'I met a guy. I felt he is ok with me. But after marriage i find him to be totally different and i can't bear with him!...why it happened like this?'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL UNMARRIED...one question...one answer...

Qn. 'I met a guy. I felt he is ok with me. But after marriage i find him to be totally different and i can't bear with him!...why it happened like this?'

Ans. No one can be assessed to be a lover or life mate or soul mate within a small time, with less and limited exposure. Being a friend...being a lover...being a life mate...being a soul mate...all these are different ball games. In general, we want one person in our life to play all these roles. It is extremely difficult to get such a person and it takes time to assess a person to be fit enough for all these.

We should be capable of judging that person for all these roles. We need to groom ourselves to be fit enough to judge.

Every one is different at different times, different social situations and in different relationships.

When we observe a person as an outsider, we only observe that person in that role, that social situation, and in his/her relationship with other person.

But when we make a relationship with that person...1. who we are...2. what we are...3. who he or she is....4. what he or she is...5. our demands, expectations, beliefs...6. his or her demands, expectations, beliefs...7. his or her needs, wants, goals, definition of marriage, relationships, family...8. his or her life situation...9. our/his/her adaptation levels, acceptance limits, boundaries, comfort and discomfort zones etc...10. our/his/her family circles, relatives, friends. All these matter.

So, the crux is...take time to assess in the relationship with you...have a common understanding of life before marriage and after marriage...if there is too much of deviation in social statuses and roles in the relationship of both of you, after marriage, then the relationship is going to suffer demanding greater adaptations, patience, maturity, understanding etc to continue the relationship, life etc.

Peacefully yours...rams...Health Psychologist.