hai all...there are many old concepts which are all a big farce....we need to introspect them in the proper manner and delete them...and be matured enough to understand the 'correct' thing (i am not saying 'new' thing meaning anything new to be accepted)
1. in old families the head of the family governed it with the stick of 'fear'. He had the 'i' ego on his nuts very strong. i.e 'I am the head of the family'...'i will only take all decisions'...'i am the most knowledgeable and experienced guy in the family'...'every one should respect me by being scared about me, by touching my feet, by bowing in front of me'...'i am the bread winner of the family'...'without me no one will survive here'...'all of you are living on my earning'...'i am the king here and all of you are slaves'......HE HAD HIGH EGO OF 'I AM!!!'...HE RULED THROUGH FEAR...this is a wrong system...people might say 'that brought discipline!'...'we became great because of his strictness!'...'there was an orderliness at home!'...etc...his management system had only 'delivering the responsibilities which was considered as love, looking after, affection etc'...he was never a friend to the children or to his wife...he was a dictator...he might have taken the child to movies, played, bought all that the child needs for good education etc...but he always kept every one in a 'limited-cage'...so no one experienced freedom...there was no freedom of decisions or even opinions...there was no freedom to discuss family or social issues...many chore issues of life like sex, love, relationships were branded as wrong, ugly, shameful etc...so every one lived in rigid compartments...there was only limited dynamics of true love and affection...
2. it is time to change guys...you have become old...if you demand the same thing from the new generation...we need to open our skulls and see the world with LOVE...we need to rule with love and not with stick, rigidity, high egoism of 'i' and 'me'...it should be 'inclusive' management at home too with 'we'...the biggest problem with us oldies is that we expect our children also to behave the same way we behaved with our parents...we think that this is the only right thing...we define the word 'respect' only with certain behaviours...think differently...the child should feel 'my parents are my best FRIENDS'...'he should feel freedom to discuss anything under the sky with the parents without fear'...'what is wrong if he does not touch the feet?'...'what is wrong if he puts his hands on your shoulder and says 'hai dad' or even 'hai da!'...how does it convey that he does not have respect?...he considers you as the best friend and he behaves with you as a friend...
he is right...only we are wrong...we need to analyse things deeply, coming out of our welded skulls, rigid cultural concepts...
children should have 'unlimited' love towards their parents and not even an atom of 'fear'...then automatically respect will emanate from the heart and soul out of love and not from lips or body gestures!!!...what our parents enjoyed is a limited, false and obedient or 'acted' respect from many of us!!!
THROW AWAY THAT 'FATHER' THING IN YOU BECAUSE CHILDREN AFTER 12 YEARS OF AGE DO NOT NEED PARENTS...THEY WANT ONLY 'FRIENDS'...BECAUSE NATURE HAS GROWN THE ORGANISM TO AN EXTENT OF HE CAN FIND HIS OWN LIVING, LIFE, MATE ETC LIKE OTHER LIVING ORGANISMS.
If you continue to be 'father' then you will lose your son or daughter at some levels in life...he will hide or have only 'limited' relationship with you...
we should change to accept 'all his behaviours as a friend...he will show all the behaviours that he shows with his friends to us also...
if he has been groomed from childhood with responsibility, exposing him to different cultures, with highest adaptability challenges of all sorts with environment and people, self disciplined (not forced disciplined), service to fellow deprived human beings in hospitals, orphanages, old age homes etc, asking questions of all sorts related to life and living-making him to think-and take decisions of each aspect of his life, helping him to decide and carve his own destiny, then he will know what is freedom...he will know what is friendship...he will know what is life...he will know the meaning of real respect...he will also know what is parenthood...he will know what is love, compassion, affection...he will not smoke...he will not disrespect women...he will know his and others' limits and boundaries and respect them...he will respect the sentiments of all religions, castes, languages...he will treat all human beings equally...he will know what is good for him and what is not...he will be focused...he will follow a life style of good physical, mental and social health...he will be a good teacher for all, including us...he will not do anything which is disrespectful in true sense not only with you, with his same aged friends also...then you will not mind touching his feet every day and say 'good morning friend!'!!!
Have we groomed such children?...what our parents did?...they only groomed slaves, fear minds, took all decisions and made the children incapable of taking decisions, saw girls as only 'objects of sex and physical and emotional labour' at home and in society, taught all sorts to discriminate and suspect and find enemity with other religions, castes etc with high emotional attachments...incompetent...not confident...irresponsible to self, family and society...the children had only 'limited love'...and many more...if some have become successful even in such environment they can self introspect and see what made them to be successful?...may be a component of grooming of parents, that is all...most of it must be his own resilient nature to fight the discomforts, threats, wrongs, boundaries, limits etc...the high headedness, ego, rigidity did not bring the effect or advantage of TOTAL MANAGEMENT OF GROOMING...there were many ifs and buts which we have to accept.
They followed the concept of 'i only know everything' and thought 'children do not know anything!'...today the children are exposed to all sorts of knowledge and emotional experiences...so they are maturing mentally also faster and better. The truth was that parents did not know 'everything'!...showing the path is wrong...guiding him to make him know what is good for him and choose and carve his own destiny is the right thing.
Societies and cultures are dynamic entities...they change continuously within the limits of stability...evolutions get deviated due to beliefs over a period of time and revolutions erupt and bring evolution to track...no single person or a group or a community has control over the changes in cultures or social dynamics...we need to continuously upgrade, update, adapt, learn, unlearn and again learn TO BE IN PHASE WITH THE CHANGES...OR ELSE WE WILL BE LEFT BEHIND ALONE BY OUR OWN CHILDREN, FRIENDS AND ALL OTHERS...WE WILL DIE OF LONELINESS...IT NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE WRONG AND DO NOT HAVE LOVE AND AFFECTION...IT IS JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE REMAINED BEHIND WITH EGO, RIGIDITY AND ZERO ADAPTABILITY. OLD AGE HOMES DO NOT GROW DUE TO CHILDREN, THEY INCREASE IN NUMBERS DUE TO OUR RIGIDITY. NO CHILD WILL LEAVE THE PARENTS OUT OF THEIR HOMES IF THEY CONSIDER THEIR PARENTS AS THE BEST FRIENDS, BEST GURUS, BEST GUIDES, BEST SUPPORTS (EMOTIONAL, LEGAL, SOCIAL, FINANCIAL ETC) AND THE BEST GODS!!!
many of you may not agree because unlearning the learnt requires lots of thinking, acceptance, throwing away the ego and it comes in us after repeated questioning of our own selves, our own behaviours, mental and self concepts!!
rams-psychologist and sociologist
1. in old families the head of the family governed it with the stick of 'fear'. He had the 'i' ego on his nuts very strong. i.e 'I am the head of the family'...'i will only take all decisions'...'i am the most knowledgeable and experienced guy in the family'...'every one should respect me by being scared about me, by touching my feet, by bowing in front of me'...'i am the bread winner of the family'...'without me no one will survive here'...'all of you are living on my earning'...'i am the king here and all of you are slaves'......HE HAD HIGH EGO OF 'I AM!!!'...HE RULED THROUGH FEAR...this is a wrong system...people might say 'that brought discipline!'...'we became great because of his strictness!'...'there was an orderliness at home!'...etc...his management system had only 'delivering the responsibilities which was considered as love, looking after, affection etc'...he was never a friend to the children or to his wife...he was a dictator...he might have taken the child to movies, played, bought all that the child needs for good education etc...but he always kept every one in a 'limited-cage'...so no one experienced freedom...there was no freedom of decisions or even opinions...there was no freedom to discuss family or social issues...many chore issues of life like sex, love, relationships were branded as wrong, ugly, shameful etc...so every one lived in rigid compartments...there was only limited dynamics of true love and affection...
2. it is time to change guys...you have become old...if you demand the same thing from the new generation...we need to open our skulls and see the world with LOVE...we need to rule with love and not with stick, rigidity, high egoism of 'i' and 'me'...it should be 'inclusive' management at home too with 'we'...the biggest problem with us oldies is that we expect our children also to behave the same way we behaved with our parents...we think that this is the only right thing...we define the word 'respect' only with certain behaviours...think differently...the child should feel 'my parents are my best FRIENDS'...'he should feel freedom to discuss anything under the sky with the parents without fear'...'what is wrong if he does not touch the feet?'...'what is wrong if he puts his hands on your shoulder and says 'hai dad' or even 'hai da!'...how does it convey that he does not have respect?...he considers you as the best friend and he behaves with you as a friend...
he is right...only we are wrong...we need to analyse things deeply, coming out of our welded skulls, rigid cultural concepts...
children should have 'unlimited' love towards their parents and not even an atom of 'fear'...then automatically respect will emanate from the heart and soul out of love and not from lips or body gestures!!!...what our parents enjoyed is a limited, false and obedient or 'acted' respect from many of us!!!
THROW AWAY THAT 'FATHER' THING IN YOU BECAUSE CHILDREN AFTER 12 YEARS OF AGE DO NOT NEED PARENTS...THEY WANT ONLY 'FRIENDS'...BECAUSE NATURE HAS GROWN THE ORGANISM TO AN EXTENT OF HE CAN FIND HIS OWN LIVING, LIFE, MATE ETC LIKE OTHER LIVING ORGANISMS.
If you continue to be 'father' then you will lose your son or daughter at some levels in life...he will hide or have only 'limited' relationship with you...
we should change to accept 'all his behaviours as a friend...he will show all the behaviours that he shows with his friends to us also...
if he has been groomed from childhood with responsibility, exposing him to different cultures, with highest adaptability challenges of all sorts with environment and people, self disciplined (not forced disciplined), service to fellow deprived human beings in hospitals, orphanages, old age homes etc, asking questions of all sorts related to life and living-making him to think-and take decisions of each aspect of his life, helping him to decide and carve his own destiny, then he will know what is freedom...he will know what is friendship...he will know what is life...he will know the meaning of real respect...he will also know what is parenthood...he will know what is love, compassion, affection...he will not smoke...he will not disrespect women...he will know his and others' limits and boundaries and respect them...he will respect the sentiments of all religions, castes, languages...he will treat all human beings equally...he will know what is good for him and what is not...he will be focused...he will follow a life style of good physical, mental and social health...he will be a good teacher for all, including us...he will not do anything which is disrespectful in true sense not only with you, with his same aged friends also...then you will not mind touching his feet every day and say 'good morning friend!'!!!
Have we groomed such children?...what our parents did?...they only groomed slaves, fear minds, took all decisions and made the children incapable of taking decisions, saw girls as only 'objects of sex and physical and emotional labour' at home and in society, taught all sorts to discriminate and suspect and find enemity with other religions, castes etc with high emotional attachments...incompetent...not confident...irresponsible to self, family and society...the children had only 'limited love'...and many more...if some have become successful even in such environment they can self introspect and see what made them to be successful?...may be a component of grooming of parents, that is all...most of it must be his own resilient nature to fight the discomforts, threats, wrongs, boundaries, limits etc...the high headedness, ego, rigidity did not bring the effect or advantage of TOTAL MANAGEMENT OF GROOMING...there were many ifs and buts which we have to accept.
They followed the concept of 'i only know everything' and thought 'children do not know anything!'...today the children are exposed to all sorts of knowledge and emotional experiences...so they are maturing mentally also faster and better. The truth was that parents did not know 'everything'!...showing the path is wrong...guiding him to make him know what is good for him and choose and carve his own destiny is the right thing.
Societies and cultures are dynamic entities...they change continuously within the limits of stability...evolutions get deviated due to beliefs over a period of time and revolutions erupt and bring evolution to track...no single person or a group or a community has control over the changes in cultures or social dynamics...we need to continuously upgrade, update, adapt, learn, unlearn and again learn TO BE IN PHASE WITH THE CHANGES...OR ELSE WE WILL BE LEFT BEHIND ALONE BY OUR OWN CHILDREN, FRIENDS AND ALL OTHERS...WE WILL DIE OF LONELINESS...IT NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE WRONG AND DO NOT HAVE LOVE AND AFFECTION...IT IS JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE REMAINED BEHIND WITH EGO, RIGIDITY AND ZERO ADAPTABILITY. OLD AGE HOMES DO NOT GROW DUE TO CHILDREN, THEY INCREASE IN NUMBERS DUE TO OUR RIGIDITY. NO CHILD WILL LEAVE THE PARENTS OUT OF THEIR HOMES IF THEY CONSIDER THEIR PARENTS AS THE BEST FRIENDS, BEST GURUS, BEST GUIDES, BEST SUPPORTS (EMOTIONAL, LEGAL, SOCIAL, FINANCIAL ETC) AND THE BEST GODS!!!
many of you may not agree because unlearning the learnt requires lots of thinking, acceptance, throwing away the ego and it comes in us after repeated questioning of our own selves, our own behaviours, mental and self concepts!!
rams-psychologist and sociologist
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