hai all...please read about love from post 1....now read the comments of a specialist.....
"The degree to which one can give or experience love lies in our ability to be vulnerable. This is both true clinically and personally. A professor which deeply influenced me pointed to the idea that in working with clients a great multitude of problems that individuals face in their relationships and the onset of many classified disorders is the avoidance of something. 9 out of 10 times that being the avoidance of intimacy. People put a tremendous amount of effort into avoiding intimacy ( both romantic and non- romantic relationships) It is this avoidance that often perpetuates if not creates the circumstance at hand. In order to truly love you must be willing to be vulnerable, which there is without a doubt much risk taking involved in. Which is what I believe we are partially creating as therapists with out clients an opportunity for them to take risks ( relational) that perhaps they may not have done before.
I believe C.S. Lewis sums this up very well in his class book, The Four Loves ( which is also a good resource for defining love.)
"“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
how is it? (smile) ..more below...
"Securely attached people tend to have positive views of their relationships, often reporting a great deal of satisfaction in their relationships. They feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence, seeking to balance the two. When they do feel anxious, they try to reduce their anxiety by seeking physical or psychological closeness to their partner. During difficult situations they seek support, comfort, and assistance from their partner. A secure partner then responds positively, reaffirming a sense of normality and reducing anxiety. This expression of love puts into practice the key elements of a secure partnership: consistency, attunement to the other, and availability when needed."
now my feelings on love...
"many do not say to themselves "i want to love now!...i want a lover!!...i am going to search for him!"...and start searching. No. It just happens. We have heard many saying 'I just saw him and the bell rang!..i have never felt like that before with any other person!'...it could be just due to the physical looks, the physical and mental condition of the person seeing (beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder)...without any judgement if we interact with some one for sometime, and at one stage or one time if it strikes "yes! he is the man i was searching for!' then it might be because of looks and many other personality attributes too...of course, here also the element of 'perceiver' remains...also in all cases there are three things involved...1. perceiver 2. perceived 3. environment...when all three fall together, then love is perceived or formed. The realisation occurs not over a period of time. Analysis consciously or sub concisiously may be happening inside. But the striking moment is one!...so, love just happens, without our knowledge. It depends upon all the three elements as above."
bye guys...keep rocking....
rams
"The degree to which one can give or experience love lies in our ability to be vulnerable. This is both true clinically and personally. A professor which deeply influenced me pointed to the idea that in working with clients a great multitude of problems that individuals face in their relationships and the onset of many classified disorders is the avoidance of something. 9 out of 10 times that being the avoidance of intimacy. People put a tremendous amount of effort into avoiding intimacy ( both romantic and non- romantic relationships) It is this avoidance that often perpetuates if not creates the circumstance at hand. In order to truly love you must be willing to be vulnerable, which there is without a doubt much risk taking involved in. Which is what I believe we are partially creating as therapists with out clients an opportunity for them to take risks ( relational) that perhaps they may not have done before.
I believe C.S. Lewis sums this up very well in his class book, The Four Loves ( which is also a good resource for defining love.)
"“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
how is it? (smile) ..more below...
"Securely attached people tend to have positive views of their relationships, often reporting a great deal of satisfaction in their relationships. They feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence, seeking to balance the two. When they do feel anxious, they try to reduce their anxiety by seeking physical or psychological closeness to their partner. During difficult situations they seek support, comfort, and assistance from their partner. A secure partner then responds positively, reaffirming a sense of normality and reducing anxiety. This expression of love puts into practice the key elements of a secure partnership: consistency, attunement to the other, and availability when needed."
now my feelings on love...
"many do not say to themselves "i want to love now!...i want a lover!!...i am going to search for him!"...and start searching. No. It just happens. We have heard many saying 'I just saw him and the bell rang!..i have never felt like that before with any other person!'...it could be just due to the physical looks, the physical and mental condition of the person seeing (beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder)...without any judgement if we interact with some one for sometime, and at one stage or one time if it strikes "yes! he is the man i was searching for!' then it might be because of looks and many other personality attributes too...of course, here also the element of 'perceiver' remains...also in all cases there are three things involved...1. perceiver 2. perceived 3. environment...when all three fall together, then love is perceived or formed. The realisation occurs not over a period of time. Analysis consciously or sub concisiously may be happening inside. But the striking moment is one!...so, love just happens, without our knowledge. It depends upon all the three elements as above."
bye guys...keep rocking....
rams
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