Dear all...IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS AND PARENTS...
other day one girl needing counseling help spoke to me. Engineer. Post graduate. Age 25 years. Both the courses from best of the colleges and topper. Worked at an MNC.
She said 'sir, i was happy and bubbly bubbly throughout my life. Never felt life so miserable. I just got married 9 months back and i am pregnant, 8 months!! I feel like ending my life!! I don't know why i got married and my parents pushed me in this!!'
'Why did you leave the job?'
'sir, in our community girls get match only if they are post graduates, preferably in engineering. But they should not work!!...So, i was told by my parents to resign and come back home to get married!!'
'Is your husband educated?'
'ya, an arts graduate!'
'how this marriage got arranged?'
'my dad and his dad are in the same business, relatives and so the families decided'
'did you agree and like this marriage?'
'ya, because my parents also liked'
The girl went on narrating all the tortures and unbearable words used by her mother-in-law and when i asked in-between 'does your husband beat you?' she said 'yes' and when i asked questions related to this she said 'sir, leave that, listen to the tortures of my mother-in-law!...My husband is not an issue!!'. But when i was focusing only on the husband beating her, she got frustrated and said 'sir, my father beats my mother. My father-in-law beats my mother-in-law, my husband beats me, but we ladies also shout at them and take off all our anger ('vaaikku vantha padi nallaa thitteeruvom')!! Leave it sir!! That is not the issue!! My mother-in-law is the issue in my life!!'
From the above i could make out that husband beating the wife is an accepted culture in that community and girls find it absolutely NORMAL!!
Anyway, she told me that she wanted to attend some function of her parents' side, but the in-laws refused, harsh words got exchanged and she got beaten up nicely by all the three in front of her parents and they threw her out of the house saying 'Get lost!! Never ever come back to this house!!'...I believe she fell down also. All this happened when she was 6 months pregnant. Last two months no calls from her husband or in-laws' side.
She got angry and burnt all the marriage albums, marriage sarees, broken the DVDs, broken to pieces the big marriage photos on the wall. She destroyed all the memories of the marriage except the 'Mangalya sutra or thaali' and the baby in her uterus!!...The parents watching this act got frightened and i believe they said 'Aiyo, don't do all these, we will get you married to some other guy, don't worry!!'. She also told me that such remarriages are common in their community.
She said 'sir, i am worried if i am going mad and i am worried about my child!!'
Anyway....this is not a 20 years back story...it is fresh fresh now two days back story!!...Both the parents are educated. But their life is like a Tv serial life!!
I am sure there may be many highly educated girls suffering like this because of their 'loyalty and love' for parents!...Many parents also may be living such a life in their communities, unable to come out of their community compulsions, being in a 'learnt-helplessness' state!!
The crux is...
1. Some communities and people have not 'evolved' yet, irrespective of their education or even living abroad. They are still confused about their purpose of living.
2. 'bride should be highly educated but should not work', 'husbands beating wives' 'In-laws ill treating the daughter-in-law'...Should any girl live in that community??...I think it is high time girls make their back bones stronger, spines erect, have patience, expose their parents to the outside world by taking them out of their rat holes to other cities in the country and world, exposing them to organisational environments and the way girls live with freedom, pride, self-respect, high self concept and esteem and dignity. It might take time but they can be changed and made to muster their courage to standby the daughters and not their rotten community.
3. Some say 'it is a changing phase of the society and the present generation has to suffer, now only the parents have started realising importance of education for girls, but after some time the society will change!'....But the truth is CHANGE IN A SOCIETY IS A CONTINUOUS PROCESS. It is not a discrete or digital function that either there is a 'change' or 'no change'! NO. Social processes are continuous and IN AN EVOLVING SOCIETY THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOME SOCIAL EVIL OR THE OTHER.
And why should a girl sacrifice her precious, one time life, oppurtunity she has been given by Nature God to enjoy her life through pursuing her likes, passion, ambitions, hobbies etc just because the stupid community in which she is born is primitive, barbaric and unevolved with only monkeys still?? (by the way monkeys are happily living!!)
Keep rocking girls and never accept any relationship or family or community where there is no equality, self respect and dignity!!...Rams...Health Psychologist!!
No comments:
Post a Comment