Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
One question...One answer...
Qn. What is wrong in a girl studying in a college near her home living with parents, getting married to a relative in the same place near by as per the wish of their parents, living with her parents or in-laws or both even after marriage in the same place, pursuing higher studies even up to PhD, having gardens, pets, farms etc around...work as a professor...teach...write books...go abroad and present papers...be a consultant to corporate and research organisations...let children also study in best schools near by......
Is this not an ok life?.....Is that girl not an achiever?...Is this family not complete?...Is she not living a good family life, professional life, personal life?...Can't she become another Kalam or Edison or Einstein?....Here parents of both sides are also happy, children are happy and every one is happy...
Only if we study at the best of the colleges, work at the best of the organisations in the country/world, study or work abroad then the person becomes an achiever or what??
How can the parents who are born and brought up in their own villages or towns or cities, living around their relatives can leave all these and go behind their children to alien places??
Ans: The issues are discussed below...
1. In this case there are more chances that such families live a typical 'TV serial' family and social life that peace, happiness and good health may not exist. Indians may be highly educated, but when it comes to their belief, culture and understanding of family and social life, they are still primitive.
2. If the parents of both sides are matured, evolved, adaptable and understanding, giving the youngsters their space and freedom to plan and live their life then this type of living might click. But this is very unlikely going by the type of old age living our people pursue, their thinking habits, less exposure, high emotional attachments on their sensitivities to religion-language-caste-place etc, mismatch of definition of life-living-what is correct, good and what is not correct and good-how to do the things in life etc between the old people and young people...as they both are existing in two different stages and phases of life!!
3. Less global exposure and chances of less maturity!!
4. Every body is different...every mind is different...every one's personality attributes, likes, interests, hobbies, passion, goals etc are different...every one's definition of life and living is different...expectations in life of every one is different... therefore, what is correct and good for them becomes different...So, every one may not be happy, peaceful and healthy in this type of living.
5. Too many social obligations and too many variables and too many personalities in side the same house with different life styles, expectations, wants and needs may not make the environment conducive for happiness, peace and good health.
6. The development of the children may not be comparable with the children who are exposed to all kinds of exposures required to become a well developed human being.
7. Vast and easy opportunities available today to learn, work and enjoy gets limited.
8. Pets can give unconditional love but maintaining or taking care of them, taking them to doctor, buying provisions for them, taking them out etc if falls on the lap of the girl then she can get stressed and may not enjoy that unconditional love.
9. It is less likely that the old people share the responsibilities of house chores due to their age, lack of interest and inability. Or may be ego also.
10. In such families the boys may not share the house chores and if they do, they may be ridiculed and discouraged. So, the girl might end up doing all on her own. The children also might end up being like their fathers and screw up their future life!!....Getting the chores done through the house maids to the satisfaction of old people is also a nightmare. So, what is described in the question is an ideal state which does not exist or less possibilities to exist in Indian families!!
11. Old people can be helpful for grooming children provided they do so without comparing and spreading negativeness, fights, cold wars inside the house, which is less likely.
12. Education and development of children in all spheres of life required for the today's and tomorrow's adult, corporate and family living may not be possible in such environment due to less privacy, more distractions at home in addition to already existing ocean of distractions, less focus of parents on children's development, old people only will groom as per what they know!!
13. Girls generally like nuclear living so that they can design their home, life, living and grooming of children, independence, freedom, getting their space. At the maximum they might agree to keep their parents with them, with of course, their less interference in the family affairs.
If the above issues are addressed then probably it can be an ok life....
Peacefully yours...rams....Psychologist.
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