THIS IS FOR ALL GIRLS...(of course, FOR BOYS WHO WANT GIRLS IN THEIR LIFE AND WANT TO BECOME FATHERS OF GIRLS ONE DAY!!)

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL GIRLS...(of course, FOR BOYS WHO WANT GIRLS IN THEIR LIFE AND WANT TO BECOME FATHERS OF GIRLS ONE DAY!!)

1. Qn. Sir, parents are everything for us!...Without them we would not have gone to college. They have paid so much of fees for entire life, looked after us sooo nicely with love and affection. How can we go against their expectations and wishes?

Ans. I completely agree that parents need to be loved and taken care off. I am not telling you to hate your parents and go against them. But it is also important to communicate with them your heart out, expose them to the changes around, bring them out from the wrong, obsolete, 'illusion' that they are still hanging on around regarding love, marriage, family, job, relatives, social stigma, life, living etc. By telling, even if they understand, may not get convinced to change.

But if they are exposed to the environment, meet people who are achievers in professional, family and social life...all three dimensions...live through their life practically for few days...made to understand-by-feeling-and-experiencing then they will change!!...

There are many girls who have told their parents "Dad and Mom!! I love you both a lot!! Without you both and your support i am not there!!...It is my responsibility to take care of you against all odds in my life and that i will certainly do!!...It is my promise!! But don't force me to live your primitive, obsolete life!!...What you and me think may not be right. So, let us both discuss, meet people who have achieved in all dimensions, see and listen how they tackled the challenges you anticipate in my life that i dream off and accordingly decide!!'...joined and still joining the armed forces, civil services, politics, journalism and other nontraditional professions as officers and administrators!...Their parents who were apprehensive earlier have changed their minds, understood the world they had not seen earlier and feel grateful that they have changed!!

I have changed the minds of many village parents (by exposing them to the unseen world) who have produced Einsteins and Curies but wanted their children to live like them...'living organisms which eat, sleep, reproduce, rear and die'!...They felt grateful that their eyes got opened and 'freed' their birds!!

So, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, HARD-WORK, COMMITMENT to BOTH PASSION AND PARENTS is the way out!!

Indian girls are the best in the world with all the ingredients like intelligence, dedication, high flexibility and adaptability, hard-working ability, ready for compromises and sacrifices to the core, commitment, perseverance, patience...list is long!...So, behind the few successful girls in this country there is a mother, father and a husband (may be in-laws too!) who supported them in all their endeavours including their motherhood!!...

Behind the remaining crores and crores of unsuccessful girls in this country who have been pushed into "LEARNED HELPLESSNESS", there are crores and crores of helpless mothers, male chauvinistic fathers and husbands who have nicely tamed the girls on the name of love and caring for their selfish motives of sex, food, clean home, child grooming, services of all types, nursing, emotional support...list is long!!...Their love and caring should have been 'selfless' so that the girl also extends true selfless love and affection while she lives a life full of freedom, passion, achievements, contentment and fulfillment!!

So, out of the two guys who really matter in your life, you can't decide your father, but you can certainly decide your life mate who supports you with strong backbone!!...You can change your father while you grow, you have lots of time, but why should you waste your precious life time to change the sick husband and his parents?? Of course, if damage done already, then nothing wrong in spending some time to change them too!!...Better be late than never!!...There are lakhs and lakhs of highly educated, rich, wealthy, famous, powerful, authoritative but sick, primitive, traditional, unlearned, under developed, not evolved, egoistic, rigid, TYPE-A parents in this country!!

so, girls....

1. Love is not just paying fees, giving good food and shelter, giving all the freedom, till only college life!!...Love is not being selfish!...Love is 'caring for life time unconditionally giving freedom in everything even after marriage'!!...Love should not be suffocating, conditional, demanding, expecting, caging, killing, selfish etc.

2. You need to educate the parents by positive methods of patience, open communication, love and affection, caring, exposing them, giving them the time and oppurtunity to change etc.

3. Remember, if you are positive, good, convinced about your life path, strong on your decisions, clearly explained your decisions about your definition of life to your parents and live by that...THEY CAN NOT DO ANYTHING!!...So, everything is IN YOUR HANDS ONLY!...It is my own personal experience!!...When i was different, rebellion, told all these revolutionary thoughts that i am typing here and in my blog to my parents in early 70's (!!!!!) they did not agree and forced me. But when i exhibited patience, caring, love and affection, perseverance to my convictions...they took time...they thought...and felt 'This boy is different, but good. We can't find anything wrong or bad or negative in his life style. So, why not we leave him and support him!!'. Even Wild animals can be tamed with Love and Affection. So, parents are nothing!!

4. The psychology of indian parents is that ....(a) they are too scared about everything...god, parents, people, teachers, politicians, religious leaders...that is how they are groomed!!..So, if they get shelter, security (food security, social security, emotional security, health security etc), love and care then they will change their sides and support you!!....(b) they have some dreams of comfortable and respectable social living. If you make their dreams come true then they will support you!!....(c) They might feel that they have spent a lot on you and might expect you to support your siblings in their education or marriage. If you could support this then they will support you!!....(d) Indian parents are 'sacrificial' so if you give them money and make them feel that they live a wealthy life compared to their siblings/relatives then they will support you!!...So, it is sooo easy to bend your parents to your side!!

It is wiser to take your parents along on your side as you need support in all dimensions so that you can concentrate on your passions, multi-pronged life goals...and who else can be trustworthy, loyal, hardworking and doing everything for you with love and affection, then your parents!!

So, all the best!!

Peacefully yours...rams...Social Psychologist!!