Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
In India marriages are a big business. For parents and all those around. Every one has a self motive, vested interest, an agenda, personal goal to be achieved in every marriage!!
In a culture of 'think something-talk something sweet-do something' one can not expect the well-being of the two young ones getting married!!
When people ask, 'How is life?' they expect you to crib about your marriage, profession, self issues and relationships. If you reply "All well!' then they will ask 'Hope there are no problems?'...with a question mark!!
So, they expect you to say 'Woffff...Don't ask yaar...life is full of problems!'....then they get more interested in the conversation to listen to all your issues, weaknesses for exploitation, spreading news to the entire world!!...people are jealous and cunning in a materialistic-cultured society!!
The marriage brokers, close and newly cropped up far-off relatives and all those job-less middle and old aged vettis at home, retired in reality and retired in their performance at job, whose hobby is gossips and eating the head of all parents, are the culprits. They lure with all sweet and scary words of losing good alliance and what not!!
It has been injectioned in the blood of the parents as if it is the biggg and ultimate responsibility which they have to finish off at the earliest...and so they also get anxious...stressed...and mess it up to get agony for life time!!
1. Children are much more aware in today's world all about life.
2. Every one has at least one or two break-ups and emotional traumas by 21 years of age that they have matured faster than their parents.
3. Old system of marriage for body needs, financial security, social stigma etc are no more valid.
4. Marriage and child production and rearing need lots of emotions, attachments, dedication, involvement, time and energy which can not come automatically, as the oldies at home perceive. In olden days when a girl was locked up between the front and rear doors of the house with all sorts of social stigmas and insecurities of life and living, that was possible as there was no other way than to accept the slavery. No more now!!
5. If a girl or boy is really interested in marriage and family, at 21 or before 25, yes, well and good, and by all means!!
6. If they don't have interest due to various reasons, forcing them for wed-lock, child production and rearing, sacrificing their passions, dreams, goals, aims, interests etc is wrong. That marriage can not be successful!!
7. If a parent thinks that 'all marriages have fights, shouts, cries, but all settle down after some time' then they are mistaken!!
8. Many such failed parents are hiding in their homes in depressed condition, fearing for people asking 'what happened to your daughter, understand they are not living together!!' type of talks if they venture out for social functions!
9. No more it is FAMILY CENTRIC life and living. Profession plays a greater role in life than family, as socially acceptable job and money can not easily come these days. Gone are 9 to 5 jobs without involvement. It is now 'work' with productivity, no more 'jobs'.
10. Parents need to know that most of them are obsolete, outdated, redundant, unfit to live in the present age, if they have not adapted to changes. Being a rebel will only make them to get isolated.
11. Not every one is a born traditional family man or women...there are budhhas, vivekanandas, teresas, jayalalithas, sundar pichhais....we have all kinds...every parent thinks they have given birth to people of their kind, without knowing that their children have a different call in life. When forced for a normal life, they divorce, or break-up physically, mentally or socially within the walls, just deliver their duties and responsibilities, without any emotions, attachment, for keeping parents happy or social stigma or just to keep their needs met. All those who are married to their professions in today's world can not live a peaceful, traditional, married family life and not every one is born to live that old family life!!
more will come....
Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!
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