hai all...there was a news item i read in one of the news papers...
a father has written to his friend saying his sons at US and Ausi are not visiting him and requested his friend to tell them to visit india to see the parents. That friend has promptly forwarded the mail to the sons. One did not respond.
One has responded saying 'i don't have any feeling towards them except that they are my parents. I can't talk to them for more than 5 mts and there is nothing to talk them and there is no frequency match. They only made both of us to go to school, tuitions and read, read and read. Nothing more than that. I don't remember any emotional life event with them. Also i don't feel anything with that city i lived, as it has not given any pleasant memory to make me visit again'.
The friend promptly forwarded this also to the father.
What do you think that father must have done?
Understand father got angry and did not make any communication about his boys thereafter.
When i read this following things came to my mind....
1. This is what happens when we are 'all the time' responsibility centric, never enjoy the process of living every moment, we forget that 'we can enjoy too while being responsible'...and worried only about future.
2. the parents have done their responsibility. Of being born here, producing children (nature has made the body for that), rearing them, making them to live on their own, economically rich with affordability to anything on earth. But they have not taught them how to live happily, peacefully, enjoy the nature around them, enjoy the relationships with people, nature, animals and non living.
3. They have done their duty. They should be happy about that. But the problem is they are expecting that they should live with them. Why not these people go and live with them?...if they can not go, they are accustomed to their surroundings and people, then they should accept the reality and live peacefully.
4. the traditional concept of 'boys have to 'be with' the parents and look after them' holds good only in an agrarian society where all lived together, worked together in farm lands and died there only. In an industrial society it is not possible. Parents should be flexible to go and live 'with them' or 'near them' without expecting, controlling, dictating, ordering to the youngsters. They should have reared their children to live confidently and if that they are convinced with, then they should enjoy living separately while enjoying the presence of their children and grandchildren around them at distance or somewhere through physical presence or internet or telephones etc.
5. These parents seem to have not developed relationships outside their family...which is again wrong. It is important to attach ourselves with people and community of matching interests so that our life goes jinga la la after the nest becomes empty when the children birds fly away.
so, there is no doubt that children need to look after their parents and grand parents when they grow old. But the elderly adults also should be matured enough to allow the youngsters to live their own life, discuss with them in matured, polite, wisdom filled manner with calm, peace and happiness in the discussion, and without arguing with them. I am sure the youngsters will listen and understand the wisdom of elders, while the elders understand the changes in the societies, way of living, concept of life etc.
So, the 'old age homes' have increased not because of the children, as they would always like to have their parents and grand parents with them, it is because of the rigidity and old, bossing style of parentship or grandparent ship they advocate that has made them to get locked up in old age homes. The culture, the tv serials, the type of suffocating 'daughter in law and mother in law' relationship we have nurtured over the years...all are reasons for the increasing old age homes!!
so, let us...
1. enjoy our life while being responsible to children and teach them also 'how to enjoy life every moment while they are responsible towards parents, reading, teachers etc'
2. attach ourselves to more and more positive and like minded people and communities, nature, animals and non living.
3. teach our children how to be happy and peaceful while being responsible...not by words, but by deeds.
4. let us make them to feel 'my parents are the best people on earth to me who taught me happiness, knowledge, wisdom, decision making, adaptability, how to love nature, people, non living, concept of life, way of living and i can't think of my life with out them...they are everything for me!'
5. come out of the traditional mentality that 'boys have to only look after the parents', 'boys have to lit the pyre so that we go to heaven' etc. Let us first make our living place on earth and life heaven, then we think about the unknown heaven after death.
6. let us learn to remain attached while being detached and remain to be detached while being attached.
now the comment from some friend....
hmmm! I agree we cannot burden our children (both boys and girls) with the responsibility of taking care of parents. Children already have lot of responsibilities like making a life for themselves, a career for themselves, raising a family and contributing to society etc. It will be wonderful if parents can take care of themselves both mentally and physically as much as possible. Mentally they can remain alert by their intellectual pursuits. Physically they can go for walks, eat healthy and do yoga etc. to keep themselves fit. Thus if parents develop interests and hobbies and contacts outside of the family, it will help them to lead an interesting life even after the children grow up and leave the house. Here in US, children leave the home after 12th grade. So they only get to spend 17 to 18 years of their lives with their parents which is nothing compared to their entire life span! After they go off to college (where they live in college dorms), they are only visitors to their parents house and then parents become just friends to their children! Even though this sounds harsh, this is the best for both parents and children - as all are free to pursue whatever they want to pursue in their lives. Of course, children and parents can meet as often as they want and take vacations together and spend good time together depending on their situation and their needs. When children are raised with lot of love, they always show up and make themselves available when parents need them.
ok guys...keep rocking
rams
a father has written to his friend saying his sons at US and Ausi are not visiting him and requested his friend to tell them to visit india to see the parents. That friend has promptly forwarded the mail to the sons. One did not respond.
One has responded saying 'i don't have any feeling towards them except that they are my parents. I can't talk to them for more than 5 mts and there is nothing to talk them and there is no frequency match. They only made both of us to go to school, tuitions and read, read and read. Nothing more than that. I don't remember any emotional life event with them. Also i don't feel anything with that city i lived, as it has not given any pleasant memory to make me visit again'.
The friend promptly forwarded this also to the father.
What do you think that father must have done?
Understand father got angry and did not make any communication about his boys thereafter.
When i read this following things came to my mind....
1. This is what happens when we are 'all the time' responsibility centric, never enjoy the process of living every moment, we forget that 'we can enjoy too while being responsible'...and worried only about future.
2. the parents have done their responsibility. Of being born here, producing children (nature has made the body for that), rearing them, making them to live on their own, economically rich with affordability to anything on earth. But they have not taught them how to live happily, peacefully, enjoy the nature around them, enjoy the relationships with people, nature, animals and non living.
3. They have done their duty. They should be happy about that. But the problem is they are expecting that they should live with them. Why not these people go and live with them?...if they can not go, they are accustomed to their surroundings and people, then they should accept the reality and live peacefully.
4. the traditional concept of 'boys have to 'be with' the parents and look after them' holds good only in an agrarian society where all lived together, worked together in farm lands and died there only. In an industrial society it is not possible. Parents should be flexible to go and live 'with them' or 'near them' without expecting, controlling, dictating, ordering to the youngsters. They should have reared their children to live confidently and if that they are convinced with, then they should enjoy living separately while enjoying the presence of their children and grandchildren around them at distance or somewhere through physical presence or internet or telephones etc.
5. These parents seem to have not developed relationships outside their family...which is again wrong. It is important to attach ourselves with people and community of matching interests so that our life goes jinga la la after the nest becomes empty when the children birds fly away.
so, there is no doubt that children need to look after their parents and grand parents when they grow old. But the elderly adults also should be matured enough to allow the youngsters to live their own life, discuss with them in matured, polite, wisdom filled manner with calm, peace and happiness in the discussion, and without arguing with them. I am sure the youngsters will listen and understand the wisdom of elders, while the elders understand the changes in the societies, way of living, concept of life etc.
So, the 'old age homes' have increased not because of the children, as they would always like to have their parents and grand parents with them, it is because of the rigidity and old, bossing style of parentship or grandparent ship they advocate that has made them to get locked up in old age homes. The culture, the tv serials, the type of suffocating 'daughter in law and mother in law' relationship we have nurtured over the years...all are reasons for the increasing old age homes!!
so, let us...
1. enjoy our life while being responsible to children and teach them also 'how to enjoy life every moment while they are responsible towards parents, reading, teachers etc'
2. attach ourselves to more and more positive and like minded people and communities, nature, animals and non living.
3. teach our children how to be happy and peaceful while being responsible...not by words, but by deeds.
4. let us make them to feel 'my parents are the best people on earth to me who taught me happiness, knowledge, wisdom, decision making, adaptability, how to love nature, people, non living, concept of life, way of living and i can't think of my life with out them...they are everything for me!'
5. come out of the traditional mentality that 'boys have to only look after the parents', 'boys have to lit the pyre so that we go to heaven' etc. Let us first make our living place on earth and life heaven, then we think about the unknown heaven after death.
6. let us learn to remain attached while being detached and remain to be detached while being attached.
now the comment from some friend....
hmmm! I agree we cannot burden our children (both boys and girls) with the responsibility of taking care of parents. Children already have lot of responsibilities like making a life for themselves, a career for themselves, raising a family and contributing to society etc. It will be wonderful if parents can take care of themselves both mentally and physically as much as possible. Mentally they can remain alert by their intellectual pursuits. Physically they can go for walks, eat healthy and do yoga etc. to keep themselves fit. Thus if parents develop interests and hobbies and contacts outside of the family, it will help them to lead an interesting life even after the children grow up and leave the house. Here in US, children leave the home after 12th grade. So they only get to spend 17 to 18 years of their lives with their parents which is nothing compared to their entire life span! After they go off to college (where they live in college dorms), they are only visitors to their parents house and then parents become just friends to their children! Even though this sounds harsh, this is the best for both parents and children - as all are free to pursue whatever they want to pursue in their lives. Of course, children and parents can meet as often as they want and take vacations together and spend good time together depending on their situation and their needs. When children are raised with lot of love, they always show up and make themselves available when parents need them.
ok guys...keep rocking
rams
No comments:
Post a Comment