"sir, people fall in love with me. But i am not in love with them. I am losing good people and relationships. I am feeling guilty too. What should i do?'"

Dear all...this is for all STUDENTS...

One Question...One Answer...

Qn. "Sir, i am an engg college girl and single child to my parents. Good in studies. I take part in all sorts of arts and sports programmes. I also take part in all co-curricular activities. I can't sit quietly at one place. I am always surrounded by my friends. I can't remain alone. My friends say i am always bubbly bubbly and have lots of energy. I don't see any difference between a boy and a girl right from childhood. So, i mingle with every one easily and in same way. By-and-large i don't have fights with anyone. I am only friendly with every one and i have no love feelings or physical relationship with anyone. Mostly every one also feels same kind of friendship only.

But some times some boys propose to me, they fall in love etc. When i tell them i am just their friend and can't fall in love and marry etc they feel cheated, heart broken and it affects their studies and life. I can't stop seeing them or talking to them as we are in same class/college. Some used to call me a flirt etc. Initially i was affected but not now.

But sometimes i feel guilty of my habits and behaviours that i am responsible for making them fall in love. It pains me to see them suffering, losing their education and blaming me as the reason and others also joining with them and thinking like this. I have lost many good friends of both sexes because of this. They tell me i should change myself.

Is it my mistake that i am born beautiful? (some times i get angry with this also). My mother always tells me that i should talk and behave nicely in a way that will make others happy. Is it wrong to be like that?...Am i the reason for all this mess?...What should i do to ensure such things do not re-occur, i don't feel guilty and i don't lose my friends?

Ans: You are absolutely fabulous and great. There is no need to do any change in your habits/behaviours except that you can maintain some physical distance or limit some of the physical-friendly-brotherly behaviours when you get feelers with such people. Those who make friendship/relationships with conscious or subconscious or subtle intentions to enjoy your body will not mind or give up after some time and leave the relationship when they realise that their efforts will go futile. Many may not express their subtle feelings or desires and continue the relationship for the fear of losing you/friendship permanently. No problems.

It is quite natural for the mind of the human beings to possess, acquire, grab the source of pleasure and happiness for their life time to ensure that they are secured. It is a natural human behaviour to look and search for emotional support, love and affection from people all around. And people who are beautiful in appearance or/and with pleasant personality traits are sure to attract many or all human beings of same and opposite sex towards them. Some may not propose or fall in love, but become possessive even in friendships and start expecting, demanding and controlling you, telling not to talk or behave the same way with others. They might expect you not to have many friendships and expect you to spend all your time and energy with only them. It is unavoidable.

But remember, you are not at fault. It is their own mind that wants to possess you in the name of friendship/love/marriage etc which is at fault. They have to make their mind strong. Their mind has to accept that you can just be only a friend. If they do yoga, meditation and other exercises for mind and body, change their food habits, change their thinking, get some one who love them a lot etc then they can come out of this and remain only as a good friend with you for life time. Those who are unable to should change the place, stop communication with you for some time, go far away. The new place, people, climate, challenges in life, food habits, new friendships etc and if required, medication, counselling etc will change that person and make their body and mind strong. After that they might accept you as just a friend or if not able to, then break the relationship with you.

But you should also be strong enough which does not happen over the entire life for every one. When the body and mind are needy or weak then we also fall in love or lust with others. Anyway, falling in love is not bad and every one falls in love with others many times over their entire life time. It is a natural basic instinct of human beings to fall in love and new loves. But we need to be matured enough not to fall in possessiveness and related negative thinking, emotions and behaviours.

The post is growing too long and enough has already been typed about lust and love in my blog. And also about this love and lust feelings during adolescence and 'Repeated Adolescence' stage in life during fifties!

So, keep rocking!!

Peacefully yours...Rams... Health Psychologist.