Dear all...THIS IS FOR PARENTS...
many parents complain to me about their children...they ask me to counsel their children...they say 'please tell my daughter to join this course at this college' 'tell her to join this job' 'tell her to join this work at this place' 'tell her to agree for marriage' 'tell her to marry him' 'make her to agree for so and so'....the list is endless!!...they think counseling means i have to make their daughters to listen to them...if i don't do that then they think i am a useless counselor!!
all parents want their girls to listen to them and go by their way...they think their daughters are not thinking in the right way, they are spoiled by their friends, they are immature, they are not in reality and floating in their own imaginary fantasy world, their thinking will not work out to live in their community etc...
when i talk to their children i find they are perfectly alright, no issues with them, right in their thinking, approach in life and living, clear, intelligent, full of passion, matured, both family and achievement centric, much more capable and packed with full of energy, dreams, fire for achievements, can do much better than their parents in life in all dimensions. There is absolutely no problem with the children.
So, in most of the cases i feel it is the parents who need counseling and not the children!!
many parents have already screwed up the life of their children nicely and finally land up or the children land up for counseling when too much of course correction is not possible and we are forced to make them settle peacefully in their murky waters!!!
There is no difference between educated and uneducated, living in India or abroad, rich or poor, famous or infamous in this aspect!! ....All are of the same mentality when it comes to the life of their daughters!!...(i am only referring to those parents who report problem between them and their girl children)
The issue is that the parents are...
1. Still traditional
2. not evolved with the evolution in the outside world
3. they have all high tech in their hands and at home, but full of cow-dung on top! (sorry for the usage of such strong words as it hurts me that much and children are disturbed to that extent!!)
4. they are still in agrarian way of living but children are fit enough for the industrial society that is already in place and spreading
5. full of fear and anxiety
6. they are bent towards their out dated community which lives on caste and religious traditions with high sensitivities and negative thinking (which has only given diabetes, hypertension, enemity, heart diseases and frustration to these parents). These parents are continuously tortured by their close and other relatives regarding the marriage of these daughters, working, place of work etc with all short sighted and wrong outdated traditional beliefs. The parents get stressed, pressurized due to these people and pass it on to their girls and torture them in all dimensions, do not allow them to concentrate in their studies and job. Parents need to make their back bone strong and keep such ill-minded people away and quiet.
7. they live inside small wells like frogs and do not want to come out due to insecurity, fear of losing (what????), fear of unknown
8. less exposed and less knowledgeable about various courses, job oppurtunities, life styles related to various jobs etc. They need to take them to the right counselors.
9. they don't want major changes in their life and that of children. They are happy if they can some how get their children married off which they consider as the biggest responsibility, highest priority and achievement of life.
10. they don't want the children to leave them and go away for a long time and far off in life, want to keep them inside the same house or nearby and think the 'tv serial' type of life is unavoidable and it is the way of life and living.
11. they are in a state of 'Learned-Helplessness' within their community living, don't want to change and feel can not change. They pull their children also in the same pit of shit and cry for life time.
12. they give all hi-fi education and want them to earn fast so that they can get good ‘marriage-match’, spend less on dowry, get the match fast without much of running around and walk head-up within their community. They think their daughters will be happy this way and they know no other way.
13. they can’t think their life beyond ‘eating, working, earning, increasing comforts at home for happiness and projection of wealth and status, marrying, producing children, attending community functions like age-attaining function, marriage, death-condolence-visits, functions associated with infants…and finally death!!....
Whereas the children are different, they want to travel all over the world, study well, achieve their passions, they want education-learning-good job-good salary-buy all that they want with their own earning-internationally famous in their profession-want to ‘earn’ their identity and image through their knowledge, skills, hard work and experience-want to get married at the right time (decided by them) to some one who will suit their profession, way of living (which is far different from the way their parents lived or community and relatives are living!....but matching with the way the world lives!!) and culture of friends around them. I don’t think anything wrong in this. But parents are against this. So, there comes the problem. Some spineless girls who can’t or unable to change their parents, listen to their parents on the name of ‘love and affection’ ‘obedience’ ‘respect’ ‘compromises and sacrifices’ ‘want to be a good daughter’ ‘good girl’ etc. Some cut off all communication with their classmates and friends and live an isolated, traditional family life. They do self-talk that their life is good and derive contentment. But after some time when the marriage life is not good or fails they land up for counseling. Some girls put-in their hard work to change their parents, show lots of patience, take them around and show the lives of girls who live with pride and passion and achieve their own way of living.
I only wish that these parents change and the girls also make their spine strong and live-up their life by taking time, patience, love and affection to change their parents and make them to be with them in their endeavours of success, pride, passion and journey of life of achievements.
keep rocking....rams....health psychologist!!
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