Chemical reactions in relationships!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT PHYSICALLY SEPARATED...

Adolescence is characterised by a surge or spurt of relationships with attractions on varieties of reasons externally and internally. All these attractions have underlying known or unknown needs more than the love and affection which they have been getting from parents and siblings for more than a decade and half. Every one quotes several reasons for their attractions!!

When these underlying needs, wants and expectations are not fulfilled and when the relationship is obsessed, possessive, then it leads to suspicion, sniffing, policing, anger, frustration, hate, shouts with exchange of heart breaking words which hurt and make wounds for life time which can never heal and break-up.

Only when the relationship is beyond these unfulfilled needs, wants and expectations then it sustains without break-up. Truly in the present and future world of unlimited, easy, world-wide relationships full of easy and quick options, UNCONDITIONAL only will sustain!!...i.e accept people as they are...relationship we have formed with others is ours due to our own obsessions and not theirs and has no relevance to their behaviours and their perceived relationships with us etc...

So, it is better to learn and practice this rather than getting burnt up every day in relationships!!

Total life style change is required for this. If we pursue life styles being followed by others around, then we will also suffer in relationships and define life as 'full of sorrows', the way others around us define!!

Change the interests in life!!...Spend more time and emotions with sources of unconditional love, animals, plants and nature, rather than with human beings, who are mostly conditional!!

Increase the EQ...Emotional Quotient...not just IQ, Intelligent Quotient. For this we need to improve our SQ, Spiritual Quotient, that is making our mind strong to keep it balanced and calm even at the most multidimensional demanding, challenging and stressful times of life. So, IQ, EQ, SQ...all three are important to be successful.

So, the crux of the chemical reaction is...

1. obsession+no satiation of needs, wants and expectations=suspicion, frustration, war of words, break-up

2. Obsession+satiation of needs=cool life till needs are met

3. Unconditional=happiness

Peacefully yours....Rams...Psychologist!!

How to excel in studies and be a winner in relationships too??

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL…especially STUDENTS...

Moment you get up in the morning, after you clear your bowels and brush your teeth, just go out to open air. Sit quietly with calm mind for five minutes in clean air and take 20 slow, long and deep breathes (triggers secretion of neurotransmitters and hormones). If possible play a group-game or run for five or 10 minutes breathing clean air (all systems actuated for the day). This 15 mts exercise for body and mind will do!!...Take a good carbohydrate break fast. Greet at least about 10 people on your way to mess or classroom. Hug one or two of your close friends or family members. Your day will be miraculous with full of positive energy!!..You will do well in studies and your relationships!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!

How to live?...What or whom to follow?...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS...

1. Religious leaders and spiritual leaders only profess a PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL LIFE STYLE!!

2. The LIFE STYLES are for living with PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL WELL-BEING. For living peacefully and harmoniously with every one around!!

3. In general the prophets or leaders who formed these groups defined a life style or belief systems which give the above.

4. To attract people towards them they also provide food, shelter, clothing, educational and job opportunities, health care for self and family, social security and an identity and image in the society that makes them get self respect, social status etc.

5. Some people attach themselves to the above said groups only for the needs and wants of survival and living listed at para 4 above. Such people do not follow the life style professed by the leaders.

6. In general the prophets professed a life style based on HAPPINESS. But our body drives the mind to repeat the thoughts, emotions and behaviours related to PLEASURES that brings a short lived feeling of goodness and an ocean and universe of all cravings, urges, expectations, wants, needs, frustration, fights, anger, hate and all such negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours. So, the mind takes this easy and desired or urged path. So, we deviate from the life style professed by the prophets and move away into pleasures.

So, these people do not get the PHYSICAL, MENTAL, SOCIAL WELL-BEING, PEACE AND HARMONIOUS LIFE. In fact such people also form self-interest groups within and distort the preaching of the original prophets thereby confusing others and directing confused people to wrong life styles that does not fetch them the basics of life listed at .para 2 above.

The end result is no physical health, no mental health, no harmonious living, no peace, fights, killings etc.

So, the crux is...

1. Follow religions and spiritual preaching for deriving the fundamental purpose of GOOD PHYSICAL, MENTAL, SOCIAL LIFE STYLE AND BELIEF SYSTEMS THAT BRINGS PEACE, HARMONY AND GROWTH THROW SYNERGY.

2. Don't follow just for those listed at para 4 above.

3. Identify those life style and belief elements that makes you to fight with others, live with diseases of body and mind, does not allow you to progress in life and profession and change it in the correct direction.

4. Identify people who distort the life styles, knowingly or unknowingly, and correct them to the right path.

5. The religious leaders and spiritual leaders should also identify those who have taken shelters under them for self-interest motives as listed at para 5 above and confuse, divert and distort the people towards wrong paths.

6. The prophets are no more. Only the successors exist now. They should truly spread the life styles professed by the prophets.

7. People also need to identify the true religious and spiritual leaders and follow the LIFE STYLE professed by them.

8. Any one who tells 'Follow me blindly. I am right!!' is likely to shut down your THOUGHT PROCESSES, COMMON SENSE, SIXTH SENSE and PRESENCE OF MIND which is not good for mental well-being. Any one who presents the entire scenario and allows you to think and make your own life style based on your personal, organisational, social, situational, physical/climatic environment and HELPS to live with physical health, mental health, peace, social well-being and growth is right.

Peacefully yours....Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL IN RELATIONSHIPS....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL IN RELATIONSHIPS...

The best, simple, ideal, devoted, divine, true, spiritual, eternal, long standing, life long and sacred relationship is UNCONDITIONAL RELATIONSHIP, which dwells on Domain of Happiness, i.e Domain of Giving which is long-lived, with or without complete and all time mental connectivity, without involvement of the body in reality in the relationship!!

e.g Relationship of a Mother with her child. Relationship of a devotee to God. Relationship of God with an Ideal Human being. The relationship which has Longing and not craving.

e.g Relationship of Andal with Lord Krishna.

But in our culture and society all the relationships have been created based on...

1. Dependencies
2. Satiation of Needs, wants and expectations
3. Rules and Regulations
4. Duties and Responsibilities
5. Master and Slave concept
6. Limited freedom in every aspect of life within a caged social envelope
7. curtailing all the natural LONGING for universal knowledge, wisdom, expansion, growth, self-actualisation and self-transcending
8. Forced well living within walls
9. Robotic activities with limited and conditional creativity

All these animal relationships dwell on Domain of Pleasure, as backbone or soul of these relationships are always on ASKING and DEMANDING for Resources, to get Feeling of Goodness.

Unfortunately we confuse this short lived Feeling of Goodness to Happiness, due to our lack of wisdom,

One who holds the property, money, wealth, social authority and power becomes the Master and dictator of relationships. All others become weak-slaves. Therefore, they are CONDITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS with possessiveness, controls, demands, ego and never ending, life long, urges and cravings!!

Peace, happiness and good physical, mental and social well-being occurs only when the conditions are fulfilled, which are rare and occasional. Therefore, the relationships are forced, suffocating, stressful, short-lived and break at various levels in the life time.

Therefore, in this complicated relationship structure, the best way of finding peace is....

1. Ask the other person the current needs, wants and expectations. List them in a paper.

2. Meet these as far as possible.

Or pursue the UNCONDITIONAL relationship and teach the others involved in relationship with you also about this peaceful type of relationship.

Total, Healthy, Vedic, Nature based Life Style helps to pursue this kind of relationship!!

It is not possible to pursue this kind of relationship with the UNHEALTHY, PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL LIFE STYLE which our present culture advocates to live with!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...AND ALL GIRLS...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...AND ALL GIRLS....

In the primitive society of the past, women were either domestic servants or working-domestic- servants, due to lack of equal oppurtunities for studies and employments and other social evils.

They did not have any freedom of expression or freedom to live an achievement oriented life or pursue a profession or live a life of their choice. In that era , their value, respect, izzat, honour, reputation, prestige, worth, usefulness, importance and standard were centering around some where.

I think in this present industrial society of equality of oppurtunities and freedom of expression and freedom to pursue their life they want, their value or honour or prestige should be shifted to their BRAIN!!

A social-thought-revolution in the minds of parents and women is the necessity of the hour, wherein the women are not succumbing to the old beliefs, on the name of sacrifices and compromises, but are able to change their parents from primitive to present, through a strong resolve for love and affection, caring and support, repeated several rounds of peaceful talks and exposing their parents to their new empowered life in their profession!!

Hope the women straighten their strong spines to shift their value centre to the top and lay a high way of freedom to their future generations of women!!....

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How to choose the profession, subjects of study at school and college?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...

It is the season now to decide 'which course?...Which profession to choose?' etc for students and parents.

If the family contains doctors or lawyers, then generally every one is advised to become the same. So, entire family takes up the same profession so that one can be helpful to the other.

In some families they want diversity. So, every one is advised to take up different professions.

Generally parents recommend children to take up professions through which one can make up a big money and fast wealth. Some also bother about the social status attached to that profession. Some recommend professions which are highly authoritative (civil services) and induce fear value in the minds of others (police).

Many parents are interested in secure jobs even if it is at the cost of growth in profession.

They are not bothered about whether a person is peaceful and happy in that profession. It is only money, wealth, social status and fear value to others.

But truly this is not the way to select a profession and related subjects to study at school and college.

Every person has some knowledge, skill sets, competency level in each skill, experience, wisdom, likes, dislikes, do's and don'ts, levels of flexibility and rigid nature, beliefs, definition of life, relationships with same sex and opposite sex, family, organisational life, personal life, family life, social life and living, morals, values, ethics, passions, goals, aims, targets, different call in life, rights and wrong, correct and incorrect, true and false, life style, habits, expectations from self and others, preference of living place, food, dressing, 638 personality traits, Intelligent Quotient, Emotional Quotient, Spiritual Quotient, tolerance levels, varying adaptability levels to people, places, food, dress, rules and regulations...The list is a real big one!!

All these are not constants. They keep changing over the entire life time.

Every profession requires some knowledge, skill sets, competency level in each skill, experience, demands some life style, food and dressing habits, places of working and living, adaptability challenges, dress code, ability to work at peak efficiency at some specific environments, danger and adventure acceptance, flexibility, cooperative working, tolerance levels...a big list!!...In fact all the above listed for human beings.

So, every person is something. Every profession demands something from the individual. If both match, then the individual will be peaceful, happy, successful, contented, fulfilled. Individual also can do the profession well, bring a meaning to his life, make a big money, wealth, achieve fame, power and authority.

If they don't match then the person will suffer, will feel stressful, will get tired faster, will feel miserable after some time, will not like the job and face all kinds of negatives in life.

In olden days people went for jobs only for limited money and derived some solace in family life. Though they needed big money and wealth, but were ready to compromise this need for stability in family life.

But now and in future, in our capitalist economy, unless a person shows high productivity, updates himself for the overnight changing technologies and processes, he can not survive in a job and grow up. So, jobs will be insecure. One can not be lazy. One can not shine unless there is a match between the person and job requirements.

Many take up professions just for the glam of it and get shocked or suffer later. But what we need to consider or look at is 'what all activities we will be doing from beginning to the end in a day?'. Unless we like the job, unless we have the interest to do it, we can not lose ourselves in the job and unless we lose ourselves in the job, unless we are in the PRESENT moments, we can not do it to the best of our abilities.

Therefore the crux is...

1. We should have interest and liking to do the activities in a job.
2. We should have all that is required for that job.
3. We should accept and be ready for all that the job demands from us and others around us at home, in life style and various other domains of life explained above.
4. We should select our profession using the above methods.
5. life mate selection, type of family life, marriage, day-to-day life etc also depend upon our profession.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

What is Patriotism??

Dear all...

Patriotism is all about PEOPLE. Not about LAND!!

Being united and living in harmony is the soul of patriotism. All human made differences that divide them are against Nature, can not bring peace and make the Land a graveyard. Patriotism is not about burial grounds.

A country can become a happy home only with love, affection and caring, unconditionally, for everyone around, beyond the differences. Humanism should be the life line of constitution of a country and every individual's life.

Regionalism should be integrated with humanity, nationalism and globalism. Therefore, on this Independence day let us redefine, understand the definition of patriotism correctly and celebrate the relationships with people in unity. Land will automatically be with the people and enemy will not dare to enter. Unity is Strength!!...

Jai Hind!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!