Dear all...THIS IS FOR PARENTS AND ALL STUDENTS...
Qn. My son who is highly intelligent, 15 years old wants to become an IAS. But i don't want political interference in his life and family and it does not match with our family profession. What to do?
Ans.
1. Parents are interested in the children making big money, wealth, fame, power, authority, being an achiever, making them independent on wealth and money.
2. They believe that shaping the intelligence only can get their children the best of the schools, colleges, courses, professions, life mates, in-laws, life, living, success in life etc. Truly speaking ‘average intelligence, more hard work and dedication and good personality traits/attributes’ does wonders than intelligence. Have all the intelligent people succeeded in all domains of life?...Most of the failures are due to personality attributes and non support of remaining people and other choices, compromises and sacrifices in life. What is success? Becoming an IAS or becoming a Chief Secretary? If reached in between is it a failure? Who decides our success...we or others?...On what parameters they decide our success or failure?...money?...wealth?...position?...fame?...power and authority?...family life?...success of children?...fear factor or nuisance factor for others (politician. police)?...Truly we set our goals and success of life and not others. Others might call it a failure but for us it might mean success. Others might call our life as successful but for us it might mean a failure!!...What is the end?
3. Parents teach their children to set goals towards mostly materialistic things and short lived pleasure oriented targets. Eg To become rich like film stars or ambanis etc....To become CEO of MNCs.
4. Parents feel that being ‘smart’ means deviating (when required) from good humanness, value systems and being immoral to achieve the goal. Chanakya strategies might help to achieve short term pleasure goal perceptions, but not the true success in overall life of peace, happiness, health, contentment, fulfillment, self actualisation and self transcending. Karma watches our deeds and does the needful.
5. All these above are wrong and cannot keep them and their children peaceful, happy, healthy, contented and feel fulfillment in life...successful in overall-life as a whole. They will certainly face failures in other domains of life and living.
On the other side adolescent children....
1. Get carried away with FANTASY CHOICES of professions. When they see the powerful, rich, authoritative IDENTITY of IAS or other civil services they want to attain all that they have attained by choosing that profession. The back ground psychology is that they want to create a RICH, POWERFUL, AUTHORITATIVE, WEALTHY IDENTITY, IMAGE, LIVING, LIFE STYLE FOR BEING ACCEPTED BY PEERS AND SOCIETY. Mostly it does not match with their reality of family circumstances, the liking and affordability of their parents, their own personality attributes, their other definitions of life, marriage etc.
2. The choices of adolescents keeps changing as they come across different celebrities in their life. They get carried away from the information from peers. This clearly shows that it is a fantasy choice.
3. Also they don’t work towards reaching their goal. The boy says he wants to become a scientist (name-sake or real) but refuses to put in hard work in studies. He says he wants to be like AR Rehman but does not put in required hard work and dedication to learn about music. Some only work towards reaching a level of amateur and not a professional or expert. They only want the celebrity status, identity, fame, acceptance, money and wealth. Many put in hard work due to their own interest of the goal or due to compulsion of parents but do not enjoy the process. They do not involve, dedicate or lose themselves in the act of learning or doing things to reach the goal or profession or becoming expert/authority. They are interested only in reaching the goal and then enjoy the achievement of being the celebrity. How can they become?...This also is not correct. They should TOTALLY INVOLVE AND LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE AREA OF INTEREST WITHOUT THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF TIME, DAY OR NIGHT, FOOD, SLEEP ETC, ENJOY THE PROCESS THOROUGHLY WITHOUT ANXIETY ETC. People around should remind them about yoga, exercise, food, bath, rest, sleep etc for their good health. If parents have to force the children for studies, hard work etc then it shows that the student is not interested, being forced and it is not a healthy state.
4. In some cases it is because their friends like that, or some other reason.
Then how to set the goals...how to select the profession?...How to select the course to study?
1. As we grow, mature, age, as our life situations change, life stages change (unmarried adult, spouse, parent, grandparent etc) our INTERESTS also change. Life situation, economic situation of family, place of living, recession, industry not performing well globally, changing policies of government etc may not allow us to be in a certain profession for lifelong forcing us to change our profession. The profession we are interested in during adolescence, we may not be interested in at a later stage. So, our goal should be generic rather than specific.
2. We also should be ready to acquire multiple knowledge, multiple skills and enter into multiple related or totally different professions.
3. Those who are in private jobs, other than govt, are sure to lose their jobs or to resign their jobs once or many times in life irrespective of how good they are in their education, knowledge, skills, dedication, hard work etc. So, they should know this fact, realise the consequences of it and be ready to face the challenges in life, profession, family and personal life.
4. Parents feel that the child should start earning the required money and wealth on his/her own and ‘settle down’ in life with marriage, kids, family etc. So, they guide their child accordingly. Then how much money?...How much wealth?...This will decide how hard he or she has to work, how many hours, how much sleep-involvement in family-time for attending social functions, relatives, parents, siblings-time for personal health pursuits like exercise, entertainment, further advancement (growing ‘potential’). If the life style is ‘all branded’, big, lavish, parties, international schooling, big villa, lots of platinum, diamonds, lands etc then time for these will reduce and lead to loss of health, happiness, peace, relationships etc. Therefore, there is a need to balance this fact of money and wealth.
5. Yoga and meditation keeps us not only healthy with strong mind but helps to understand the real meaning of life and living, understanding correct meaning of spirituality, helps to define life goals on ‘knowledge and skills’ in multiple domains while reaching the peak in each area of interest (each domain) in about 5 to 8 years and keep growing with multiple branches, twigs, fruits and flowers (shoot system of life tree!!) in wisdom, intellect, profession, fame, money and wealth (as by-products) like a banyan tree which can not be cut by any person or changes in policies or economics or industry.
6. A child grown from childhood with yoga, meditation and as per vedic methods of learning, honing positive personality traits/attributes will not run behind money, wealth and fame but run behind knowledge and wisdom there by acquiring the above too while having good health, peace, happiness, social well-being, contentment and fulfillment.
7. What is the solution for a child grown in normal and usual methods?...
(a) Measure the intelligence levels using the various tools available in google. Hone the intelligence again using the various google methods. Use multiple interventions of changing entire life style towards honing intelligence and other personality traits and not just one method focusing only on intelligence.
(b) List down the various interests of the individual, and measure again the interest levels at that age using various google tools available to find out in which field of interest the student is likely to involve, dedicate and lose himself in the pursuits, activities and path of reaching the goals.
(c) List down various skills, measure the competency levels in each skill using again the google tools.
(d) http://www.ongoingworlds.com/…/a-big-long-list-of-personal…/ ....http://www.ongoingworlds.com/…/positive-negative…/.....these websites list about 638 positive and negative personality traits. Against each trait write high, average, medium, low, very low (on a 5 point scale) and measure each personality level in that student. At the end we will come to know the strong personality traits, weak personality traits, negative traits to be removed, positive traits to be improved. We need to work with multiple ‘learning’ techniques (i.e multiple interventions that will change his personality...’learning’ by definition means ‘a process that results in relatively permanent change in cognition and behaviour’). When thinking, understanding, perceptions and behaviours change, the personality also changes.
(e) After attempting the above list down the various personality traits which the individual is not able to change. I.e these are genetic and inborn i.e Natural specific to that individual.
(f) List down the professions which the student or parent are interested in pursuing. Google to find out the required knowledge, skills, personality attributes, life styles, living conditions and various other suiting things required in life (place of living, definition of marriage and family etc) for these professions.
(g) Now you have the required data of interests, skills, competency levels in skills, personality attributes required for various professions and all these the student has.
(h) Every job requires these and every individual has these. If both match and if everyone around supports the child in all decisions of life and living then the student is sure to succeed in the goals and profession.
(i) A decision arrived at like this is not a fantasy choice but a reality choice arrived using scientific method.
(j) Using this method the initial choice of child or parent also can be analysed and found out whether it is fantasy choice or reality choice suiting to that individual.
(k) When a child is grown by vedic methods with high levels of yoga, meditation, exercise, spirituality (not god and related stuff, but about life, mind, being a good human being etc) and positive life styles, positive psychology, with honing of positive personality traits/attributes, multiple skills, knowledge, wisdom (i.e the Root system of the Life Tree to make him a banyan tree whose roots and branches grow wide, deep and strong!!) as above then THE CHILD GETS THE ABILITY TO ANALYSE ON ITS OWN VARIOUS THINGS IN LIFE AND DECIDE ITS DESTINY, INTERESTS, GOALS, LIFE PATH, TYPE OF LIVING, LIFE STYLES, AMOUNT OF MONEY AND WEALTH REQUIRED, WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE, POSITIVE METHODS OF USING SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY TOOLS FOR PROFESSIONAL GROWTH, LIFE, FRIENDS, LIFE MATE, WHEN TO DO AND WHAT, ETC. ONLY PARENTAL SUPPORT IS REQUIRED AND NOT FORCE OR PRESSURE. ONLY FINDING OR TEACHING METHODS OF FINDING RIGHT MENTORS, GUIDES WILL BE REQUIRED.
(l) When interests, skills, personality traits/attributes etc of the individual matches with the needs of the job then the student dedicates and loses himself in the process of learning, moving in the path of reaching the goal, profession etc. So, he automatically lands up at the best of the institutions, organisations suiting his caliber without any anxiety for parents and self...may be with scholarships and what not!!...Life becomes good for all at home!!...Peace, happiness, good health, good relationships between all prevails at home.
Peacefully yours....rams...Health Psychologist!!
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