I am 29. Everyone is forcing me to get married saying 'After 30, childbirth will be an issue!'

Dear all...ONE QUESTION...ONE ANSWER...

Qn. 'I am 29. Everyone is forcing me to get married saying 'After 30, childbirth will be an issue!'

Ans: In our society we do everything as 'duties and responsibilities'. We do everything without interest and liking. We do everything for formality sake. We do things for the sake of doing, name sake, without involvement. We do as 'sambrathaayam'...'sadangu'...This is accepted as a culture.

So, being a husband, mother, wife are all accepted as DUTIES. So, no wonder we and our families are what we are and what it is. Surprisingly it is accepted that 'this is how life is!' and everyone seems to be in a state of 'inability to think differently and change'...Learned helplessness!!

Unfortunately all these three social statuses require FEELINGS, time and energy to perform to the expectations of other person and to our own satisfaction, forget about the expectations of the society!! If this is not achieved then guilt, which is a dangerous feeling, will arise. Guilt takes us to depression and to any end.

Some get feelings, derive time and energy, when they force themselves into these roles due to social pressures. Some do not. These people get married but feel no attachment. They get pregnant but have no attachment. When they perform their duties they feel stressed and unable to perform to the level of requirement.

So, before 'forcing' ourselves it is better to train ourselves to get into the mood or interest.

Today, with advancements in technology, both conception and delivery are not life dangers or unachievable. 30 is not too old to have a child. By any philosophy it is not an old age. When you are sixty, your child is nearly 30 and a well grown, responsible and an independent adult!!

With today's lifestyle, there are many who struggle for conception even before 30. There are many surgical deliveries before 30. There are many factors beyond our hands and we can do nothing about it. We have to accept the life and think positively depending upon the eventuality and move ahead. Some are able to adopt children and feel that it is their child. Some are not able to. Every part in our body is designed for a specific function and it works in coordination with the other systems. A female body is designed to conceive, grow, carry and deliver babies. Every female body has to carry out its function. Else it can cause some health issues. Same health issues can arise even if it is functional, but the probability is more if it is non functional or not allowed to perform its function. We have to accept the eventualities depending upon our decisions.

If we follow a healthy lifestyle of eating, exercises which give flexibility and fertility to body like yoga, walks (aerobic) etc., if we are able to maintain a healthy mind without stresses, then the probability for easy conception and normal delivery exists even after 30.

So, marriage and childbirth go with the priorities in life, condition of body and mind, their obsession on their passion, goals and dreams, their ability to change their mindset and get the feelings, time and energy for the roles they have to perform in their new social statuses. Priorities are different for different people. Everyone's body and mind are different. So, there is no standard theory. Theory and formula are different for different people.

First we should be convinced. Then it depends upon whether we are able to convince the people around. So, the dynamics and decisions depend upon all the above.

So, the crux is...

1. Keep the body and mind flexible, fertile and healthy with health enhancing life style.

2. Get ready mentally, physically and socially before accepting the statuses of wife, mother and husband and be ready to perform the roles with sparing of adequate time, energy and feelings. If you can't then you are not still ready. Without getting ready, don't plunge. If you jump, and if you can't swim, then you sink taking others too along with you!...These roles are not so easy, simple and stress-free these days. Today we lack social support systems that existed earlier and also life and living are not soo simple as it was earlier. Earlier children were GROWN with just food, water and sunlight!...Today the children need to be groomed, developed, mentored, guided and parented in a designer way to make them adaptable and survivable which requires lots of time, energy, feelings and it can't be palmed-off or off-loaded to servants or left under AMC...Annual Maintenance Contract!! So, today's achievement centric, capitalist economy world is full of stressful survival and existing, unless we learn to live!

3. Decide your priorities in life, take decisions and be responsible to face the challenges, consequences and accept the causes and effects. Every decision has it's challenges and outcomes, so nothing is right or wrong. It is individual based.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!