AN INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS AND UNMARRIED TO READ...AS MANY IN THEIR LIFE ARE IN THIS CONDITION TODAY...(of course, their parents too can read who are not in knowledge of condition of their children and floating in their own imaginary, redundant, obsolete world!!)

Dear all...AN INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT POST FOR ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS AND UNMARRIED TO READ...AS MANY IN THEIR LIFE ARE IN THIS CONDITION TODAY...(of course, their parents too can read who are not in knowledge of condition of their children and floating in their own imaginary, redundant, obsolete world!!)

This is a conversation...

Boy: 'I am in deep love with a girl for the past 10 years sir. I can't imagine my life with out her. I want to live with her. I want to spend every moment of my life with her. I have been living all these 10 years for her only, with her only in my fantasies, all 24 hours!! Of course, i work and earn, do all my chores but my mind all the time thinks about that girl only. She is the most beautiful girl for me and no one else appears beautiful to my eyes. I look after her so nicely in her all ups and downs!'

Me: 'ok, what is the issue then?...get married and live!'

Boy: She says 'Ramesh, i like you very very much. You are a god sent person in my life. No one can ever look after me like this on earth. That is for sure. Even if i marry some one it is impossible for him to care for me like this. But i don't love you. I only like you. I have told this many times. In fact many times i broke up also. You only came, begged and continued this friendship!

You are the most beautiful human being on earth. No doubts. But i don't get aroused with you. I am deeply committed to you, your love for me and our relationship. At any cost i can't lose you and our relationship in my life ever. You are the center of my life. But i am not in love with you. I am not dreaming about you, my mind does not say that i have to be with you always, i don't miss you, all that the heroes and heroines do in movies i am not doing with you, or imagining doing with you. I don't get aroused with you, but you are there at the back of my mind always!

I don't know what will happen to me if you leave my life. If i marry you, and in case i fall in love with some one else then i don't know how my life will be!

My parents also insist that i should marry you. But they are not able to understand my condition. How can i marry a person whom i am not loving and not getting aroused. When i say 'He is my bestie and the best friend i can ever get on earth!' they don't understand.

May be that i am not still ready for marriage, who knows!...I know that i am not so beautiful as you describe, black etc. Till now no one has loved me like this and i don't know if any one will love me so much. Even if i fall in love with some one i don't know if that guy will love me and love me so much like you. All these are there. But all these thoughts also do not make me to fall in love with you, what can i do?...Even i don't like this condition of mine. I also feel bad to tell you this every time when you tell me all those adoring words.

My parents also shout at me saying 'what is the guarantee that the boy whom you love will look after you so well?...what will happen if he happens to be a flirt or rogue?...Are you mad?...you say ramesh is the best, then why can't you marry him?...what is important...love or caring? How can you have a husband whom you love and another boy friend who is your best friend, more than your husband and he taking care of you better than your husband in your opinion?...Will any lover and husband accept this?...What will happen to ramesh who is totally dedicated and living for you all his life?...How will he bear seeing his lover and fantasy-wife loving and living with some one else?...he and his family are the best. So, you marrying him is the best for your life!'...

Even my friends say the same thing. But no one is able to understand my condition!!...I never saw you as my lover or would be. You have always been my friend only. I have told you also several times when you said 'I love you!'...I never asked you for any help. You only run and help me knowing what i can and what i can not. No one on this earth knows soooooo well about me and no one on this earth can adapt to me and change for me like this. You know every pulse of me and you know what i think and how i will behave any time. You can make out what is the wrong with me in a second and do exactly what is required for me. But..but..but..but...i don't love you ramesh!!...i don't know what to do!!...I really feel bad for my condition.

I want to fall in love and want to have those feelings that we see in the movies. I want to enjoy that love the way movie heroines enjoy. I want to marry only the guy whom i love. I still don't know if i will ever fall in love with you. I still don't know if my lover will accept you in my life as my best friend. Will he be able to understand our friendship. Will he accept your love for me?...Will he believe that i have never touched you even in my fantasies!!...I don't know what i will do in case he tells me to cut off your friendship, which i can't!...But i am sure that you will never leave me and you will be with me till end of my life"

Boy: This is what she says sir. But i have decided not to marry any one else. My parents also tell me to marry some one else and many are lined up in my relative circles. They all shout at me and call me mad. They say unless i marry my sisters can not get married. But no one is able to understand my condition. How can i marry some one when i am already living with some one in my mind last 10 years!!!..How can any girl marry me if she comes to know off this?...Parents are only interested in completing their responsibilities, tortures of relatives who ask them 'why are you not thinking about marriage of your son who is 30 years old and two girls are waiting and you are also getting old and nearing retirement, so get them married off soon!'...But whom will i go and tell my issues?

Me: Your parents know about your love?

Boy: yes, my sisters also know. My parents force me but my sisters do not force me. They understand my condition. My parents say if i do inter-caste marriage then how can any one marry my sisters from our relatives or same caste. I don't know what to do sir.

Analysis: This is an excellent example to show that caring for some one does not guarantee obsessional love from the other person. They also might care for the person and remain committed. But obsessional love is not guaranteed. This is true in married life too. But many spouses do not tell their better halves 'I don't love you. I am only committed!'...Both assume and presume that the other person loves them and the life goes on and on!!

No one knows who will fall in love with whom and when. So, this girl might fall in love with this boy some time in life or may not also. She might or might not fall in love with some one else. There are many cases wherein boys and girls marry as per the wish of their parents, but later on fall in obsessional love with some one else and suffer within or elope or live a dual life. They say 'I am committed to my husband but i don't love him. I can't leave him also because he loves me soooo much!!...But now i am deeply in love with this person and live with him in my heart. He is my soul mate. There is no way i can forget him and get back. I love my children too!'...There are several variations in this depending upon the mind set of different people!!

we have as many loves on this earth depending upon the number of human beings lived, living and will live on this earth!!...Every love is different, every story is different!!

This happens with both the genders!!

It is not necessary that every one born on this earth has to get married, produce children and live a traditional family life and at the right age as felt by society/parents. In fact many are unfit for such a married life and they define marriage and family differently which their parents do not know and they marry off their children by force or brainwashing etc and finally curse them when they approach for divorce that they don't know how to live a married life!!...Did the parents teach or any college teach?...Can the parents understand the psyche or professional and other social requirements of their grown up and working child-adults?...They only know one married life and presume every one is fit for such a life!!

So, the solution is...

1. Boy can remain unmarried living his devotee life waiting for her. Nothing wrong and no other way. His sisters can get married. His parents have to understand his mind and respect his resolve and tell all those who ask or talk all ill about their son to 'f' off and support their son!!...This is the way to retain peace, happiness and health at home. They can probably accept that girl as their daughter or daughter in law and look after her nicely. Probably this might change her mind. If they do anything else as shown in movies or TV serials then they will live like those tv serial characters only!!

2. The girls' parents also should accept that their daughter is not ready for marriage yet. Instead of brainwashing her they must support her, help her, and love ramesh as their son and accept him in their family. This will also probably change the girl's mind one day. Her parents should say 'f' off to all their relatives and friends who gossip, talk all rubbish, force them to break the relationship etc and support their daughter and ramesh.

3. Any thing else done in haste will be a waste and disaster!!

4. One positive thing is both the parents have not quarreled the way they do in movies and tv serials. We have to tell sabhash to the parents of the girl to accept the boy and his family!!

Peacefully yours....rams .....health psychologist!!