I am just 22, engineer, working, earning good and good in studies. I want to do higher studies. I am from poor background. But my parents are forcing me to get married and using all the threatening methods. I want help!'

Dear all...ONE QUESTION...ONE ANSWER...VERY USEFUL FOR GIRL STUDENTS...

Qn. I am just 22, engineer, working, earning good and good in studies. I want to do higher studies. I am from poor background. But my parents are forcing me to get married and using all the threatening methods. I want help!'

Ans: Presently...

1. Your parents are subconsciously feeling that they are stronger than you.

2. People around your parents...Relatives...Marriage Agents...all those who are having vested interest in you...are all stronger than your parents. These are the people who are making your parents scared and weaker.

3. You are assumed to be weaker than all by every one.

4. If you were not educated and not earning, no one will bother about you. Only your parents will be interested in marrying you off but it may not be easy for them. But because you are earning and educated, everyone has an eye on you, against your dreams, wishes, passion and goals.

You can do studies even after your marriage, but that freedom is not in your hands in our communities. Unless your husband and in-laws support, it is not possible and that is not guaranteed. Many support and there are many do not support also.

Then if you don't study, it affects your physical health, mental health, as suppressed desires, dreams, goals, passion, aims, wishes, wants, needs, expectations from our own selves, using coping skills and defense mechanisms manifest in the form of negative thoughts, negative emotions and negative behaviours spoiling peace, happiness, our relationships with others and entire life!!...

But sadly our people do not know all these and accept peace-less existence and survival as normal living. They don't know that all their physical health issues (diabetes, hypertension, obesity and such other life style diseases) and mind issues are due to this major compromise and sacrifice against natural drives.

5. Because you are emotionally weak towards your parents and earning, they are all playing a strategy on you. They may be right in their own beliefs and convictions of your clan. But you are also right. Nature drives human beings to grow and expand in knowledge, skills and wisdom. There is nothing negative in your wish to do higher studies. It is a natural urge inside every human being. It will only further elevate you, your family, your progeny and your future generations. You only can do that. By living a life like that of your parents and your community, you cannot bring in any change. Your definitions of life and living have to be different to make it different, higher and better.

All the communities world wide, and people in it are 'tribals' in a way...There are many Sentinels guarding their beliefs, customs and traditions in each community...Like the tribals in the Sentinel Islands of Andaman Nicobar who live in the jungles without any house, dress, metal items...simply like stone age people!!...

They do not allow any one enter the island. Anyone entering gets killed by them. Entire world was like this earlier. But the strong rulers invaded each land, killed the people or enslaved using advanced weapons than theirs, to steal the resources and wealth of the land, and the 'ruling and slavery' still continues in an intellect way.

Anyways........There are many such islands and tribals still existing on this earth everywhere. As they are not strategically important and have no wealth, the rulers have left these lands and the tribals. Of course, they are healthy and strong. But they can always change, improve by making use of the positive developments of science and technology.

Coming back to the point......Every community is like these tribals in their own ways. They don't want to change due to fears and insecurities. The Sentinels will not allow. There will always be some strong people who will stay within 'attached and detached', be change agents and change themselves and the community over a period of their life time. Or some people run away from the family and community for their growth. This is a continuously process. That is how we have evolved from the 'tribals of Sentinel Islands' to whatever we are today. But still there are many social beliefs of the past, which have become social evils now, as they are stealing away the peace and happiness of people and families, as they are still primitive and not adapting to the positive, nature driven, changes happening around. So, every community world over has many such things and therefore, i consider every community as 'tribals' in their own ways and this situation will remain forever, as CHANGE IS A CONTINUOUS PROCESS AND SENTINELS WILL ALWAYS EXIST IN COMMUNITIES TO RESIST CHANGE!! (but finally the natural change will win over the dead bodies and spoiled family lives of many!!)

So, you be that Change Agent of your family with strong back bone!!

Therefore, the solution is...

1. You have to become stronger than your parents and those 'tribals' who are still primitive, the Sentinels of your clan, who are eating away the brains of your parents and killing them slowly.

2. Never hate any one or use negative methods. In the beginning it might appear that you succeeded, but when you look at your life holistically you will be a loser. So, take the weapon of LOVE...i.e positives...It is the only weapon that is constructive in the world, all other weapons are only destructive!!...And with Love even wild animals can be tamed!!

3. So, be always happy, peaceful, energetic, loving your parents. But be firm in your conviction, like Mahatma Gandhi, that you will pursue higher studies and then only will get married...and whatever your other convictions are in your life!

4. Gandhi never hated Britishers. He always loved them and treated them as his brothers and sisters. But was firm that they should leave our country, as, our country belongs to us, and not to them. This is how he won the hearts of all Britishers at England and they themselves forced their government to give freedom to India. As positive methods were used, there is no hate between UK and India even now, and cordial relationships and support continues.

Same way....

a. love your parents...

b. never hate them...

c. hug them and kiss them a lots every day...

d. protect them against the various economic, social, physical and mental dangers from all around and make them feel that you are their only reliable and trust worthy safety and security and you will standby them for entire life, come what may!!...Make them feel that YOU ARE THEIR FIRST PRIORITY BY VERBALLY SAYING, EMOTIONALLY SHOWING, BEHAVIOURALLY EXECUTING, THAT THEY ARE YOUR FIRST PRIORITY!!

e. Their subconscious mind is not strong. It is insecure. It has lots of unfulfilled desires. Find out their dreams, passion, goals, unfulfilled needs, wants, desires etc and FULFILL THEIR DESIRES as you are earning. Make them feel that your earnings are for them. It is not a loss, winning your parents is always a total gain for you for whole life by way of all kinds of supports, as, usually, no one can be trust worthy than parents, in general terms.

There many be many desires of your mother unfulfilled by your father. Fulfill them.

Where there are unfulfilled needs, wants and expectations between two people, one will not listen to the other. Presently this is the condition between you and your parents. When you fulfill their suppressed needs and wants, you can change their expectations on you...from you. And they will listen to you...they will stand by you!!...They will not listen to their relatives, marriage agents and other people of vested interest. They will be totally changed.

SO, LOVE YOUR PARENTS, HUG THEM, KISS THEM ABUNDANTLY...BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND BECOME STRONGER THAN YOUR PARENTS AND RELATIVES...BE FIRM AND STRONG IN YOUR CONVICTIONS...BE THE GOD OF YOUR PARENTS...FULFILL ALL THEIR DREAMS AND DESIRES...YOU WILL BE A WINNER!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!