LISTEN TO THESE PARENTS AND THIS GIRL...

Dear all...LISTEN TO THESE PARENTS AND THIS GIRL...

P: "sir, this girl is refusing to marry, please advise her to marry!"

G: "I am extremely happy and contented with my present life. Only when i feel i will be more happier and more contented than my present life, i will get married!...Till such time i don't need marriage!"

P: "She is young. She does not know how difficult it is to get a match after she crosses 30. Who will look after her when she grows old?"

G: "Please make them understand that i am not ready for marriage yet! I am happy and busy at my work. I am happy with my team mates and friends. I leave home early and come home late. I don't have time for anything and anyone else. So, i will not be able to spare time for my husband and family life. Also i don't believe in their match making and marriage. They are living in their olden days. Given freedom, today every one wants to get married late after they settle down (stabilize) in their profession. When i don't know how long i will live and when i will die, let me enjoy my work and live my present moments happily and not bother about my life after 50 years from now!!...Who said i don't have a family? I have my parents, they can be with me always. I am happy with this arrangement. I don't want to complicate my life with more commitments like husband, children and associated rut!!"

P: "How long her team mates and friends will remain. They will all get married off and leave. She will be alone that time...They will not have any time to spare for her!!...How long we can take care of her?...What will happen to her after our death?...Who will look after her?...Relatives are eating our head!...we want to complete our responsibilities before i retire!"

G: "My job will take away all my time and i will have no time for others and i don't need anyone!!...I will always have some team mates!...They are only bothered about finishing their responsibilities and hear from all relatives "look at them, they educated their daughter and nicely married her off, finished their responsibilities and enjoying their life". They are not bothered about my happiness!"

P: "We are bothered about her happiness that is why we want her to get married soon. This is the age to enjoy the married life!"

G: "Where will i enjoy when i don't have time and energy!...Their times are different. Now it is not possible to concentrate simultaneously on work, husband, family and social life!...Why should i add up more burden when i can't withstand?"

Anyway...this type of discussion is endless...here parents are not able to understand her mental, physical and social world and that the future the parents think about is not going to be the same as their past or their present.

Anyway...

1. It is not wise to arrange for marriage when they are not ready.

2. We can't live in the past. Past is not present and present is not going to be the future. So, certainly future is not going to be like the past!!...So, all the fears of the parents are questionable when the families and relationships, life of individuals and spouses, of the present and future, are not going to be like that of the past!!

3. In the past every one was cut off from their old friendships after marriage. Husband, wife and children were the world for each other after marriage. Social life means only relatives circles and functions like marriage, death, age-attaining ceremony. Now, and in future, no one will get cut off from their relationships, and relationships only will only increase, so, social life will form a major part demanding more time and energy. Friends will be relatives and relatives will only be the friends taking away maximum of our attention, time and energy.

4. Earlier it was 9 to 5 job where the person was not involved much and went for earning salary to get money for family living. So, it was family centric life. Today getting job is difficult. Retaining job is more difficult. Living just a family life without a job is also difficult. The demands of job are too high. So, facing the challenges of new job, new team, new work environment, new spouse, the army of family and relatives of the spouse, conceiving-delivering and grooming a child...meeting the high expectations from all these fronts at the same time...without losing health, happiness and peace...without compromises and sacrifices....is not possible!!...So, giving spaces between them is not a bad idea!!...i.e first stabilize in job... then stabilize in the married life...then produce and rear children in a stabilised environment.

The old concept of 'Today marriage-Tonight first night-Child after 09 months' is not possible without a cost on peace, happiness and health!!

In fact, living together for at least 02 years immediately after marriage is a MUST to understand each other, each others' world!!...Else it is remote that they will have a life long understanding in their relationship!!...Such a requirement did not exist in olden days when the girl had no choice to escape when she was totally locked up in all fronts...no education...no job...no freedom to talk or express...combined family to monitor her...can't run away from family and village...no way of any relationships...social stigma etc!!..She had no other way to surrender and be a slave!!...She hugged and kissed her children, goats, hens, dogs, cats and cows more than her husband!!..She found freedom and happiness in her fantasies!!

5. Many tell me, 'i don't know why i got married!...I was happy, peaceful and free before marriage!'...So, it is time to take a re-look at the concept of marriage, family living and relationships!

6. Combined families are not possible any more. Living together is also not possible without compromises and sacrifices. Living together once in a while may be possible. Who will look after the child till it becomes independent?...How to groom the child under parental care?...Single parent families would be maximum.

7. Commitments in marriages and relationships would be remote possibility. So, when there is no guarantee of not taking care at the young age, where is the question of taking care at the old age, when there is no guarantee of that relationship existing till that period!

8. Every one has to look after his or her own requirements, needs, wants and expectations in life. No one will be there to take care of them. Only those who are friends at that time nearby will be there to take care of them if they also have time and energy or look forward for the reciprocation from you.

9. The society will change with involvement of government where old people will live together with people of their own age with mutual support to each other. This is the right method because no two people dwelling in different age and stage in life can understand each other correctly, adapt, and live in peace and harmony!!

10. Colonies will come up where people will select their societies based on their economical affordability and suitability of the society to them and live together. So, talking about one spouse supporting the other in old age is not going to be there after 50 years!!

11. Only those who perceive devotee kind of relationships or devoted to each other will live together against all the odds, supporting each other in their endeavours, seeing success in all dimensions of life. All other marriages or relationships are sure to break-up!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!!