'"I am chatting with a person of opposite sex for the past 06 months in whatsapp. Now that person is asking for my photos. We blocked each other for some time but gave up and became friends again. But i don't like giving photos. I don't want to lose this relationship too!!...What should i do?"

Dear all...one question...one answer...USEFUL FOR ADOLESCENTS AND THOSE WHO FEEL THEY ARE ADOLESCENTS...

Qn. "I am chatting with a person of opposite sex for the past 06 months in whatsapp. Now that person is asking for my photos. We blocked each other for some time but gave up and became friends again. But i don't like giving photos. I don't want to lose this relationship too!!...What should i do?"

Ans: This is a most common phenomena in relationships. When two strangers communicate, understand each other, come closer at mind level in various aspects there are times of conflicts like this.

There are two types of relationships....

1. Based on conscious or subconscious needs and wants. 'Needs' are basic, vital, Natural instincts/survival necessities and wants are comfort needs. One makes relationship with the other person for satiation of their needs and wants, consciously or sub consciously!

2. Devotee type of relationship where one does not expect anything from the other person, no needs and wants, and interested in deriving happiness, peace, contentment etc through serving the other person.

Mostly in our money & wealth based, need and wants based, exploitation based, suspicion based culture of ours, every one makes relationships, including marriages, only for direct or indirect material benefits...i.e Type 1 above!!... Therefore, no one is able to find true love in any relationships, our relationships are strained, we apply coping skill of watching or reading or listening to love between two people in movies, stories etc (there again they portray only flesh attraction as love), we search for true love etc. None of the relationships between any two people last long and it breaks down or becomes weak at physical or mental or social levels.

Therefore, Type - I relationships above will not be fulfilling, can not give peace, contentment, happiness, good social well-being (and therefore no physical and mental health too!).

Type II relationship (devotee) will remain for life time, will be the best relationship, fulfilling etc. If both perceive devotee relationship then that is the best to happen. If one perceives Type I and the other perceives devotee, then Type I will get only pleasures but the devotee will get peace, happiness and contentment. It is termed as exploitation by others and even by the Type I person.

Therefore, devotee relationship is the best.

Now coming to the question...

1. Relationships are not formed on the very moment when two strangers meet. It takes time, depends on the dynamics between them, emotions, understanding, likes and dislikes, and slowly the people concerned understand what is happening and will be able to figure out the kind of relationship they perceive.

2. No relationship can form without we allowing to happen. No one can touch/enter our body or mind or heart without our permission. Only when we allow any person can enter inside us. Therefore, the control is always with us. We only decide what we want or what kind of relationship we make with others. This clearly defines our boundaries, what we can do, what we can not do etc.

3. We need to figure out what are the needs or wants or purpose of the relationship for both. Both have to introspect and list down. If not possible a counselor can help out. The length of the list will tell how long the relationship will lost and how much peace, contentment and happiness will be derived from that relationship. But ultimately it will not lost a life time!!...That is the truth!!

4. Any relationship where people make 'strategies' or plans for testing the other person or attaining their needs and wants, can not lost long. It will fail miserably!!...Being truthful, innocent but being intelligent not to get exploited too much is the way.

5. Some people who are type I can turn out to be devotee in the long run. But are we ready to take the risk?

6. How to find out if a person is an exploiter or devotee?....Only time can tell. Those who make relationships for wants and needs will not stay long if their expectations are not met. They will hang around for some time and leave or just remain there waiting for their 'chance'. We need to be intelligent and time is the best judge!...But over a period of few years one can easily judge if it is devotee or type I.

7. If we know that the other person is an exploiter, screwing our happiness and peace, and we are not able to leave that person and the relationship, then we need to undergo treatment. THERE IS NOTHING WHICH CAN NOT BE CURED IN BEHAVIOURS, AS MOST OF THE BEHAVIOURS ARE LEARNT, AND CAN BE UNLEARNT BY COUNSELING ONLY OR WITH MEDICINE, IF REQUIRED!!

Peacefully yours....rams....