hai all...our kids ask too many questions to us...how to handle them?...some thing from my fb wall...
hmmmm....most of the mothers have a great problem of answering questions of their cute little babies...most of them are unable to handle and get frustrated as they feel they are more silly, unable to answer, irritating, too many questions, they disturb their thinking or chores at home etc...my neighbour beats the child nicely...hmm...we want our kids to become great thinkers and achievers, but we kick them if they start thinking and asking questions to clarify their doubts...
we tend to classify such kids as 'hyper active', but the truth is all kids are supposed to be like that...
when I asked questions during my child hood my mom used to say 'too much of food, that is why he is talking all this crap! we need to grow kids like lions in the circus, with limited food!' (as if we got 5 star food!!!)...once when she could not answer I got angry and asked 'if you can't answer then why did you give me birth!!!!'...she also got angry and when my dad came back from office she complained saying 'this 'athigaprasanghi' (undisciplined) is asking why did you give me birth! please explain the reason!'...he got red and threw the food and the bottle full of gingely oil which was nearby...our parents, and, we, as parents, are great people in showing 'only anger and frustration' on our kids...they are the soft targets at home!
though we need to have lots of patience and time to talk to kids, answer their queries (a kid starts thinking from age 2 and starts finding out 'cause and effect' relationships...i.e a scientist...as mom is the first god, teacher, sister, saviour...as the child's world is mom, mom and only mom...it asks all the questions first to mom...lots of expectations and trust...if we don't answer then the trust breaks...it stops asking...the creativity gets curtailed...growth gets affected...),I do agree that it is most of the time frustrating too...but what to do?...we have to bear with it...
now, how to handle this?
1. answer those questions for which you know the answer.
2. write down those questions for which you don't know the answer and feel silly...tell him 'kanna, you are a great thinker. You ask all intelligent questions. My intelligence is too low to answer your queries. That is why I have written them down. I will find out the answers and tell you, ok!'
with this the kid gets lots of confidence on the mother...it starts thinking 'my mom is great! she is the ultimate person on earth to me!...I can look forward for my mom for all my doubts, queries, confusions to my mom! I will always have an answer!'...
this trust is very very important and it will certainly make her to ask her mom when she becomes adolescent all those questions about love, sex, relationships, 'live-in', partying, dancing, drinking, smoking, wearing revealing dresses, flirting, dating, 'nights off' with boy or girl friends, 'wild parties' etc...
tell me how many children in our culture have the confidence, trust or guts or conducive environment to ask her parents questions on all the above points?
how many parents have the comfortable feeling to answer the above questions or confident of giving the right direction with out getting angry or ready to discuss (not argue) these issues with their kids...(in discussion only 'issue' takes front seat, in argument only 'person' or 'me' or 'i am father, listen to me!' takes the front seat?
I am rushing...will continue this later....byeeee....more answers will follow...
some comments now...
hmmmm....most of the mothers have a great problem of answering questions of their cute little babies...most of them are unable to handle and get frustrated as they feel they are more silly, unable to answer, irritating, too many questions, they disturb their thinking or chores at home etc...my neighbour beats the child nicely...hmm...we want our kids to become great thinkers and achievers, but we kick them if they start thinking and asking questions to clarify their doubts...
we tend to classify such kids as 'hyper active', but the truth is all kids are supposed to be like that...
when I asked questions during my child hood my mom used to say 'too much of food, that is why he is talking all this crap! we need to grow kids like lions in the circus, with limited food!' (as if we got 5 star food!!!)...once when she could not answer I got angry and asked 'if you can't answer then why did you give me birth!!!!'...she also got angry and when my dad came back from office she complained saying 'this 'athigaprasanghi' (undisciplined) is asking why did you give me birth! please explain the reason!'...he got red and threw the food and the bottle full of gingely oil which was nearby...our parents, and, we, as parents, are great people in showing 'only anger and frustration' on our kids...they are the soft targets at home!
though we need to have lots of patience and time to talk to kids, answer their queries (a kid starts thinking from age 2 and starts finding out 'cause and effect' relationships...i.e a scientist...as mom is the first god, teacher, sister, saviour...as the child's world is mom, mom and only mom...it asks all the questions first to mom...lots of expectations and trust...if we don't answer then the trust breaks...it stops asking...the creativity gets curtailed...growth gets affected...),I do agree that it is most of the time frustrating too...but what to do?...we have to bear with it...
now, how to handle this?
1. answer those questions for which you know the answer.
2. write down those questions for which you don't know the answer and feel silly...tell him 'kanna, you are a great thinker. You ask all intelligent questions. My intelligence is too low to answer your queries. That is why I have written them down. I will find out the answers and tell you, ok!'
with this the kid gets lots of confidence on the mother...it starts thinking 'my mom is great! she is the ultimate person on earth to me!...I can look forward for my mom for all my doubts, queries, confusions to my mom! I will always have an answer!'...
this trust is very very important and it will certainly make her to ask her mom when she becomes adolescent all those questions about love, sex, relationships, 'live-in', partying, dancing, drinking, smoking, wearing revealing dresses, flirting, dating, 'nights off' with boy or girl friends, 'wild parties' etc...
tell me how many children in our culture have the confidence, trust or guts or conducive environment to ask her parents questions on all the above points?
how many parents have the comfortable feeling to answer the above questions or confident of giving the right direction with out getting angry or ready to discuss (not argue) these issues with their kids...(in discussion only 'issue' takes front seat, in argument only 'person' or 'me' or 'i am father, listen to me!' takes the front seat?
I am rushing...will continue this later....byeeee....more answers will follow...
some comments now...
- Unfortunately our culture is based on 'obeying' and not 'asking questions'. Whereas to succeed in real world, we need to ask lots and lots of intelligent questions and find our very own answers (sometimes just accepting others answers blindly is not good enough). For this an inquiring mind needs to be developed right from childhood. So all your above points are so valid!it is me now..........
- 3. (previous two points are in the above post)...try to find answers for the questions which you could not answer earlier...ask people...ask specialists...ask friends...google the answers...and then explain to him...if he is asking more questions on that again continue with writing and googling etc... 4. leave the silly questions in the paper itself...he might ask 'what happened to those questions?'...just tell him 'I am still trying but unable to get...but will get one day'...after he grows or gets more and more knowledge he will understand that they are stupid or silly etc...some times silly and stupids could be creative or out of the box thinking questions leading to new methods, lines of research etc...
- if some one says 'oh! these adolescents are a big torture! they never listen to their parents!', I don't agree with it...if we had developed a friendly environment at home where all are free and not shy to discuss any issue with out arguments from childhood then such an unsocial or healthy environment would not have resulted...some comment now...
- I also feel there are no stupid nor silly questions. Not labeling anything as stupid or silly is really good in the long run. Mostly pointing them to the answers or solutions to their inquires is better than answering them or doing the solutions for the kids. In India I find parents doing the homework for their children which is not good. Then they start relying on their parents for everything. So it should be a good balance - pointing our kids to the right answers and not answering all their questions ourselves every time. Who knows? They may come up with better answers than what we can provide if we can guide them to the right sources. If they are still struggling, then provide them with more help. Of course this applies to slightly bigger kids who can access the internet and read and write etc. Whereas smaller kids need us and our inputs all the time.ok guys....byerams
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