'Sir, i don't want to get married because i am scared of people dumping me!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL STUDENTS AND OF COURSE, FOR PARENTS TOO...

Normally when people express their issues i just share the information. But this time i thought i will share the exact words of the person, with her approval, so that the seriousness and the impact is felt by the students and parents!!

In the above pic we can see how a girl is frustrated about relationships, marriage and in general about the traditional family life etc. One side the boys have destroyed her brain and mind and ruined her self concept, future life, feminity and her image about men!! On the other side the parents who are unaware about the mental state of their child are pressurising her for marriage (may be because of the compulsion of the marriage brokers and other people with vested interest in their community and relatives' circles and the nearby 'tv serial characters' type people around!!)

For all those boys reading this, such a situation can happen to your sisters too, and your future daughters too!!

Parents and boys having sisters need not get angry reading the above!!...It is a point to think. I don't know how many girls are like this in our cities, states and in the country. May be entire world too. It is time to sit and think!!

There may be many boys also who feel like the same!!

So, we have many boys and girls who want emotional relationship. But they are not ready to have one more, because of the failures they have experienced in their life!

Many parents also complain that their children are not interested in marriage and they give lame excuses. Many children decide not to have marriage for the fear of failure again. Many do not reveal as to what happened in their life to their parents because of fear, as these are too personal issues.

Parents think they know everything about their children, but sadly not!!...Children of these days are too smart and capable of hiding a 'universe of their personal and private life' a secret and unknown to their parents!!....

Parents are not good confidants for them. They can not listen to their children without any judgement and negative reaction. So, they fear telling the parents. The children are not able to discuss all these in detail with their friends too.

If parents can't listen patiently and support them, who else on earth can support?...Children feel lonely and commit suicide only when they feel that their parents don't listen to their issues, do not trust them, do not believe them, do not support them, do not help to solve their problems, issues and help to become strong and self confident.

Children should never feel that there is no one on this earth to support them or no one is there to whom they can discuss their issues of too private and personal in nature, and seek solutions.So, they die inside.

Love failure or break-up in relationships is a traumatic event in life which certainly affects the mental development and mental health of an adolescent/adult. Many avoid meeting their parents not to show their depressed face leading to suspicion by parents and to avoid their torture of marriage proposals. It takes lots of time to heal depending upon how emotionally deep was the relationship and how much was the damage in the brain. Of course, they come back to normal life with the new learning about life, resilience and belief systems!!


Many parents also think that if they are forced and married off, the wounds due to the break-up will heal with the new committed relationship, satiation of the needs, availability of an emotional relationship with a shoulder to heal the wounds and counselling by parents and others. They think that the children can see a new ray of hope in the horizon and oppurtunity of making a new family and happy home. Yes, possibility exists, provided the new guy is matured, a good companion and friend, a good human being with less needs, wants and expectations from her and a healer. So, probability is 50:50.


All parents blame only the present culture and the children. Sadly both are created by the parents and every one on this earth is either a parent or child or both. Blaming others or external factors does not help in anyway in protecting the children from such damages!!

Only solution is good parenting. Being responsible. Finding time, emotions and energy to teach, train and make them independent in all dimentions from 18 months of age onwards. Understanding that parenting is not an outlet of the emotions of parents, pampering, not a fun only or time pass or 'they will grow and become responsible on their own by default!'.

Children do not learn from preaching, but through observation of what parents do and the issues which they make the children to think about i.e children learn through observation and thinking and with these their brain makes their value systems, beliefs and life styles which become the basis of their future life!...

So, parents have no choice other than following a healthy life style of healthy cooking/eating, yoga, meditation, group family games in park and sports ground, picking up their studies for retaining their jobs and to be role models for their children.

Girl children are attached to their father and they follow him as their role model. Boys are attached to their mother and they pick up all the value systems and life styles from the mother. Of course, both parents heavily influence the value systems and life styles of their children.

Many parents blame that the society, culture and other children spoil their children. For every child, parents become the Gurus, Mentors, Guides and everything at least till the age of 12. Parents should be their best friends on earth with whom they can comfortably discuss anything under the sky without any discomfort and hesitation. If the parents follow the vedic life style at home as described above, it is unlikely that the children will get spoiled through the factors outside the home!

So, parents make up the life of their children, the culture and the future world!!

Every parent is a teacher by his/her deeds and every teacher is a parent!

So, our parents need to improve. Instead of shouting, controlling and threatening, they can be kind and patient, encouraging and supporting and use negative methods only momentarily to bring in the course correction i.e the desired change, in case positive methods do not help to bring in the change in behaviours. Once the children change, then they should use only positive methods of grooming and mentoring.

Many parents think 'I suffered a lot during my childhood. Let my children enjoy!'. This is not good parenting. Acquring of life skills, learning by experience, resilience, self confidence, ability to become independent and employable anywhere on earth happens only when the children are exposed to challenges under supervision and guidance.

So parents, let us change!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!