Hai all...
Let us consider a school student coming home with a progress report of all less marks with a sad face...
mother looks at the progress report...what does she do?...she gets red hot, shouts at her badly and uses all abusing, negative, foul and demotivating language, elementary school children get beaten up also...
What the mother has done?...she got upset. She thought about her future. She thought about what she will answer in the PTA meeting. She thought she will be looked down upon by other parents there. She thought what she will tell about her daughter to friends and relatives. She compared her daughter with other children of his friends and relatives who are doing well. She felt there is no result commensurate with the money spent on education. So, she got frustrated and angry. She poured all that anxiety and anger on her daughter.
Let us now look at that girl student.
She was already upset that she got low marks. She came home and told about that to her mother, to share her sadness with the person whom she loves the most, thinking that she will get emotional support and encouragement (‘don’t worry my girl (with hugs and kisses)! You are an intelligent girl. There must be some real good reason why you got less marks. Otherwise you will not get such a low mark. Don't worry. Let us sit together and findout the reason and see how you can improve next time. Come on girl, don’t feel sad! I am there with you! We both together will solve the problem and win!’)...but what she got was beating, shouting (‘i knew it will happen like that! You never studied! You are a useless girl! I told your father that time itself not to spend so much of money on you in fees! Now see what happened! I know you can not do it. You are like your father. Not intelligent, dull and stupid. You are fit for a servant job only. Look at the neighbours. Look at your class mates. How they are able to study?Hmmm...what to do!...i am blessed with a child like you!’) and demotivation. Her agonly has only increased. There was no emotional support. The wound has increased only.
What she will do next time?...she will not tell anything which will make her get angry or frustrated. She will start hiding. She will talk less. She will not share emotional issues.
What are the things which she will not tell her or will not discuss with her?
‘mummy, i lost my school fees money!’
‘mummy, i lost my mobile phone!’
‘mummy, i am in love with a boy!’
‘mummy, i am pregnant!’
‘mummy, what is love?’
‘mummy, can i wear a tight dress?’
‘mummy, can i go for a party and dance?’
The same thing happens with the husband also. He will tell something sad that he has experienced that day and will only get lots of shouting and not emotional support.
This is not gender specific. All parents do this and all spouses do this.
End result is...
1. They create a barrier between the child and parent. A barrier between the husband and wife. The trust of sharing all emotions and information is lost.
2. As all organisms want an outlet or way out, they will discuss and share the emotions with their friends or office staff...the girl student will discuss with her class mate boy friend...the husband will discuss with his office lady staff...the wife will discuss with her office guy...
3. This will lead to further complications of ‘new emotional relationships outside the house’ and may not solve the problems in life permanently.
What should we do...???????
1. Trust our significant people at home.
2. Whenever they come to us for emotional support we should reciprocate the same. We need to remember that people at home are the best people on earth to share all emotions...sad or happiness...failures or successes...If we give anger we will get back only anger. If we give hatred, we will get back only hatred. In love, what we give is what we get. What we don't give is what we don't get.
3. We should look at negative events of life with positive outlook and support the people at home and provide confidence and high self esteem.
4. Should discuss out things openly without fear or discomfort or shyness and find a solution together as a team.
5. Family is an organisation where a team works together to achieve the functions and supporting each other. If we demotive a team member then we can not succeed. By only encouraging and motivating all team members at home, we can succeed in life and bring happiness and peace inside the four walls. If this is not done, that family will break emotionally or mentally. It will only exist physically for society sake.
6. Failures are common. Losing an item happens with all. We need to become spiritualistic to accept failures and successes equally. Life has not come to end with that. One member can loose or fail. But If all are together as a team, ‘the team will never fail’. Each one will motivate the other and bring in lots of trust, friendship, strong bonds, feeling of acceptance, openness, love and affection, soulmateship, and life long inseparable bondage. We can much more than what is lost by one individual.
7. Shouting and discouraging will bring in distance, mistrust, weak emotional bonding, hatred, playing strategies on each other like what we watch in TV serials, ‘let us keep quiet now as we are dependent on them right now’ feeling etc. No one at home can be happy with this. Parents will lose their children. Wives will lose their husbands. Husbands will lose their wives.
So guys, what shall we do?????????????
rams
Let us consider a school student coming home with a progress report of all less marks with a sad face...
mother looks at the progress report...what does she do?...she gets red hot, shouts at her badly and uses all abusing, negative, foul and demotivating language, elementary school children get beaten up also...
What the mother has done?...she got upset. She thought about her future. She thought about what she will answer in the PTA meeting. She thought she will be looked down upon by other parents there. She thought what she will tell about her daughter to friends and relatives. She compared her daughter with other children of his friends and relatives who are doing well. She felt there is no result commensurate with the money spent on education. So, she got frustrated and angry. She poured all that anxiety and anger on her daughter.
Let us now look at that girl student.
She was already upset that she got low marks. She came home and told about that to her mother, to share her sadness with the person whom she loves the most, thinking that she will get emotional support and encouragement (‘don’t worry my girl (with hugs and kisses)! You are an intelligent girl. There must be some real good reason why you got less marks. Otherwise you will not get such a low mark. Don't worry. Let us sit together and findout the reason and see how you can improve next time. Come on girl, don’t feel sad! I am there with you! We both together will solve the problem and win!’)...but what she got was beating, shouting (‘i knew it will happen like that! You never studied! You are a useless girl! I told your father that time itself not to spend so much of money on you in fees! Now see what happened! I know you can not do it. You are like your father. Not intelligent, dull and stupid. You are fit for a servant job only. Look at the neighbours. Look at your class mates. How they are able to study?Hmmm...what to do!...i am blessed with a child like you!’) and demotivation. Her agonly has only increased. There was no emotional support. The wound has increased only.
What she will do next time?...she will not tell anything which will make her get angry or frustrated. She will start hiding. She will talk less. She will not share emotional issues.
What are the things which she will not tell her or will not discuss with her?
‘mummy, i lost my school fees money!’
‘mummy, i lost my mobile phone!’
‘mummy, i am in love with a boy!’
‘mummy, i am pregnant!’
‘mummy, what is love?’
‘mummy, can i wear a tight dress?’
‘mummy, can i go for a party and dance?’
The same thing happens with the husband also. He will tell something sad that he has experienced that day and will only get lots of shouting and not emotional support.
This is not gender specific. All parents do this and all spouses do this.
End result is...
1. They create a barrier between the child and parent. A barrier between the husband and wife. The trust of sharing all emotions and information is lost.
2. As all organisms want an outlet or way out, they will discuss and share the emotions with their friends or office staff...the girl student will discuss with her class mate boy friend...the husband will discuss with his office lady staff...the wife will discuss with her office guy...
3. This will lead to further complications of ‘new emotional relationships outside the house’ and may not solve the problems in life permanently.
What should we do...???????
1. Trust our significant people at home.
2. Whenever they come to us for emotional support we should reciprocate the same. We need to remember that people at home are the best people on earth to share all emotions...sad or happiness...failures or successes...If we give anger we will get back only anger. If we give hatred, we will get back only hatred. In love, what we give is what we get. What we don't give is what we don't get.
3. We should look at negative events of life with positive outlook and support the people at home and provide confidence and high self esteem.
4. Should discuss out things openly without fear or discomfort or shyness and find a solution together as a team.
5. Family is an organisation where a team works together to achieve the functions and supporting each other. If we demotive a team member then we can not succeed. By only encouraging and motivating all team members at home, we can succeed in life and bring happiness and peace inside the four walls. If this is not done, that family will break emotionally or mentally. It will only exist physically for society sake.
6. Failures are common. Losing an item happens with all. We need to become spiritualistic to accept failures and successes equally. Life has not come to end with that. One member can loose or fail. But If all are together as a team, ‘the team will never fail’. Each one will motivate the other and bring in lots of trust, friendship, strong bonds, feeling of acceptance, openness, love and affection, soulmateship, and life long inseparable bondage. We can much more than what is lost by one individual.
7. Shouting and discouraging will bring in distance, mistrust, weak emotional bonding, hatred, playing strategies on each other like what we watch in TV serials, ‘let us keep quiet now as we are dependent on them right now’ feeling etc. No one at home can be happy with this. Parents will lose their children. Wives will lose their husbands. Husbands will lose their wives.
So guys, what shall we do?????????????
rams
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