'My son is irresponsible. Not good in studies. I am frustrated!!'

Dear all...THIS IS FOR PRESENT AND FUTURE PARENTS...

The biggest headache our parents have is...”My child is not responsible!!...Not interested in Studies!!!”

This is because....1. They assume that ‘My child is a kid. He/She does not know anything, can get cheated by others easily and can’t do anything properly’ and take all the responsibilitis on their head....What is to be done is they should groom the children to do all their chores by themselves and make them self responsible by teaching without shouting...by training...by encouraging...from age 2 onwards...should delegate some common responsibilities of the house also (but we think ‘we should not load the child!’)...should ask lots of questions and make them think...as their brain is almost empty, the capacity to learn is unlimited, and it makes them to be curious in everything and learn new things...Their creativity is high. We need to encourage this, as it is required to be productive, peaceful, happy in life and in later years to get job, move up in jobs etc.

Children learn by encouragement and not by inducing fear, forcing etc.

Children learn by observation, and not by hearing shouting or advicing words from parents!...So, whatever we want them to do, we have to do!...Whatever we expect them not to do, we should not do!!

Children like playing. So, all teaching should be like fun, game, play, song, dance, drawing etc.There are several youtube videos, tutorials, movies, animations, CBTs on internet. By making them involve more with nature. By reading their books ourselves first, thinking as to how to convert them into practicals, demonstrations etc.

Sitting with them everyday, monitoring them, controlling them, breaking our head in making them do home work, read, write etc is not correct method of grooming and parenting. BRINIGING INTEREST IN THEM TO READ, WRITE AND LEARN ON THEIR OWN IS WHAT IS TO BE DONE BY PARENTS. For this ....1. parents have to read and reading habit has to come inside the house...2. Parents should change their ‘entertainment’ centric living through TV, Mobiles etc to ‘study, reading’ centric living. Parents should focus on improving their creativity through arts (painting, drawing, singing, home decors, learning music, dance etc).

Inspire by being an example. Using inspiring words can only help a little.

Children copy their Role Models. Parents need to be their best role models as they watch them the whole day, throughout their life. This is what they cherish in later years by saying ‘My father (or mother) is my guru!...Role model!..My inspiration! Whatever i am today is all that i learnt from him/her’. If you are not a Role Model for them, then they will select some other person as their Role Models e.g actors, sports personalities, media personalities, those who command authority, power, wealth and fame. They do this basically to create an identity of their own, ego satisfaction, gain attention of others and peer group acceptance. They might select wrong role models also and spoil their life, education, career and family life.

Don’t depend on our schools to develop all the above. Our education is not good. We are great people who have equated MEMORISING = INTELLIGENCE. So, we don’t want competitive exams. They only teach memorizing, curb creativity and teach by controlling, threatening, demanding, forcing. They can’t do all the above as dedicating time by teachers for each individual is not possible. Teachers, politicians, policy makers are also one amongst us, grown by some parents like us, grown in our own education system. So, no point in cursing teachers, schools and our education system.

So, the crux is...from their age 02 onwards...
1. delegate responsibilities...

2. make them to take their own decisions..

3. make them do all their own and common chores at home..

4. teach and train them using positive methods, don’t shout...

5. ask lots of questions, not only related to studies, but also about life, relationships, socialisation, threat perception-evaluation-evasion-countering etc...

5. Be their Role Model...

6. Change your life style from ‘entertainment’ centric living to ‘education and learning’ centric...

7. You do yoga asanas, running, walking, exercising, reading, health enhancing habits, dancing, drawing, singing, painting, playing instruments and all that you want them to do...

8. don’t do health compromising activities, habits...

9. encourage creativity...

10. never compare your child with others as their specially created and made by you. So, make them special and different. Not copies of others. Good habits etc are not to be taught by comparing with other children. But by looking at parents and learning from them. ..

11. do all the chores, duties, responsibilities at home as fun with dance and singing so that they also learn this...this will ensure not to create or add stress in doing chores and thereafter the need for time and energy for stress bursting...so, let us do everything without stress and not creating stress...

12. Let us live physically, mentally and socially healthy so that they also learn the same from us...

13. Let them also learn how to be the best father, mother, sibling so that they also become one in future.

14. Pets at home teaches them unconditional love. So, have pets.

Peacefully yours...Rams...Psychologist!! (spell check is not working here...so parden the spelling mistakes in typing fast!!..All the above have been typed in 20 minutes!!)