Dear all….AN INTERESTING AND IMPORTANT POST FOR PEOPLE OF ALL AGES....
yesterday one girl called me up and said with lots of hesitation and shyness ‘sir, I don’t know how to tell you…but I can’t discuss this with anyone else (!!)…it is a strange thing which happened for the first time. I recently became member of an association and I saw a guy there. I don’t know anything about him and not spoken also. Two or three times he smiled at me and I also smiled at him. It was just a ‘hai’ smile only. Yesterday during my dreams he came and I enjoyed it that time. But now after waking up when I think about it, I am feeling guilty, because I am already in a deep relationship with another guy. I don’t know why it happened like that, I feel it is wrong, I don’t know what to do sir, I don’t know what will happen in future!!’
Ans…The earth has only two types of living species…1. Plant life 2. Animal life…we are part of animal life…so, we are also animals…Nature dictates the life of all living species…It wants life to go on here…it wants variety…i.e no two same…we are no exception from this…
But we are different from animals that we have the sixth sense…this creates the mind…we also have possessiveness and jealous of the mind created by the sixth sense. Possessiveness and variation seeking behavior work opposite to each other.
Social systems, rules, regulations, ethics, values etc have been created by us…not by Nature!!
Conscious mind works with the social systems and associated social behaviors…rules, regulations, ethics, values etc…cognition (thinking) and associated emotions and behaviours (overt and covert) occur with this…so, you have felt guilty.
Subconscious mind works with Nature. It has no rules, regulations, ethics etc. It only knows procreation and variation.
All the suppressed, repressed and avoided thoughts of conscious mind work here. When the conscious mind is at sleep, the subconscious mind wakes up. It creates all the magic and drama (fantasies) in the dreams as per Nature. So, what has happened in your dreams is Natural. It is a fantasy.
During the fertile days it can happen like this. For the subconscious mind, which works as per the directives of Nature (not only in this issue but in the case of soooo many varieties of issues in life e.g passion) it is not wrong (that is why you enjoyed those moments) but for the conscious mind which works as per the rules, regulations, ethics, moral values of social systems it is wrong. That is why you feel guilty.
Guilty is the combination of two basic emotions….i.e happiness and fear….the subconscious mind created the happiness feeling and now you are resisting it, there is fight going on between the Nature and Social systems in your mind, between the two people inside, the fight between the Id and the Super ego. The fight between the happiness and ethics. The fight between right of Nature and wrong of Social systems. The fight between the reality in the fantasies and the fear of 'what will happen, what others will think about me if others come to know of this?'...
Animals mate only for procreation and therefore it is seasonal and they don’t do it for pleasure. Human beings do it more for recreation than for procreation. So, it is not seasonal but remains always, all days, throughout the year and throughout the life.
Therefore, the subconscious mind is more stressed for variety needs without our knowledge. The social systems regulations do not allow us for pursuing our passions, needs and expectations from others. Also these are not fulfilled from others to our needs, levels and variety needs. So, as a coping skill, the subconscious mind creates fantasies without our knowledge, without our permission, so that it is at peace, balance, happy and we, as a whole organism, remain peaceful, balanced, calm and are able to focus on daily chores and life during our conscious life on earth.
More the unsatisfied the needs and expectations, more the fantasies. Less the unsatisfied needs, passion and expectations, less the fantasies. For balance and stability of conscious mind and body.
If the subconscious mind is not able to produce this then the organism goes unstable and haywire. This gets manifested in the behaviours as violent, rude, unethical, not following the rules and regulations, sadistic pleasure, rape instincts, not allowing others to live peacefully etc…It gets manifested in the form of emotions like frustration, sadness, anger etc.
We being social animals…i.e species of social systems…want everyone to form a good image about us…we want acceptability within these social systems…we don’t want to tell or show any emotions that are not acceptable or not respected by others in the social systems we are in…we only exhibit socially acceptable behaviours…so, we don’t agree to all these typed above…
So, during the fertile days, age and stage in our life our body lusts many…it ‘like’s many…for pleasure....like animal needs...variation needs…but it does not remain always…it keeps changing…the people whom we lust do not remain in our minds…they come and go…they keep changing also…they need not be in relationship with us…it generally happens with healthy and youthful people…as Nature wants only healthy offsprings…eg many lust actors, actresses, sports personalities etc (sports people are healthy as they do lots of physical work).
lust is related to pleasure...and pleasure is never ending...we always want and want it differently...different pleasures...there is a craving for this always...so, it never gives permanent peace...it only gives a short happiness and contentment when the needs are met...there is no contentment...so, it is a curse and blessing both!!
But the mind loves only a few…those give happiness, peace, calmness, contentment through their behaviours…it can involve both young and old…it has no age limits…they remain in the mind forever…some lust with all or few of these…some lust with only one…the feeling of this lust is different from the lust described above…may be called divine or tantric etc…
So, the crux is…
1. Whatever has happened to you is normal. It is not abnormal. So, no need to fear or feel guilty. The guy will go off (provided you don’t form any relationship with that guy!!).
2. These are common during fertile days.
3. The stress can be reduced by satiation of needs through reality or coping skills.
4. If the urges are kept low through healthy life style of body and mind, then it may be low.
5. Making the body more tired during the day time may reduce fantasies during the nights.
6. Pursuing the passion also reduces fantasies.
7. Everyone is different. You are like this. Accept yourself happily and go ahead in life.
2. These are common during fertile days.
3. The stress can be reduced by satiation of needs through reality or coping skills.
4. If the urges are kept low through healthy life style of body and mind, then it may be low.
5. Making the body more tired during the day time may reduce fantasies during the nights.
6. Pursuing the passion also reduces fantasies.
7. Everyone is different. You are like this. Accept yourself happily and go ahead in life.
peacefully yours....rams...health psychologist....
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