Dear all....THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHO LOVE/LOVED/WILL LOVE SOME ONE IN THEIR LIFE!!....here (below/above) is a post regarding true love...it says loving some one even when we know that the other person will never love us and never come/come back to us is called true love!!...
we might wonder how it can become true love etc...we can also think 'this person is a fool!'...'One sided love!!'...'madness'...'idiot!'...'a person without any job!'...'bloody foot! say 'balls to you!' and get on with your job!'...etc...
But truly why we love a person?....Looking for something?....Can we call that as love?...ok, leave it…what is it that we look for?...encouragement?...support for life and living?...pleasant words?...kisses?, hugs?, physical presence?, emotional support?, sex?, financial support?, social support?, physical support?, legal support?......which one?...or more than one?...or all of them?...or much more than these?...
If some one loves us for such things can we provide them life long?...how long?...some of these can be provided from remote but some can be provided only in the physical presence…is it possible always in the present and future scenario of both working, studying, pursuing their passion etc?...if we can not give, can the other person give to us?....So, is it practically possible for any one to give love in the form of all these, all times or whenever we need? (when one person needs, the other will be busy elsewhere attending some meeting…or even if present then no mood…anxiety, work-social-personal issues, health issues, children issues, family issues, relatives’ issues, friends’ issues…aging issues…the list is real long!!... so, can we provide love to all, always?...can others provide love to us, always?
Can we call such love where we look for something as love?...or can it be said as ‘emotion-business’ or ‘business of emotions’…where each person keeps looking for, craving for and judging-evaluating-policing-weighing the other person and the relationship?...can peace, happiness, health and contentment exist in this love?
So, even in mutual-love, there is no happiness and only ‘spells of pleasure’ only possible!!....the number of times we feel frustration, long breaths, anger, sadness, fights, break-ups, misunderstandings, period of times faced with such negatives, and the effects felt due to these, their consequences etc is more, over the entire span of life compared to the moments of pleasures enjoyed…
How do we love a person?...by taking a paper, or listing down all the traits and ‘ability, resourcefulness, willingness to satisfy our needs, wants and expectations’ and then declare ‘Yes, I am going to love this person from now on!!’????
or love is spontaneous?, momentous?, instantaneous?, a spark?, a lightening?, a fire?...
Ok, whether it is decided ‘on a paper’ or ‘momentary’…we love only that person whom we have ‘perceived’ or ‘conceived’ in our mind as per our yardsticks or measurement tools or scales that our brain has learnt….How can we thereafter start listing down the ‘expectations’ from that person, after we start loving??...that means we want that person to change into another person whom we want?....OK, If the other person starts doing the same on us, can we meet the expectations?...How long?...Till when???...Is this ‘expectations’ a sort of CAGING and LIMITING THE FREEDOM OF THINKING, EMOTIONS AND MOVEMENTS (BEHAVIOURS)…Can one be happy, healthy, peaceful and contented in this suffocating environment?...first of all ‘Is it a suffocating environment?’…
The post here pertains to one-sided love…we might say it is foolish looking at it on the face-value…but truly there are no expectations, demands, needs, wants etc...
All those negatives said above are not there here!!...But all the positives said above are felt to an extent here, and in fact, fantasies and feelings here are more powerful, intense , satisfying and never ending than the other one of ‘mutual love’…because…because…it is only 'giving' here…and not expecting anything from anyone…so no anxiety and frustration!!
Truly, in reality, what is existing or the way our culture or we have defined love as, we are not loving others thinking ‘we should make the other person happy, feel elated, feel out of the world, feel secured, feel supported’ etc….we love others for our own feel good factor, fun, happiness, peace, secured feeling, health, supports listed above etc.
If we are saying ‘no..no..no..no…we love others for only their happiness and peace and not that for ours!’ then why do we face all the negatives and situations listed above in love?....If we have this formula then the person whom we love is also supposed to show love for our happiness and we are supposed to be happy, peaceful and healthy!!...Is that in reality??...So, we love others for our own needs, wants and fulfillment of expectations!!...and our people love only such people who can meet their needs, wants and expectations…moment they come to know other person can not fulfill their needs then then break-up directly or indirectly or giving ‘indications’!!
So, declaring or perceiving 'i am loving that person!' is actually judging and deciding that 'this person has the ability to meet my needs and expectations!'
In life, what love others show towards us in the form of thoughts, emotions and behaviours can not be permanent due to various tornadoes in their life....but what we feel is always with us...so everything becomes one sided at some stage in life...we and our feelings only remain with us giving happiness, peace, contentment etc...
So, what is wrong with this one-sided love where it is permanent, makes us to feel good-great-elated-creative-poetic, beyond needs-wants-expectations-trust-possessiveness-obsession-friendship, does not affect in any way the person being loved?????...does not make the other person also to know that she or he is being adored, liked, loved…etc….
1. as long as we love others for our own happiness we will never be happy, peaceful and healthy...and that love will never remain forever...it will break down one day...at some level or the other...and it will be only 'living the love for society sake'!
2. one sided love is not wrong as long as it does not affect the other person...because sometime in life all loves become one-sided in our culture!!
3. loving some one for our own needs, wants and expectations is not love, it is only a parasitic act!!
4. Loving for our needs and expectations is not love!!
peacefully yours....rams!!
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