Dear all...IMPORTANT FOR STUDENTS, COUPLES AND PARENTS...
In our culture we have an arranged marriage system where in a girl gets married to an unknown man and the system expected that they will start loving each other under following conditions:-
(1) when the body and emotional needs of each other are met
(2) when the man perceives love through the 'service' provided by the wife to him, his parents and children
(3) when the girl 'perceives' a total security of legal, emotional, physical, social and financial
Now the problem arises when....
(a) the body needs of one or both are less or not there or unable to meet the needs of both self and the spouse due to several reasons of diseases, stress, high ambitions, anxiety of everything in life, biological problems, functional problems of gynaec system, psychological problems, unhealthy behaviours, using unconventional methods of satiation of needs and using other coping skills
(b) the organism is able to meet the emotional needs through parents, friends, relatives, siblings and using other coping skills
(c) when the man does not 'perceive' the services of his wife and feels she is doing her 'duty' as wife, mother and daughter -in-law the way he is doing his 'duty' as husband, father and son
(d) when the girl does not perceive all the above securities, does not require from her husband and his family, able to meet all these securities by self, her family support, friends, relatives etc
As such the body needs disappear / diminish / body can become incapable, after the reproductive cycle of life gets over or due to aging or due to diseases...however, the emotional needs and security needs continue life long from each other...so, if all the above 1,2 and 3 are met, and if the girl does not have sixth sense based needs or able to cope up, then the 'need-based' love, fear of losing source and security of needs make them to pull through the life...
This is all ok in the agrarian society and combined family system...
some how these concepts and combined family system pulled through with ifs and buts when the lady went out of the house for work for various reasons...
today a girl is educated, has a strong mind full of passion, sense of achievement and fulfillment in life through self actualization or sixth sense needs, feels 'human' and there fore expects self respect, human treatment, equality, freedom of expression through speech-writing-emotions-decision making, equal sharing of responsibilities from chores to everything in day-to-day living, privacy (a part of what they call as 'my space')
Initially both husband and wife worked in farms together. Later only husband worked in near by farms and lady worked at home (“division of labour”). Later when the agricultural industry and government administration developed he went out of village to work. When the economical conditions were not met to meet the growing comfort needs the lady also started working near by.
Today in the industrial society both are well educated and are working at different places due to high ambitions and less needs listed at the beginning or with coping skills. The combined family system has gone. Nuclear family system came.
Now there are many families where the spouse and children are all separated due to demands of job and education. All these pose immense problems for the two to retain love, need satiation, produce and groom children.
So, many would in future decide to live alone or live without children. This will lead to strong friendships for satiation of needs. Commitments in relationships can be moral or through marriage depending upon the way the two people decide.
So, the way marriages are arranged and conducted and family system will change. There is no other way. We might call it as disintegration of social systems, we should not allow this to happen etc...bla...bla...bla...
WE NEED TO REMEMBER ONE THING...NATURE, THE GOD, IS SUPREME...IT HAS NOT CREATED SOCIAL SYSTEMS, RULES, REGULATIONS...WE HAVE ONLY CREATED...BUT NATURE ALSO HAS CREATED POSSESSIVENESS AND VARIETY IN ALL NEEDS WHICH CAUSES THE CHAOS...
All these changes are positive (when we look at the way nature drives us to live with sixth sense), uncontrollable and we need to bring in total change in the philosophy of social systems namely family, marriage and life styles in such a way that physical-mental-social health, happiness, peace, contentment and success of all in the family.
If we are rigid and follow the traditional system the life of all will get doomed. Then there is no point in blaming each other or culture or society or organisations or social evolution etc.
1. cribbing and blaming is not the solution
2. understanding and adaptability of both aged people and couple are important
3. the system of perceiving love through needs, dependencies, parasitic living, fear of losing all the above securities can not exist any more
4. love in the actual sense of caring, helping, nurturing, respecting, freeing, perceiving positives, grooming, equality etc only can bring in lasting love between the two couple. In the past it was very easy for the man to retain the girl at least physically inside the house and keep her motivated through all the above needs satiation.
But today with growing freedom and possibilities of education, awareness, socialization at finger tips, a girl need not depend upon a relationship with her husband only for 'need satiation'. She can alter her needs through modification of life styles, manage and get all her needs met through coping skills and friends.
There fore, there is no other way for a man to retain his wife or lover in side the house and to live in her heart only through TRUE LOVE BEYOND NEEDS!!!
Guys wake up!!...Don't be 'copy and paste' masters in life too by copying the father and other relatives for 'how to be a good husband and good father'.
peacefully yours...rams....health psychologist...
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