How to have ever lasting relationships on earth?

  

Hai guys...how are we?

 

i have written tons about relationships in the previous mails and in my blog...but it is never ending...as new philosophies and approaches keep rocking my head, i keep downloading here and elsewhere so that they can be discussed, thought about and applied in life to keep our physical, mental and social health rocking!

 

here is a new concept that flamed in my brain recently during my morning walks!...obviously, all my thoughts appear only during morning walks at PSG Tech grounds when I breath the first oxygen of the trees and hear the first sounds of waking up birds!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In one of the social websites of professionals, i had defined ‘Love’ and i am happy that one of the MIT  (USA) guys has commented that it is a best definition! (of course, many others have also appreciated my thoughts or approaches on these subjects of social interest). If you want to know that definition and who is that MIT guy, you can go to my blog and read it. (smile)...funnyrams.blogspot.com...just type 'funnyrams' in google and the link is the first one there...so simple and funny!

If you think Love is only concerned to teenage adolescents and leave it, then you can check your relationship with your spouse or friend or parents or siblings as to what it is and how strong or deep it is!!!

Ok, let us jump on the issue...

All our relationships are based on our needs and wants. When we have needs and wants as the fulcrum or focal point or axis of life in relationships, we demand, control, expect and become possessive. All these strain and ruin the relationships. It can be anything from mother, father, sibling, lover, friend, uncle, aunt...anything!!!

A girl has many boy friends, classmates but selects the boy who listens to her and does what ever she tells as her life mate.

A sister / brother wants her brothers and sisters to obey her / him, do what she/he wants them to do, forgetting that others also want freedom to do what they would like to do.

Parents do these with their children (slaves) as they are economically and physically strong. Old parents do this with their adult children who are also parents for their tiny tots at home.

Some of the things that we keep saying at home, office and outside which we don’t want to hear from others are...

“i want you to be like this!’

‘i want you to get up early tomorrow and complete all these before you go to bed!’

‘i want you to do this right now!’

‘Don’t bloody talk all nonsense and get married to this guy!...Enough of listening to your crap!’

‘if you don’t marry this guy, you will not get even a penny from my properties!’

‘leave the house at once, if you can’t listen to me!’

‘i want you to wear this shirt and that pant!’

‘i want you to become an engineer and not lawyer the way you want!’

‘don’t talk to that guy, i don’t like that!’

‘i don’t  like you talking to that girl!’

‘if you want to be my friend, cut of relationships with these people!’

‘i don’t like you smiling like this for everything!’

‘i want you to join a multinational company so that i can show my face to relatives and neighbours!’

‘you are too irresponsible! I want you to pullup!’

‘just keep quiet and join this college and this course!’

‘i don’t like your hairstyle! Better change it like the way i want!’

‘i don’t like the way you keep your things!’

‘I don’t want you to marry that girl as her father can give nothing to us!’

 

End result of all these is life becomes miserable, we don’t have freedom and the relationship breaks either physically or at mental level...now or later.

Some of them have relationships with others for satisfying the needs of the body. I.e food, water, air, shelter, sex, intimacies, emotional support with physical activities, security of our body and assets and people who give these etc. Some of them are default relationships like father, mother etc. Most of our relationships are created by us.

Body needs are basic and the need remains throughout our life. So, the relationship will remain forever, provided we get those from the other person throughout life, which is not possible. Also, the types, variety, intensity, volume, periodicity, time of need etc keep changing. So, no individual on earth can remain like a slave to us and give all these, as we also cannot give all these to any other person for ever like a slave.

These body needs we want them for entire life...i.e we want to feel secured...i.e security of life!...so, we want everything through others in relationship with us. These two form the basic two body needs in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs also.

Therefore, we should not be in relationship with people (including spouse, lover, parents etc) for our body needs. We should get these needs fulfilled by our ownselves...Note: ’all body needs’. If we are dependent on others, then our needs and wants cannot get met and we will land up  in fighting, breaking relationships, divorce, anger, frustration, depression and all sorts of physical and mental diseases.

Then can we enter into relationships for mental needs?...i.e remaining three levels (love, self esteem and self actualisation) of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?

Need is a need! Whether mental or physical, they ‘demand, control, expect, possess, enslave’ the other person. So, our relationship is certain to get strained temporarily or permanently, physically or mentally or both, now or later.

Then what should be the basis of our relationships???????

Body needs are common with animals. So, they are animal needs. Depending on others for this is parasitic. We will become animal like in our behaviours and even kill others if we are dependent on others. E.g theft, acid attacks, rape and murder.

Mental needs, though are human, makes others ‘unable to give’ all the time and it affects other’s lives too.

So, we should form our relationships based on matching of the unique characteristic of human beings, SIXTH SENSE and not based on NEEDS. i.e through study of ‘cause and effect’ relationships between events that happen around us, matching of intellect, wisdom, spirituality, soul, creativity (e.g any art form like dance, painting, singing, writing, sculpturing)...in short...any act where we will be in THE PRESENT automatically without our conscious efforts...

In such relationships, if they are really spiritual, and matching on sixth sense, not ‘falling in’ love, and not on wants and needs, then you will find that you don’t need the physical presence of that person for a relationship, it just exists, the mere feeling of that person gives happiness and peace, as it is based on extra sensory perception, and it is not based on the behaviours or traits or the relationships of that person with others...there is no possessiveness...there is no control...there is no demand...there is no expectation...if this is the case in the absence of the invidual then you can imagine the happiness or peace that you get if you see or be in the presence of such a person!...such a relationship is heavenly...it remains for ever...there is no straining of relationships...this is what we have with spiritual leaders or god men or gods!!!...so, if we have such relationships with human beings too...all human beings...with our friends...with our parents...with our kids...with our teachers...with our fellow mates in office and other social forums, then we will love all, like all, all others also will love and like us, we will be always happy, peaceful, enlightened and self actualised. This is what is called 'loving all', which we generally mistake as 'sexing all', as we synonymously understand love and sex.

 

So you can yourself see that need and wants based relationship can not give happiness, peace and good health to us and others. We are not animals. We are human beings. So, Sixth sense based relationships will lead to all these, provided we are not ‘falling in’ love, expecting, demanding, controlling, possessing the other person.

Hope you are convinced...bye...keep rocking guys!

 

peacefully and spiritually yours

 

rams

 

h