Hai all...how are we?
You ask any of our mothers in india, specially Tamil nadu...`How you want to groom your child?’...she will say ‘Nalla paiyana valarthanum!’ (meaning ‘i want to groom my child to be a GOOD CHILD’)...
you ask what is the meaning of good child...she will say ‘without any bad habits’. You ask ‘what are bad habits?’, she will say ‘no smoking, no ‘drinking’, no bad relationships’ and such other things.
When we are in match making for marriage of our children, if you ask the other party they will say ‘yenga paiyanai nalla pullaya valarthirukkom’ (meaning we have groomed our child to be a ‘good’ boy (girl))...
this means mostly likely he or she is a RIGID PERSON.
Parents teach them to be more orderly, more strict with their own selves, not to compromise with, be highly disciplined with respect to eating, dressing, personal habits, daily routines, hobbies, entertainment, internet habits, social networking, friendships etc.
There is nothing wrong in this. But the problem is the children become HIGHLY RIGID and are not able to cope up with the following:-
1. Hostel living
2. Group or team activities
3. Adjusting with the spouse in married life
4. Unable to adjust with people (bosses, peers and subordinates), organisational culture, functional needs in working environments
5. Unable to cope up with different climates, seasons, dressing and eating needs, social needs, varied cultures etc when they are required to go to different countries in the world on deputation from their organisations
6. Undergo heavy stress while adapting to people, places, organisations, communities, religions, cultures. End result is they are unable to eat, unable to adapt to the environment, do not get sleep, unable to perform (study or work), fall sick, fight with people, loose peace and finally give up. Some leave the job and come back home. Some survive but after lots of heart burns, struggles to cope up with the demands of life and work, screwing up their friendships and other relationships, health and happiness. Very few are easily able to ADAPT TO ALL VARIABLES IN LIFE.
Most of the marriages fail these days not because the guy is drunkard or chain smoker. It is not that only bad boys or girls break their marriages. Mostly it is THESE GOOD BOYS OR GIRLS break their marriages because of their RIGIDITY and UNADAPTABLE NATURE. They don’t want to adapt. Don’t want to discuss ways out. Expect only the other person to change and adapt. No one is flexible. They are highly ‘negatively emotional’. Nothing wrong in being highly ambitious. But they lack calmness, peace and happiness. They may be pious, god fearing, go to temples etc. But they are not spiritual. They don’t know how to live in harmony with their own selves and with others. They try to seek peace and happiness by controlling, expecting, demanding, ordering others.
So, what is to be done?
We need to tell to our own self and to our kids ‘Kanna, today the world and life are different. Personal life, family life, social life and organisational life...all are highly demanding. You need to study a lot. Travel a lot. Be with different kind of people, religions, cultures, cold and hot climates and so eat and dress differently, spend less time on cooking, house chores, washing, cleaning and other personal routines. You need to find more time to be with your work, studies, wife, children, friends, peers, bosses, subordinates. You need to be creative which needs calm mind, peace, happiness. You can’t remain in stress and be creative. Not possible. So, your daily routines, own personal needs and relationships with your people should not be stressful. You need to devise and organise all these not only in a stress free manner but FULL OF FUN and COOL’.
Now how to do this?
1. Teach them to cook whatever they want within the resources available at Russia or Africa or Chinese village or suburbs of London in less time.
2. Make them to be eating balanced diet with whatever is available in Siberia and be happy and healthy.
3. Take them to be temples. No issues. But let them not get habituated and feel miserable if they can’t go to temples as temples may not be nearby and reachable in affordable time, energy and resources wherever we are.
4. Teach them what true spirituality is. Being flexible and adaptable with people, places, religions, cultures, varied beliefs, not getting emotionally attached to gods, beliefs, languages, relationships, people, foods etc, accepting all people as they are.
5. Teach yoga methods like asanas, meditation and make it a culture at home done by all like brushing and other chores. Teach also how to do all these while flying, working, studying, while being at Siberia and sahara. Also teach them how to be at peace, happy and harmony if they are unable to do these or do them partially.
6. Make them travel a lot in India and abroad. Travel and exposures teach them many intangible things which cannot be quantified.
7. Teach them how to take decisions under varied life situations from the age of 4 onwards. Ask them lots of questions. Make them to think. If they are unable to find solutions, AID them to go towards the solutions and not HELP them by giving solutions. Every person is different. Their environments will be different at different times. So, solutions for the same problem will be different at different times. There is no standard solution for any problem at all times. So, one has to apply not the knowledge but wisdom at every life situation and take appropriate decision suitable. (knowing the taste of salt is knowledge and understanding that it should not be mixed while making sweets is wisdom). It is not possible for parents to be there with children at all times from birth to death. It is not possible to guide children as we ourselves are not knowledgeable enough in all worldly opportunities, issues and situations. We cannot expect anyone to be there with them throughout life. They have to meet their threats, challenges, opportunities, life situations etc and take appropriate decisions suitable at that time.
8. So, they should know how to take decisions by taking all factors, weighing each factor, considering all stake holders etc. It could be any life event from ‘how to dress to an occasion?’ to ‘whether dating is right?’ to ‘how to choose a career or life mate?’
9. Don’t be behind them saying ‘get up and study’, ‘don’t waste time’, ‘you have to join IIT’, ‘You have to study abroad’. Take them to great educational institutions for a walk around without prior intimation. Take them to nearby or far away organisations e.g post offices, banks, workshops etc and make them ask questions to people there and learn. Create opportunities to meet great achievers in life. Groom them to be extroverts. Create their friends who are ambitious but also spiritual. Be an example by taking books and studying yourself. Make the house EDUCATION and FUN centric.
10. Teach them to attach more to nature, animals and environments for happiness, peace and solace.
11. Teach them ‘LEARN EVERYTHING, LISTEN TO ALL, and MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE’.
12. Don’t make them to form too many mental structures and beliefs as they lead to superstitions, rigidity and ‘tight ropes’ around to suffocate them.
13. Teach them to keep some art form as part of their every day life.
14. If your house is a flat, keep some plants, some animals (dogs, aquarium, birds) at home.
15. Most importantly, we need to remember that a kid needs a MOTHER only till 10 (before 10, they are always behind the mother or father like a puppy all the time...after 10, they will come to mom only when they feel hungry for food or emotional support of hugs, kisses, motivating words...after their need is over when they go, if you call them they will turn back and give a look 'i remember having seen you some where!'...like a cat does if you call it when it goes back from its bows after drinking the milk...so, till 10 PUPPY behaviour...after 10 PUSSY behaviour)...so, after 10 they DON'T WANT A MOTHER, BUT WANT A FRIEND...FRIEND AND ONLY A FRIEND...a friendship has a mother in it but an indian mother ship does not have a friendship in it...that is why all the problems we face with kids after 10 for next two decades!!.
Though there are much more, i think this would reasonably help an individual to develop in to a good and adaptable personality while growing.
bye...
keep rocking!
rams
You ask any of our mothers in india, specially Tamil nadu...`How you want to groom your child?’...she will say ‘Nalla paiyana valarthanum!’ (meaning ‘i want to groom my child to be a GOOD CHILD’)...
you ask what is the meaning of good child...she will say ‘without any bad habits’. You ask ‘what are bad habits?’, she will say ‘no smoking, no ‘drinking’, no bad relationships’ and such other things.
When we are in match making for marriage of our children, if you ask the other party they will say ‘yenga paiyanai nalla pullaya valarthirukkom’ (meaning we have groomed our child to be a ‘good’ boy (girl))...
this means mostly likely he or she is a RIGID PERSON.
Parents teach them to be more orderly, more strict with their own selves, not to compromise with, be highly disciplined with respect to eating, dressing, personal habits, daily routines, hobbies, entertainment, internet habits, social networking, friendships etc.
There is nothing wrong in this. But the problem is the children become HIGHLY RIGID and are not able to cope up with the following:-
1. Hostel living
2. Group or team activities
3. Adjusting with the spouse in married life
4. Unable to adjust with people (bosses, peers and subordinates), organisational culture, functional needs in working environments
5. Unable to cope up with different climates, seasons, dressing and eating needs, social needs, varied cultures etc when they are required to go to different countries in the world on deputation from their organisations
6. Undergo heavy stress while adapting to people, places, organisations, communities, religions, cultures. End result is they are unable to eat, unable to adapt to the environment, do not get sleep, unable to perform (study or work), fall sick, fight with people, loose peace and finally give up. Some leave the job and come back home. Some survive but after lots of heart burns, struggles to cope up with the demands of life and work, screwing up their friendships and other relationships, health and happiness. Very few are easily able to ADAPT TO ALL VARIABLES IN LIFE.
Most of the marriages fail these days not because the guy is drunkard or chain smoker. It is not that only bad boys or girls break their marriages. Mostly it is THESE GOOD BOYS OR GIRLS break their marriages because of their RIGIDITY and UNADAPTABLE NATURE. They don’t want to adapt. Don’t want to discuss ways out. Expect only the other person to change and adapt. No one is flexible. They are highly ‘negatively emotional’. Nothing wrong in being highly ambitious. But they lack calmness, peace and happiness. They may be pious, god fearing, go to temples etc. But they are not spiritual. They don’t know how to live in harmony with their own selves and with others. They try to seek peace and happiness by controlling, expecting, demanding, ordering others.
So, what is to be done?
We need to tell to our own self and to our kids ‘Kanna, today the world and life are different. Personal life, family life, social life and organisational life...all are highly demanding. You need to study a lot. Travel a lot. Be with different kind of people, religions, cultures, cold and hot climates and so eat and dress differently, spend less time on cooking, house chores, washing, cleaning and other personal routines. You need to find more time to be with your work, studies, wife, children, friends, peers, bosses, subordinates. You need to be creative which needs calm mind, peace, happiness. You can’t remain in stress and be creative. Not possible. So, your daily routines, own personal needs and relationships with your people should not be stressful. You need to devise and organise all these not only in a stress free manner but FULL OF FUN and COOL’.
Now how to do this?
1. Teach them to cook whatever they want within the resources available at Russia or Africa or Chinese village or suburbs of London in less time.
2. Make them to be eating balanced diet with whatever is available in Siberia and be happy and healthy.
3. Take them to be temples. No issues. But let them not get habituated and feel miserable if they can’t go to temples as temples may not be nearby and reachable in affordable time, energy and resources wherever we are.
4. Teach them what true spirituality is. Being flexible and adaptable with people, places, religions, cultures, varied beliefs, not getting emotionally attached to gods, beliefs, languages, relationships, people, foods etc, accepting all people as they are.
5. Teach yoga methods like asanas, meditation and make it a culture at home done by all like brushing and other chores. Teach also how to do all these while flying, working, studying, while being at Siberia and sahara. Also teach them how to be at peace, happy and harmony if they are unable to do these or do them partially.
6. Make them travel a lot in India and abroad. Travel and exposures teach them many intangible things which cannot be quantified.
7. Teach them how to take decisions under varied life situations from the age of 4 onwards. Ask them lots of questions. Make them to think. If they are unable to find solutions, AID them to go towards the solutions and not HELP them by giving solutions. Every person is different. Their environments will be different at different times. So, solutions for the same problem will be different at different times. There is no standard solution for any problem at all times. So, one has to apply not the knowledge but wisdom at every life situation and take appropriate decision suitable. (knowing the taste of salt is knowledge and understanding that it should not be mixed while making sweets is wisdom). It is not possible for parents to be there with children at all times from birth to death. It is not possible to guide children as we ourselves are not knowledgeable enough in all worldly opportunities, issues and situations. We cannot expect anyone to be there with them throughout life. They have to meet their threats, challenges, opportunities, life situations etc and take appropriate decisions suitable at that time.
8. So, they should know how to take decisions by taking all factors, weighing each factor, considering all stake holders etc. It could be any life event from ‘how to dress to an occasion?’ to ‘whether dating is right?’ to ‘how to choose a career or life mate?’
9. Don’t be behind them saying ‘get up and study’, ‘don’t waste time’, ‘you have to join IIT’, ‘You have to study abroad’. Take them to great educational institutions for a walk around without prior intimation. Take them to nearby or far away organisations e.g post offices, banks, workshops etc and make them ask questions to people there and learn. Create opportunities to meet great achievers in life. Groom them to be extroverts. Create their friends who are ambitious but also spiritual. Be an example by taking books and studying yourself. Make the house EDUCATION and FUN centric.
10. Teach them to attach more to nature, animals and environments for happiness, peace and solace.
11. Teach them ‘LEARN EVERYTHING, LISTEN TO ALL, and MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE’.
12. Don’t make them to form too many mental structures and beliefs as they lead to superstitions, rigidity and ‘tight ropes’ around to suffocate them.
13. Teach them to keep some art form as part of their every day life.
14. If your house is a flat, keep some plants, some animals (dogs, aquarium, birds) at home.
15. Most importantly, we need to remember that a kid needs a MOTHER only till 10 (before 10, they are always behind the mother or father like a puppy all the time...after 10, they will come to mom only when they feel hungry for food or emotional support of hugs, kisses, motivating words...after their need is over when they go, if you call them they will turn back and give a look 'i remember having seen you some where!'...like a cat does if you call it when it goes back from its bows after drinking the milk...so, till 10 PUPPY behaviour...after 10 PUSSY behaviour)...so, after 10 they DON'T WANT A MOTHER, BUT WANT A FRIEND...FRIEND AND ONLY A FRIEND...a friendship has a mother in it but an indian mother ship does not have a friendship in it...that is why all the problems we face with kids after 10 for next two decades!!.
Though there are much more, i think this would reasonably help an individual to develop in to a good and adaptable personality while growing.
bye...
keep rocking!
rams
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