we need to feel that the entire world is our village!!

we need to change a lotttttttttt....we need to think that this whole world is my village!!...This will help at the old age too!!...Many old parents today don't want to leave their village, they expect their children too to be there with them there, and they blame their children for leaving them and going...we need to change a lotttttttt!!......1. Should be ready to separate from children any time and live independently which is good both for parents and children. 2. should be ready to go to any place in the world and live happily and peacefully without any attachment to their birth or grown place to a level of affecting health!!...rams!!

PAMPERING and cuddling of the baby girl and innocence inside our grown up girls is missing...Or the girls have lost their innocence and child inside them with ageing???

Dear all...THIS IS AN IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL HUSBANDS AND LOVER BOYS!!...here is a movie song...old song...listen to the lyrics!!...I have posted this song for analysing how the focus of lyrics has changed from then and now and how it shows the tendency of our lovers and husbands!!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

those days they kindled the child in the girls...the innocence in side them...which is the actual or main cause of their beauty...in the love-lyrics and so the girls felt happy, filled, contented, from deep inside their soul...this made them to graduate to lovers and mothers to their husbands/lovers!!

but that is not there now, which is sad!!...only their body beauty is adored which is secondary for them...as it is lusty, and not lovey!!...though that also is required!!

now they only kindle the sexy girl in them and so the girl is always missing the pampering and cuddling of the child and innocence inside her!!...She feels emptiness...not filled...not contented with the love or love making (i am not meaning what you think!!)...ok...sorry...i will put it as 'the way he shows his love towards her or the way he shows his feelings for and towards her and her love relationship!!'...there is always some void...some vacuum inside her!!...So, she is not happy with her lover or husband!!

and so she is always in search of a person who can cuddle, pamper the child and innocence in her!!

So...so...so....all boys...

Learn to identify the child in her...
Learn to pamper and cuddle that little baby in her...
Learn to adore the innocence in her...

Then automatically everything you need or look for from her will happen!!

Of course, girls also should not miss their babies and innocence inside with their aging!!

Hey girls, you can miss your beauty of your skin, glowing beauty, youth, curves, shapes and sizes with aging...but...but...but...never miss that BABY GIRL INSIDE YOU...THE INNOCENCE INSIDE YOU...then there will be nothing left for physical intimacy of cuddling, pampering, hugging, kissing etc. He will only show his love to a mother or a helpful lady.

Let your body age, but not mind and heart!!...Let others say anything, say 'ba*&s!' to them and carry on!!

Peacefully yours....rams!!

AN IMPORTANT POST FOR PARENTS AND ADOLESCENT CHILDREN...SHOULD WE SELECT COURSES AND JOB BASED ON 'interst' or 'skills'??

Dear all...AN IMPORTANT POST FOR PARENTS AND ADOLESCENT CHILDREN...the biggest head ache for the parents and adolescent children is the difference in opinion about which group to take (in +2), which course to take in college, which job to select!!

Parents think about getting a job and earning after the course for the children to make their living so that they can settle in life fast with marriage, children etc and the parents can finish off (!) their responsibility. They look at Indian job market, their need to keep the children nearby or not, jobs in their own city or nearby city.

Some parents also say 'Our family is a doctor family. You also become a doctor!'...i.e family profession concept!!

Some parents say 'Your brother is an engineer. Both in the same profession will be boring (!). You be different. So, you be a lawyer (or doctor etc)!' ...i.e 'no family profession but a different profession!'.

Parents feel scared and worried to venture into new areas of study or work/profession unknown to them. Some of them feel they are not capable of guiding their children in that unknown profession and do not know how to get guidance or not interested or scared to leave them to the experts in that profession to guide them.

This is the side of the parents.

Now let us look at the side of children!!

Children in adolescent age think they are grown up, they know everything, parents are old, have less awareness about the new professions which are growing fast, parents have not grown in exposure and knowledge commensurate with the outside growth. They feel their interest is important.

They also say and show to prove their stand with poor performance later after the admissions that once they are not interested in that subject or profession how can they study well and score good marks. So, they get arrears, stop going to college, pick up bad friendships, indulge in health compromising behaviours etc and they become the biggest life challenge ever for their parents!!

After some time the parents also give up, feel they have done a grave mistake by not going by his/her interest, words etc. Change the course and college wasting lakhs of rupees at both the colleges!!

So, it is a big question in the minds of the parents, which is right?...what should we do?...Parents who burnt their back will say 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...WOFFFFFFFFF...GO BY INTEREST!'

Scientists have studied these two issues…1. Skills…..2. Interest…

Every job requires knowledge, skills and experience. Every human being has knowledge, skills and expereince. If both job requirements and what that person has match, then they will do well in job. One group of scientists say this.

‘Once a person has interest, that person will put in long hours of work, involve completely, learn more and more and the knowledge, skills and experience related to that field will increase, and obviously that person will do well in job!’…this is the view of another group of scientists.

There are many supporting theories and examples for both.

But I feel that WE SHOULD GO BY SKILLS BECAUSE INTEREST KEEPS CHANGING!!...Whatever interest we had at 10 is not there at 20, and it changes at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 etc. OUR INTERESTS KEEPS CHANGING DEPENDING UPON OUR NEEDS AND WANTS IN LIFE. DEPENDING UPON WHERE WE ARE IN THE MASLOW’S THEORY OF HIERARCHY OF NEEDS AT THAT AGE AND STAGE IN LIFE.

Most of the ‘interests’ of adolescent age is ‘fantasy’ driven which vanishes after some time. So, later on they will feel ‘woff!! I made a wrong choice!!’…then they will change their life into some other direction…may be successfully or fail!!.....If the interest has emanated from skills within and basic personality trait, then it is likely to remain for a longer time, i.e at least middle adult stage (40 years) or life long!!

So, my personal opinion is GO BY SKILLS!!...Even if you don’t have interest when you do well, when you are appreciated for your work, when people want to have you in their teams, when you get rewards, promotions, best of the oppurtunities possible at country and international level, then you will automatically get interest and do in that profession well!!...After few years if you feel ‘No!!...I might be doing well. But my heart longs for my passion!! (or hobby or interst etc)!!’…Then change over or have that too in your life!!...Have one for your Living and have the other for you Life!!...Today change over is possible to an extent to any profession through IT, Computers, Networking etc. You will have both Sense of Satisfaction and Sense of Achievement!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

Those TWO things important for any one to be an ACHIEVER in life!!

Dear all…THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO ACHIEVE BIG IN LIFE!!...

Today I find many girls and boys with high achievement motive and orientation in life!

They are different from the people of yesteryear of agrarian era. Obviously, because these new people belong to the industrial civilisation, era and globalisation of cultures, education, work, living etc. This is perfectly alright and very much part of evolution of life, living, economy, society, cultures, organisations, organisational processes etc. Those who say ‘this is wrong!’ will remain there, get rotten, get isolated, feel lonely and die with physical-mental-social illnesses!!...The survival of the fittest will change with the changes and evolution around and LIVE too!!...

Such rigid people always remained in the society, as change and evolution are continuous processes! Sideline them or they will themselves get sidelined!...It could be any one including parents and siblings!!...Love them, look after them, but don't allow them to interfere in your life and make you a tadpole!!

All rivers have main stream at the centre where the strong fishes live, who adapt to the changes in currents, swim against too and live and rule the waters!!...Others go to the banks where tadpoles, dust, garbage and all the stinks remain!!...And all rivers have these two categories!!...So, don’t worry about the rigid tadpoles and mentally-physically-socially weak and sick fishes at home and society!!

You are perfectly alright when you want to achieve and be an achiever!!

Of course, my those five words should be the fulcrum of all decision making…all your decisions should lead to PEACE, HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT, PHYSICAL-MENTAL-SOCIAL HEALTH AND SELF ACTUALISATION!!

Having been in the academics and profession of science, social sciences, engineering, technology, management and administration…and of course family living too…for the past 50 years I feel two personality traits are a MUST…without them NO ONE CAN BE AN ACHIEVER!!

1. DISCIPLINE

2. ADAPTABILITY

DISCIPLINE with respect to time, habits, thinking and all types of activities/behaviours. If you observe all achievers had and have discipline in all their beliefs, habits etc especially time consciousness and continuous evaluation and course correction of their thinking, emotions and behaviours aligned to their long term goals in life!!

Those who are disciplined in all spheres of life anchoring their decisions on the five things listed above not only become achievers but remain physically healthy too. All those who maintained discipline only in achieving their goals became achievers but gathered many diseases, ailments and stress reactions too which is of NO USE, as HEALTH IS WEALTH!!

Next is ADAPTABILITY to the changes around in all spheres of life, society and organisations, sensitivities and beliefs of people at home, outside and in organisations, cultures of societies where we work and live, food and clothing habits etc.

WITHOUT THESE TWO ONE CAN NOT BECOME AN ACHIEVER!!...SO, IMPROVE YOUR DISCIPLINE AND ADAPTABILITY!!

Peacefully yours…rams…Health Psychologist!!

THIS IS FOR COLLEGE AND SCHOOL STUDENTS ONLY....

Dear all...THIS IS FOR COLLEGE AND SCHOOL STUDENTS ONLY...

This is a turbulent, unstable stage in life where lots of changes take place inside and outside the body and in the mind. We feel we are grown up but child too. All decisions and choices are based on fantasies and limited exposure to oppurtunities.

Many things take place in our life during this stage. One among them is SOCIALISATION.

Today with internet, social networks etc being available in abundance we are able to find new friends at the touch of the screen.

So, we get attracted to many people, talking to new people, even across many seas and oceans in a far off lands.This new feeling makes us to get addicted to. We call it friendship initially and later becomes LOVE!!

We get attracted to the people of opposite sex in our own classroom in the school and college. Very few are adaptable, understand the value of people and relationships while they give equal importance to their studies, work, passion and are able to be together by getting job at the same organisation/place.

Many people do not know what is happening in that 'honey-moon' phase of relationship, do many things, and in the final year tell...1. My parents are against because we belong to different religions/caste/language....2. I have got admission at US and that is important to me!....3. It was only a friendship. It was never a committed relationship to marry....There are hundreds of such reasons given and the relationship breaks. One feels the other person has ditched!!

Some times the girl/boy some how gets the job in the same organisation where the friend also has got job. But after few months/one year one person goes to a far off place for job or studies and the relationship breaks!!

In most of the cases no one can be blamed and it is not a planned act. In some the boy or girl makes the relationship only for fun and breaks up later.

In almost all the cases they keep fighting all the time, sad, frustrated and feel miserable but still unable to leave the relationship. Because of too much of expectations, wants and needs which no one can fulfill!!!!

So, students....

1. Interact with all equally. Enjoy being friends with all while anchoring all activities in STUDIES and SKILL DEVELOPMENT.

2. Don't fall in love and you are sure to get your biggest pain for life!!

3. Some get arrears, break in studies, leave college, suffer depression, jobless, suicide too, land up with criminal offence...AND ALL THE HARD WORK OF 15 YEARS IN THE DRAIN!!...FUTURE LIFE OF 50+ YEARS GONE!!

4. Study well, get a job, get stable in life...your thousands of friendships will come down to few when you reach mid twenties. All those who can not endure you till this time, understand the value of you, your relationship with them, get better people than you, will leave. Only those few gems will remain. You and your friend also will be out of the fantasy life and come down to realities of life to take the right decision suitable for both of you.

5. Then it would be easy and correct to select the diamond who will stay with you for life time.

6. May be you will feel your decision during the teens is right and go ahead. But then consequences are yours!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

THIS POST IS ONLY FOR LOVERS...NOT FOR PARENTS

Dear all...THIS POST IS ONLY FOR LOVERS...NOT FOR PARENTS...!!...All of us get attracted to some one from school time to college time to working phase of life.

In all the cases what generally happens is we are not conscious about what happens during the entire phase of love or relationship...we are generally carefree...we allow the things as per their way...we also get guided by things we learn from fb etc saying 'go by your heart way!'...'go by your heart but consult with the brain too!'...so we get confused till get fused in a situation of discomfort or a proper fix!!

Most of the relationships start as friendship and slowly move towards heart, body, soul etc.

BOTH THE PEOPLE SHOULD PERCEIVE 'SAME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP', ONLY THEN THERE WILL BE HAPPINESS, PEACE AND GOOD MENTAL, SOCIAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH IN THEM AND BETWEEN THEM.

If both perceive different kind of relationships then all gone!!!!!

Intense feelings can be present in a simple friendship and deep love relationship too!!

Involvement of physical intimacy, body, commitment for long term relationship, intense feelings with all these etc demarcate a relationship from 'just friendship' to something else!!

Generally girls remain as 'friends' but boys quickly move up to 'love'. Vice versa is possible but rare.

These days there are many boys and girls who do not want any committed long term relationship moving towards marriage etc. They just want friendship and may be little above depending upon their willingness, comfort zone, intensity of need etc.
Every one perceives THEIR MISSING RELATIONSHIP IN LIFE with the other person whom they are attracted to!...Girls perceive brother, uncle, teacher, mentor, lover, husband, father, friend etc. Boys perceive sister, teacher, mentor, lover, wife, friend etc.

If both perceive the same kind of relationship e.g Friend-friend, brother-sister, lover-lover, husband-wife, teacher-teacher, father-daughter, mentor-mentor etc, then the relationship goes bang on for a life time!!

During the course of time the relationship perceived can change also. But it should change from both the sides.

When one remains as a friend and the other moves to love then both get screwed with unfulfilled expectations, wants, needs, discomfort, 'crossing the limits' feeling, frustration, sadness, miserable suffocating atmosphere etc.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP PERCEIVED HAS ITS ASSOCIATED THINKING, EMOTIONS, BELIEFS, ROLES AND STATUSES OF RESPONSIBILITIES AND COMMITMENT, BEHAVIOURS.

When a person perceives a particular relationship with the other he or she displays related thinking, emotions and behaviours. This person expects the same kind of behaviours from the other person too. But due to variations in perception, thinking-emotions-behaviours etc everything changes which is not liked by the first person.

Some expand their comfort zone a bit to accommodate the needs, wants and expectations of the other, but it never ends and keep growing. The control of the relationship remains with the person whose needs are less from the relationship. So, that person keeps warning the other person, and breaks-up one fine day.

Therefore, the crux of the issue is...

1. Both should perceive same kind of relationship and in case it changes then both should change. Only one changing will lead to frustration, fights, discomforts, sadness and finally lead to break-up. Even if one yields a bit, it will never stand there and one day will break.

2. We need to be continuously conscious about the type of relationship perceived by both and keep a check if they are same and if any change. Good open communication between the two is vital for this.

3. In case of 'intense feelings' the person hardly changes to match the perceived relationship of the other and therefore it breaks with pain in the hearts of both.

there are many lovers with differently perceived relationships and keep fighting with each other and are unable to break-up also. This is what motivated me to type this post, so that we can avoid reaching such a situation in any relationship by being continuously conscious about it!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAD BREAK-UPs IN LOVE.

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO HAD BREAK-UPs IN LOVE....once we are born here we have default relationships and as we grow we create many relationships...some can be defined...few undefined too...

Almost every one blames the other person in the relationship when they suffer or feel sad or feel frustrated or feel missing, etc...

We like some people...we get attracted towards them...we feel what we feel...so, everything takes place inside us...in our brain...in our heart...all due to our own brain, endocrine system and the state of our body, mind, heart etc...

we are the main reason and the other person only adds flavour or oxygen or more fuel to the fire!!

Without our acceptance, without our brain having the mood to love them, without our brain perceiving love, without our heart asking for that person we can not fall in love with any one!!!!!!

There are many cases wherein a person is known to us for many years and we have never felt love with them, but suddenly one fine morning a spark or lightening occurs in our brain or heart towards that person, and then the love story or journey or history or era or saga begins!!

This proves that love ('all kaathals and kathharikkaais') emanates or springs and starts with us and remains with us for ever till end of life (if we truly love that person beyond all needs, wants, expectations, friendship etc) and it has nothing to do with the other person, their behaviours, their emotions, their feelings towards us!!!!!

so, actually all relationships we have are all in our mind and heart...not in that person...or that person's relationship with us...their's is just a flavour...but main food is with us...so we never miss any one when we love that person truly beyond everything....whether they leave us or become God...!!!

So, the crux is...

NO LOVE...NO PERSON...NO RELATIONSHIP....IS NEVER LOST WHEN WE LOVE THAT PERSON TRULY AND POSITIVELY BEYOND THE BARRIERS!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO EXPERIENCE LOVE!!

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO EXPERIENCE LOVE!!...a man loves a girl in three ways...before or after marriage....

1. Lusty love

2. Caring love

3. Society-sake love

When he experiences lusty love he becomes a Shakespeare!!...Rumi!!...All the best literature and poems of his life time are written by him. He will buy anything she wants!!...He goes unstable within his stability band. This tender love is the most liked by all girls!!...Of course, only till they also peak. After that if the boy goes nearby he will only get the kicks of an Arabian Horse (If you don't know watch it in youtube!!). This is the time he has to switch over to Caring Love mode!!

Lusty love commences and vanishes in few minutes unfortunately!!...Once he tastes the cherry on the cake it vanishes instantly. Then there is only caring love which is accepted by the girl like 'ok..ok...i agree that you love me!!...stupid!!'...After few hours again when the lusty love reappears he again starts shaking and becomes Shakespeare!!

Lusty love is mmmore before marriage. It is always accompanied by caring love also. Caring is mmmmore universally before the first experience. After that caring love keeps fluctuating and it varies from person to person. We can not specify a universal standard theory on this.

Lusty love decreases once the reproductive cycle is over and all dry up!...This is the time they start feeling 'My husband no more loves me!!'. It totally vanishes at the terminal years of life!...But girls long for it for entire life!!

Lusty love can vanish temporarily when challenges of higher magnitude are experienced in life by the boy (e.g loss of job, dangers of losing job, high competition in job, high achievement orientation, anxiety and stress disorders, other diseases and ailments related to the body and mind, death of parents-children-people whom he loves a lot etc). Such challenging moments in the girl's life also makes her numb for lusty love. She expects only caring love that time. Lusty love only brings irritation and 'dog!!...dog!!' feeling!!

Lusty love can permanently vanish due to terminal diseases or diseases that affect the brain, endocrine system and reproductive system. This type of love can get less pronounced with life style diseases!!

Lusty love is related to the health of his own neurotransmitter secretions in the brain (for mood), the endocrine system and the reproductive system. Those who live a non-sedentary active life have a positive, enhanced, more pronounced, long living lusty love. Those who live a sedentary life have a short, less pronounced, pleasure driven lusty love.

So, those who want to experience more and long lusty love in life have to keep their life style positive, active, bubbly bubbly, regulations in eating, stress, exercises for body and mind etc. If mind is empty then it can get filled with any type of love abundantly.Those who have pressure cookers in their brain and mind always can not even whistle, forget about any love!!

The arousal factor on the side of both the boy and girl is an important element of lusty love. Of course, arousal factor depends upon two elements 1. Physical Appearance 2. Personality Traits. Though, Personality Traits are sufficient for love to spring and remain active through out life, even to ignite lusty love, it is wiser to keep the Physical Appearance cream also of the cake!!

Caring love is the main cake of the pudding. If caring love is not there, then lusty love has no meaning. Caring love only is also not liked by the girl. She wants the cherry fruit also!...Love without caring love is not Love!!...Girls should learn to differentiate the behaviours related to both the types of loves to identify and classify the love of their lover and accordingly name the love and take a decision to continue the love for life or not!!

Caring love is the one that sustains the relationship at the later years. Also the recurring deposits done every day, every moment, over the entire life time from the lover-days to older-days and the accrued interests only brings in the interest to love and attraction to remain in the relationship.

A girl who marries a boy, whether love or arranged marriage, if comes to know that it was only lusty love and there is no caring love, cries for entire life time!!...Some boys are lusty and caring, but if their belief systems, personality traits, habits etc are nasty then the love is lost!!!!!!...All their lusty and caring love will go to the dustbin!!...(e.g of belief systems are 'all lusty girls are whores!', 'girls are only for sex!', 'a girl leaving her parents behind and eloping with a boy has to be a whore!') ....Then the girl renders only society-sake love!!...

Personality traits that make a girl to serve only society-sake love are arrogant short tempered behaviours always, liar to the core, barbaric and brutal, no respect for women, physically and mentally abusing and such other in-human personality traits etc.

Girls have the caliber to correct many of the personality traits of boys with their love and care provided the problematic personality traits of the boy are within the comfort and acceptability zone of the girl.

Society-sake love is a love where there is no lust and no caring. It is 'two people living inside four walls without any emotional relationship'!!...Truly there is no love between the two. They live 'to-gether but not together' for the sake of the children, parents, society, dependency of the girl/boy etc.

Peacefully yours....

rams...Health Psychologist.

Can'we live like this, simple, simply???

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...we are funny funny people...i wonder why are we like this????????????????

We do all difficult things in life and refuse to do simple and easy thing...normal things...Natural things.....may be we do not know that such easy and simple things exist?????...surprising!!

1. It is easy to be Natural. It is extttttttttttremely difficult to be Unnatural. But still we force ourselves to be unnatural or it comes easily to be unnatural for us and it is too difficult for us to be Natural!!!...What a bloody culture yaar!!

But being Natural is stress free and being Unnatural is stressful.

Being Natural is happy and peaceful. Being unnatural is frustrating somewhere inside us.

But then why are we unnatural??????...Why we like to be unnatural???

2. Being human is easy. Being human is stress-free. Being human means doing what the mind says, Nature says, and thereafter keeping the mind empty. If we do what Nature says out mind can not be occupied always and it will remain totally empty. No way that it can remain occupied!!!.....This is the way we can derive peace. Otherwise the mind will keep thinking thousand things, keep comparing, keep observing others and thinking why, why not etc and obviously it becomes a dust bin, creating head ache and what not!!

Then why are we not human and Natural?...Why we keep thinking about others, in human, hatred etc and screw up our peace?

3. Being human is easy, it is Natural, because we are human beings. Being a boy or girl is difficult. Because we are not produced like that Natural has produced some differences in the body. Agreed. But it has not named boy and girl and asked us to behave in a defined fashion!!...Who made the division of labour and defined how a boy should behave or how a girl should behave?...Nature??...Balls!!.... First we are human beings. After that only we are boy or a girl. Why to go to this second layer, when we are not able to be human beings in the first layer?...So, we are adding more stress and complexity to life. So, just be a human being and forget being a boy or a girl. What ever is natural it will come. Whatever thoughts, emotions or behaviours or feelings that comes at any moment will come...why to stop that...why to modify that...why to think what others will think etc....Forget it or fuck it!!....Why to be conscious about 'i am a boy' 'i am a girl' 'she is a boy' 'she is a girl' etc?. Let us not worry about whether we are boys or girls. Let us not worry about if the person in front is a boy or a girl. Let us be human beings and see every one as only human beings. This is toooo easy and simple. Let us not complicate our life thinking and being boys or girls.

Because moment we think about ourselves and others as boy or girl, sooooooooooooooo many society-formed comparisons, egoistic beliefs, thoughts, expected-behaviours will come which are stressful to body, mind and our social relationships. Because we are not Natural. The organism created by Nature is not Natural!!...So, let us free ourselves and say 'balls' to all such thinking and those who think, demarcate, differentiate etc. Hihihi....integration is easy...so let us integrate!!...Or no differentiation...and no integration too...justttttttttttttt leave it as Normal and Natural!!

4. Telling what is happening or happened is truth...Natural...it is so Easy to explain what we saw, or feel or think or did or observed or perceived...then why are we not speaking the truth? Telling lies is soooo difficult and our mind gets occupied with sooo many manipulations to make others believe wrong or false to be a truth forever!! It is sooooo stressful. This pain in the mind created by all these issues does not allow us to think anything more. Head ache starts. The life on that day and may be subsequent days also fail or go un-lived!!...Dead days!!....Then why are we not talking the truth??

5. Nature has created every one to be different so that every one enjoys a different life and there is variety in life, living etc. When every one lives a different life, it is a great fun to see some one living differently, talking different language, having different life style, having different culture, wearing different style of dress etc. Life becomes interesting to know about the other person...to interact with the other person....to learn the good things etc. But we keep comparing and trying to live others' life or be like the other person etc by comparison. So, every one is same and it is soooooooooo boring to keep seeing the same type of dressing, eating, language etc. Why are we not Natural?...Why we want to imitate?...Why we want to act?...Knowing very well that it is stressful, disease-causing, false life and living etc???

There are sooooooooooo many such things which screw up our lives without our knowledge, brings diseases in our body without our knowledge even if we live a very healthy style (as per our thinking!).

More later....It is dinner time for me...byeeeeeeeeee!!

Peacefully yours...rams!!

Is one-sided love correct?

Dear all....THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO LOVE/LOVED/WILL LOVE SOME ONE IN THEIR LIFE!!....here (below/above) is a post regarding true love...it says loving some one even when we know that the other person will never love us and never come/come back to us is called true love!!...

we might wonder how it can become true love etc...we can also think 'this person is a fool!'...'One sided love!!'...'madness'...'idiot!'...'a person without any job!'...'bloody foot! say 'balls to you!' and get on with your job!'...etc...

But truly why we love a person?....Looking for something?....Can we call that as love?...ok, leave it…what is it that we look for?...encouragement?...support for life and living?...pleasant words?...kisses?, hugs?, physical presence?, emotional support?, sex?, financial support?, social support?, physical support?, legal support?......which one?...or more than one?...or all of them?...or much more than these?...

If some one loves us for such things can we provide them life long?...how long?...some of these can be provided from remote but some can be provided only in the physical presence…is it possible always in the present and future scenario of both working, studying, pursuing their passion etc?...if we can not give, can the other person give to us?....So, is it practically possible for any one to give love in the form of all these, all times or whenever we need? (when one person needs, the other will be busy elsewhere attending some meeting…or even if present then no mood…anxiety, work-social-personal issues, health issues, children issues, family issues, relatives’ issues, friends’ issues…aging issues…the list is real long!!... so, can we provide love to all, always?...can others provide love to us, always?

Can we call such love where we look for something as love?...or can it be said as ‘emotion-business’ or ‘business of emotions’…where each person keeps looking for, craving for and judging-evaluating-policing-weighing the other person and the relationship?...can peace, happiness, health and contentment exist in this love?

So, even in mutual-love, there is no happiness and only ‘spells of pleasure’ only possible!!....the number of times we feel frustration, long breaths, anger, sadness, fights, break-ups, misunderstandings, period of times faced with such negatives, and the effects felt due to these, their consequences etc is more, over the entire span of life compared to the moments of pleasures enjoyed…

How do we love a person?...by taking a paper, or listing down all the traits and ‘ability, resourcefulness, willingness to satisfy our needs, wants and expectations’ and then declare ‘Yes, I am going to love this person from now on!!’????

or love is spontaneous?, momentous?, instantaneous?, a spark?, a lightening?, a fire?...

Ok, whether it is decided ‘on a paper’ or ‘momentary’…we love only that person whom we have ‘perceived’ or ‘conceived’ in our mind as per our yardsticks or measurement tools or scales that our brain has learnt….How can we thereafter start listing down the ‘expectations’ from that person, after we start loving??...that means we want that person to change into another person whom we want?....OK, If the other person starts doing the same on us, can we meet the expectations?...How long?...Till when???...Is this ‘expectations’ a sort of CAGING and LIMITING THE FREEDOM OF THINKING, EMOTIONS AND MOVEMENTS (BEHAVIOURS)…Can one be happy, healthy, peaceful and contented in this suffocating environment?...first of all ‘Is it a suffocating environment?’…

The post here pertains to one-sided love…we might say it is foolish looking at it on the face-value…but truly there are no expectations, demands, needs, wants etc...

All those negatives said above are not there here!!...But all the positives said above are felt to an extent here, and in fact, fantasies and feelings here are more powerful, intense , satisfying and never ending than the other one of ‘mutual love’…because…because…it is only 'giving' here…and not expecting anything from anyone…so no anxiety and frustration!!

Truly, in reality, what is existing or the way our culture or we have defined love as, we are not loving others thinking ‘we should make the other person happy, feel elated, feel out of the world, feel secured, feel supported’ etc….we love others for our own feel good factor, fun, happiness, peace, secured feeling, health, supports listed above etc.

If we are saying ‘no..no..no..no…we love others for only their happiness and peace and not that for ours!’ then why do we face all the negatives and situations listed above in love?....If we have this formula then the person whom we love is also supposed to show love for our happiness and we are supposed to be happy, peaceful and healthy!!...Is that in reality??...So, we love others for our own needs, wants and fulfillment of expectations!!...and our people love only such people who can meet their needs, wants and expectations…moment they come to know other person can not fulfill their needs then then break-up directly or indirectly or giving ‘indications’!!

So, declaring or perceiving 'i am loving that person!' is actually judging and deciding that 'this person has the ability to meet my needs and expectations!'

In life, what love others show towards us in the form of thoughts, emotions and behaviours can not be permanent due to various tornadoes in their life....but what we feel is always with us...so everything becomes one sided at some stage in life...we and our feelings only remain with us giving happiness, peace, contentment etc...

So, what is wrong with this one-sided love where it is permanent, makes us to feel good-great-elated-creative-poetic, beyond needs-wants-expectations-trust-possessiveness-obsession-friendship, does not affect in any way the person being loved?????...does not make the other person also to know that she or he is being adored, liked, loved…etc….

so, the crux is...

1. as long as we love others for our own happiness we will never be happy, peaceful and healthy...and that love will never remain forever...it will break down one day...at some level or the other...and it will be only 'living the love for society sake'!

2. one sided love is not wrong as long as it does not affect the other person...because sometime in life all loves become one-sided in our culture!!

3. loving some one for our own needs, wants and expectations is not love, it is only a parasitic act!!

4. Loving for our needs and expectations is not love!!

peacefully yours....rams!!

'intense feelings' is good...but being spiritual while being intensive is best....!!

Dear all...

All our people get attracted to a person (male or female), fall in love, and experience 'intense feelings' in that relationship. This is like a pleasure well. You will suffer a lot. You will cry a lot. You will plead a lot. You will crave a lot. You will have a big list of expectations, wants, needs etc. The suffering will be more if the needs etc are not met and the person is far away from you. You will get a feeling of happiness sometimes. But it is not happiness. It is a kind of pleasure. Because it will vanish in no time and again you will be craving, crying, obsessive etc.

Intense feelings need not just be on a person but could be in our passion, hobby and other interests too. It results in several positives like creativity, poetry, novel and drama writing. All art forms get born out of intense feelings on art forms, life, nature, god, a person (living, dead or imaginary). But these positives should not be born out of health compromising behaviours (e.g consuming liquor, smoking, eating non veg, drug addiction etc). Also these intense feelings, on whatsoever they may be, should not remove our long term peace, happiness, good social-mental-physical health, contentment and self actualisation. In fact intense feelings should provide these things to us. If not then there is a danger!!...This means they are becoming harmful to us. We need to come out of it!!

so, live intensely...love intensely...read intensely...play intensely...work intensely...paint intensely...write intensely...dance intensely...whatever you do, do it intensely!!... intensity comes to us when we answer our calling in life and be with the love of our life!!....living intensely is good...also living 'spiritually while being intensely' is safe for peace, happiness, health etc....i.e living intensely while being detached in the attachment...without expectations, needs and wants...perceiving everything for our own improvement of self concept, self esteem etc...!!

intense feelings will take you to the negative too sometimes. but we should come out of the negativity sooner as it is not good to wallow there.

spiritually while being intense is the best option.

peacefully yours....rams...health psychologist!!

make your own religion and follow!!

Truly no one follows any religion...they all follow anything that is convenient to their life and living...by following any religion if one does not get peace, happiness, physical-mental-social health, contentment and self actualisation, then that is not the right religion for that person....we have to define our own religion and follow that suiting to our place of living, climate, job etc!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

don't waste your time and life looking at, judging, evaluating, assessing others and their relationship with us...let us look ourselves for improvement!!

very true...if we keep looking at others as to what they are doing (negatively), talking about others, always observing the movements, behaviours, feelings, emotions of others, perceiving something, doing same thing with our relationships...then...then...then...we will remain where we are in life!!...there will be no improvement!!...we will only go back in health, happiness and peace. Our relationships also will weaken and vanish. Our social health will be spoiled and weak. Instead, if we look at ourselves, set long term goals, convert them into short term achievable goals, evaluate each day where we stand, what we have done on that day towards moving to our goals, what are the corrective steps to be applied, etc...every day we will improve in our knowledge, skills, competency levels, wisdom, experience etc. We will achieve our goals. We will become rich, wealthy, powerful, strong, famous, motivators, achievers also.

So, let us not look others...let us not look at our relationships with others...let us look at ourselves...let us monitor and watch ourselves...let us improve...let us move up...let us be happy, healthy, peaceful, contented and self actualised. Every one will automatically follow us. Every one will look at us. Every one will judge, evaluate us and improve too!!

peacefully yours....rams!!

THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO FACED AND FACING LOVE FAILURES IN LIFE..

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO FACED AND FACING LOVE FAILURES IN LIFE....

Many in the past have love failures...they have their butterflies still fluttering or buried alive inside their hearts, and living(?) with their better halves!!

Even now there are many love failures...even while i am typing this there must be many facing break ups or love failures at this moment...!!

every day there are many love failures, before marriage or after marriage, or physical or mental or social love failures!!

of course, there are many new loves also formed each moment...even now at this moment...somewhere in the world!!

Why loves fail????

we always blame the other person...But the truth is LOVE FAILURES ARE BECAUSE OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. One sided love from our side

2. Expecting other person also to love us (when we feel we can not be forced to love some one!!)

3. Not able to cope with the other person's needs, wants and expectations

4. The other person is not able to cope up with our needs, wants and expectations

5. our own various rigid personality traits, health compromising traits, our own traits that does not make the other person to perceive peace, happiness, health, contentment and self actualisation in the relationship with us

6. changes that continuously take place with in us like likes, dislikes, hobbies, thinking, beliefs, issues related to aging, job pressures, life and social pressures, financial hard ships, life threatening grave challenges like loss of job, parents, etc etc

so, love failures are allllllllllllllllllllllllll because of us...let us change ourselves....loves will remain...new loves will bloom...

let us stop blaming the other person for love failures...stop being sad, hating, harming the other person, harming ourselves, sinking, attempting to suicide, adopting health compromising behaviours etc...it just requires a change in us...that is all...adaptable change...physical-mental-social health enhancing change....then we will embrace the new world, new love and new people waiting for us in this vast world!!...this earth will appear to be heaven then for us and for others, through us!!

peacefully yours....

rams

one question...one doubt...see if you can answer and clear my doubt!!

Dear all...one question...one doubt...see if you can answer and clear my doubt!!

There is a table and two guys are sitting next to each other. They both like laddu very much. I kept the laddu they like. The smart boy instantly took away and ate that laddu same time. Obviously the other guy got angry and started fighting with him!!

now the next situation...

Both of them like a girl very much. They call it as love. I kept that girl on the table. The smart boy again instantly took away. Now she is brought back to the table and she is there as a whole. Again both are fighting!!

In the previous case the laddu got eaten away and not there on the table. In the second case it is there. Why then they are fighting and issue becomes complex when laddu is replaced by a girl??

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???

of course, in the above example we can replace the laddu with a boy and boys can be replaced with girls!!

(the question might appear nasty but in reality this is what is screwing up the minds and lives of many!!)

rams

keep loving, enjoying, feeling, doing...stop monitoring, policing, sniffing, checking-out!!

Dear all...many loves, peace, health and happiness are lost in monitoring, policing, sniffing, checking-out and what not due to possessiveness!!

Many loves are enjoyed when possessiveness, expectations, needs, wants are thrown outside the heart-window.

Love is enjoyed not because of the other person, but our own thinking, feelings, acts of love to the other person, giving etc.

rams

something which i read today...a good one...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...good one!!...all these is by the society, community and relatives around...can we call this as 'culture'???...rams!!

Shashank Ravi

2 March at 22:09 · 

Every woman has a past. Some were physically abused. Some had violent parents. Some had pubertal issues. Some had sexual abuse as a child from their own family members. Some had messed up love stories. Some had been forced into sex in the name of love. Some had been drugged. Some were date raped. Some had been viciously photographed on bed. Some had been blackmailed by their ex-boyfriend. Some were in an abusive relationship. Some had menstrual problems. Some had a broken family. Some had a divorce. Some had an obesity issue. Some had financial droughts. Some had drug or alcohol addiction. Some had a few unsuccessful suicide attempts.

If you see a woman, who went through any of these but had already wiped her tears, tied her hair up, masked her sorrows with a divine smile, stood tall and strong, started walking towards her future because she still has some hope left inside her and has not given up on the concept of love that still exists in this world, do not stab her with her past. Do not confront her. Do not slap her with more abuse. Give way for her and walk beside her. May be hold her hands and walk for a while. You'll know how sweet that soul is and how strong her hopes are! You'll be amazed at how she carries herself after all her energy has been sucked out.

She need not always be only the woman next door or from a different home. She could be your own friend, your own sister, your own girlfriend, your own wife, even may be your own mother. Do not judge her by her past. Gift her the peaceful future that she deserves. Hold her hands against the world, which knows only to judge. Give her the love that she always yearned for!

Yet an other gem from Aravind Kumar

Those two things that come with us till the end!!...If you throw away these probably, you will be peaceful!!...Should we be vegetarian or Non-vegetarian??

Dear all...there are soooooooooooo many things on this earth...nothing and no one probably will come along with you till the last journey!

But two things will be there with you till the last breath!!

YOUR BODY

YOUR MIND

Safeguard them...if they are spoiled, no one can save you, every one will leave you, and no one will come with you!!...including these two!!

some will say, FATE, DESTINY etc...

May be true...

But they are not in our hands!!

But our BODY and MIND are in our hands!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

Dear all...

Throw away your RELIGION and all related stuff...

Probably you will be peaceful, happy and healthy!!

Throw away your SOCIAL SYSTEMS REGULATIONS and such other stuff!!

May be you will feel abundant freedom too!!

It does not mean go weird...then you will lose the freedom, arrested by police and put inside the Jail!!...haa.haa.haaa!!

peacefully yours...rams!!

Dear all...

Don't be a VEGETARIAN...

Don't be a NON-VEGETARIAN...

Be a HEALTHITARIAN!!

peacefully yours....rams!!

a drop of a drug that can sterilize and make a girl forget the moments permanently is spreading for use by rapists and dating people...beware!!

Dear all...i read it just now...understand there is drug called ROHYPNOL...it sterilizes a person...and boys are using it in drinks of girls to make them faint and thereafter rape her. Just one drop is enough i suppose!..Understand it permanently sterilises a girl and can not conceive ever. She also will not remember what happened to her. But this chemical gets detected in blood. It is also called as 'Date Rape Drug'.

Understand it dissolves easily, victim does not conceive from the rape, rapist need not worry about having a paternity test which will identify him.

The effects of the drug are not temporary but permanent.

Understand it is fast spreading in colleges, hostels etc. Understand there are websites describing how to use it etc.

so, girllls....

1. buy your own drinks. See that the bottles or cans are sealed.

2. Never taste or take some one's drink.

3. Don't leave the drink and go anywhere or look here and there.

rams

THIS POST IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE LOVERS ARE SEPARATED BY DISTANCE...

Dear all...THIS POST IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE LOVERS ARE SEPARATED BY DISTANCE...haa.haa.haa!!

All animals do not have the ability to think...we think...so we perceive...so we feel inside in our heart and brain...we express emotions...we laugh...we wonder...we cry...we display behaviours...we call it love...there is no one on this earth ever who has not loved!!

In the past no one traveled far. They had oppurtunity to interact, communicate and express feelings, opinions etc with only known and nearby people. So, the PEOPLE WERE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE TO THEM.

Today through internet one gets oppurtunity to interact, express, exchange feelings, discuss, talk with people far away by land distance, oceans, mountains and what not, as if they are just sitting in front of them!!...The only difference between the past and present is they can not physically touch each other. Only mental proximity is possible and not the physical proximity!!

This poses several problems of needs, wants and expectations not being met. Every one who is in love wants the other person to be next to them. Then why they fall in love with people far away? But it is also not possible to say who gets attracted to whom and it is a natural process and love can not be forced!!...So, forcefully we can not love the people near by. Our oldies say 'Interact and see with people around or with people near by, you will fall in love!!'...they go by physical attraction through body needs and limited mental compatibility.

But today in the e-age and 'high achievement' motive world 'intellectual compatibility and associated emotional compatibility, adaptability' takes paramount importance in formation of emotional friendship and love!!

Physical attraction comes distinctly as lust, separated from love, and they don't mix both. They lust and love same person or lust some one and love some one. All combinations and possibilities exist.

So, who falls in love with whom, when, what distance away are all not known. So, in such situations how to love without all negatives like sadness, frustration, shouting, anger, break-up etc?

1. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is the only way. There is no other way!! When it is conditional and when lover is far away, whether before marriage or after marriage, Life will be hell and that relationship 100% will not lost long. Break-up or divorce is for sure!! ...either physically or mentally or socially!!

2. when it is unconditional then anything available is felt as abundance. Even a small sms will give an enlightened effect of heightened feelings!!...Love can never fail. It can only increase every moment. So, if you like some one fall in love, unconditionally, always, throughout life, before marriage or after marriage.

3. There is a method of being numb or 'being numb selectively' with respect to feelings through cognitive methods like self-talk etc....so that we are able to show unconditional love, but why should any one miss that pleasure and happiness of 'feelings'..'intense feelings'...in life?...especially when it contributes to creativity, art forms, skills, beauty, talents, improved self concept, self esteem/self confidence, resilience, courage etc??...

So, we only need to train our brain to teach or tell our heart 'when to feel' and 'when not to feel and be numb or just observe the negative feelings and allow it to pass over like a passing cloud'. The passing cloud may pour water on us, but it is up to us whether to 'feel drenched' or 'enjoy the shower'. So, in distant love relationships we need to know when to feel and when not to feel so that we only enjoy positive emotions and not negatives!!

peacefully yours....rams!!

'Let the heart only pump blood and feel only when the brain tells it!'

yaa...very true...let the heart only pump blood!!... Let it not feel or think etc...or let us train the brain to tell the heart when to feel and when not to feel etc...and the remaining times let it only pump blood!!...rams!!