You feel you are in Love?...You feel you need love?....You feel some one is loving you?....then read this post....

Dear all….THIS IS USEFUL FOR STUDENTS BETWEEN THE AGE GROUP OF 13 TO 25 WHO MAKE LOTS OF SOCIALISATION, FALL IN LOVE, END UP IN BREAK-UPS, SUFFER EMOTIONALLY….AND OF COURSE ‘PARENTS’ TOO…AIM OF THIS POST IS TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THE THREE WORDS ‘LIKE’ ‘LUST’ ‘LOVE’ AND KEEP THEM PEACEFUL, HAPPY AND HEALTHY IN THEIR SOCIALISATION.

All of us are born in a family where we ‘like’ or ‘love’ people. As we grow we interact with our relatives, people in society, school, college, work place, people around and people all over the world though internet. With many people we develop one or combinations of ‘like’, ‘love’, ‘lust’.

Any relationship is formed when two people meet and their minds meet. If they are far apart, depending on the needs, wants and expectations, and the levels in each, the relationship will be filled with happiness, peace and contentment or the opposites.

Physical proximity, face-to-face-eye-to-eye contact requirements in performing their official functions, oppurtunity to meet and interact as a part of their job description/organisation structure, levels/oppurtunities/time period (how long and how many days/weeks/months/years) of emotional interaction, levels and quantum of help and caring requirements in-grilled in the job design, or the understanding between each other on job and in personal interactions, the emotional-physical-mental-official-personal-financial-legal and social need levels of the two people concerned, matching of religion-language-caste-region-culture, impact of physical appearance of one on the other, how much social interaction they have outside the office and at family levels, common interests etc decide whether they will ‘like’ or ‘love’ or ‘lust’ each other.

‘Like’ has no physical or mental or fantasy intimacy. It has everything about attraction between two people including emotions. Prolonged periods of ‘Like’ leads an ‘acquaintance’ to a ‘relationship’ where ‘help’ is possible.

‘Lust’ is all about physical intimacy related to body needs. It could be from anything to anything. For satiation of lust needs two people need to have some level of intimacy and proximity physically and mentally. Therefore, lust needs can make people exhibit ‘love’ and ‘like’ behaviours. These behaviours can remain till the person is satisfied and the need levels change due to changes in the body and mind. It could be anywhere between one day to till the gynaec system stops functioning. Lust has the element of ‘craving’ and it aims at achieving the body needs at any cost without thinking about the consequences. It switches off the reality thinking part of cognition. It brings in all sorts of negative thinking, negative emotions and negative behaviours. Lust is related to the physical appearance of the individual and the mental condition of the luster (if the state of mind is bad then even a person who is not beautiful in appearance can arouse the luster). Lust behaviours are not possible without the presence of arousal value on both the bodies concerned.

‘Love’ is related to ‘caring’ which is different from ‘help’. ‘help’ has no emotions, limited priorities, limited levels and in only specified activities. ‘Help’ is present in ‘like’. ‘Caring’ is beyond ‘self’, unlimited and it involves ‘love’. Love involves limited physical intimacy e.g. mother, siblings and father. Love has lots of emotional involvement. Love need not have lust element. Love has caring beyond the comfort zones of individuals. Love involves lots of compromises and sacrifices. Love is sharing. Love needs understanding, acceptance of individuals as they are, high levels of adaptability, maturity, according priority, importance etc for each other. There can be no love without emotional relationship. Love does not see ‘self’ before the life of other person. It is ‘love’ before ‘self’. It is ‘lover’ before ‘self’. But all these are not one-sided but both sides and reciprocative. Love has the tendency of ‘longing’. Love is the perception of the lover and not related to the behaviours or feelings of the loved. All the behaviours, feelings and emotions of the loved are only enablers. It is not appearance based. It is based on the personality traits of the individual. Love has only positive thinking, emotions and behaviours. Love is natural and it blooms on its own. Love cannot be forced.

Friendships can involve all the three. But no friendship can be formed with only ‘Lust’ (so, no spouse relationship in true sense at mind or soul level can last a life time where it has only the ‘Lust’ element).

When it is one sided love and the other person has only ‘lust’ then the lover will always look for love in each and every behaviour of the luster. The lover will put-in all the best to satisfy the lust needs of the luster to get love (it goes well with the saying ‘men give love for sex and girls give sex for love’). Expressions of ‘love’ and ‘like’, both verbal and by gestures, is a part of the physical intimacy behaviours involved with lust. But these are short lived. So, they cannot be perceived as ‘love’.

‘Consistency’ over many years and ‘endurance’ of behaviours only will tell whether a person really ‘likes’ or ‘loves’. Anyway, ‘lust’ is short lived when it is present alone.

‘Like’ is a subset of ‘love’. Love i.e. ‘natural caring’, is ever lasting. But if it is not ever lasting then the ‘caring’ behaviours were not out of love but only due to lust. Caring can be due to social compulsions or individual ‘needs’ and ‘wants’. Then also it is not love and it is only due to external situation and not due to the internal mental situation of the individual beyond needs, wants and expectations.
‘Caring’ or ‘help’ in one or limited activities or for only limited time is not love. Caring or help over long period of time or entire life time beyond the needs, wants and expectations of the self is love.
‘Love’ when mixed with ‘Lust’ brings in all the negative thinking, emotions and behaviours. ‘Lust’ can spoil ‘Love’. But if the individual can moderate/regulate the lust levels through changes in life style, interventions and positive coping skills behaviours then ‘lust’ will not affect the ‘love’.

Possessiveness does not exist in Love when it is present without any ego, needs, wants and expectations (e.g devotee love). Possessiveness is present when the love has ego or needs or wants or expectations.

‘Like’ and ‘Love’ come from overall personality traits of an individual. Whereas ‘Lust’ and arousal comes only out of physical appearance. Lust needs introduce faking of ‘like’ and ‘love’ behaviours, consciously or by natural instinct, to attract the other person for closeness for satiation of physical intimacy needs. The physical intimacy that could happen in a long lasting love with out ‘Lust’ can not be equated to ‘Lust’ as there is no craving and other associated ‘Lust’ related characteristics. It can be only said that it is a natural behaviour to consolidate or value add or make the love complete.

more about these three words in my blog...there are about 1100
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Keep rocking....Rams....Health psychologist....