understand this psychology...i.e almost 1000 reads in just two months months!

every day so many of them read all over the world!

but not even one comment!!

this is really funny and making me to think!

really this psychology is not understood!

looks like i have to do a research on this subject to find out the answers!

anyway...many read...

rams

important post for students, professionals and those who are interested in robotics, humanoids, cognitive robotics and of course, psychology!

hai thorns and roses! how are we?

psychology, is a vast subject. No one can be a master of this subject. Every one just touches a drop of this ocean. I am just a crawling 'ungey' 'ungey' baby trying to grow and touch it.

so, what i share here is just an unimaginably small part of psychology.

Why psychology is as big as universe?

Because it is all about behaviours of human beings, the most complicated organism on earth!!!

why knowledge of psychology is important for every human being?

Because every one should first know about himself, scientifically, only then he can understand others. To be successful at home, in society, in organisations, one should know psychology, academically or by experience. It does not mean that all psychologists are better handlers of human beings.

In organisations we have money, materials and human beings. With money and materials we can only do limited things. But with human beings we can make a new world or destroy this existing world. Managing human resources means 'Managing his Mind'. Psychology is all about that.

Many years back the managers told their employees 'Bring your body to work. I will make it to work with my brain!'...so, workers only did manual work like humanoid robots and managers used their brain.

As technology and science developed, industrialization of nations happened, competition increased, 'just the body' was not enough.

So, managers told their employees 'Bring your body and brain. I will make them to work with my mind!'. I.e they felt 'intelligence' is required at work. They realized that intelligence of just the manager is not sufficient and intelligence of all the brains at work is important. So, human beings were like intelligent robots.

But when the brain was used, they started fighting as to who is better in quality and quantity and emotional issues came in front. It was felt that body and brain are not sufficient in a 'group' or 'team' work environment. They felt 'mind' is the first and foremost important thing. So, the philosophy now is 'Bring your body, brain and mind!'...Today mind is more important than body and brain. Specially when the life styles are degrading the life of human beings, their screwed living keeps them in stress, frustration and anger all the time. So, mind is more important than anything.

So, thorns and roses, better carry your mind to your office...calm mind...cool mind...balanced mind...matured mind...(may be you can think about designing a cute small refrigerator with glass door so that you can keep your head inside that and see through the glass door!...this probably will ensure that your brain is cool and mind is also cool)...by the way, mind is formed when all the parts of brain interact with each other and function...so mind is inside the brain or formed in the brain)

if you carry just your body and brain then you will not see success in your career. Are all IITians successful?...also statistical studies show that when IQ is high EQ suffers, if not given special attention to grow.

so, these days IQ and EQ are equally important. If you have high SQ (spiritual quotient) then nothing like it...you are sure to be happy, healthy and successful. (spirituality is not about religion or god...it is about transforming to experience inner self of an individual, knowing the purpose and meaning of life through sound mental health, value systems, inner peace, happiness, good health of body, mind and social well being through yoga, meditation and simple 'non urge creating' foods)

So, one with good or average (with hard work) IQ, EQ and SQ is sure to be successful while being healthy and happy. He or she will attain self actualisation and even the higher level. One with just IQ or EQ might be successful with bad health and spells of happiness. One with just IQ might reach only self esteem level or lower than that with bad health and spells of happiness.

If psychology is 'learnt' then it will help you to get high EQ and SQ. But if only 'studied' then it will only help you to get 'monthly salary' or 'daily incomes' as a qualified psychologist...(my fingers are moving towards Esc button as i can see the psychologists steaming through all their holes!!)...here comes the punch line, 'a guy without the knowledge of psychology may not be successful at all'...(are you happy now, psychologists?)

ok...now, a diversion...all of us have problems...we feel screwed day in and day out with problems...

problems are like small pebbles. If we take them near the eyes, they appear so big that they cover the whole world in front. If we throw them on ground, where they are supposed to be, then pebbles are pebbles...problems are no problems...how is it? (i like this smiley as it is very cute!)

few days back i attended an international seminar on robotics where many professors and scientists from world famous universities and R&D centers had participated...i had asked few questions on humanoids and cognitive robotics (robots which can take inputs from environment, analyse, think and act)...the professor has replied back...it is here...why i have posted it here is to tell the budding engineers and scientists who are interested in humanoid robotics and cognitive robotics, the current areas of research, so that they catch the thread and start their life...i have highlighted the important info in yellow...

Dear Ramasubramanian,

 

It is nice to hear from you. I was not able to reply earlier due to my hectic schedule and travel.

 

Thank you for the feedback and happy to note your interest in Robotics.

 

Currently, the humanoid research is tied down to stability. Cognitive robotics is also developing on its own. However, the fundamental aspect of cognitive based stable walking and maneuvers are yet to mature.

so, stability is still a problem in humanoids, though lots of progress has been made...stability in rough terrains, steps, climbing up and down the stairs, walking on ramps, dancing, running, playing, adventures, yoga etc...

you can see that cognition in humanoids is still in its infancy...during interaction he said at MIT, USA labs still it is being experimented...i.e applying learning theories of humans on robots...for acquisition of inputs from environment and converting them into learning...

so, you have got the current challenges right in front!...generally you don't get such inputs so easily!!...why don't you catch this and kick start your research now and join with these top guns in humanoids?

ok thorns and roses...let is get back to the 'behaviours' subject...we were discussing about what are behaviours, how they originate, types of behaviours, reasons for behaviours etc...i am sure it must have given you some exposure to asses yourself, your behaviours and people in front and their behaviours. Let us see more now...

we saw what are innate behaviours.

The most basic form of innate behaviour is REFLEX. When ever we sense a threat, immediately our body organs take necessary action to fight or flight...i.e fight the threat or run away from it. The neurons involved are...sensory neurons (detecting stimulus), association neurons (relays information to the brain and other parts of the body) and motor neurons (they set off a response in an effector cell such as a muscle or a gland cell (pumping of adrenals when you see a snake or a beautiful girl!)

reflex mechanisms vary from simple to complex depending on the organism.

other form of innate behaviours is Orientation behaviour...all behaviours where we try to locate the threat, escape from threats or fight the threats...i.e 'behaviours with adaptive value' fall in this category...

these involve 'coordinated movements' like walking, flying, swimming etc. They occur in response to an external stimulus. They form elements in a neural hierarchy.

simple behaviours can happen with inputs from just one sensory receptor (e.g vision)...more advanced behaviours require bilateral input from a pair of receptors.

there is something known as KINESIS in behaviours...i.e non directed orientation...i.e the organism exhibits 'random walk'...i.e how fast we move or turn when we come across threats...i.e 'change in the speed of movement' (called orthokinesis) or 'change in the rate of turning' (called klinokinesis)...both are directly proportional to the intensity of a stimulus. The change in speed or rate of turning increases the probability of locating the stimulus but does not guarantee it.

there is something known as TAXIS...i.e moving directly toward (positive) or away from (negative) a stimulus.

Klinotaxis...it is about side-to-side motions of the head or body with successive comparison of stimulus intensity as the organism moves forward.

Tropotaxis...it requires bilateral input from paired sensory receptors such that the signal is equalised in both receptors.

Stimulus intensity increases with movement toward the source and decreases with movement away from the source.

we can also add a prefix to designate the type of stimulus involved...e.g phototaxis - light; geotaxis - gravity; thigmotaxis - contact with other objects

i think it is enough now for the day...too much of theory...is it not?...what do you say?

hope the time spent in reading is worth it and you are different now than what you were before, before reading this mail!

to all the boys who went red reading the first line...'thorns and roses'...nature has created thorns on rose plants to protect the nice and beautiful flowers from animals!!!...so, you are cool now?

keep rocking guys and gals...bye

we will kiss more about behaviours, with theories and interesting facts in the days to come...

if you like it, if you feel it is useful for your life, visit funnyrams.blogspot.com to know more...and please tell your friends and relatives also to visit my blog...if you feel they also should benefit and grow.

rams

What a great life we live!

hai friends...how are we?

all of us consume coffee or tea or vodka or some form of alcohol or some natural or man made liquid or solid or gas!

Most of them have addictive property.

Our ancestors had only eating, reproduction, entertainment as their primary, secondary and tertiary functions. Also their awareness about the damages caused by addictive substances is zero.

But today we perform so many functions in a day. These addictive substances affect all these functions. Disturbs social life, family life, personal life and office life.

Rich people are able to afford. Even poor people drink coffee or tea, whether they take fruits of vegetables. Being cash crops they are costly. So, poor people don't mind spending money for these. All of us even feed our infants!!!

Though we are knowledgeable about these, but we are insensitive. So, we never care about them.

They are inherited from our ancestors as culture...way of living...

all our diseases, life style diseases, chronic illnesses are due to these...

no text book in the world tells us to consume these...no teacher teaches us to consume...no holy book tells us to consume...no god consumes...no real guru tells us to consume...no where it is said that they yield any good without giving any bad...

there are enough material and warning in front of us saying "don't consume"

we all know that they give only pleasure and not 'anantham'

one side we have shops selling them, other side we have doctors who cure diseases caused by them.

One side we consume them as way of living, land up in all sorts of troubles, diseases, social issues in life, spoil our happiness, good health and success...then we go to gurus, ashrams, healing centers to teach us the art of living, what is life etc...

one side we burn our midnight oil, study hard, win in the competition, get good jobs, earn wealth and side by side drink (even coffee and tea), smoke, remain with less physical work, eat all nonsense...land up with diseases...land up in ashrams...and spend all the wealth earnt!...and die one day!...what a bloody life we live?

we shamelessly pass this culture or way of living to all our kids thinking it is right...to see them dying with diabetes, hyper tension, heart attack in front of our eyes!

great life...great culture...great way of living...zindabad to our ancestors...zindabad to all of us and our monkey (sorry, monkeys live better) like living!

all the best...

rams

Why we behave the way we behave?...Why others behave the way they behave?

hai friends...how are we?

Long long time and no see!!!

as there is no time for me, let us straight away jump inside the topic!

when a boy approaches a girl she wonders why he has come to her?

When a girl approaches a boy, he goes into a fantasy world...why?

When a stranger approaches us, we are suspicious of his or her motives and start asking lots of questions in our mind.

All of us meet new or known faces every day, new issues, new reasons, new happiness, new pleasures, new emotions...a new world in front!

why we behave the way we behave or why others behave the way they behave?

All of us are living organisms, like any other animal or insect or bird, in the eyes of the nature which has produced everything, but we identify ourselves from others as human beings. We might exhibit unique behaviours. But the basic behaviours of all living organisms remain the same.

What are behaviours?...

Behaviours are activities. Which are seen outside or not seen outside. All or some of the body parts are used to exhibit behaviours (including skin).

Behaviour is defined as “an internally directed system of adaptive activities that facilitate SURVIVAL and REPRODUCTION”.

So, the origin of behaviours is “inner body”...it may be as a response to a stimulus from outside or even without a stimulus...i.e imaginary stimulus.

What is the purpose of a behaviour?

It is to save oneself...survival needs...to counter the threats...threats for life, body, wealth and people. Threats could be real or perceived.

Or the behaviour is for reproduction. The needs of the body and mind.

With this information we can always evaluate our own behaviours, we can look at ourselves and analyse, the reason for our behaviours.

How to classify the behaviours?

Behaviours could be INNATE...What is innate behaviour?...

instinctive behaviours...natural behavours...inborn patterns of behaviour...inherited behaviours...all these are innate behaviours.

They are genetically programmed...i.e encoded in DNA and passed from generation to generation. So, it is subject to genetic change through mutation, recombination and natural selection. We all inherit a suit of behaviours called ethogram similar to body colour and wing venation.

Innate behaviours are intrinsic...i.e present in organisms raised in isolation from others...i.e present irrespective of the place of rearing or the social environment around.

Innate behaviours are stereotypic...i.e individuals perform these behaviours in the same way each time...the behaviours are not different for the same stimulus.

Innate behaviours are inflexible. i.e they can not be modified by developmental stages from child to old man...they can not be changed by life experiences.

Innate behaviours are consummate...i.e the behaviours are fully developed or expressed at the first performance itself...whether the individual is a baby or old man.

Innate behaviours are phylogenetic adaptations that have an evolutionary history.

Behaviours could be LEARNED...i.e acquired through experience.

Complex behaviours are combination of innate and learned behaviours.

Researches show that even simple organisms show not just simple innate behaviours, but intricate sophisticated behaviours evolved over time through natural selection. Most of the innate behaviours which appear to be clever or intelligent are to catch their prey for survival or mates for reproduction. They appear to be purposeful and intelligent but they are merely the product of millions of years of genetic refinement through natural selection.

In short they are “programmed responses to external stimuli”.

So, the crux is

'ALL BEHAVIOURS ARE FOR SURVIVAL AND REPRODUCTION'

The punch line of this post is...what behaviour does an organism exhibit if its behaviours for survival and reproduction fail?

Suicidal behaviours!!!...i.e it chooses to end its life!!!!

now we know why we get attracted to people of same sex and opposite sex.

We also know the reasons for all suicides.

In some cases the computer, I.e the brain gets jinxed...when the organism is unable to succeed in survival or reproductive needs...so, they go mad...out of reality...giving rise to behaviours we can not reason out!

More on behaviours we will see tomorrow...if we analyse the behaviours of our own selves and that of others from this frame of reference, then we will clearly know the motives.

How is it going friends?...hope you all enjoyed and liked it.

keep rocking...bye...

rams

"I am black and ugly. No one loves me. Fit for nothing!'

hai friends...how are we?

we live in tropical region. It is hot here. Naturally we are black or brown or wheatish or colours near to these.

Many girls cry, feel frustrated when they see matrimony column filled with only wants like 'fair complexioned girl required!'...it is true that i am yet to see an ad saying 'black or dark skin girl required!'...every guy wants a white skinned girl, even if he is pitch dark!!!...he wants his children to be white skinned!...girls do not mind as they look for boys of TDH...Tall, Dark and Handsome!...but still dark boys use all sorts of creams, do not expose themselves to hot sun etc to keep them as fair as possible within the darkness!

All film heroines are generally fair complexioned and even if one odd heroine is slightly dark she is shown all fair on the screen...so, boys wanttttttttttttttttt ONLY white skinned girls!!!

so girls look at their skin and cry saying 'what sin i committed of born black!'

at schools teachers select only white skinned girls for all functions...ushering, performing arts etc...even for a speech or any damn event where the girl is in focus!...only white skinned girls are pinched by every one saying 'Oh, lovely she is and sooo cute!'...they get lots of kisses every day from teachers, parents and visitors. So, they steal all the attention and the black girls shrink in their shells.

This discrimination is not only at schools, it is there in organisations, even at homes (the white skinned baby is more liked by the parents than the dark skinned baby), social gatherings, society and at all places!

many bosses, when left to decide between a white and black, they select a white for promotions, abroad chances, good projects, good appointments etc etc...specially when the white and black are almost equal in knowledge, skills and competencies.

The most atrocious discrimination being PARENTS LIKING ONLY WHITE SKINNED CHILD AND DISCRIMINATING THE BLACK SKINNED WITH NOT SO GOOD CLOTHES, LESS ATTENTION, LESS PRAISES, NOT SO GOOD EDUCATION, NOT SHOWN IN FRONT OF OTHERS IN FUNCTIONS, KEPT INSIDE THE KITCHENS AND BATH ROOMS, NOT GIVEN ATTENTION TO HIS OR HER NEEDS, WANTS, ASPIRATIONS, EVEN IN SIMPLE THINGS LIKE FOOD (GOOD ONES TO WHITE AND DISCARDED ONES TO THE BLACK)...there can not be a worst thing than this on earth to a girl or a boy...discrimination by parents and 'feeling of rejection' by parents!!!...it is worst than being orphans!!!...at least orphans have 'caretakers' who are better than these discriminating parents!

Even if we keep two papers next to each other...white paper and a black paper...white looks to be selected among the two!...it is shining and the other one is not so!

All these give an impression that the world is only for white skinned boys and girls...Is it?

Bloody baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallls!

Being black is not our mistake...it is the decision of the nature!

But being not healthy is our mistake!

Being with life style diseases is our mistake!

Being fat is our mistake!

Being not slim, curvy and shapy is our mistake!

Being not educated is our mistake!

Being not talented, skilled and competent is our mistake!

Being not shiny skinned is our mistake!

Being not happy is our mistake!

Not radiating happiness is our mistake!

Being a worm or coward or feeling small is our mistake!
Not being happy is our mistake!
Not enjoying the nature is our mistake!

Is nature, the god of creations, the mother of all on earth, discriminate between black and white!

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNever!!!!!

Nature has given us average intelligence. With this we can read, read and read. We can understand  anything and everything. Some may be hard initially. Even everest is difficult to climb. One step a day will take us on top of everest one day. When we reach is not important. Reaching is important. HARD WORK AND AVERAGE INTELLIGENCE DOES WONDERS.

Nature has given us beautiful body. So what if it is black. We can always do yoga, meditation and other exercises to keep it slim, beautiful, attractive, shiny, curvy, shapy, radiating. Some of the best beauties or models in the world are dark.

There are beauty clinics who advice us the type of hair style and other beauty issues which can make us look 'pleasant'.

If you are poor, there are so many agencies who can support you in studies and you can always excel. In tamil nadu even you can be from corporation school, as long as you have 200 out of 200 in  maths, phy, chem you can get into the best of the engg college and you can finish engg with just 60000/- rupees, which can be loaned or sponsored. So, economic condition is not an impediment. It is will power that is required in you. You can do any studies, why only engg, and make your own living.

Once you earn you can eat your meals properly, get nourishing food, spend for your beauty issues....so no issues!

black is not a black mark!...thinking 'i am dark and no life for me, no one for me!' is a black mark!

THOSE WHO GET ATTRACTED BY SKIN COLOUR AND DEVELOP RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU ARE ONLY FOR YOUR BODY. THE RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY BE SKIN DEEP.

Inspite of your darkness, if you get a friend, looking only at your white heart, bright brain, radiating happiness on your face and your overall personality traits, then he or she is your true friend. How many friends we have is not important, who are real and good is important.

No one is alone in this world. There is at least one person behind every person. That person has one. That person also has one. Like this it is an endless chain.

Lonely is only a perception. Even one good friend is enough for life time to be with. We live with only one spouse. No one has many soul mates. Only one soul mate.

Entire earth is full of nature. Nature never gives us unhappiness or danger if we don't damage it.
Have lots of pets to feel the happiness and meaning of real unconditional love. Enjoy each and every grass with morning dew. The sounds of nature. The sounds of the birds. Hills, rain, drizzles, river...woffff...the list is endless...and all are free!...we don't have to spend any money. Just go out of the house, the sky is spread in front of you!...actually speaking we don't have to be rich and spend lots of money to feel happy!

so, it is a myth that black is not beautiful. Real good people look for only white hearts and not bother about the skin colour.

other day i was waiting at the school to pick up my daughter...there were two white skinned girls...less than 10 years of age...richness was visible on their body and dress...sisters...one of them was cuddling and kissing another dark skinned girl of same age...bony...not beautiful at all...dirty clothes...poor family girl...
the other white girl was pulling her sister's hands saying it is time to go home...but this white girl said 'Please wait. She is my friend. I love her a lot. I don't feel like leaving her!' and continued hugging, cuddling and kissing her cheeks repeatedly left and right.

The dark skinned girl appeared to be like a world beauty to me. The other white girl who appreciated her inner beauty was the Miss Universe!!!

keep rocking guys and gals!

bye

rams...funnyrams.blogspot.com

Why lovers, friends, spouses keep fighting with each other?

hai guns and roses!

how are we?

i think i should name the subject titles attractive like the previous one or the present one...discuss more on the subjects which affect all every day and every moment, so that they are read more, the same instant of receiving mails...with more hits on blog...of course, more hits on likes and dislikes!

in the previous mail, at the beginning itself i mentioned that 'we will discuss only those rapists who do it for sexual satisfaction'...we only examined the environment in which it happens...it was never to say that the rapists are right in their behaviour. This is a menace to be stopped without any doubt. Only thing is, the right steps need to be taken, taking the entire environment into consideration. One step of capital punishment to the rapist only may not be sufficient. Some more measures are also required.

the world has only 'parents' and 'children'. Every human being is either a parent or a child on this earth. All parents / care takers should groom their children with 'low urge behaviours' and teach them how to vent out their urges, and of course, with high ethics, moral values, respect and love for the other gender, looking at a girl as another human being and not as a 'sex object' or 'Wonderful Instrument For Entertainment (WIFE)' etc.

In olden days when the girls were kept inside the houses with out education, teaching them only about house hold activities (servant jobs) etc they were looked at only as a sex object. Now that they are out to gain knowledge, to take up jobs in all ranks, i think, this image will slowly change.

i think, rapes for sexual satisfaction also take place when they are drunk or under the control of addictive chemicals...when they are not under their control...when they turn to be animals...

all other types of rapes happen in a planned manner, with lots of thinking...so, capital punishments like hanging to death etc would be a good deterrent for such rapes and of course, the punishments are to be executed at the earliest.

ok guys and gals...let us jump to the new topic...why lovers, spouses, friends fight?

lovers, friends and spouses...all of them are in an emotional relationship...any relationship is for 'happiness'!...if there is no happiness between the two people involved, then there is no relationship...no happiness...only sorrows...only fights...only tears...may be no emotions too...for the society it might appear that they are in a relationship but in reality it is not so!...they are together but not 'living' together.

for happiness to exist, the 'needs' and 'wants' to be met. Every human being has 'needs and wants' and he or she wants it to be fulfilled by another human being. So, we have expectations, possessiveness. We want the other person to give the resource we look for (financial or physical or emotional etc). If possible, he or she gives. If not possible then we fight, shout, throw stones and chapels, break up the relationships etc. These days chapels are so costly that they can not be worn or thrown!!!

We also fight if the other person does not exhibit the desired behaviour.

If we understand the different phases of any emotional or romantic relationship, then we may not fight at all. Instead we might look at methods to make these phases pleasant. What are these phases?

When we are less than 10 years old, we are generally happy with the love and affection from parents. During this period the opposite gender looks 'beautiful'. We like seeing them. We want to see them. But no other change occurs in our body.

When the body matures and glands in the brain and body start functioning, we are not happy with the love and affection from parents only. We need an opposite gender to give something more. That more is not known to us at that time. We are unable to explain. We are attracted towards the opposite gender. That is all.

Is there any boy or girl in their teens who fall in love or romantic relationship with an old lady or old man?...No!...Nature ensures that we get attracted only to healthy and young mates so that the off springs are healthy.

PHASE I

they fall in love at 'first sight' with only young ones of opposite gender. So, physical attraction. They may not agree to it and say 'she is only a sister', 'she is only a friend', 'she wants only my assignment', 'i gave only my book'...in actuals they give their hearts and body!...if the interactions exist only at this level for ever then it can be taken as just a friendship or sister or brother kind of relationship. The problem is they are in the first phase of the romantic relationship which wants only interactions and so they call it that way as there is nothing more than that.

the first phase in a romantic relationship is always HAPPY. Our first level of requirements are met. So, we are happy in this phase. Provided the other person responds positively. If not then sorrow. We need to understand that we can not force the other person to like us the way we can not be forced by others to like them.  We also need to understand that there are sooooooooooooooo many beautiful girls or handsome boys waiting for us on this earth, and so we should not bother much and  leave them to look for the next. Clinging on them only results in more unhappiness, fights, bad health, failures in life in all other spheres of activities etc.

This first phase is all about approaches, information exchange, knowing each other well etc. First time when they meet and get attracted they start approaching each other. Telephone calls, sms, gifts, all types of helps and looking afters. Only happiness...happiness and happiness!!...even if one person is not calling or no sms etc sometimes, the other person gets upset for some time but it does not affect the relationship much as the curiosity of knowing each other, continuing the relationship etc keeps the issue going...

This happens in the case of all organisms. A cock calls the hen moment it finds the insect saying 'kok..kok..kokk!'. The hen happily runs and eats the insect. The cock 'jumps' on it or feels happy that its approach is successful. If the cock's secretions are not towards romance then it just sits alone in some corner, not bothered about the hen, its hunger, sickness etc.

are the two people happy about the relationship only with these for ever?...no!...after some time they want MORE!!!...in the form of more physical meeting, talks, emotional feelings, exchanges etc.

PHASE II

This is the phase they start feeling SADNESS, as one is not able to meet the needs of the other all the time due to many reasons. The other person does not accept the reasons as the needs are at the peak and does not want to put himself or herself in the shoes of the other and think. When they meet, they are supposed to be happy. But there too they fight 'why late?...you have no love for me!...you are not allocating top priority for me!...you give importance to all others and not for me!' etc...

they also find fault with the behaviours of the other person...as the other person has become POSSESSIVE now and the EXPECTATIONS have started and growing too...

so, second phase is full of expectations and possessiveness...so, it has happy moments and sad moments...depending upon the extent of expectations, possessiveness, the extent to which the other person is able to meet these demands, the endurance of the people to withstand their unmet needs and wants, either the relationship continues or breaks...

some times they shout out of anger, loose their words and reach the brink of losing the relationship...some times lost too...if the damages are repairable, then relationship gets formed again after a period of lull ('nee thaane yen pon vasantham' movie)...if the damages are not repairable then it is lost for ever...then the one who shouted or lost his or her cool repents for life.

time.

in this phase if the needs and wants are of low level, then the perceived losses are forgotten...if little high then the individual feels sad...if needs are high then the FRUSTRATION sets in...

so, at the later stage of phase II it is more of sadness and frustration...

PHASE III

in this stage they are not happy in just sms, tel calls, gifts, meeting, talks, etc...they become only necessary conditions...and not SUFFICIENT CONDITIONS to feel happy!...more is expected...

in the form of physical touches, kisses, hugs etc. If these things are not available then again fights, sadness, all sorts of dialogues like 'you don't trust me!'...'you are only interested in my body!...you don't see me as a human being!...you remember me only when you are 'high'!' etc...

in this phase the boy generally does not have any 'No's...only the girl has 'No's...so, depending on the endurance of the boy or the way he has perceived the relationship i.e 'a relationship maturing to be a life long one as husband and wife' or 'a need of the hour' relationship, it either ends or continues...if the girl gives up and bends to the boy (for the fear of losing the relationship or meeting her needs too) then the relationship continues...

so, here also the it is more of FRUSTRATION (no sadness...only frustration as now the need levels are high) and fights.

PHASE IV

in this stage all the above are only necessary conditions for the relationship to exist and not a sufficient condition...phase iv involves mating. The need never stops with 'one time' as it is a never ending need till the death of the body. In some cases the boy or the girl runs away after the first instance. In some cases it goes on for some more time till reasons like physical separation, marriage or pregnancy or fight between families or legal or social actions etc take place.

In some cases they get married and start living together.

PHASE V

even after the marriage the issue does not stop...all the above becomes only a necessary condition and not sufficient condition for the relationship to go on. Now nature drives them to variety. Variety in all aspects of physical or romantic relationship...in INITIATION...in 'catching up the fire'...in sexual acts etc...

Alas!...if variety is not there then the relationship ends temporarily or permanently either at the mental level or at the physical level...

this phase also has HAPPINESS or FRUSTRATION...

PHASE VI

by this time, if the relationship still sustains, then the need and want levels are low...as they have already reached their fifties or sixties or states of low physical need i.e body has lost its reproductive status and so the secretions in brain and other hormone secreting glands are tired (of over work and aging) and sleeping()...ie similar to PHASE II...i.e if one is not sexually inclined then the other feels little sad, but by now has learnt to divert his attention on something else...as the physical needs are not soo high, he or she does not land up in frustration...he or she is happy with only hugs, kisses or little touches here and there...even holding hands is enough...or even 'looks of love' or even with some acts showing 'i love you!'...

so, the crux is...

1. all attractions towards opposite gender is towards sex, if the need for the next phase is felt. If both feel the need for the next phase is not there, then it is only for friendship and not for a romantic relationship or marriage relationship. Pure friendship can also exist between opposite genders for life time. Friendship is the basic necessary condition for a life long relationship to exist in side marriage or outside marriage. Sex could be only reason or one among the reasons in a romantic relationship.

2. increasing need levels, increasing sadness, increasing frustration shows that the relationship is moving towards sex, possessiveness and expectations. It depends on both whether to yield or not. It has the danger of legal and social  issues throughout life. Most of the time the reason for frustration can not be figured out by both. They will keep blaming each other on some trivial issues or silly issues which they will understand as silly only after some time and not when they are burning with body needs, possessiveness or expectations.

3. every emotional relationship has all these phases, whether married or unmarried, between lovers or friends or spouses. We need to identify which phase are we in. We need to understand the characteristics of each phase. We need to accept these, under stand the difficulties of other person, this is the place where the 'empathy' 'maturity', emotional intelligence etc play key roles in keeping the relationship going, whether married or unmarried.

4. one should try to find out methods of keeping the other person satisfied or understood by educating (of course, when he or she is cool, i.e the physical needs are low) him or her on the issues of empathy, emotional intelligence, being matured etc or alternate methods of keeping away from physical needs or regulating physical needs...or change in life styles needed...as i have explained in other mails...

5. both the people should view the other person as kids at high frustration levels, and keep them cool only through love. Shouting or showing anger or using words which are not retrievable will only strain and break the relationship. Love is the only medicine for love related sicknesses. If not curable, then the other person is only looking for sex, an animal, and nothing more...not worth continuing the relationship.

6. if sex is the only need in a relationship, it will not lost long. It can not give happiness in a relationship.

woffff...again, the mail has become too long...and there fore, we say bye bye to this issue and kiss it again with more information later...

Do you feel the time spent in reading the mail is worth it?

keep rocking...bye...

rams