THIS IS FOR ALL…AN INTERESTING TOPIC ON LOVE…SEX…RELATIONSHIPS....

Dear all…THIS IS FOR ALL…AN INTERESTING TOPIC ON LOVE…SEX…RELATIONSHIPS (though there are hundreds of posts in the blog on the myriads of micro and nano issues in these)!!....This is not gender specific and common for both!

I shared the joke below today!...Received and still receiving all kinds of comments from students.

“Bad girl sir!”

“Men are bad sir!”

“That is his sister!”

“A man cannot have a relationship with opposite gender without sexual feelings!”

All kinds of comments and opinions…

What is the truth??

Is it not possible to retain the family system without any polygamy?

Many oldies who praise the old family system and curse the present culture or multiple relationships issues…are they right?...True?...Did such families exist in the real sense?

Ok….let us see all these…

Let us see how Nature has created all living organisms…

Nature does not want two human beings to be SAME…in all appearance, knowledge, intelligence, personality traits, skills, experiences, perceptions, etc etc. So, nature has created both the genders to be polygamy only!! The earth has trillions and trillions of living organisms and probably all are polygamy only. We also belong to the animal species only as we have a body which has many needs and wants, and it drives and occupies the mind for most of the time to achieve these and it creates expectations too from other human beings related to these needs and wants!!

Nature also does not want all organisms to live forever on this earth. So, it has given negatives like possessiveness and body related issues like urges, cravings etc. Possessiveness coupled with ability to be a ‘food producer’ made him to live at one place, create families,  social structures, rules and regulations against the nature- driven-polygamy...which has made life and living stressful and strained!...All the health compromising thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours…all our sufferings…all the fights, sadness, frustrations, abuses, crying, break-ups are all due to the body related urges and cravings and things against the way nature has created us!!

So, Nature has given two contradicting things…1. Variety seeking behaviour in everything in life…2. Possessiveness. Truly no one is anyone’s property, in the eyes of Nature. Nothing is anyone’s property. All are perceptions due to the social fabric human beings have created. So, all the sorrows are due to these acts of human beings against the Nature. But sadly man has created a system or culture in which he can pursue the polygamy legally or illegally or as per social norms but not the other gender, as all the social rules and regulations have been formed by men. There is no social evil against men!!...All the blames and social evils are against only the other gender!!...Men have been the Rulers everywhere and they ensured that the other gender people are all truly slaves but given a social appearance that they are superior by naming rivers, mountains after them and naming them as ‘sacrificial mothers’ and visualising them as God etc!

But with both ‘Variety need’ and ‘Possessiveness’, no one can be mentally healthy when they pursue polygamy as per the Nature’s drive!!...So, all those who pursue polygamy are sure to go into mild or severe depression disorder and related mental illnesses, which will obviously affect their family life, social life, professional life, personal life and entire life!...Therefore, polygamy is not the solution for a peaceful, happy, healthy, contented, fulfilled and successful life!!...Other animals and living organisms are able to pursue because they don’t have possessiveness, complicated brain and mind and social systems/structures with rules and regulations like us!!

Anything related to body is PLEASURE and anything related to mind that is free from pleasure needs…i.e body needs…is HAPPINESS. Both have the Feeling of Goodness, but they are different, we should not get confused!!...Pleasure has all negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Happiness brings all positive thoughts, feelings and behaviours. To explain it easily, when we eat or have sex we get pleasure. When we help a needy to make them strong and live on their own ability then we get happiness. So, if we live with the body, based on body, keeping the fulcrum on the body, then we enjoy pleasure, suffer and die. If we replace it with mind, then we live and enjoy. Pleasure is never ending and it makes us to keep asking for more and more, again and again, with pain and suffering. Happiness is also never ending but comes with contentment and fulfilment.

People say “CONTROL” the body and mind…which is stressful and all the defence mechanisms and coping skills we recommend or use naturally, affect the mental health. Arousing the body and thereafter trying to control will bring in all diseases of body and mind. So, control is not the solution, but avoiding the situation of urges and cravings, needing the CONTROL, is the solution which is possible only through life style modifications…mainly with health enhancing food, sleep, rest, entertainment, exercises and beliefs on life and living!...i.e not a body centric life and living, but sixth sense based health enhancing, knowledge, skills, wisdom, personality traits, life style based!!

Sadly, the entire world has centered the life, relationships and living on the BODY related issues…solids, liquids and gases…and reproductive needs…and therefore all the agony that we face every second in our lives!

Does this mean that NATURE IS CRUEL TO GIVE ONLY NEGATIVES?...NO!!

Nature has given us the SIXTH SENSE and FANTASY POWER which are not given to any of the living organisms. Sixth sense helps us to live a life style in which the body does not dictate the mind with urges, cravings, needs, wants and expectations. Fantasy helps to manage the variety seeking behaviour given by Nature. But What is Virginity?...Losing the mind or the body?...The culture of ours says ‘losing the body is bad and loss of virginity’…It can also be said that ‘losing the mind’ (or heart) is losing virginity. It is debatable. It is upto the individual to accept what is right!

‘I lost my body to the other person, but the other person is not in my mind. Only my spouse or lover is in my mind!’

‘I live with my spouse because I have some social roles and responsibilities to deliver as per my social status of a spouse or parent. But in my mind or heart my spouse is not there!’….It could be ‘no one in my heart’ or ‘some one else in my heart!’.

Now, which one is virginity and which one is not depends upon the individual. But this fantasy power of Nature helps to live like that. Aim is to live without stress of the body, mind and social relationships. As long as a person is able to live without regrets and guilts, then it is ok. Nature is always right in reality and it wins ultimately. Remaining everything, whether right or wrong is debatable and varies from person to person.

During olden times there was no oppurtunity for education and work for women, so men could control them, live their polygamy or monogamy life, and keep the body of the women inside the house. They sadly believed that ‘body’ is the fulcrum of virginity. They never thought about the mind part. Fantasies probably helped the women to live with Nature. Now, no more it is possible that the men can keep their women inside their houses…neither the parents nor the husbands. The viceversa is also true. This kind of relationship was a conditional one wherein ‘you give me what I want, I will give you what you want!...i.e women expected food, shelter, clothing, social status and love, care and support…men wanted sex, family, children, social status and emotional support from the women….So, a kind of emotional business only existed…when the needs, wants and expectations were not met, they fought, cried, and suffered. So, this kind of making oneself week, without any kind of freedom, week in self concept, etc can not be called as a healthy family, healthy society, healthy system and healthy culture.

This kind of a relationship or life or living is no more possible. Every one has to think about ‘How I can live in the other person’s heart, unshakably!...How I can anchor in some one’s heart!’…This is the only way henceforth!...Else some one will live inside that heart!...Who can enter any heart?...Anyone who offers unconditional love, and love means not sex, but unconditional care and support. This answers most of the questions that arise in the mind.

In today’s easy, free, fast relationships possibility with world wide reach, any body can break any relationship, form new relationships, break it again and make infinite relationships. But if they are conditional then they are sure to get mental illnesses. If they are unconditional, then infinite relationships with attachment without emotions is possible. To be peaceful, happy, healthy, contented, fulfilled, successful, one should have life long strong relationships with more of unconditional love. Short term emotional relationships are sure to cause mental illnesses. Long term emotional relationships without polygamy are possible only in unconditional environment.

How to be a ‘good’ husband?....How to be a ‘good’ wife?...How to be a ‘good’ lover?...How to ensure that the spouse does not run behind another person?...How to ensure that the spouse or lover does not have any other person in the heart?...ONLY THROUGH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!...But the issue is all those who offer unconditional love will live in a heart…and all such people can enter the hearts of all!!...But the happy side of the story is that rarely human beings can be unconditional!!.....So, if some one is ideally unconditional then most likely he or she can expect that there can be no one in the heart of their spouse or lover other than them!!!

Who can offer unconditional love?...Those who have dysfunctional gynaec system…those who could liberate their mind and disconnect it from the body by keeping their body devoid of urges, cravings of the needs and wants…those who have understood the philosophy of ‘healthy living through health enhancing life style’…Those who can win over their body with mild stresses.

But sadly the food industry and life style industry, polluted environment, stressed life style….all are driving the human beings madly and worsely inside the already existing body based life and living….economic development , super power needs and greeds are adding fuel to the fire!...Therefore, the body rules and every one and all relationships suffer. 

Most of the men who openly talk their heart out about what and how they feel say that ‘a man can not have a relationship with a girl without sexual feelings’. It shows that they are fertile and their gynaec system is functional. For a person whose system is totally non-functional, defunct and all the related systems are totally switched-off, it may be possible to have a relationship with a girl without sexual feelings. Opposite sex Naturally causes arousal. It is not because of the other person, but because of our own body’s hormonal and mental states. The samething goes for women also. But women are able to make several kinds of relationships with men with or without sexual feelings due to their mother hood. Therefore, any one who has a functional gynaec system, irrespective of their attire, is bound to get momentary or periodic crushes with same person or different people, attractions involving subtle or subconscious, temporary or permanent mild or fierce sexual feelings or need for physical proximity or body touches/feelings.  Even if it is functional, if it is mild and their ‘superego’ and ‘ego’ components are more than the ‘id’ components then also they can easily win over their body without much of stress and damage and exhibit relationships without sexual feelings.

Is it possible to live healthily without the opposite gender in life?...Because this is a big issue today with all those who have break-ups. They feel they can’t live with the opposite gender…opposite gender is cheating…(truly when no one belongs to anyone and nothing belongs to anyone, it is only possessiveness that makes them to feel like that, there is nothing known as cheating!!). With free relationships, which is healthy only, right from LKG days, every one forms several friendships with many people. But every parent or adult around pursues only conditional relationships and therefore, all children too perceive that ‘this is the way or purpose of relationships’. So, they suffer and end up with break-ups which surely affects from mild depression to PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to Schizophrenia (madness) to suicides.

So, if we attach ourselves to those (trillion-1)…i.e all the living and non living other than human beings, make the children also think that this is life and this is the way to live, if we are unconditional in love, i.e care and support, with attachment and detachment, understanding that the duty of parents is to make the children live anywhere on the earth peacefully, happily and healthily, without the support of anyone, when children also pursue unconditional relationships, then there will be no break-ups, no cries, no divorce, no polygamy, families will be intact. But the point is any one who can offer unconditional love is sure to live in the hearts of others. But they will live in the hearts of others who also offer unconditional love only, so there will be no polygamy and it is all healthy relationships only!!

Obsession, in general, whether on god or human beings is not a healthy mental state. Therefore, it is a disorder, because it does not allow a person to live peacefully and healthily.

I think all the major issues of relationships is covered above. For more micro and nano issues to answer the questions in your mind presently, visit my blog by typing funnyrams in google and clicking the top most link.

So, the crux is…

1.    The present world is moving in the right way only, as decided by Nature, removing all the human made, man dominant social structures, to bring-in equality and unconditional nature, to ensure one tries to live in the other person’s mind and heart, and even if there is any unconditional relationship exists, it will be healthy only and not a polygamy condition.

2.    Polygamy only leads to mental illnesses, in the presence of possessiveness with you and the other people concerned, which is Nature driven, so no escape and bound to exist. People repeat behaviours that gives them pleasure, so once caught in the tsunami, tornadoes and whirlpool of pleasures, no escape other than to stall and drown!!

3.    Only way to be peaceful in relationships is attaching to more of pets, plants, animals, other elements of Nature, and in an unconditional relationships with human beings. When we pursue unconditional love with all living organisms from childhood, it comes easily to pursue the same with human beings too!!

4.    Life style, food, exercise, yoga, meditation, meditative living by being in the present to learn every moment and lose ourselves in what we do…all and everything matter!!

Peacefully yours…Rams…Psychologist!!