Clear cut distinction of LUST and LOVE....USEFUL FOR STUDENTS, PARENTS AND ADULTS!!

Dear all....USEFUL FOR STUDENTS, PARENTS AND ADULTS...long one, but you will be able to relate each word of it directly to your life and get clarity!!

Lots have been written about LOVE, LUST and RELATIONSHIPS…but which word, which phrase, which sentence strikes whom, when and how their life changes is not known…for every one different words, different phrases and different sentences strike and become an enlightening read. So, we go here again on those three words….to bring in more clarity and understanding and make our lives and relationships full of peace, happiness and good health.

LUST

Lust is a basic instinct, Nature created, never ending ‘survival need’ for entire life from birth to death, pleasure needs of the body, like food, water, air, sex, protection for body (clothes, house etc), other comfort needs or ‘wants’ of the body or 'social status projections' which are linked to the mind too (ornaments, car, good status giving costly fashion statement clothes, fashion accessories, physical intimacies, palace like living place with ultimate comforts etc), has craving tendencies, does not think about shame, legal and social issues, has no fear, drives a person to commit crimes and enter into others’ envelope of privacy-security-happiness-peace etc, it does not bother about others, selfish-need, creates all sorts of negative thinking-emotions-behaviours and affects the social relationships…
Lust can give only pleasure (temporary in nature…even if some one perceives divine feeling in orgasm or ecstasy) and not happiness (permanent in nature).

Lust is the main issue in life that steals away our peace, happiness, physical-mental and social health, contentment and the entire damn life and living!!

As lust is never ending and asks for more and more when it gets satiated, it creates the GREED for lust needs. So, we keep running for money, wealth,sex, variety in sex (land, house, car, gold, ornaments, precious stones, costly clothes, all costly comforts etc) and all movable and immovable properties.

As lust is shameless, it makes our people to use crooked methods to steal the properties of others against the moral values and ethics, legal systems etc.

Some needs of the mind (e.g fame, authority, power, ego satisfaction, social status, promotions etc), when we try to achieve them through the lust sources (e.g money, wealth and other movable and immovable properties), then it also falls in the category of lust needs. It pushes us to craving and greed and gives only a pleasure for some time. So, we never become permanently happy and therefore, we get a void empty feeling after some time. It pushes us to loneliness, sadness and frustration. Some hate these after some time, as they feel, these have stolen their peace, people, happiness and health.

We should fulfill all our lust needs by our ownselves so that there is no possessiveness issue with respect to lust needs in us. But our culture and our way of living is such that we are dependent upon others for all our lust needs, which has to be changed. We go to others and establish relationships for satisfaction of these needs.

As they are never ending and have craving tendencies, our expectations, demands and needs for these from others, and others’ inability to meet these needs of ours every time to our satisfaction levels keeps increasing and causes all the sadness, frustration, anger, break-ups etc.

Also we develop a need for security (so that we get them throughout our life) of these lust needs from our sources, that we tend to become possessive of these sources and start demanding and controlling them, thereby making their life miserable.

So, when we make relationships for satiation of our lust needs (survival) and lust wants (comforts), then we will have no peace, no happiness, no good physical-mental and social well-being, no contentment and our life will be miserable each moment. We will get short times of pleasures and feel happy in such a relationships only for brief times and most of the time we will be unhappy, sad, fighting with anger etc which results in physical or mental or social or legal break-up, temporarily or permanently.

Also lust needs become monotony after some time that Nature drives the people for variety…of food, water (clean, different tastes, flavours etc), house, car-bike etc, sex, clothes etc.

If we go to more people and make more relationships for satiation of our lust needs then we want variety in such relationships too. So, we are not satisfied with one relationship where we get only one type, level or monotonous pleasure of lust needs/wants. We get bored after some time. The brain becomes complacent of the person and the relationship as the brain takes things/people/relationships that are already available for granted that they will be always available for entire life time and keeps looking for new, more and variety. When we go to more relationships with people, the possessiveness of others results in break-ups with old relationships with its associated mental and physical agony and losses (peace, health, financial, social, emotional, job, wealth etc).

People show caring or loving thinking-emotions-feelings and behaviours with others from whom they want satiation of lust needs. In most cases they don’t know that they are getting attracted to others for their lust needs. In many cases it is well planned, strategic and a conscious effort of going physically, mentally and socially close to people with an aim to attract them for making relationships for satiation of their lust needs. Others also believe and feel it is love, fall for them, sacrifice their wealth-money-health-peace and all their possessions and finally feel cheated when they leave them.

Unfortunately our old marriage system or family system is basically for satiation of the lust needs of food, water, shelter, emotional needs, sex, wealth, money etc, the culture never teaches or encourages satiation of all lust needs by themselves, believes that relationships can be made and sustained only when there is a dependency on others for the basic survival (lust) and comfort needs and it made all stigmas and social evils to make sure that this is achieved by forcing people to live in this marriage or family system. Therefore, people enjoyed only pleasures and felt that it is happiness due to lack of clarity of knowledge on these issues, therefore they kept on fighting with each other, craving for each other, greedy and possessive of each other while hating each other, not satisfied with each other, cheating each other through their strategies etc.

So, they never were peaceful, contented and happy. So, they were always emotionally weak and needed more of gods, god-men, gurus, holy books etc. But they never listened to these people or could follow their preaching or their books or scriptures also and continued living their ‘lust need dependency’ lives. Therefore, gods, temples and such other spiritual sources were only giving relieved feeling only that time and they were never sufficient, peace-giving etc permanently.

As our culture or society has not understood correctly the meaning of love, as they live on lust needs, the movies always portrayed love as a feeling of attracting or falling for other person consciously/knowingly or without their knowledge for satiation of their lust needs. Therefore, such loves or traditional marriages gave only short pleasures for some time, till the craving or arousal lasted, children grew up etc.

Many left the marriage or relationship mentally or physically or socially or legally after their pleasure times. They took up responsibilities, showed loving and caring behaviours, said all those sugar coated-poetic-melting-soul filling promises and statements of love, gratitude, affection etc when they floated in their pleasure worlds. But when the pleasure needs are lost or when the source became incapable of giving satiable-pleasure, they became irresponsible, looked for varieties outside, made relationships etc.

When the lust needs are not satisfied the human being becomes an animal and starts torturing, abusing, threatening, beating, assaulting and killing the other person. Where is the love here??

Some people whose moral and ethical value systems are high, get a feeling of COMMITMENT to those and the relationships which meet their lust need satiation. So, they feel committed to their people and relationships. They maintain their family system or marriage irrespective of satiation of their lust needs. Some also maintain the marriage or family system for the fears of various dimensions and types. Some maintain to avoid problems in life and are ok with it even if the person or relationship does not satiate their lust needs. Here again there is no emotional love but only a sense of commitment for the memories, moments, sacrifices and compromises, services rendered-being rendered and will be rendered by the other person.

Some did fall in love truly also.

Therefore, the crux is…

1. Lust is the source of all agonies in our lives when we depend on their satiation from others…When we make relationships with others for satiation of our lust needs.

2. Lust is a Nature driven, unavoidable basic need of our body and mind. Peace, contentment, happiness and health are retained through lust when we satiate these needs by ourselves.

3. As it is mostly from body, if we follow a healthy life style, eat only natural and healthy foods, then we can make our body self regulating that it will not demand more from us and we will be able to meet all our lust needs by ourselves without stressing and stretching ourselves and our physical-mental and social resources beyond our capabilities. Also the body will become self regulating that it will find its resources sufficient enough to modify or fulfill the lust needs on its own.

4. Spiritual learning of what life is, what living should be to meet this definition of life, knowledge, wisdom and clear distinction about the lust and love helps us to keep the lust needs under check or keep our body and mind away from the cravings of lust needs.

5. WE are made up of our BODY and MIND and only these create all pains, pleasures, happiness etc. Peace and contentment comes out of these two only. After all everything in life is OUR OWN PERCEPTION CREATED BY OUR OWN BODY AND MIND.

6. Going for people or relationships for satiation of lust needs is not correct, it is wrong and can not be fulfilling.

LOVE

Love is none of the things listed above!!!

It is ‘caring’ for others without any expectation of any type of lust need satiation.

Love is a positive method of getting a ‘Feeling of Acceptance’, high self concept, high self esteem through caring for others.

Caring to make others lazy and dependent on others is not love. Caring to motivate and inspire others is love.

A love is a love, or cry of the heart or soul, only when it is beyond the needs listed above. Otherwise any cry of the heart or soul is not love and going behind some one saying all these will only result in devastation!

Love is the basic purpose of living and life on this earth…i.e caring for others, all living beings and Nature around, without expectations.

Love is always unconditional and there is nothing known as unconditional love.

Anything which is not falling in the ambit of these is not love.

No organism can live peacefully, healthily and contented without an element of love in its life and living. But if their entire life is only love or their life is full of love only, then it is the best and ideal state of existence and living.

Devotional love falls in this category of love.

Love does not hate others. It does not fear anything.

Love springs on its own as it is the basic nature of all living organisms. Love has no negative thinking or emotions or feelings or behaviours. Only lust has all these negatives and when love mixes and exists with lust, then only all these negatives exist.

Love can give only happiness which is ever permanent.

Love does not give cravings and it only gives a longing feeling which does not affect our health or happiness but directs us towards exploring the people, relationships, unlimited earth, universe, knowledge and wisdom towards radiation of peace, happiness, health, contentment, self actualisation and self transcending.

Remaining isolated from human beings can not give us happiness, good health, peace and contentment as they are very much part of Nature, but connected with them through this actual love (without all that listed above about LUST) is the way to find peace, health, happiness, contentment and meaning of life and living on this earth.

Therefore, the crux is…

1. Know what is lust and love clearly as described above.

2. Establish relationships with people only for love as defined above.

3. Don’t go to people for lust. Go for only love.

4. Make families, homes, marriages with love so that these social systems exist for giving us satisfaction and meaning for life. Don’t make families, homes, marriages, relationships, relatives etc for lust needs, the way our ancestors have created them.

5. All the old people saying that Western Culture has spoiled our youngsters, homes, marriages, our culture, families etc is wrong. All these are failing as the understanding of our ancestors about love and lust, relationships etc are wrong and our ancestors have not created them with a strong base and ingredients of true love, peace and happiness and they filled it with all social evils and pleasures. Therefore, they always evolved with more spoilers of peace, happiness and health. Movies and TV serials added fuel to the fire.

Keep rocking....Peacefully yours...Rams...Health Psychologist!!