Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...
We all want freedom. But our parents do not give us total freedom!!
FREEDOM has RESPONSIBILITY in it!
RESPONSIBILITY is stressful. Therefore, freedom is actually stressful.
Who ever holds freedom with him/her, holds actually the responsibility also with him/her. Therefore, in our (fantastic!!) culture parents hold the freedom and therefore the responsibility too and therefore they are screwed to the core with stressssssss!!...Children do not have freedom and therefore no responsibility too...therefore, they enjoy!!...If they are not enjoying then it is because of the scolding, which is the frustration (caused by anxiety and stress due to responsibility!) thrown by the parents on them!!
If parents release the freedom slowly and gradually from childhood in a manner that makes the children to feel "My parents are the ultimate gods on this earth. I can turn to them to clarify all my doubts, all that i want to learn under the sky. They are the reliable and best guides for me. I can discuss with them anything under the sky without any inhibitions. They expose me to the world of knowledge and wisdom on the issue i ask, make me think, and learn by my own-self" then slowly the freedom is offloaded to them, they become responsible for their life, decisions, will be responsible for all the decisions they take in life and therefore, will think thousand times before doing anything.
This is correct grooming!
This way parents become totally stress-free, and can enjoy their life too. They become responsible only to show them the world of knowledge and wisdom.
But taking freedom and being responsible is highly stressful, requires lots of thinking, time and energy to be spent. We don't want to take up this stress. It is highly risky. We don't want to take this risk. We are always worried about attributability of blame. i.e whom to blame in case of failure?...We are taught from childhood to blame others and destiny...we don't want to own up the blame to our own selves. E.g when the child cries mom says 'who hit the baby?..Is it this doll?...oh, baby, don't worry, we will hit the doll!'...and the mom hits the doll or nearby father. So, the baby learns to blame others for all the mistakes and wrongs. If we hit a stone while walking and start bleeding, then we tell the other person 'That stone has hit me!'...While coming out of the house in hurry if something hits our forehead, then we say 'That door has hit me!'...So, we are always right, everything around and all others are wrong!!
So, these two things ....1. we don't want to spend time, energy etc to take responsibility for our freedom as it is highly stressful. We are not confident on our own-selves and our decisions...we are always scared if it will go wrong!...We are worried and stressed about what if it goes wrong?.....2. We don't want to own up the blame. Therefore, we always want only freedom to enjoy but not the responsibility....We want parents or some one to own the responsibility!!
This is the reason we want some Guru or God in our life, so that we can blindly follow him. No need of spending time and energy to think. No fear. No anxiety. No stress. No responsibility. Total freedom!..Just lean-on totally!!...Just follow blindly. Don't use your brain at all. Be obsessed with him. Believe whatever he says is right, correct and true!!..You feel safe and secured!!
Is this right?...Is this correct?...It is not!!..Because many of the generic things told by them may be applicable to all. But many of the specifics told by them may not be suitable to us. So, we will not be peaceful. Also, ALL BEHAVIOURS AND EMOTIONS SHOULD EMANATE FROM OUR OWN THINKING OR COGNITION, ONLY THEN IT WILL GIVE COMPLETE CONFIDENCE AND RIGHTEOUSNESS. The solutions for our problems may be from others. But we should have thought about it, analysed it and felt that this is right way and then proceeded.
Therefore, the crux is...
1. Freedom and responsibility are together and with the same individual. They can't be separated. One can't enjoy only freedom and some one else can't become responsible for the consequences!!
2. Freedom is therefore stressful.
3. Parents should make the children enjoy freedom, take decisions, decide their destiny with our help and be totally responsible for all the consequences.
4. Any guru or god who says 'I am everything for you!...Have faith in me. Believe me and just follow what i say!' is not a good and correct guru. One who says 'Think and munch all that i said. Decide what is correct and right for you, your surroundings and follow that!' is the correct and right guru.
5. Don't be a parasite. Stand on your own legs. It will always help. Peace comes from within us, from our own decisions and our own convictions. We are responsible for our own-selves and our life. We have our freedom with us. It is not in the hands of others!!
Peacefully yours... Rams...Psychologist!!
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