What is life all about?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...

Life is all about...

1. Setting the goals suiting our passions, interests and dreams in all domains of personal, family, academic, professional and social lives!!

2. Ensuring that all the people and events in these domains support and enable the journey!!...Even if one is against, then the journey is stressful or not possible!!

3. Enjoying the process of achieving them!!

4. Gathering all the memories of the journey in all these domains!!

That is life.....!!

Don't just only be yet another mammal on earth that survived and died!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR ALL...AN IMPORTANT AND MOST USEFUL POST...

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...AN IMPORTANT AND MOST USEFUL POST...

Living is 'Being peaceful, happy, physically, mentally and socially healthy for entire life!'

Are we getting all these in our life?

No...is it not?...That means we don't know how to live!!

That means no one around us knows how to live and it has not been taught by any one to anyone, is it?

Why no one knows and no one ever knew?

There are many things said by many...like 'Life is full of happiness and sorrows!'..."Life is a battle field!"...'Life is a mix of good and bad!'...there are millions of statements like this!

But, do all the famous prophets and philosophers agree with this?

Do we have the true, original things said by them, available to us?

The rulers in all attires, in all forms, in all names, powerful and authoritative positions...have put in their poison, to mislead everyone, to divide and RULE!!...They have not allowed anyone to learn the method of living in peace, happiness and good health, as said above. They have confused everyone, mislead all, so that we keep fighting, the economy improves, we just struggle to exist, be alive or survive...and they live like Kings!

Ok...let us forget them...Let us look at our life...How to live peacefully, happy and healthy?

1. We need clean air.

2. We need clean water.

3. We need healthy, natural food.

4. We need lots of trees, rivers, pet animals, insects, birds, hills, mountains and pleasant climate around.

5. As Nature wants us to expand in all kinds of health enhancing knowledge, skills and wisdom, we should have oppurtunity for this.

6. We should be able to pursue our profession of our interest and skills.

7. We should be able to live a simple living. Only money and wealth should chase us, and not we behind them. Only when we aspire for big palatial house, costly things inside and a posh, boasting materialistic life, we land up with heavy loans, do things which we don't like...i.e work...that too for long hours to make money to repay the loans, without getting time even to eat, rest and entertain, spoiling the physical, mental and social well-being.

8. We should be able to sleep nicely between 10 pm to 4 am.

9. And we should be able to be in the present, enjoy, involve, rejuvenate every second, lose ourselves in what we do from 4 am to 10 pm, at the best of the places in the world, and get paid for that, as salary, for our other expenses.

10. Spend money for studying at the best of the institutions in the world, suiting our intelligence to grow within our limits of stretching.

11. Study to learn...Learn to become authority in multiple disciplines with changing interests at different stages of life...learn to mature, grow, evolve into an enlightened, self actualised human being with self transcending life.

12. We should be able to carry out all five kinds of exercises defined by scientists for body...mainly aerobic exercises like walks...cycling...in clean and Natural environs...do yoga...do meditation...do exercises for a good social health too!!

13. We should be surrounded by lots of sources of unconditional love as said at point 4 above.

14. Life long, committed, enhancing, caring, supporting, positive relationships who know how to LIVE!

15. A Living space that we can maintain by ourselves.

16. Ability to adapt to any kind of climate, physical environment, social environment, ability to live alone, ability to live in an 'attached and detached' way with human beings...so, that we are able to LIVE, not just survive or exist or be alive even in such testing, challenging and demanding situations.

17. Ability to take decisions and being responsible for the decisions without regrets and guilt.

18. Defining Life as a Journey of Learning. Accepting that 'we may not get what we want or expect but If we think good, feel good and do good, only good things will happen to us and we will get what we need to LIVE with all those above!'.

19. An ability to perceive 'I am useful to someone every second of my life to make that person LIVE on his/her own!'

20. An ability to believe that 'I am not alone. All my good deeds are with me always to save me, support me with the things and people required to face my challenges, which are destined for me to grow, mature, evolve and get enlightened, towards becoming an ideal human being, in the journey of life.

I think, this is the way to LIVE........!!

So, LET US LIVE!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

How to be BEAUTIFUL in life?

Above pic is a proof that 'Positive thoughts...positive emotions...positive actions only bring BEAUTY in a person!!'

 🌸🌸🌸...So, if we want to be beautiful then we have to think positive...feel positive...do positive...i.e think good...feel good...and do good...No other way...!!!...For doing these the brain has to be healthy to produce a healthy mind which will automatically do all the above on its own!!...For brain to be healthy give lots of oxygen, follow healthy life style, keep the body healthy, throw away all the negative social beliefs!!...Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!...🌸🌸🌸

Nature carves.... 
With its TIME Chisel...
On every body...
'tick...tick...tick...'
Are not the sounds of clock...
But of the chisel...
Can some Bio stop this...
With...
Change of Genetic Code??

...Yours Peacefully...Rams...Engineer!!

I am just 22, engineer, working, earning good and good in studies. I want to do higher studies. I am from poor background. But my parents are forcing me to get married and using all the threatening methods. I want help!'

Dear all...ONE QUESTION...ONE ANSWER...VERY USEFUL FOR GIRL STUDENTS...

Qn. I am just 22, engineer, working, earning good and good in studies. I want to do higher studies. I am from poor background. But my parents are forcing me to get married and using all the threatening methods. I want help!'

Ans: Presently...

1. Your parents are subconsciously feeling that they are stronger than you.

2. People around your parents...Relatives...Marriage Agents...all those who are having vested interest in you...are all stronger than your parents. These are the people who are making your parents scared and weaker.

3. You are assumed to be weaker than all by every one.

4. If you were not educated and not earning, no one will bother about you. Only your parents will be interested in marrying you off but it may not be easy for them. But because you are earning and educated, everyone has an eye on you, against your dreams, wishes, passion and goals.

You can do studies even after your marriage, but that freedom is not in your hands in our communities. Unless your husband and in-laws support, it is not possible and that is not guaranteed. Many support and there are many do not support also.

Then if you don't study, it affects your physical health, mental health, as suppressed desires, dreams, goals, passion, aims, wishes, wants, needs, expectations from our own selves, using coping skills and defense mechanisms manifest in the form of negative thoughts, negative emotions and negative behaviours spoiling peace, happiness, our relationships with others and entire life!!...

But sadly our people do not know all these and accept peace-less existence and survival as normal living. They don't know that all their physical health issues (diabetes, hypertension, obesity and such other life style diseases) and mind issues are due to this major compromise and sacrifice against natural drives.

5. Because you are emotionally weak towards your parents and earning, they are all playing a strategy on you. They may be right in their own beliefs and convictions of your clan. But you are also right. Nature drives human beings to grow and expand in knowledge, skills and wisdom. There is nothing negative in your wish to do higher studies. It is a natural urge inside every human being. It will only further elevate you, your family, your progeny and your future generations. You only can do that. By living a life like that of your parents and your community, you cannot bring in any change. Your definitions of life and living have to be different to make it different, higher and better.

All the communities world wide, and people in it are 'tribals' in a way...There are many Sentinels guarding their beliefs, customs and traditions in each community...Like the tribals in the Sentinel Islands of Andaman Nicobar who live in the jungles without any house, dress, metal items...simply like stone age people!!...

They do not allow any one enter the island. Anyone entering gets killed by them. Entire world was like this earlier. But the strong rulers invaded each land, killed the people or enslaved using advanced weapons than theirs, to steal the resources and wealth of the land, and the 'ruling and slavery' still continues in an intellect way.

Anyways........There are many such islands and tribals still existing on this earth everywhere. As they are not strategically important and have no wealth, the rulers have left these lands and the tribals. Of course, they are healthy and strong. But they can always change, improve by making use of the positive developments of science and technology.

Coming back to the point......Every community is like these tribals in their own ways. They don't want to change due to fears and insecurities. The Sentinels will not allow. There will always be some strong people who will stay within 'attached and detached', be change agents and change themselves and the community over a period of their life time. Or some people run away from the family and community for their growth. This is a continuously process. That is how we have evolved from the 'tribals of Sentinel Islands' to whatever we are today. But still there are many social beliefs of the past, which have become social evils now, as they are stealing away the peace and happiness of people and families, as they are still primitive and not adapting to the positive, nature driven, changes happening around. So, every community world over has many such things and therefore, i consider every community as 'tribals' in their own ways and this situation will remain forever, as CHANGE IS A CONTINUOUS PROCESS AND SENTINELS WILL ALWAYS EXIST IN COMMUNITIES TO RESIST CHANGE!! (but finally the natural change will win over the dead bodies and spoiled family lives of many!!)

So, you be that Change Agent of your family with strong back bone!!

Therefore, the solution is...

1. You have to become stronger than your parents and those 'tribals' who are still primitive, the Sentinels of your clan, who are eating away the brains of your parents and killing them slowly.

2. Never hate any one or use negative methods. In the beginning it might appear that you succeeded, but when you look at your life holistically you will be a loser. So, take the weapon of LOVE...i.e positives...It is the only weapon that is constructive in the world, all other weapons are only destructive!!...And with Love even wild animals can be tamed!!

3. So, be always happy, peaceful, energetic, loving your parents. But be firm in your conviction, like Mahatma Gandhi, that you will pursue higher studies and then only will get married...and whatever your other convictions are in your life!

4. Gandhi never hated Britishers. He always loved them and treated them as his brothers and sisters. But was firm that they should leave our country, as, our country belongs to us, and not to them. This is how he won the hearts of all Britishers at England and they themselves forced their government to give freedom to India. As positive methods were used, there is no hate between UK and India even now, and cordial relationships and support continues.

Same way....

a. love your parents...

b. never hate them...

c. hug them and kiss them a lots every day...

d. protect them against the various economic, social, physical and mental dangers from all around and make them feel that you are their only reliable and trust worthy safety and security and you will standby them for entire life, come what may!!...Make them feel that YOU ARE THEIR FIRST PRIORITY BY VERBALLY SAYING, EMOTIONALLY SHOWING, BEHAVIOURALLY EXECUTING, THAT THEY ARE YOUR FIRST PRIORITY!!

e. Their subconscious mind is not strong. It is insecure. It has lots of unfulfilled desires. Find out their dreams, passion, goals, unfulfilled needs, wants, desires etc and FULFILL THEIR DESIRES as you are earning. Make them feel that your earnings are for them. It is not a loss, winning your parents is always a total gain for you for whole life by way of all kinds of supports, as, usually, no one can be trust worthy than parents, in general terms.

There many be many desires of your mother unfulfilled by your father. Fulfill them.

Where there are unfulfilled needs, wants and expectations between two people, one will not listen to the other. Presently this is the condition between you and your parents. When you fulfill their suppressed needs and wants, you can change their expectations on you...from you. And they will listen to you...they will stand by you!!...They will not listen to their relatives, marriage agents and other people of vested interest. They will be totally changed.

SO, LOVE YOUR PARENTS, HUG THEM, KISS THEM ABUNDANTLY...BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND BECOME STRONGER THAN YOUR PARENTS AND RELATIVES...BE FIRM AND STRONG IN YOUR CONVICTIONS...BE THE GOD OF YOUR PARENTS...FULFILL ALL THEIR DREAMS AND DESIRES...YOU WILL BE A WINNER!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

I am 29 and i am feeling old. Everyone keeps telling me i am old..old...old....!!...Makes me feel depressed and sad!!" "Some also tell me i am black, dark, have wrinkles, fat, no-neck, no-hip, i am not beautiful!! and they remain away from me!..So feel lonely and isolated

Dear all...ONE QUESTION...ONE ANSWER...

Qn. "I am 29 and i am feeling old. Everyone keeps telling me i am old..old...old....!!...Makes me feel depressed and sad!!"

"Some also tell me i am black, dark, have wrinkles, fat, no-neck, no-hip, i am not beautiful!! and they remain away from me!..So feel lonely and isolated!!'

Ans. It is a relative term. Comparative term. For a five months old infant, 01 year old is elder and oldie. For a 01 year old, 05 year old is elder and oldie. For a 05 year old, 10 year old is elder and oldie. For you, i am elder and oldie. But i am younger compared to my father. We feel young when we compare ourselves with people older than us and we feel older when we compare people younger than us.

Therefore, age is absolute and Aging is a feeling. If we feel aged, by comparing with youngsters, then we will age faster physically and mentally, biologically and behaviourally, get all the age related behaviours, ailments, disorders, diseases, become dead and energy-less, become demotivated and depressed. Society might expect 'age related behaviours, emotions, and thoughts' from us. e.g supposed to move slow and be egoistic. But it could steal off your happiness and bubbling energy and make you really become old and feel old too. It can make you socially isolated, as people mingle with only people of their age...i.e people who have thoughts, feelings and behaviours like them...like people of their age. If we move around with people who feel they are old, then they will suck us too inside with rigid thoughts, old philosophies, dead concepts, obsolete beliefs etc. But if we feel young, think, feel and behave like youngsters and move around with people younger than us then we will be flexible, adapt, enjoy, be surrounded by people always. The old society might feel odd, but it is up to us whether we want to die old or live young!

Every one ages differently. No two people of same age appear same in thoughts, feelings, behaviours, beliefs etc. We all have one head, two hands, two legs...so the counts of body parts are same...but the way they function and age are different. So, calendar age may be same, but the biological and social age may be different.

So, aging is in the mind. Always be with people younger than you. Think young. Think like youngsters. Experience and express feelings of joy like young people. Don't control and exhibit socially acceptable feelings and behaviours. Don't act. Be natural. Natural is feeling young and baby like. Nature drives us to be irresponsible, innocent, feel lighter, feel young and child like. But we think we are old and should exhibit commensurate feelings, mobility etc, fear struck, cautious, suspect, and screw our happiness, enjoyment and fun. We die our moments and seconds and do not live.

Beauty!!...Is it to do with the appearance?...Appearance can be either physically arousing or mentally arousing or mentally calming. It causes positive or negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours depending upon the condition and state of our body, mind, beliefs etc and it has no connectivity to the object or the other person. Beauty or ugly or arousing lies in the eyes of the beholder. So, let us not blame girls if they are dressed less or improperly or inappropriately in our perception, let us blame our body condition, condition of our mind and our own beliefs, prejudices, heuristics etc.

Another thing is physical appearance is not permanent. Shapes, curves, contours, shines, sizes...all vanish in no time. They are temporary ranging from few days, or months or few years. But relationships have to be life long for peace, happiness and good mental, physical and social well-being. Everyone likes if they are able to arouse others with their physical appearance. Every one likes those who can arouse them. But how long they can arouse with the varying physical appearance and sustain a relationship based on such satiation of needs, wants and expectations of pleasure domain?...

Personality traits also can be arousing, which can be maintained throughout the life. Every one wants Mother relationship for life time. Every one wants Sister relationship also for life time which is more of friendship based. No relationship can remain life long if it lacks the backbone of friendship. Many motherly wives are also able to arouse their husbands and vice versa is also true. One should not lose the arousal value, only by physical appearance alone one cannot arouse another person for life long, personality traits are the safe bet which can be maintained for life long. Being innocent, childish, young...i.e dwelling in child ego mostly, rather than adult or parent ego...is arousing and beautiful. Innocence is always beautiful. All children are innocent, pure, not adulterated with 'social poisons' and so are beautiful, calming and divine. But an adult girl or aged lady who is innocent, childlike also can arouse and appear beautiful.

A person who is 20 years old with negative thoughts, emotions and behaviours will appear old and ugly...not beautiful and attractive...not a good human being...not sociable and worthy of any relationship. A person who is sad and energy-less also does not attract anyone. All these people appear aged and not beautiful. Whereas a middle aged lady or an old fat lady or an old man with wrinkles with positive energies, full of radiance, full of innocence and child like feelings and behaviours with true unconditional care and support are beautiful and arousing. So, positive thoughts, positive feelings, positive energies, similar to the characters of film heroes and heroines...being bubbly bubbly...innocent...full of positive energy always...full of unconditional motherly love...like Mother Theresa...is beautiful, attractive and arousing.

Therefore, in summation, AGE AND BEAUTY REMAINS IN PERSONALITY TRAITS AND POSITIVE ENERGY AND NOT IN PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

I am 29. Everyone is forcing me to get married saying 'After 30, childbirth will be an issue!'

Dear all...ONE QUESTION...ONE ANSWER...

Qn. 'I am 29. Everyone is forcing me to get married saying 'After 30, childbirth will be an issue!'

Ans: In our society we do everything as 'duties and responsibilities'. We do everything without interest and liking. We do everything for formality sake. We do things for the sake of doing, name sake, without involvement. We do as 'sambrathaayam'...'sadangu'...This is accepted as a culture.

So, being a husband, mother, wife are all accepted as DUTIES. So, no wonder we and our families are what we are and what it is. Surprisingly it is accepted that 'this is how life is!' and everyone seems to be in a state of 'inability to think differently and change'...Learned helplessness!!

Unfortunately all these three social statuses require FEELINGS, time and energy to perform to the expectations of other person and to our own satisfaction, forget about the expectations of the society!! If this is not achieved then guilt, which is a dangerous feeling, will arise. Guilt takes us to depression and to any end.

Some get feelings, derive time and energy, when they force themselves into these roles due to social pressures. Some do not. These people get married but feel no attachment. They get pregnant but have no attachment. When they perform their duties they feel stressed and unable to perform to the level of requirement.

So, before 'forcing' ourselves it is better to train ourselves to get into the mood or interest.

Today, with advancements in technology, both conception and delivery are not life dangers or unachievable. 30 is not too old to have a child. By any philosophy it is not an old age. When you are sixty, your child is nearly 30 and a well grown, responsible and an independent adult!!

With today's lifestyle, there are many who struggle for conception even before 30. There are many surgical deliveries before 30. There are many factors beyond our hands and we can do nothing about it. We have to accept the life and think positively depending upon the eventuality and move ahead. Some are able to adopt children and feel that it is their child. Some are not able to. Every part in our body is designed for a specific function and it works in coordination with the other systems. A female body is designed to conceive, grow, carry and deliver babies. Every female body has to carry out its function. Else it can cause some health issues. Same health issues can arise even if it is functional, but the probability is more if it is non functional or not allowed to perform its function. We have to accept the eventualities depending upon our decisions.

If we follow a healthy lifestyle of eating, exercises which give flexibility and fertility to body like yoga, walks (aerobic) etc., if we are able to maintain a healthy mind without stresses, then the probability for easy conception and normal delivery exists even after 30.

So, marriage and childbirth go with the priorities in life, condition of body and mind, their obsession on their passion, goals and dreams, their ability to change their mindset and get the feelings, time and energy for the roles they have to perform in their new social statuses. Priorities are different for different people. Everyone's body and mind are different. So, there is no standard theory. Theory and formula are different for different people.

First we should be convinced. Then it depends upon whether we are able to convince the people around. So, the dynamics and decisions depend upon all the above.

So, the crux is...

1. Keep the body and mind flexible, fertile and healthy with health enhancing life style.

2. Get ready mentally, physically and socially before accepting the statuses of wife, mother and husband and be ready to perform the roles with sparing of adequate time, energy and feelings. If you can't then you are not still ready. Without getting ready, don't plunge. If you jump, and if you can't swim, then you sink taking others too along with you!...These roles are not so easy, simple and stress-free these days. Today we lack social support systems that existed earlier and also life and living are not soo simple as it was earlier. Earlier children were GROWN with just food, water and sunlight!...Today the children need to be groomed, developed, mentored, guided and parented in a designer way to make them adaptable and survivable which requires lots of time, energy, feelings and it can't be palmed-off or off-loaded to servants or left under AMC...Annual Maintenance Contract!! So, today's achievement centric, capitalist economy world is full of stressful survival and existing, unless we learn to live!

3. Decide your priorities in life, take decisions and be responsible to face the challenges, consequences and accept the causes and effects. Every decision has it's challenges and outcomes, so nothing is right or wrong. It is individual based.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!

'I am 29 years old. Am I really old for marriage?'

Dear all...ONE QUESTION....ONE ANSWER...

Qn. My mother keeps killing me saying 'You are getting aged. I am going to get you married!!'. But i don't want to. I am 29 years old. Am i really old for marriage?'

Ans: 150 years back 'child marriage' was the practice and custom. So, anyone more than 10 years of age probably was considered older for marriage.

Then 10 to 13 was considered as the age for marriage and anyone older than 15 was probably considered as 'old' for marriage and less than 10 may be was considered 'young' for marriage.

Then came 18 and anyone less than this is considered too young for marriage and anyone older than 21 is considered as 'nearing old' for marriage and more than 25 or 30 is being considered as 'old' for marriage.

So, this is relative. It changes from time to time as society evolves with the changes around.

In each stage of change, there will be a transient period, during which some individual or society will remain to be primitive and suffer.

Earlier there was not much oppurtunity for everyone for education and job. Today, every child is driven hard from LKG to Graduation (21 years) to be an achiever in various domains of life. This happens between 21 to 30. So, world is moving towards 30 as the right time for marriage.

Also, one can get married at any age from 18 onwards and it is individual's choice. We can't forcefully say that 'X' is the right age for marriage. Every one's definition of life, marriage, success, achievement, family etc is different and they go by that. Everyone's life is different and every definition of life has positives, negatives, true, false, right, wrong, good, bad in the perception of others. We have to do what is right, good, true, positive for us and keep moving.

One should have a strong backbone to explain to parents, talk over many sittings, explain, expose them, change them, convince them, take them along on-board, make them feel 'my child's happiness and peace is priority for me and she (or he) is right!'.

So, the crux is...

1. It is better to marry only when we have the inclination. Old concepts of 'everything can happen same time!' will not work out as work, life, living, family, marriage...all have changed a lot.

2. Nothing wrong in pursuing the goals, passion, aims, dreams from 20 to 30.

3. Love, care and support your parents and expose them to the changes and bring them under your envelope of definition of various things.

4. During olden days 'Marraige for Body needs' worked out to an extent. But now with both working at different places, different timings, prolonged working hours, expecting body needs from tired bodies will only lead to disappointments!...'Marriage for friendship' will only work out henceforth!..If it is only for friendship, then it can happen any time in life. Priorities of everyone is different depending upon their personality traits, level of body and mind needs, profession, lifestyle which mostly depends upon the demands of their job. But children should be groomed for decision making right from childhood and for taking responsibility of the outcomes of their decisions on their shoulders. This is very very important. Else the blame games, guilty feelings will kill the people.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!