LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED MARRIAGE?...WHICH IS GOOD?...WHICH WILL LAST LONGER?

Dear all...LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED MARRIAGE?...WHICH IS GOOD?...WHICH WILL LAST LONGER?

Before attaining age, the attraction we get towards opposite sex results in a good friendship. There is only a longing and no urge.

After we attain age, after the gynaec system matures, or when it starts maturing, all living organisms fly away from their nest in search of their mate...life mate!!

So, moment we get attracted we start following that person for getting to know more and getting closer. That moment of attraction depends upon how low our body is for the needs and how strong the other person's aura is to pull us towards them!....attractions may be due to several reasons...body...total looks...personality attributes...fame...image...or a sum total!...or the reason we got attracted also could be for many reasons...image...sex...emotional needs...security...etc.

Once we know about that person, we try to make the other person to know about us. The other person also gets attracted, or comes to know that some one is behind that person. Let us assume that both get attracted. Then the next level comes depending upon their needs and whether they allow it to move ahead or not. If they decide to move ahead only after marriage then they start looking at how to get married faster. They indulge in all related activities. If they don't think about this then indulge in satisfying their needs depending upon their comfort zones, values, freedom, oppurtunities, how much of exchange they can do to each other, etc.

There are many possibilities after this. If they are bored after some time, which is most probable, then they will break up. If one is bored and other is not bored then 'not bored' person feels cheated. If one of them is a devotee kind, then that person also gets affected but survives and starts living in fantasy world. If both are interested in making a family then they will get married and produce children and find happiness and contentment in child rearing and grooming. Family life goes on. May be after this is over they might lose the charm and still live in a committed relationship as good friends for life time provided they have a common platform to share time, emotions, thoughts, feelings and remain bonded, accept each other's change in definition of life, living and relationship, needs and wants etc. Here also extramarital relationships are possible to get what they lack or variety, while being committed and loving.

Human beings are the name given by us, not by nature, which has produced all organisms to be same, as polygamous. So, everything variation is possible. For some the urges and needs are low, so id (instinctual) drive is low, ego (moral) and superego (reality) are high and therefore their sixth sense keeps them out of polygamy. For some, e.g who eat lot of stuff that stimulates instinctual drives...id is high and ego and superego are comparatively low, so they become polygamous. For some whose creative intelligence is high, spiritual intelligence is high, id is average, they become tantric polygamous, and more and more people get attracted towards them!!...They can remain in this while being committed in a relationship.

So, we have all kinds of relationships, and every person makes a difference and uniqueness in this!!

In an arranged marriage, all the phases described above...i.e attraction, getting to know each other, need exchanges...all happen after marriage...so each of these phases will take some time and so obsessional phase of relationship lasts for long. If one of them is bored before reaching reproduction stage then the marriage breaks at least emotionally and physically. If both keep going ahead then child birth can take place. If both are interested in rearing and grooming children then life goes on for some more years. If one is not interested in anything then accordingly that domain breaks or goes lose. Extramarital relationships are possible. But generally animalistic and not tantric. So, they get bored there also after some time and the search and journey goes on till their systems weaken or their interests, wants and needs change. Again if there is a common platform to share thoughts, feelings and actions exist, then that relationship goes on with ifs and buts in other domains.

so, we tend to think that love marriages fail and arranged marriages win due to the above reason that some levels of need satiation is achieved before marriage in love marriage but all phases of interpersonal exchanges happen after marriage in an arranged marriage. So, it appears that arranged marriages lost for a longer time than love marriages. But as explained above, it all depends upon the individual interests, needs, wants and their levels in each of these and how long it lasts!!

Therefore...

1. Agreed that in love marriages attractions can reduce in a shorter time, before or after marriage.

2. But we have not considered a lot many variables in the above which also play a key role...e.g maturity, social stigma, social compulsions, unconditional love or devotee love, oppurtunities for affairs, even oppurtunity/ conducive environment for divorce/no-divorce etc.

3. We are basically like other living organisms, polygamous. But sixth sense is there. Whether dormant or active varies from person to person, time to time. Fantasy is the gift of nature to human beings to live polygamous while being not!!

4. If a person wants to make a family with children and enjoys happiness in this then marriage lasts longer.

5. Whether it fails legally or not, it can fail in many domains without the notice of others, known only to the two.

6. While being committed to one, polygamous is possible.

7. We have as many variations in all the above, as we have the number of human beings. Every one is unique and special!

8. There is no surety in any. Love marriages can last a life time and arranged marriages can fail immediately. Vice versa is also possible with same probability. Depends on the two and their environment.

9. There has to be at least one common platform to share thoughts, feelings and actions for entire life time (where it keeps changing too). If it is related to creativity then too good.

10. So, the crux isssssssssss....to keep a relationship going for life time, to experience peace, happiness, health, contentment and fulfillment in a relationship, whether love or arranged, one has to experience unconditional love or devotee love with the other. If both experience this, then that is the ultimate and ideal which is rare!!

11. Finally, it is not the 'love' or 'arranged' that it makes a marriage survive or fail, but the people involved make it either to last a life time or not.

12. We can't consider only legal failures as failures, even failures in other domains within a legally safe and committed marriage relationship also should be considered as a failure of marriage only.

13. In love marriages the chances to break legally is more, but in arranged it is less due to social fear, social pressure, stigma, pressure from various directions etc. But once a heart it broken, how does it matter whether it is legally protected or not!!...What is the meaning in marriage, whether love or arranged, once the relationship is broken??...Many live as singe within four walls for many many years...for the sake of children, may be. Is it a successful marriage??...So, truly a marriage is considered broken when one throws the other from the heart!!

There are about 1300+ articles on love, marriages, relationships at 'funnyrams' blog...type this in google...and click the top most link...you are there in an ocean of knowledge and wisdom on these issues!!

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist.