why we take the 'significant people' in our life...lover, spouse, children, siblings, friends.... for granted??

Hai all...

Let us see how we are attracted to each other...the dynamics behind it...and the reasons...this will bring in some clarity and reduce the expectations in any relationship...

A baby or child goes to his parents only when he needs something from the parent...e.g an item, food, hugs, kisses, appreciation, security, support, knowledge, opinion/suggestion, direction, decision, grooming

similarly a husband goes to his wife only when he needs something...e.g emotional needs, sex, food, hugs, kisses, anything that gives him a feeling of acceptance by his wife, decision making at home or in relatinships

a wife goes to her husband only when she needs something...

A friend goes to another friend only when he needs something…

A relative goes to another only when he needs something…

A sibling goes to the other only when he or she needs something…

this goes on in any relationship at home or office or in a social setting...

The need could be anything that finally gives some level or dimention of ‘happiness’

therefore, the basic backbone in any relationship is ‘need’...

Now, what happens when the need is not there??

When we don't have any need, even if the person is present with us, his or her presence does not add any value to our happiness or peace or success or any damn thing. So, we don't care. In fact if they involve in any transaction with us when we don't need them it becomes only a disturbance. We feel disturbed and irritated as our attention or consciousness in which we are involved at that moment gets disturbed. I.e we are involved in some other need of the body or mind at that time which gets disturbed by the transaction or interaction of that person. At this moment we need something which will give us happiness which can not be given by that person. Even if that person can give, at that moment we don’t prefer to take it from him or her…we are intersted in taking it from another person or place or item or situation.

OK, what happens if that person is

1. dead
2. walks out of the relationship saying 'we are no more lovers or husband and wife or siblings or friends. We will ‘break up’ now on!!!'

When we hear this then we get broken emotionally...why??..why??..why??

This is because we lose the sense of security...i.e the conscious mind tells us that 'he or she is gone!...your needs will not be met in future!!'

What happens with in us? (thanks to maslow)

The first level of our need is body need…the first in that is ‘air’. If do not get air then we suffer for breath and at that time nothing matters to us. Even if some one shows a suitcase full of money or the most beautiful girl or boy we have been longing for or any damn thing…it does not matter to us…we wanttttttttt only air air air air air and air!!!...in short all sense organs and the brain processor go deafffffffff!!

Once we get air then only we look at anything…suitcase full of money or that girl or boy…

After some time we feel thirsty…then we are back to square one…we want only water…nothing else…after drinking only we can look at anything and appreciate…

after some time the hunger strikes….we are back to the same situation of wanting only food…and when we are in hunger the best song we like also does not enter our ears…the most beautiful girl also does not matter…only after eating the food, the music enters our ears…the girl’s beauty enters our eyes…so, food first and rest after that.

So when air, food, water are the need of the hour, all our perceptions blank off…i.e even if the sensors are giving the inputs from all around, the processor is blank…it puts all its sensors towards searching for the dire need and not to others…

Shelter and clothing also take the priorities according to the climate around and environmental situations.

If all these three are given to the body then the neurotransmitters secrete…puts the mind in to good mood…the hormone secretions are good…they put the organs to optimal functioning…then the basic functionality of birth gets activated…i.e need to reproduce…then the body wants a body of opposite sex…if we don’t regulate this need through cognitive and other behavioural methods then it remains, grows, dominates and puts the organism in a situation that no sensory input is accepted…no processing is done…mind is pushed to fantasies…body is pushed towards searching for the person…only when the need is met or the hormones are brought down through other conservative methods, then the brain is in a position to process other sensory inputs…

So, body needs like air, water, food, shelter, clothing and sex are the basic and dire needs which can shut our brain and put us in doing anything, without shame, to get these needs, so that the organism remains alive. Nature has given us the natural basic instinct to fight against the one that is threat for our life and needs.

When our body has these needs, other needs are not there…the ones that can quench other needs do not matter to us. Only after quenching of these needs, other needs are perceived by the mind.

(Brain is physical organ or structure. Mind is formed when various parts of the brain function together in a coordinated manner. A healthy brain creates a healthy mind. An unhealthy brain creates an unhealthy mind)

Once all these needs are adequately met (e.g a married man or girl who is in her late twenties or early thirties) then the ‘need to get these permanently in an assured manner’ arises in the mind. This is a mind need. Not the need of the body. The mind has to perceive that these needs will be available for ever. So, the sources of these needs should appear to be permanent for the brain.

Once the mind perceives (Brain only senses. Mind perceives) that the source is there forever in our life, then it takes it ‘for granted’ and pushes this consciousness into the subconscious. So, the need or the worry about the need being met all throughout life is not always present in the conscious mind. This helps us to think about other things in life every moment and not to worry about the ‘assurance’ of the basic body needs being met.

So, the mind craves for all the body needs to be met all the time for ever in entire life. Once these things are available it forgets their availability from the conscious mind so that it can work for the next higher levels…any time the source of any of the body need gets removed then the mind focusses only on that need, getting the security feeling for that need…it does not think about higher needs…

So, we take the people who give all the basic body needs for granted…forget them when we don’t have the need…but get screwed only when they leave us permanently or for longer times.

More about it later…

rams