THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS, HUSBANDS AND WIVES...OF PRESENT AND FUTURE

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS, HUSBANDS AND WIVES...OF PRESENT AND FUTURE!!

All husbands are cribbing about their wives that 'SHE IS NOT UPTO MY EXPECTATIONS!'. All wives also are not satisfied with their husbands! Parents are not satisfied with their children. Children are not satisfied with their parents, but being the weakest in amongst all these people, they only burn inside themselves, grow and leave the parents with scars and developmental irregularities.

All social networks and media are full of jokes, videos, interviews, speeches, debates etc criticising the women (as most of the memes and short videos are made by men) and some women criticising men.

Men, in general say that women are impossible to manage and unpredictable to handle. Women in general say that he is incapable to be a husband or father or friend etc to their satisfaction.

Every counselling is filled with only these. Men say they are suffering because of the women and women say they are suffering because of the men and children say that they are suffering because of both. Wife says she is working like a donkey whole day for the man and the children, the man says he is working like a dog whole day for his wife and children and children say they are living for their parents...But finally no one is happy and peaceful and i don't know who is living for whom and for what??

When you talk to them individually, each one of them is a Gem. Excellent human beings, but separately and isolatedly, not as a family or group. When one relates to the other then there are issues.

This holds good between friends, communities, villages, towns, societies, states and nations.

If we ask what is the basic reason for all this suffering then it clearly emerges out that...

THEY ALL EXPECT A SET OF BEHAVIOURS FROM THE OTHER PERSON BEFITTING THEIR SOCIAL STATUS, ROLES AND RESPONSIBILITIES, THE RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE WITH THE OTHER PERSON. Where is the problem in this if this person explains the expectations to the other person and the other person lives up to the expectations of his or her beloved?...No problem at all!!...Lack of communication therefore is an issue. Some ironing out happens and life and relationship improves, but not completely. If the person does not change in the areas of importance and priority of the other person, then dissatisfaction broods, cold war commences without sufficient and with improper communication, and one day blasts of irrepairably into a volcano of divorce or break-up, making children to suffer to develop with deficiencies and suffer throughout life in their relationships.

Where is the problem?...Where is the crux?

the issues are...

1. A boy or an adult man or old man are supposed to behave, display knowledge, wisdom, maturity, intelligence, skills, personality traits commensurate with their gender and age...but truly every one is not able to display to the expectation of others. They are not supposed to do, behave, think, show feelings in certain ways. e.g If a boy cries, he is ridiculed that he should not cry like a girl. So, he is unable to show or stress out his feelings and suffers. This is just one e.g

2. Same goes with a girl too. In fact more expectations as a daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-Law, sister with requirement to display dos and don'ts of each of these at the same time which are contradicting to each other. In fact the don't list is bigger than the dos. Also she is not supposed to do things like boys...e.g driving a bullet bike, laughing louder, showing interest for mountaineering or hard and risky jobs/activities/adventures etc.

3. We have made out a set of beliefs that a girl or a boy should be like this, a wife or a husband should be like this, a brother or sister should be like this, a daughter/son-in-law or sister/brother-in-law should be like this etc...WHICH IS UNNATURAL!!!!! BECAUSE NATURE HAS NOT CREATED THE RELATIONSHIPS, ROLES, STATUSES AND RESPONSIBILITIES. ANYTHING UNNATURAL IS STRESSFUL. EVERY ONE CAN CHANGE AGAINST THEIR NATURAL SELF ONLY TO SOME EXTENT WITH MILD STRESSES. EVERY ONE WILL BREAK OR SUFFER BEYOND THEIR LIMITS. Why like this?

All of us are perfect to ourselves but imperfect to others and everyone appears to be imperfect to our eyes!!

All of us are born to different parents, different heredity, different levels of intelligence, memory skills, other skill sets, competency levels in each skill, understanding, perceptions, grow with different life experiences, different learning experiences, different beliefs depending upon their learning experiences, no one is perfect and every one is bron and grown with some physical-mental and social disabilities (mild or severe, noticeable or unnoticeable, of different health compromising levels, personality traits, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, interests and disinterests, beliefs and disbelief, acceptable and unacceptable, convictions and doubts.

1. We have to understand these differences and accept each other as they are with their defects.

2. There are few differences in males and females due to their gender difference and related differences in the body systems, the way they function, the way they grow and mature, accordingly their thoughts, feelings, tandrums etc which we have to understand and accept. e.g every moment the thought processes, feelings and behaviours of females change due to frequent and fast changes in the hormonal and neurotransmitter secretion states even in a day, day and night, changes in the social situation etc. This men have to understand and accept.

3. Other than the above, Nature does not see any difference in female and male. Therefore, we need to forget about what society says or culture says or clan says or religion says or caste-sect says etc.SO, THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS 'MALE BEHAVIOUR' OR 'FEMALE BEHAVIOUR'!!...DON'T CLASSIFY AND EXPECT BEHAVIOURS FOR DIFFERENT GENDERS AND DIFFERENT MAN CREATED SOCIAL ROLES AND STATUSES. THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS HUSBAND BEHAVIOUR, WIFE BEHAVIOUR, SIBLING BEHAVIOUR, LOVER BEHAVIOUR ETC. IF YOU RESPECT AND ACCEPT EACH ONE WITH THEIR NATURAL BEHAVIOURS, YOU WILL, IN GENERAL FIND, RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIORS FROM THE OTHER PERSON. ONLY WHEN YOU DEMAND AND RULE THE ISSUE COMES. ACCEPT EACH OTHER'S LIMITATIONS IN YIELDING OR ADAPTING OR CHANGING.

Therefore, the crux is...

1. Don't classify the behaviours of your daughters and sons. Girls might show some boy behaviours or thoughts or feelings and vice versa. Due to this their aspirations, dreams, passions, jobs / careers, their education they choose, their hobbies can be different and might overlap with opposite gender. Accept it. Don't force them to change. support and encourage them. ALLOW THEM TO BE WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY ARE NATURALLY. ONLY THING TO BE LOOKED INTO IN THIS IS 'WHETHER IT IS HEALTH ENHANCING OR HEALTH COMPROMISING...IN ALL DOMAINS OF PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SOCIAL WELL-BEING...THAT IS ALL!!....DON'T THRUST OR DUMP YOUR WRONG SOCIAL LEARNING CONCEPTS AND BELIEFS, DUE TO WHICH YOU ARE SUFFERING, AND DON'T MAKE THEM ALSO TO SUFFER AND SCREW UP / MESS UP THEIR LIVES.

2. The same thing goes with behaviours of wife, husband, sibling etc too. ALLOW THEM TO BE IN THEIR NATURAL SELVES. THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS DIVISION OF LABOUR AT HOME. THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES WITH RESPECT TO EACH OTHER, OTHER THAN HUMANNESS. THERE IS NOTHING KNOWN AS DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES OTHER THAN MENTORING AND GROOMING THE CHILDREN AS CONFIDENT, ADAPTABLE, IDEAL GOOD HUMAN BEINGS.

IF WE UNDERSTAND THE ABOVE THEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE DIVINE AND HOMES ARE HEAVEN!!

Peacefully yours...Rams....Psychologist!!