THIS IS FOR ALL THE PARENTS AND THOSE IN TWENTIES READY FOR MARRIAGE.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THE PARENTS AND THOSE IN TWENTIES READY FOR MARRIAGE...

Many decades ago, when the society lived in combined families, the individual interests were not given importance. Everything was a family affair!...Festivals, all decisions, Marriages...all were a family affair. Every one was giving up and sacrificing for the other...ultimately who was happy?...Some of the sacrifices and compromises were meaningful, but certainly not all. There was some element of support from others, accepted, but the losses were many and they were the basic. As there was no other way out every body had to accept that kind of living and life. When the property belonged to father, and sons were not educated, girls were totally locked in all directions with total dependence on people at home and society, what is the way out??

Only when one or two got education and went out for studies, work etc they had the opportunity or compulsion to go for nuclear families. Even that was considered as a taboo for the family and therefore, all the oldies tried their best not to send them out of the combined family.

When they went out for nuclear family, they lacked the support of the oldies, but then, they could meet their individual desires, take decisions boldly as suited and desired for them, THE INDIVIDUAL INTERESTS took priority and could be met.

If the parents also matured and support the children and live an adaptable life, then even now combined families to an extent are possible. But certainly not living with the brothers and sisters without the total maturity of all, which is rare in our society with all the TV serials and jealousies and such other negatives around!

so, the crux is...

1. WHEN COMBINED FAMILIES EXISTED, WHEN THE BOY AND GIRL WERE NOT EDUCATED, WHEN EVERYTHING WAS FAMILY CENTRIC, ALL DECISIONS WERE FOR FAMILY, INDIVIDUAL INTERESTS WERE NOT GIVEN IMPORTANCE, ...UNDER SUCH CONDITIONS MARRIAGES WERE 'FAMILY AFFAIRS'...SO, THE ELDERS DECIDED WHAT IS GOOD FOR THE FAMILY IN THEIR WISDOM...AND THEREFORE, THE DECISIONS RELATED TO SELECTION OF GIRL OR BOY AND THE WAY MARRIAGES WERE CONDUCTED COULD BE SUITABLE FOR SUCH COMBINED FAMILIES.

2. TODAY WHEN WE ARE TALKING ABOUT NUCLEAR FAMILIES AND SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIES, WHERE THE INDIVIDUAL INTERESTS TAKE THE FRONT SEAT, IMPORTANCE AND PRIORITY, THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS 'FAMILY CENTRIC'. THE MARRIAGES, SELECTION OF BOY OR GIRL, THE WAY MARRIAGES ARE CONDUCTED, CAN NOT BE 'FAMILY CENTRIC'...MARRIAGES CAN NOT BE FAMILY ISSUES ANY MORE...THEREFORE, THE TRADITIONAL METHOD OF SELECTING THE BOY OR GIRL, CONDUCTING THE MARRIAGES WILL ONLY RESULT IN DISASTERS!!

3. UNDER THE PRESENT CONDITIONS OF LIBERAL EDUCATION, TOTAL AWARENESS, GLOBAL EDUCATION-JOB OPPORTUNITIES-GLOBALIZATION OF ORGANISATIONS, SOCIAL PROCESSES ETC, 'FAMILY INTERESTS' WILL NO LONGER SUSTAIN. INDIVIDUAL INTERESTS HAVE TO BE GIVEN DUE IMPORTANCE... FREEDOM TO LIVE IS THE ONLY WAY. ANY SELF MOTIVATED, CONTROLLED, STRATEGIC DECISIONS IN THE TRADITIONAL MANNER WILL ONLY RESULT IN FAILURES!!

Peacefully yours...rams....psychologist!!