THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE CHILDREN ARE STUDYING OR WORKING ABROAD...PART I

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL THOSE WHOSE CHILDREN ARE STUDYING OR WORKING ABROAD...PART I

Indian parents live a traditional obsolete life of best education-best job-marriage-child birth-grooming-get old-groom grand children-die.
They also think everyone born on earth has to get married, think their children also will live like them with respect to concept of family, married life etc and start looking for matches while their ward is studying abroad.

But the truth is that the definition of marriage, family, career etc are different in the countries where the children are going to work. The definitions are not universal but depends on each individual how they define them to be!...Even the definitions of children studying in India and living in the same house is different from that of their parents’ and grandparents’....Demands of the profession will decide their definitions.

1. Generally high IQ students only go abroad for studies or work (i am not talking about clerical and laborer class who go to gulf).

2. Unless improving the EQ and SQ is an inherent part of their grooming at home from infant hood, or they have faced right developmental tasks (i.e challenges to muster their resources and come out successfully with learning experience), the wards are unlikely to have the ability to decide what they want out of marriage.They may not be able to make a commitment in the relationship and marriage. Might agree for the pressure of parents and might decide 'will see as the life goes!'.

3. Many want their profession and just a girl/boy friend to meet their needs physical, mental and social needs. They don't want to commit. They are not the traditional Indian husbands/wives who are family centric and go to office to earn money for the family living. In the case of girls probably they want both, but with respect to boys, they are 'unable to decide' type or 'want family but can't spend much time and energy' type.

4. So, it is more of girls run behind boys for the nod but they are non committal. They are unable to decide clearly and keep changing their decisions.

5. So, it is too risky for the parents to spend a lots of money on their marriages. It is wiser to keep it a simple ceremony and function. So, that at least the financial losses are minimal. May be it is wiser to tell the boy and girl to spend for their marriage so that there will be some responsibility and commitment on them to keep the marriage going for some time. It is wiser to spend for their education, as the qualification and skills will make them independent, which is the responsibility of the parents. But thinking 'marriage is our responsibility' and spending on wards who are irresponsible or taking decisions under tremendous pressure from all directions or defining the life, marriage, family, living etc differently, is too risky a decision.

6. Also pressurizing the ward for marriage (quoting, age, social pressures, self-created responsibility related perceptive pressures etc) will not work out and lead to a catastrophe. Let both the boy and girl take a firm decision after lots of discussions and firm up. After their agreement and approach to parents, they can decide that simple procedure.

Peacefully yours...rams...