Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...some questions...one answer....
Questions....
1. How to be unconditional (e.g unconditional love) in life with others?
2. How to live without getting irritated with others?
3. How to be compassionate with everyone?
4. How to live without anxiety?
5. How to be a person of radiating peace?
Ans:
We have only two things....1. Body...2. Mind...
Hmmmmmmmmm....all these questions you have asked are related to Mind.
If mind has to be without all the above, then the brain has to be healthy.
Brain has few things...
1. Hereditary software...which keeps coming out with its box full of personality traits from parents as we grow...at different ages, different things come out...that is why we resemble not only in appearance, but in certain personality traits too with our parents...If these personality traits have the quality of giving diseases then we have to protect ourselves by changing ourselves, our life style etc using various methods e.g anger gives heart attack and hyper tension...diabetes can come from parents...there are a big list of such diseases...so, if these things which you have mentioned are from the parents then we have to change the life style...
2. Whatever we have learnt in our life...from others...from books...from our own experiences when we faced challenges in life...there are positive learning...there are negative learning...we have to unlearn all the negatives...first we have to list down all the negative learning that is causing us problems in life...
3. Nature’s software...this keeps changing the mind for various needs...e.g love and affection, feeling of acceptance from people at home, by organisations, by societies, relatives etc...security needs (financial, legal, social, emotional, social, occupational etc) ....security means ‘i want to protect myself for entire life with all these needs’...
4. Biodrives...i.e body can not achieve all its needs by itself...so it drives the mind for the required thoughts, feelings and behaviours of body parts so that it achieves it’s need...
So, these are the things the brain has and forms the mind accordingly.
In general, if we have a healthy life style of healthy eating, enough rest (sleep), enough entertainment (entertainment is for brain and rest is for body..only rest cannot keep the brain healthy!) then mind formed is cool...of course, everything above should be 'health enhancing' and not 'health compromising'!
Body is controlled by hormones and brain by neurotransmitters.
Yoga asanas balances these two very nicely. But we have to do asanas correctly. Coordinating the breathe, body movement and mind (keeping it empty...or focusing on the movement of body parts during asanas).
1. Unconditional love....first of all why do we lay conditions on people who are close to us?...we have needs, wants and expectations!!..Needs are survival needs...eg food, water, sex, air.
We should meet these needs from our own selves so that we don’t lay condition on others. We have to earn and make our own food. Similarly water and air. Everything else also. Wrong beliefs have made this country highest populated and still increasing. People have become demanding through all possible rights. When needs are not met from others then all the 05 questions arise!!
If we have vedic or blunt diet, eat fruits, vegetables, roots, stem, leaves etc in the natural way without too much of masala, tamarind, salt etc then automatically the bio drives will be less...this totally modifies who we are...because bio need creates lots of health (physical, mental and social) compromising beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviours, changes personality traits etc.
Asanas keep the body SELF REGULATING. I.e when we don’t have the partner, it will not ask for it. So, we don’t depend on others, don’t put controls and demands, no expectations from others...we can make others live their life happily...body needs are the main things that make one to pose lots of restrictions on others. Almost all the issues with couple are due to dissatisfaction in bio needs. Dissatisfaction in this, emanates in the form of various behaviours. Superficially the problem will appear to be something else. But the root cause is dissatisfaction in body needs....SELF REGULATING BODY, HEALTHY (blunt diet) EATING (the way vedic period yogis ate), ASANAS are the solution...
once we meet all our needs by our own selves then being conditional with others vanishes.
Possessiveness is another disease of the brain...when brain is healthy...when it perceives love and affection enough...then it does not generally become possessive or easy to remove possessiveness though various methods. When it perceives less, when it finds its needs through others, when it wants that for life time, when it fears that it will lose the source of love or other needs, then it becomes possessive and conditional.
If we can meet our needs by ourselves and do the following then possessiveness will not be there, in general...or even if it comes momentarily, we can manage by SELF TALKING the following. (i.e talking to our own selves and convincing us that this is how life is, this is how people are made, this is how the destiny is, this is what our karma is...etc)
1. We should have many sources of easy unconditional sources of love. E.g pets (dogs, cats, love birds, fishes, plants (flowery, vegetables, fruits), trees, Nature, birds etc around us. In reality or pictures or in fantasies.
2. We should spend more time with Nature, pets, kids, aged people who do not demand from us, people with terminal illness (aids, cancer etc). Not only with people at home. Such people and things are available plenty outside.
3. We should be like kids most of the time, playing, dancing, singing, enjoying life in all methods. We should dwell for less time in adult and parent ego. The responsibilities of these two roles we should do like a child without anxiety.
4. Understand that nothing and no one is permanent...life keeps changing...needs, wants, expectations, definitions of life, life style, food habits, exercise habits, personality traits, moods, interests...evvvvvvvvvvvvverything keeps changing...so, we become different person continuously...throughout life..others also keep changing in the same way...if we understand this then we will not become conditional...
5. We should pursue at least one art form. More art forms is the best...i.e we should like and love doing something...some passion...in which we forget ourselves...it should involve creativeness...all the time every day...
6. We should perceive different relationships from different people...when we expect all types of relationships from one person then we become conditional...
7. We should educate our significant people (people to whom we are significant and we are significant to them...e.g family members) all these so that they exercise unconditional love with us.
8. We should travel a lot. Go to different places. Live amidst people of different languages, castes, religions, professions, etc. Different climate, different flora and fauna, different land scapes etc. This teaches many things. Keeps the mind occupied.
9. We should play some sports every day. Preferably group games... may be with family members....or friends.... Lots of physical activity is a must.
10. Mind needs lots of variety of things in life, every day, like the above...to think..to feel...to do...from morning to evening!!
11. We should do at least one performing arts for few minutes every day. E.g dance, singing, acting, etc.
12. It is preferable to have many friends WHO ARE ALSO UNCONDITIONAL!!
13. We need to laugh a lot every day.
14. We need to spend more time outside the home every day.
15. We need to fantasize a lot like children...create our own fantasy world...and enjoy
16. We need to learn to enjoy the happiness in small small things...like rain...clouds...plants...insects...by watching and observing their life style. (once my father punished me by locking me inside a room. Whole day i was inside. He thought i will get angry, sad, change etc. But i was observing whole day the life of ants inside the room and enjoyed, learnt a lot!!)
17. We need to walk, run every day. As much as possible. Breathe fresh air a lot. During sleep in night we should have cross ventilation, so that brain gets enough oxygen in the night..for 7 hours!!!!
18. We should do everything with everyone with love, compassion, feelings. Not as rituals. Involvement and feelings bring compassion.
19. We need to accept that everyone is different and defective, including ourselves. Even within the family everyone is different, every one’s destiny is different, everyone’s karma is different, everyone’s past and future are different, needs-wants and expectations from their own selves and from others are different and it keeps changing. Nothing is constant. Nothing is permanent. Everything and everyone keeps changing. Everyone’s journey is different. If we understand this then we will not compel others, put rules and regulations on others etc. We will live a free life and allow others also live a free life.
20. We need to define life as a JOURNEY OF LEARNING...ie learn every day different things, and change continuously towards being a good human being, multi skilled, multi knowledgeable, with lots of wisdom etc. So, keep doing different jobs, different passions, different interests, different hobbies...have variety in everything...food, job, sports, arts, reading habits, challenges, entertainment, dress, evvvvvvvvverthing...but they should all be health enhancing...and not health compromising!!
21. Nothing is ours and we don’t belong to anyone. We came without anything and go from here without taking anything. We came alone and we will go alone. No one came with us and no one will come with us. Everything and everyone here is for us to enjoy. Everything and everyone come and go. Life is not a stagnant pond that stinks. Life is continuous river that keeps flowing. Allow it to flow. The whole world and universe is ours. Every tree, plant, river, mountain, clouds, sky, animal, insect, air, water, earth is alllllllllllllllll ours!! But we can only enjoy. We can’t possess or demand. Because they belong to others also for them to enjoy without affecting our enjoyment!
22. We hate people, places, climate etc only when we ‘expect’. When we do all the above, then we will not hate anyone, anything. We will only love all, love everything.
If we are like the above, do you think all the five things you listed will be there in us...in our body...in our mind????
Being like the above is the definition of GOOD HUMAN BEING!!..Not all the definitions that we think!!
Peacefully yours....rams....Psychologist!!
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